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Subj:     Bird Jokes
7                 (Includes 63 jokes and articles, 05 1038n,22,cf,wYT2c,13)
 
 

          Click "Here" for Birds-Supp


Eagle from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  Bird In Snow - GIF (S1035)
.........................Riflebird, Bird-Of-Paradise - Video (S1034 in Supp)
.........................Midway Island, North Pacific Ocean - Video (S903 in Supp)
.........................Swan's Mating Dance - Video (S978 in Supp)
.........................Black Swans Feeding Koi Fish - Video (S913 in Supp)
.........................Dylan Winter And The Starling Murmurations - Vid (S894-Sup)
.........................Disney Pixar - For the Birds - Animated Film (S845-Supp)
.........................A Funeral for Crows - Photo/Audio (S947 in Supp)
.........................Osprey - The Ultimate Fisher - Video (S798 in Supp)
.........................Birds Of Paradise Project - Video (S835 in Supp)
.........................Two Pigeons In Winter - Cartoon (S1036 in Supp)
.........................Eagle Cam: Chicago Bald Eagle Hatching Live (S792 in Supp)
.........................Goose Parade II a, b And III - Videos (S775 in Supp)
.........................Big Bird Plant In "My Loire Valley" - Photo (S962 in Supp)
.........................Parahawking Over Nepal - Video (S757 in Supp)
.........................Larytta, Animal Kaleidoscope - Video (S751 in Supp)
.........................Eagle Cam: Iowa Bald Eagle Hatching - Live Feed (S740-Sup)
.........................Pigeon: Impossible - Video (S672b in Supp)
.........................Mom And Baby Owl - Photo (S925 in Supp)
.........................Beautiful Starlings - Video (S670 in Supp)
.........................A Hummingbird's Tongue - Video (S867 on Supp)
.........................Behind The Scenes of "Hummingbirds" - Video (S706 in Supp)
.........................A Man, A Dog And A Hummingbird - Video (S1014 in Supp)
.........................Hummingbird Playground Fountain - Video (S1018 in Supp)
.........................Birds Eating Seed - Video (S1036 in Supp)
.........................A Falcon Has Amazing Moves - Video (S1037 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Snow White Animated GIF (S972)
.........................Kitten And Bird Are Best Friends - Video (S565)
.........................Red Pigeon In Phoenix (S501b)
.........................A Man And An Eagle, A Love Story With Photos (S623)
.........................The Gooney Bird And The TV (S309b)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S982)
.........................The Buzzard, Bat, And Bumblebee (S230, DU)
.........................Car Wash Thief Caught - Article With Photos (S632)
.........................Two Robins Eat Worms (S221, S458)
.........................Two Woodpeckers Argue (S93)
.........................The Morning Song.... - Poem (S129b, S430)
.........................Man Tried For Killing Bald Eagle (S47, S344)
.........................Bird Bands (DU)
.........................Two Eagles And A Duck - 10 Photos (S636b)
.........................Carpet Layer Looses Cigarettes (S67)
.........................The End Of The Raven
.........................Penguin Has Engine Problems (S54, S527)
.........................Two Owl Bushes - Photo (S920)
.........................MIT Student Feeds Birds (S353b)
.........................The Penguin Game (S527c)
.........................Loose Parts Cartoons - Velcrows (S989)
.........................Crow Desperate For Sex (S370)
.........................Which Birds Deliver Babies
.........................Owl's Family - Photo (S949)
.........................Storks Delivering Babies
.........................Blue Bird Sings Inside Manure (S30, S768)
.........................Short Bird Jokes
..............................Crow Goes Snow Tubing On A Rooftop - Video (S784-Supp)
..............................Ostrich Dances To Music - Video (S883 in Supp)
..............................Owl Landing Right At Camera - Video (S809 in Supp)
..............................Goose Parade In Belgium! - Video (S753 in Supp)
..............................Crow Raises A Kitten - Video (S697b in Supp)
..............................Jeff Bridges' Joke (S675b in Supp)
..............................Eagle Attacks Deer - Video (S683b in Supp)
..............................Popsicle Stick Riddle (S819 in Supp)
..............................
..............................Hooters PowerPoint Show - PPS (S669b)
..............................Hooters 2009 Calendar (S635b)
..............................Rubes Cartoon (S634b)
..............................Difference Between A Crow And A Raven (S612c)
..............................An Eagle Family - 4 Photos (S575c)
..............................Sam The Seagull Turns Shoplifter - GIF (S550)
..............................Watching Students Like A Hawk (S272c)
..............................Albino Peacock - 2 Photos (S549c)
..............................Feeding Hummingbirds - 4 Photos (S507b)
..............................Eagles in a Storm (S208)
..............................Difference Between Male And Female Birds - GIF (S477b)
..............................How Bird Flu Could Have Been Prevented - Photo (S476b)
..............................Police Burn Marijuana Crop (S116, S527c)
..............................Crows During Hot Flashes - GIF (S436)
..............................2003 Hooters Calendar (S311)
..............................Two Birds Flying - Photo (S631c)

Also see ASCII ART III- 'Tweedy Bird'
         AUSTRALIAN   - 'Air New Zealand - Meet Dave'
         BLACKS2 file - 'Black Walks Into Bar W/Parrot'
         BUGS-SUPP    - 'The Early Hatchling Gets The Worm' - Video
         CARS2 file   - 'Bird Hits Car Winshield'
         CAT1 file    - 'Find A Cat Among Owls' - Drawing
......................- 'Cat And The Cockerel Cross The Stream'
         CLINTON file - 'Clinton's Parrot Dies'
         COMPUTERS4   - 'Tundra Comics'
         COWS-SHEP-SUP- 'How Sheep Pick Their Nose'
         DOCTORS1 file- 'Two Doctors Operate On Owl Hunting'
         ELDERLY2 file- 'Old Man And Punk Rocker On A Bus'
         ELEPHANT     - 'Bird And Elephant Have Sex'
         FACTS3 file  - 'Flying Cross:'
         FISHING1 file- 'No Fishing Sign' - Video
         FISHING2 file- 'Seagull's Revenge'
         FROG file    - 'Eagle Swallows Frog'
         HALLOWEEN    - 'Baby Owl Sings And Dances' - Video
         HUNTER file  - 'Duck Hunter Wants Sex'
         JEWISH1 file - 'Three Viddishe Son's Presents For Mom'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Jewish Parrot'
         JOBS2 file   - 'Lesson number one: The Crow and the Rabbit'
......................- 'Lesson number two: The Turkey and the Bull'
......................- 'Why It's Better To Be The Boss!'
         MATH4-SUPP   - 'Math Prob. - Canaries And Cages'
         MUSIC2 file  - 'Birds On The Wires' - Music/Video
         OTHER PPS    - 'Extraordinary Nature Photos'
         OTHER-SPORTS - 'Minnesotans Learn About New Sports'
         PLANE2 file  - 'Two Vulture Fly South'
         POLIT-SUPP   - 'The Bird Feeder'
         PREACHER file- 'Bird Funeral'
         TREES file   - 'Two Woodpeckers Argue'
......................- 'Lady Slides Down Tree And See Doctor'
......................- 'Trees Argue'
......................- 'Pheasant Wants To Climb A Tree'
         WAITER file  - 'Man And Ostrich Enter Restaurant'
         WORDJOKES1   - 'Getting A Mynah Bird From Lions'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Snow White Animated GIF (S972)
          From Rosemeire Moretto on Facebook pn 8/29/2015
 Source: http://rebloggy.com/post/gif-cute-disney-birds-flower-
.........flowers-nature-cinderella-snow-white-disney-princes/85733058007
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Top
Subj:     Kitten And Bird Are Best Friends 
          From: ginafm on 11/18/2007 (S565d)
 Source: (Removed from metacafe.com)

 This video tells the story of an abandoned kitten and the
 crow that adopted it.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Red Pigeon In Phoenix (S501b)
          From: tblase
      and From: jbcary1 on 8/26/2006

 (Also see 'A Tourist And The Rat Sculpture' in RATS)

 The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of
 pigeons in the area.  The mayor could not remove the
 pigeons from the city.  All of Phoenix was full of pigeon
 poop.  The people of Phoenix couldn't walk on the side-
 walks or drive on the roads.  It was costing a fortune to
 try to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

 One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a
 proposition.  "I can rid your beautiful city of its
 plague of pigeons without cost to the city.  But, you must
 promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me
 five million dollars and ask one question."  The mayor
 considered the offer briefly and accepted the free
 proposition.

 The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall,
 opened his coat, and released a red pigeon.  The red pigeon
 circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona
 sky.  All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the red pigeon.  They
 gathered up behind the red pigeon.  The Phoenix  pigeons
 followed the red pigeon as she flew eastward out of the
 city.

 The next day the red pigeon returned completely alone to
 the man atop City Hall.  The Mayor was very impressed.  He
 thought the man and the red pigeon had performed a wonder-
 ful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons.

 Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the
 mayor presented him with a check for 5 million dollars and
 told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and
 even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid
 the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 5 million just to
 get to ask ONE question.

 The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his
 question.

 The mayor asked: "Do you have any red Mexicans?"

Top
Subj:     A Man And An Eagle, A Love Story (S623)
          From: darrellvip on 12/16/2008
..........Source: (Removed from dailypuppy.com)

 This is a very beautiful story of the love between a man
 and an eagle.  You can read it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     The Gooney Bird And The TV (S309b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/2/2003

 Hymie Goldberg's wife had reached the end of her tether
 with her husband always sitting and watching the TV and
 never talking to her.

 In desperation, she went to a pet shop and asked the
 owner if he had a pet that would destroy the TV set.

 "It so happens," replied the owner, "that I have a
 Gooney Bird.  I wouldn't normally wish to part with it,
 but I will for fifty dollars."

 "What is so special about a Gooney Bird?" asked
 Mrs Goldberg.

 "Well," said the owner, "supposing you want to destroy
 your chair, then release the Gooney Bird from its cage
 and say, 'Gooney Bird, the chair!' and the Gooney Bird
 will reduce it to matchwood in less then a minute."
 This sounded ideal, so Mrs Goldberg bought the Gooney
 Bird and took it home.

 She came into the living room and put down the cage. As
 usual, Hymie was sitting staring at the TV.  Hymie said
 without looking round, "What have you got there, dear?"

 "A Gooney Bird," replied Mrs Goldberg, as she opened
 the cage door, about to say, "Gooney Bird, the TV."

 Hymie retorted, "Gooney Bird? Gooney Bird, my ass!"

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S982)
          By Dan Piraro on 2/2/2013
Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/february-2-2013/
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Top
Subj:     The Buzzard, Bat, And Bumblebee (S230)
          From: mombear1 on 6/25/2001

 If you put a buzzard in a pen six or eight feet square and
 entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of his ability
 to fly, will be an absolute prisoner.  The reason is that a
 buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run
 of ten or twelve feet. Without space to run, as is his habit,
 he will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner
 for life in a small jail with no top.

 The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably
 nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level
 place.  If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it
 can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully,
 until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can
 throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like
 a flash.

 A Bumblebee if dropped into an open tumbler, it will be
 there until it dies, unless it is taken out.  It never sees
 the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to
 find some way out through the sides near the bottom.  It
 will seek a way where none exists, until it completely
 destroys itself.

 In many ways, there are many people like the buzzard, the
 bat, and the bumblebee. They struggle about with all
 their problems and frustrations, not realizing that the
 answer is right there "above" them

 This is in no way a reflection on you...just an interesting
 bit of information....
 Hugs, Ava

Top
Subj:     Car Wash Thief Caught (S632 in Cars-Supp)
          From: gattica30 on 2/10/2009
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/carwash.asp

 Bill Dougherty at Magic Wand Inc. installs and maintains
 car wash machines.  Bill's company installed a car wash
 system in Fredericksburg, Virginia.  Now, understand that
 these are complete systems, including the money changer
 and money taking  machines.  After Mr. Dougherty discovered
 the Fredericksburg car wash machine was coming up several
 hundred dollars short per week, he setup a surveillance
 camera to catch the thieves.  Click 'HERE' to read and
 see the pictures of this very cute story.

Top
Subj:     Two Robins Eat Worms (S221, S458)
          From: mombear on 4/25/2001

 Two robins were sitting in a tree.

 "I'm really hungry," said the first one.

 "Me, too" said the second.

 "Let's fly down and find some lunch."  They flew to the
 ground and found a nice plot of freshly plowed ground full
 of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate until they
 couldn't eat anymore.

 "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree,"
 said the first one.

 "Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun,"
 said the second.

 "O.K." said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun.

 No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big, fat tom
 cat snuck up and gobbled them up.  As he sat washing his
 face after his meal, he thought....

 Ready..................
 

 You're gonna love this one..............
 

 "I just love baskin' robins."

Top
Subj:     Two Woodpeckers Argue (S93)
          From: FrankRoesc on 98-11-10

 An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Alaska
 arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck.
 The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree that no
 woodpecker can peck.  The Texas woodpecker challenged him
 and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem.

 The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe.  The Texas woodpecker
 challenged the Alaskan woodpecker to peck a tree in Texas
 that no woodpecker has been able topeck successfully.  The
 Alaskan woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it.

 After flying to Texas and successfully pecking the tree in
 Texas, the two woodpeckers couldn't figure out why the Texas
 woodpecker was able to peck the Alaskan tree and the Alaskan
 woodpecker was able to peck the Texan tree when neither one
 was able to peck the tree in their own state.

 After thinking for some time they both came to the same
 conclusion: "Your pecker is always harder when you're away
 from home."

Top
Subj:     The Morning Song.... (S129b, S430)
          From: gheckman on 6/22/99
      and From: JokesUncut on 6/7/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com/)
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Top
Subj:     Man Tried For Killing Bald Eagle (S47, S344)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/27/97
      and From: PGSP4LIFE on 10/25/1999

 A man is caught, by a forest ranger, sitting at a make-shift
 campfire, and to the ranger's horror, eating a bald eagle.
 The man is consequently put in jail for the crime.  On the
 day of his trail, the conversation went something like this:

 Judge: "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal
        offense?"

 Man : "Yes I did.  But if you let me argue my case, I'll
       explain what happened."

 Judge: "Proceed."

 Man : "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat
       for two weeks.  I was so hungry.  Next thing I see is
       a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish.
       I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal
       the fish.  Unfortunately, in the process of taking the
       fish I killed the Eagle.  I figured that since I killed
      the Eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more
       disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."

 Judge: "The court will take a recess while we analyze your
       testimony." 15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.

 Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and
       because you didn't intend to kill the Eagle, the court
       will dismiss the charges. The Judge then leans over the
       bench and whispers, "If you don't mind my asking, what
       does a bald eagle taste like?"

 Man : "Well, Your Honor, it's a little difficult to explain,"
       the defendant says. "The best way I can describe it is
       to say that it's far more tender than a California Condor,
       but the meat is quite bland compared to a Spotted Owl."

Top
Subj:     Bird Bands (DU)
          From: Anaise on 98-09-11

 According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription
 on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior
 to tag migratory birds has been changed.  The bands used to
 bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey,
 abbreviated: "Wash.  Biol.  Surv." until the agency received
 the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

 "Dear Sirs:

 While camping last week I shot one of your birds.  I think it
 was a crow.  I followed the cooking instructions on the leg
 tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

 The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service".

Top
Subj:     Two Eagles And A Duck (S636b)
          From: ft.apache on 3/13/2009

 These ten photos of two eagles and a duck are great.
 Click 'HERE' to see them.

Top
Subj:     Carpet Layer Looses Cigarettes (S67)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-12

 (Also see 'The Carpet Layer' in Other Occupations)

 A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
 He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his
 cigarettes.  In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was
 a bump.  "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack
 of smokes," he said to himself.  He proceeded to get out his
 hammer and flattened the hump.

 As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said,
 handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the
 hallway."  "Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet."

Top
Subj:     The End of the Raven
          -- by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat

 On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward
 slanting, I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch
 mice for.  Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found
 quite craven, Poe was talking to a Raven perched above
 the chamber door.  "Raven's very tasty," thought I, as
 I tiptoed o'er the floor,
          "There is nothing I like more"

 Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I headed
 Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I
 deplore.  While the bard and birdie chattered, I made
 sure that nothing clattered, Creaked, or snapped, or fell,
 or shattered, as I crossed the corridor; For his house is
 crammed with trinkets, curios and wierd decor -
          Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

 Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as
 he uttered, In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his
 two cents' worth -
          "Nevermore."

 While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently
 I crept up, Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing
 on the feathered bore.  Soon he was a heap of plumage, and
 a little blood and gore -
           Only this and not much more.

 "Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out, "Pussycat, it's time I
 dried out!  Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird
 before; How I've wallowed in self-pity, while my gallant,
 valiant kitty Put an end to that damned ditty" - then I
 heard him start to snore. Back atop the door I clambered,
 eyed that statue I abhor,
          Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.

Top
Subj:     Penguin Has Engine Problems (S54, S527)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #33 on 98-02-03

 A penguin is taking a road trip when his car suddenly breaks
 down.  Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street
 from a mechanic, so he pushes his car to the shop and asks
 the mechanic to take a look.  The mechanic tells him that it
 will probably take a little while to find the problem and asks
 him to come back in an hour.

 The penguin goes over to the supermarket buys some fish sticks
 and vanilla ice cream and spends the rest of the hour hanging
 out in the frozen section.  After the hour is up, he waddles
 over to the mechanic's shop.  Seeing him come in, the mechanic
 walks over and wiping his hands on a rag says, "Looks like
 you've blown a seal."

 The penguin blushes, wipes his beak with his flipper and says
 "No, it's just vanilla ice cream."

 You can see this joke as a very funny video on my site
 at Monkey In Bar Tells Joke in Bar Animals.

Top
Subj:     Two Owl Bushes (S920)
          From: Phyllis Lazarek on Facebook
 Source: (Removed from jessicacastillodesign.com)
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Top
Subj:     MIT Student Feeds Birds (S353b)
          A unverified legend from MIT

 An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard
 football field every day wearing a black-and-white striped
 shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen
 minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a
 whistle and then walking off the field.

 At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard
 home football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew
 the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to
 wait for the birds to get off of the field.

 The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

 This is an Urban Legend as comfirmed at
 http://www.snopes.com/college/pranks/birdseed.htm

Top
Subj:     The Penguin Game (S527c)

 A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force
 pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised
 what they consider a marvelous new game.  Noting that
 the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
 pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered
 and fly slowly along it at the water edge.  Perhaps ten
 thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching
 the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and
 fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
 direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.
 Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and
 directly to the penguin colony and overfly it.  Heads go
 up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently
 onto their backs.

 This story is NOT true, as reported by Snopes.com at
 http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/penguin.htm

Top
Subj:     Loose Parts Cartoons - Velcrows (S989)
          Created by Dave Blazek
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/looseparts/2015/08/17
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Top
Subj:     Crow Desperate For Sex (S370)
          From: Grampsboyd on 2/17/2004

 There's a crow flying around one day who's really desperate
 for sex.  He flies and flies and flies, looking for anything
 with wings.  Finally he spots a Blue Tit. He flies down and
 gets it on with this little tot.  After he's done his deed,
 the bird turns around to him and says, "I am a little tit,
 I had a little bit, and I liked it. "

 The crow is still horney, so he jumps back in the air, and
 flies around looking for another feathered friend.  There
 below he spots a dove.  He dives down, lands next to this
 dove and gets it on with her.  When he's done, the dove
 turns around and says,  "I am a little dove, I had a little
 love, and I liked it. "

 This crow is a real sex maniac, he wants even more.  Without
 even a thank you, he leaps into the air and begins his
 search again.  He spots a duck, drops down next to his third
 conquest, and proceeds to have his wicked way with the duck.
 When he's done, the DUCK turns around and says, "I am a
 little Drake, you made a big mistake, but I liked it!"

Top
Subj:     Which Birds Deliver Babies

 Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?
 Mother: Why, a stork, little Johnny.
 Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies?
 Mother: A raven, dear.
 Little Johnny: Then what kind of bird brings no babies at all?
 Mother: A swallow!

Top
Subj:     Owl's Family - Photo (S949)
          From: Lynn Stout Peterson on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/oestudiopirata/photos/a.1826372217
.........93254.50510.141292145927762/562449223812050/?type=1?theater
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Top
Subj:     Storks Delivering Babies

 Two storks on a nest: a father stork and baby stork.  Baby
 is crying and crying, and father stork is trying to calm
 him.

 "Don't worry, son.  Your mother will come back.  She's only
 bringing people babies and making them happy."

 The next night, it's fathers turn to do the job. "Son, your
 father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's
 bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

 A few days later.  The stork parents are desperate: their
 son is gone from the nest all night!  Finally, short before
 dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had
 been all night.

 Says the baby stork: "Aww, just scaring the shit out of
 college kids!"

Top
Subj:     Blue Bird Sings Inside Manure (S30, S768)
          From: DoctorDebt on 2/4/2006
      and From: AFine963 on 10/5/2011

 (Also See 'Corporate Lessons' JOBS2
   and see 'Organizational Theory' in MONKEY)

 One day a little blue bird was sitting upon a tree.  Minding
 his own business and all of the sudden a gust of wind came
 down with such force that knocked the poor little bird clean
 off the branch.  Laying helplessly on the ground, the bird
 called for help.  "tweat tweat"

 Finally a nice man came along and picked up the little blue
 bird. "My how this bird is so cold" the man thought to him-
 self.  So The nice man carried the cold bird in his arms
 looking for the perfect place to put him, and warm him up.
 The man lived on a farm you see, so when he got home, he
 decided to put the little bird in a pile of manure.   This
 warmed the little birdy up and he was feeling FINE.  The
 little blue bird started to sing away.  "cherp cherp"

 Also on the farm lived coyotes..and coyote Fred could hear
 the littel blue bird cherp from the manure, and began to
 persue his prey.  Fred located little blue and stuck his
 nose in the manure and ripped little blue from his blissful
 warmth and devoured him.

 The moral of the story is:
 1.  It's not always your enemies that get you into deep shit.
 2.  It's not always your friends that get you out of deep shit.
 3.  If you ever happen to be in deep shit, just shut your
     mouth about it.


Subj:     Short Bird Jokes

Top
Subj:     Hooters PowerPoint Show (S669b)
          From: lubin100 on 11/7/2009
 Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful PPS.
 

Top
Subj:     Hooters 2009 Calendar (S635b)
          From: darrellvip on 3/7/2009
 Source: http://www.HootersCalendar2009.com
 This calendar of owl pictures is cute.  Click 'HERE' to see it.
 
 

Top
Subj:     Rubes Cartoon (S634b)
          By Leigh Rubin on 3/3/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/rubes/2009/03/03/
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Subj:     Difference Between A Crow And A Raven (S612c)
          From:  LABLaughsClean on 10/1/2008
 During a hike with my friend, I noticed a black bird
 roosting in a nearby tree. "I've always wondered what
 the difference is between a crow and a raven," I said.

 "You have to count the pinion feathers on the wings," my
 friend explained. "If there are four, it's a crow. If it's
 five, it's a raven."

 "Really?" I said, although I knew he didn't have a clue
 what he was talking about.

 "Oh yes," he replied. "The difference is just a matter
 of a pinion."
 

Top
Subj:     An Eagle Family (S575c)
          From: rfslick on 1/18/2008
 You can view these four, awesome photos of
 an eagle family by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Sam The Seagull Turns Shoplifter (S550)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 8/6/2007
 Source: http://www.lifeisajoke.com/news36.htm
 A Scottish seagull has turned shoplifter and cheekily
 strolls into a newsagents to help itself to packets of
 chips.  You can read the article and see the picture
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Watching Students Like A Hawk (S272c)
          From: jerry on 4/17/2002
 Watching students like a hawk is certainly true at a primary
 school in Ayrshire in the UK that has hired two hawks to
 protect pupils from dive-bombing seagulls who have been
 attacking them as they eat their snacks in the playground.

 Has it been working?

 "The sheer number [of seagulls] was considered to be a
 health and safety risk," says Roddie MacDonald, education
 coordinator. "The hawks fly every morning to frighten away
 the birds.  The playground has become a much safer place
 for the children."

 The students have taken a liking to the hawks and take
 turns stroking them in the mornings.

 Ananova 14-Apr-02
 

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Subj:     Albino Peacock (S549c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/23/2007
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com/)
 This is too beautiful not to share.  Albino peacocks are
 very rare.  He looks like a giant snowflake.  You can view
 these two photos by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Feeding Hummingbirds (S507b)
          From: darrell94590 on 10/8/2006
 This set of four pictures is quite pleasant.  Click 'HERE' to view.
 

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Subj:     Eagles in a Storm (S208)
          From: tadams96 on 1/23/2001
 Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching
 long before it breaks?

 The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds
 to come.  When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the
 wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm.  While the
 storm rages below, the eagle is soaring above it.  The eagle
 does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift
 it higher.  It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

 When the storms of life come upon us - and all of us will
 experience them - we can rise above them.  We can ride the
 winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure
 and disappointment in our lives and soar above the storm.
 Our approach and attitude will determine if the storm will
 rise above us or if we will be lifted to new heights by its
 wind.  Be positive, go forward, and make the metal of your
 life stronger from your experiences.
 

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Subj: The Difference Between Male And Female Birds 
      From: gattica30 on 3/7/2006 (S477b)
 To view this excellent explanation for identifying a birds
 sex, click 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     How Bird Flu Could Have Been Prevented (S476b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 2/20/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com/)
 Learn how bird flu could have been prevented by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Police Burn Marijuana Crop (S116, S527c)
          From: KMacinty on 4/9/99
 The Sheriff's Department in Mendocino County came upon a
 huge crop of marijuana, illegally grown in the wilds, and
 determined that it should be cut down, loaded on trucks
 and transported to a remote beach on the coast and burned.
 This was accomplished and as the evil weed was being
 consumed, great clouds of smoke rose high into the sky.
 At this time a large flock of terns, on their annual
 migration, passed overhead and through the billowing
 clouds of smoke. No tern was left unstoned.
 

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Subj:     Crows During Hot Flashes (S436)
          From: darrell94590 on 6/2/2005
 To view this animated GIF, click 'HERE'.

 

Top
Subj:     2003 Hooters Calendar (S311)
          From: RFSlick on 1/17/2003
 This is a great calendar, click 'Here' to see it.

Top
Subj:     Two Birds Flying (S631c)
          From: rfslick on 2/8/2009
 I don't know if this picture is real or fake.
 This picture is amazing.  Click 'HERE' to see it.
 

 The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand
 is to search for water.

 Birds take off at sunrise.  On the opposite side of the
 world, they are landing at sunset.  This causes the earth
 to spin on its axis.

 Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing
 birds?  Chirpes.  It's one of those canarial diseases.
 I hear it's untweetable.

From: Jay Lenno Show on 7/23/2008 (S602b)
 Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay
 then they would be bagels.  --  Jon Smith

 If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die;
   they need gravity to swallow.

 In Utah birds have the right of way on all highways...

From: grs on 97-12-04 (S527)
 A goose went into a drugstore to buy a condom.  The
 druggist asked if he could put that on his bill, and
 the goose replied, "no, I am not that kind of goose."

From: auntieg 98-05-09
 An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
 Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.

From: ossama on 98-08-12
 Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days
 the statue.

From: auntieg on 98-02-12
 Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the
 side of a large puddle of oil.  They see a worm on
 the other side.  So... the one flies over and the
 other one swims through - which one gets to the
 worm first?  The one who swam, of course, because
 "Da oily boid gets da woim."

From: pns on 3/10/2002 (S273c)
 The early bird may get the worm,
 but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't
 get sucked into jet engines.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/15/2002 (S274c)
 "Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching
 the birds change color and fall from the trees."
   -- David Letterman
 

 Q: What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat?
 A: Polly unsaturated.  --  The Oregonian

 Q: What bird can lift the most weight?
 A: The Crane.  --  Meredith and John

 Q: What does a 500 pound parrot say?
 A: Polly wants a craker - NOW!

 Q: What's the state bird of Kentucky?
 A: The housefly

 Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
 A: If they lived near the bay, they would
    be called bagels.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
 Q: What do you get when you put a canary in a blender?
 A: Shredded tweet

 Q: What do you call a missing parrot?
 A: A polygon.

From: Tom_Adams on (S68)
 Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the
    bird of true love?
 A: The swallow.

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............................From Smiley_Central
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