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>>>
Subj:     Dog3 Jokes
                 (Includes 85 jokes and articles, 18 1027n,20,cf,vYT3,13)

          Click "Here" for Dog-Supp
          Click "Here" for Dog-Supp2
 


Dog Pees from
Accent on Animation
Includes the following:  Find The Panda: Dog Edition - Drawing (S1020 in Supp2)
.........................Subaru's Dog Tested Gas Station - Video (S890 in Supp2)
.........................Stuffed Dog Attacks Real Dog - Video (S924 in Supp2)
.........................Whyatt Cartoons (S840 in Supp2)
.........................Mama Dog Plays With Her Puppies - Video (S921 in Supp2)
.........................Dogs Sing For A Cure - Video (S881 in Supp2)
.........................Dog Dressed-Up On The Couch - Photo (S897 in Supp2)
.........................Shake - Slow Motion Video (S878 in Supp2)
.........................Dog Goldberg Machine By Beneful - Video (S869 in Supp2)
.........................God Made a Dog - Video (S849 in Supp2)
.........................Cairo: Navy Seal War Dog (S804 in Supp2)
.........................Two 'Walking My Pit Bull' Stories (S800 in Supp2)
.........................Mastiff The Lion - Photo (S973 in Supp2)
.........................Dog With No Eyes Plays Fetch - Video (S846 in Supp2)
.........................Labrador and Dolphin Swim Together - Video (S788 in Supp2)
.........................Dog Pictures And Quotes In A PPS (S785 in Supp2)
.........................Dog Eats Lunch With His Hands - Video (S779 in Supp2)
.........................Dog Brings Home A Rabbit (S42 in Supp2)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon II (S824 in Supp2)
.........................Dog Musician - Video (S790 in Supp2)
.........................Quotations About Dogs (S68, S375 in Supp2)
.........................Quotations About Dogs II (S294 in Supp2)
.........................Quotations About Dogs III - PPS (S576 in Supp2)
.........................The Duplex Comic Strip (S1002 in Supp2)
.........................
.........................Talking Dog Wendy On Britain's Got Talent (S966 in Supp)
.........................GoD And DoG by Wendy J Francisco - Video (S758 in Supp)
.........................Dog Plays The Piano And Sings - Video (S732 in Supp)
.........................Wife In Bed With Best Friend (in Supp)
.........................The Dog Who Knows 1,000 Words - Video (S735 in Supp)
.........................Dancing Merengue Dog - Video (S711 in Supp)
.........................Mother Goose And Grimm Comic Strip (S681b in Supp)
.........................Extraordinary Mothers - Video (S711b in Supp)
.........................Dog Rescues Another Dog - Video (S710b in Supp)
.........................Jasmine The Greyhound (S699b in Supp)
.........................Breakfast at Ginger's - Video (S697 in Supp)
.........................Strange Brew Cartoon (S652 in Supp)
.........................Smart Southern Dog - Video (S689b in Supp)
.........................Dog Eats Dinner - Video (S687b in Supp)
.........................Pedigree Dogs Ad Shot At 1000 FPS - Video (S686 in Supp)
.........................Why Everyone Needs A Dog - Video (S639 in Supp)
.........................Tundra Comics (S1005 in Supp)
.........................When An Engineer Owns A Dog - Video (S634c in Supp)
.........................Buying A Guard Dog (S740 in Supp)
.........................Dog's Tongue In Winter - Photo (S995 in Supp)
.........................Mopping With Dogs - Video (S633b in Supp)
.........................Ron White On The Jay Leno Show - Video (S632b in Supp)
.........................A Little Boy And His Dog - Video (S630 in Supp)
.........................Skateboarding Pete The Dog - Video (S600c in Supp)
.........................Balloon Poping Dog On Tonight Show - Video (S622 in Supp)
.........................Driving Dog Prank - Video (S584c in Supp)
.........................Sniffer The Dog - Video (S615b in Supp)
.........................Jasper And The Yeast Rolls (S622c in Supp)
.........................The Ping-Pong Match - Video (S581b in Supp)
.........................Gin The Dog - Video (S588 in Supp)
.........................Great Escape By A Dog - Video (S571 in Supp)
.........................Faith The Two Legged Dog - Video (S582 in Supp)
.........................A Redneck And His Dog (S568c in Supp)
.........................Meet My Little Friend - Video (S626b in Supp)
.........................Dog Having a Blast in the Snow - Video (S627c in Supp)
.........................Ultimate Dog Tease - Video (S746 in Supp)
.........................Two Dogs In A Busy Restaurant - Video (S758 in Supp)
.........................
.........................The Secret Life Of Pets Trailer (S962)
.........................Dog Haiku (S119)
.........................Free Range - Cartoon (S924)
.........................Old Dog Comes By For A Nap (S400b, S719)
.........................Simon Says - Video (S505, S878)
.........................Fido Goes To College (S260b, S861)
.........................Bonerol - Video (S535)
.........................High Paid Dog Catcher (S237b)
.........................If Dogs Could Talk To God (S212, S606)
.........................USA And Russia In A Dog Fight (S172, S374b)
.........................Short Dog Jokes
..............................Dog In A Plane GIF (S816 in Supp2)
..............................Bizarro Cartoon (S795 in Supp2)
..............................Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S763 in Supp2)
..............................
..............................Biscuit, The Rock Climbing Dog - Video (S759 in Supp)
..............................3 Soda Water Dogs At An English Pub - Video (S759-Supp)
..............................Midnight Pizza Pup - Video (S749 in Supp)
..............................Dog Wants 'Stranger' To Throw A Stick - Vid (S747-Supp)
..............................Doggy Conga Line - Video (S739 in Supp)
..............................Hot Salsa Dog - Video (S726 in Supp)
..............................Off The Mark - Cartoon (S724 in Supp)
..............................Two Dogs On A Treadmill - Video (S701 in Supp)
..............................Jake The Wonder Dog - GIF (S708 in Supp)
..............................Another Problem Caused By Deforestation (S689 in Supp)
..............................Cheyenne (S696b in Supp)
..............................Garfield Comic Strip (S686b in Supp)
..............................Peanuts Comic Strips (S618c in Supp)
..............................Buddy Gets His Nose Checked (S606b in Supp)
..............................Not Want To Go To The Vet (S604b in Supp)
..............................Puppy Love (S554c in Supp)
..............................How To Hug A Baby (S583b in Supp)
..............................The Pink Dachshund (S581b)
..............................Gangsters Take Out Contract On Dog (S571c in Supp)
..............................Obedience School Winner (S565c in Supp)
..............................Tiny Dog Battles Rattleshake To Save Baby (S565b in Supp)
..............................Dog With Two Noses (S560b in Supp)
..............................A Matter Of Taste (S560b in Supp)
..............................
..............................Quotations About Dogs
..............................Dog Vs. Porcupine (S535b)
..............................Three Legged Dog Goes In A Bar (S216)
..............................The Dog And The Pool - Video (S533)
..............................Saint Bernard Dies Outside A Bar
..............................Several Talking Dogs - Video (S525c)
..............................Talking To My Dog (S212)
..............................The Dog House - Video (S516c)
..............................A Dog Named Ben Hur (S237)
..............................What Having A Dog Teaches (S509c)
..............................Litter Of Puppies Get Shots (S242)
..............................A Good Idea (S489c)
..............................Pee Mail... (S292)
..............................Dogs Made From Flowers (S479c
..............................Lady With Dog Leaves Movie (S294)
..............................Your Dog FiFi (S476b)
..............................You Know You're A Dog Person When... (S462b)
..............................Woman Complains To Vet About Dog (S317)
..............................The GIF - Dog Dreams (S419)
..............................One Sick Dog - Cartoon (S419b)
..............................A Puppy Named Life (S382b)
..............................Doggy Dating (S400b)
..............................Virtual Dog (S380b)
..............................Dog Pee Problems (S326)
..............................Comic - Dog And Refrigerator (S372b)
..............................Picture - Dog and Towel (S304b)
..............................Part of:  A Little History From the 1500s

DOG1 and DOG3 file contains jokes
DOG2 file contains oddities
============================================================Top
Subj:     The Secret Life Of Pets Trailer (S962d)
          Created by Illumination
          From: Teena Ferris Miller on Facebook
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/i-80SGWfEjM
.
.......
.
.......Click 'HERE' to see this cute trailer with voices
.......of Louis C.K., Eric Stonestreet, and Kevin Hart.
.
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Top
Subj:     Dog Haiku (S119)
          From: smiles on 5/15/99

  I love my master;
  Thus I perfume myself with
  This long-rotten squirrel.

  I lie belly-up
  In the sunshine, happier than
  You ever will be

  Today I sniffed
  Many dog butts-I celebrate
  By kissing your face.

  I sound the alarm!
  Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-
  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!

  I sound the alarm!
  Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!
  Look! Look! Look! Look!

  My human is home!
  I am so ecstatic I have
  Made a puddle

  I hate my choke chain -
  Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
  Ack Ack Ack Ack!

  Sleeping here, my chin
  On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
  Maybe catching cats

  The cat is not all
  Bad-she fills the little box
  With Tootsie Rolls

  Dig under fence-why
  Because it's there.  Because it's
  There.  Because it's there.

  I am your best friend,
  Now, always, and especially
  When you are eating.

  My owners' mood is
  Romantic-I lie near their feet.
  I fart a big one.

Top
Subj:     Free Range Cartoon (S924)
          By Bill Whitehead
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/freerange/2012/02/23
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Top
Subj:     Old Dog Comes By For A Nap (S400b, S719)
          From: DafterLafter on 9/15/2004
      and From: gattica30 on 1/18/2010

 One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the
 laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the
 yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and
 well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into
 the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall
 and fell asleep in a corner.

 An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him
 out.

 The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in
 the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for
 several weeks.

 Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every
 afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."

 The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his
 collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on
 his sleep."

Top
Subj:     Simon Says (S505d, S878)
          From: auntiegah on 9/25/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/cct22AFNhso

 Four kids and a dog play 'Simon Says.'  This video is too
 funny to pass up.  I laugh so hard each time I see it, I
 start to cry.  You can enjoy by clicking.'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Fido Goes To College (S260b, S861)
          From: dogbyte on 1/23/2002
      and From: rfslick on 7/2/2007 and on 7/6/2013

 A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through
 the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his
 parents gave him.

 "Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?"
 Then he gets an idea.

 He calls his father.  "Dad," he says, "you won't believe
 the wonders that modern education are coming up with!
 Why, they actually have a program here that will teach
 Fido how to talk!"

 "That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I
 get him in that program?"

 "Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll
 get him into the course."

 So, his father sends the dog and the $1000.  About 2/3 way
 through the semester, the money runs out.  The boy calls
 his father again.

 "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.

 "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
 just won't believe this - they've had such good results
 with this program, that they've implemented a new one to
 teach the animals how to READ!"

 "READ!?" says his father, "No kidding!  What do I have to
 do to get him in that program?"

 "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

 ...And his father sends the money.

 At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem.  When he
 gets home, his father will find out that the dog can neither
 talk nor read.  So he shoots the dog.  When he gets home,
 his father is all excited.

 "Where's Fido?  I just can't wait to hear him talk and
 listen to him read something!"

 "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news.  This morning,
 when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room
 kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper,
 like he usually does.  He turned to me and asked, 'So, is
 your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead
 who lives on Oak Street?' "

 The father says, "Oh, shit; I hope you SHOT that lyin' son
 of a bitch!"

 "I sure did, Dad!"

 "That's my boy!"

Top
Subj:     Bonerol (S535d)
          From: rfslick on 4/21/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/SQBRhXqqF0M

 This is a cute, dirty video about dog erections.
 You can view by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     High Paid Dog Catcher (S237b)
          From: bonehead on 8/13/2001

 Residents of San Mateo County in California are snapping
 and snarling now that they've learned that the new ''top
 dog'' dogcatcher at the Humane Society, which is funded by
 the government, will be offered a pay package worth a
 quarter million dollars a year!  Yes, a yearly compensation
 package, for the chief dogcatcher, worth $250,000 a year!
 It includes a yearly salary of $180,000, a $50,000 per year
 housing allowance and a $15,000 per year auto allowance and
 all the other usual benefits.

 This is more than Governor Gray Davis earns and more than
 San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown earns.

 San Francisco Chronicle 28-Jul-01 http://www.sfgate.com
 /cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2001/07/29/MN211164.DTL

Top
Subj:     If Dogs Could Talk To God (S212, S606)
          From: tadams96 on 2/23/2001
      and From: rfslick on 8/13/2008 
 These 'Dog's Letters to God' are quite cute with
 fifteen animated GIFs.  Click 'HERE' to view them.

Top
Subj:     USA And Russia In A Dog Fight (S172, S374b)
          From: collins2 on 5/18/00
      and From: DoctorDebt on 3/26/2004

 The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race
 realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were
 going to blow up the whole world.  One day they sat down and
 decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight.  They
 would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the
 world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to
 dominate the world.

 The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler
 female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest
 meanest Siberian wolves.  They selected only the biggest and
 strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings which
 gave him all the milk.  After five years came up with the
 biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.  Its cage needed
 steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get
 near it.

 When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up
 with a strange animal.  It was a nine foot long Dachshund.
 Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there
 was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with
 the Russian dog.

 When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's
 cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The
 Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged
 the American dachshund.  But, when it got close enough to bite
 the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and
 consumed the Russian dog in one bite.  There was nothing left
 at all of the Russian dog.

 The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in
 disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened.
 We had our best people working for five years with the meanest
 Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the
 biggest meanest Siberian wolves."

 "That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best
 plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator
 look like a Dachshund."


Subj:     Short Dog Jokes

Top
Subj:     Quotations About Dogs
..........has moved to.Dog-Supp2

Top
Subj:     Dog Vs. Porcupine (S535b)
          From: darrell94590 on 4/17/2007
 These two photos are pretty revealing about a pit bull's
 determination.  You can view the dog by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Three Legged Dog Goes In A Bar (S216)
         From: CHRISDADDYG on 3/15/2001
 A three-legged dog walks into a bar, carrying a shotgun.
 He walks up to the bar and says, "Whisky."

 Bartender looks at the three-legged dog and says, "Sure,
 but what's with the shotgun?"

 The three-legged dog replies, "I'm lookin' fer the guy
 who shot my pa'."
 

Top
Subj:     The Dog And The Pool (S533d)
          From: edapsmas on 4/9/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/qznCIB3-4qY
 You can watch this cute video from the Ellen Degeneres Show
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Saint Bernard Dies Outside A Bar
          From: DR SWITZER on 98-07-06
 A man walked into a bar and immediately called out, "Who is
 the owner of that Saint Bernard tied up outside?"  A man
 replied, "It's mine. Why do you ask?"

 The first man walked up to him and said, "I'm sorry, but my
 dog just killed your dog."

 The owner of the Saint Bernard was shocked, "Are you kidding
 me?!  That dog is huge!  He's bigger than my car!"  The
 first guy explained, "Well, he choked on my Chihuahua.
 

Top
Subj:     Several Talking Dogs (S525c,d)
          From: darrell94590 on 2/6/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/EgBIF4OvPgo
 This video clip shows several talking dogs.  You can
 view it by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Talking To My Dog (S212)
          From: flovilla on 2/22/2001
 When I talk to my dog, it seems like he can really understand
 me....like we're interacting on the same level, as if he were
 almost human.  Then he eats cat poop out of the litter box
 and screws up the whole illusion.
 

Top
Subj:     The Dog House (S516c,d)
          From: gordonschuk on 11/28/06
..........At: (Removed from riversongs.com)
 This video is corny, but cute.  It's a simple puzzle that
 turns into a short video with music.  You can see it by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     A Dog Named Ben Hur (S237)
          From: flovilla 8/11/2001
 A little boy had a dog with the name, "Ben Hur."  Asked if
 he had named him, he said, "Yeah.  He used to be just plain
 old Ben, but he had puppies."
 

Top
Subj:     What Having A Dog Teaches (S509c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/23/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can view this cute animated GIF by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Litter Of Puppies Get Shots (S242)
          From: flovilla on 9/18/2001
 A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to
 my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming.  As
 the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another
 in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell
 the treated ones from the rest.

 So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and
 moistened each dog's head when I had finished.  After
 the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had
 grown silent.  As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the
 woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they
 had to be baptized, too."
 

Top
Subj:     A Good Idea (S489c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/1/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 Funny comic strip.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Pee Mail... (S292)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/5/2002
 My wife and I were watching a show on The Learning
 Channel titled, "A Dog's World."

 One segment focused on dogs practice of urinating
 everywhere to define who they are and whose territory
 it is, among many other things.  "Basically," the
 narrator said, "dogs are leaving each other messages."

 I looked at my wife and said, "So I guess we could call
 it p-mail."
 

Top
Subj:     Dogs Made From Flowers (S479c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/24/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To best view these four photos, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Lady With Dog Leaves Movie (S294)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/15/2002
 A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre.  She has a
 dog on a leash.  He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to
 bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog
 was really into the movie.  He cried at the right spots,
 he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but
 most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts.
 Did you find that unusual?"

 "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual... because
 he hated the book!"
 

Top
Subj:     Your Dog FiFi (S476b in Chicken)
         From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/27/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can see this cute, sick cartoon clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     You Know You're A Dog Person When...
          From: igiggle on 11/28/2005 (S462b)
 Source: (Removed from dogowners.com)
 The site lists hundreds of reasons to know you are a dog
 person.  Too many to list on my site.
 

Top
Subj:     Woman Complains To Vet About Dog (S317)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/26/2003
 (See 'Three Dogs At The Vets' in Dog1)
 A woman complained to her veterinarian that her dog would
 start humping her everytime he came into the house. "Is
 there anything you can do?" she asked.

 The doctor said, "Well, we could castrate him, and then he
 would no longer have a sex drive." The woman replies, "That
 seems awfully harsh. Couldn`t you just clip his nails and
 do something about his breath?"
 

Top
Subj:     The GIF - Dog Dreams (S419)
          From: Buffalo's Jokes on 02/04/05
          At: (Removed from buffalosjokes.com)
 The cute animated GIF 'Dog Dreams' can be seen by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     One Sick Dog - Cartoon (S419b)
          From: Buffalo Jokes on 02/01/2005
 Source: (Removed from buffalosjokes.com)
 You can view the full cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     A Puppy Named Life (S382b)
          From: igiggle on 5/25/2004
 Marta's old dog died and she bought a new one.  Because the
 pup was so full of energy she called him Life.  Unfortunately,
 Marta used her old dog's things on the new one, and while she
 was out walking the puppy, its frayed leather strap snapped
 and it ran away, never to return.

 Moral:  It pays to get a new leash on life.
 

Top
Subj:     Doggy Dating (S400b,d)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 8/23/2004
..........Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
 Dog Dating Service.  You get to pick your dog's next date
 and email to set it up.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
 
Subj:     Virtual Dog (S380b)
          From: igiggle on 5/6/2004
 Adopt a dog that doesn't shed, pee on the
 furniture or hog the bed.  Appears to take a lot of time.
 Go to http://www.virtualdog.com.  Then click on "Adopt
 a free pooch!" at the top of the page to get started.
 

Top
Subj:     Dog Pee Problems (S326)
          From: jerry on 4/27/2003
 Derbyshire in the UK is spending about $110,000 to check
 the bases on about 100,000 streetlights for damage caused
 by dogs urinating on the polls.  In a neighboring town
 one person died and another was severely injured when
 lampposts with rotted basis, fell on them.

 Ananova (UK) 12-Apr-03
 

Top
Subj:     Comic - Dog And Refrigerator (S372b)
          From: JBCARY1 on 3/5/2004
 
You can view
this picture
    as an
animated GIF
by clicking
    'HERE'

 

Top
Subj:     Picture - Dog and Towel (S304b)
          From: pns
          on 11/26/2002 (in Animal Photos)
 Click 'Here' to see this picture.
 

Top
Subj:     Part of:  A Little History From the 1500s in FACTS5
 Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw, piled high, with no
 wood underneath.  It was the only place for animals to get
 warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice
 rats, and bugs) lived in the roof.  When it rained it became
 slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off
 the  roof -- hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
 
 

 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every
 minute

 Smartest dogs: 1) Scottish border collie; 2) Poodle;
    3) Golden retriever.  Dumbest: Afghan hound.

From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97
 The Factory of the future will have two employees,
 a dog and a man.
 The man will be there to feed the dog,
 the dog will be there to prevent the man from touching
 the machines...

Bawdy.Net Collage #26
 My whole love life has been ruined by dogs. When I was young,
 I once asked my father about sex.  Embarrassed, and not one
 to communicate much, he said to go outside, keep my eyes open,
 and watch the dogs do it. I did, and my young, innocent psyche
 was greatly shocked the first time I saw it in my own back
 yard.  To this day, I remain very anxious throughout any sex
 I've ever attempted.  Constantly in fear that my mother will
 squirt me with a garden hose.

 All trees have bark.
 All dogs bark.
 Therefore, all dogs are trees.
 The fallacy of barking up the wrong tree.

 Male friend of mine come over my house only to see my
 dog licking his balls, my friend says, "Boy, I wish I
 could do that" I says, "Go ahead, but he bites."

Favorite line from the film, "Pricilla, Queen of the Desert":
 We call the dog Herpes; if you're lucky, it heals.
 We call our dog Egypt; because in every room, he leaves a pyramid.
 Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
      I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

 All dogs will eat cat excretions due to its Vitamin D content.
 

 From LAWS file.

 In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed
 to have sex without a permit.

 In Temperance, MS, you can't walk a dog without dressing
 it in diapers.
 

From: humorlist-digest V1 #206 on 97-09-25
 A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed
 pup for her birthday.  An hour later, while wandering through
 the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of
 the kitchen.  "My pup," she murmured sadly, "runneth over."

 Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

From: humorlist-digest V2 #190 on 98-08-15
 BUMPER STICKER
 Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #270 on 98-08-31
 If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
 try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

From: auntieg on 98-11-14 (S124)
 Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

From: pac_navigator on 98-11-23 (S95)
 If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
    yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
 The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after
    you let him in.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #312 on 10/10/1999 (S141)
 A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to
 admire the  animal. "What's your dog's name?" she asked.

 "Herpes." replied the dog's owner.

 "How....odd," said the woman. "Why Herpes?"

 "Because he won't heel."

From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 4/1/2001 (S218)
 Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you,
 but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/1/2001 (s227, S231)
 "I spilled spot remover on my dog--now he's gone."
   -- Steven Wright

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/23/2001 (S243)
 "A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches
 you how to test your dog's IQ.  Here's how it works:  If
 you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than
 you."  -- Jay Leno

From: LABLaughs.com on 1/23/2002 (S260)
 One reason why dogs have remained a good friend for humans
 is perhaps they wag their tail and not their tongue.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/27/2002 (S264)
 Unique excuse for not going to work.
 The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

From: dogbyte on 3/18/2002 (S268c)
 Remember: No tree is too big for
 a short dog to lift his leg on!

From: LABLaughs.com on 5/16/2003 (SA329b)
 Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

From: LABLaughs.com on 6/8/2003 (S322)
 Sign in a Chinese Pet Store:
 "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

From: igiggle on 6/30/2006 (S493b)
 If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:
 pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
 

 Q: What is meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
 A: Whatever gave it AIDS.

 Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler
    and a social worker?
 A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!

 Q: What has four legs and an arm?
 A: A happy pit bull.

 Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got
    himself a dachshund?
 A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

 Q: What kind of dog tells time?
 A: A watch dog.

 Q: Why is a tree like a dog?
 A: They both lose their bark when they die.

 Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
 A: The retail store.

 Q: What did the veterinarian say to the dog who
    kept licking his balls?
 A: Thank you.

(S238)
 Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
 A: Where you left it.

 Q: What do you do with a dog with no legs?
 A: Take it out for a drag.

 Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
 A: Nothing.  He won't come when you call him, anyway.

 Q: How do you make a dog go meow?
 A: Freeze it solid in the freezer, then take a chainsaw to it.

 Q: What's a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do?
 A: Someone who lies awake at night wondering whether
    there is a dog.

 Q: Why have dogs been banned from the vatican?
 A: Because they pee on Poles.

 Q: How do you give a dog a bone?
 A: Rub it in the right place.

 Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs, and steel balls?
 A: Sparky.

 Q: What is the motto of the dyslexics beastiality club?
 A: In dog we thrust

 Q: What is the noisiest tree in the forest?
 A: The dogwood tree because it barks!

 Q: What do you get when an athiest marries a dislexic ?
 A: Kids that don't believe in dogs.

 Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
 A: About 5 drinks.

From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98 (S62)
 Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is
    on the outside?
 A: K9P.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #240 on 98-04-15
 Q: How do you make a dog drink?
 A: Put it in a blender.

From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
 Q: WHAT GOES "MARC MARC"?
 A: A dog with a harelip.

From: FrankRoesc on 99-02-19
 Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
 A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

 Q: How does a blind man know when to pull the rip cord?
 A: The dog's leash goes slack.

From: Imogenelumen on 7/10/2003 (S337b)
 Q: What makes men chase women they have no
    intention of marrying?
 A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars
    they have no intention of driving.

From: DafterLafter on 10/27/2004 (S406b - preacher)
 Q: What do they call pastors in Germany?
 A: German Shepherds.

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