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Subj:     Horse Jokes
                 (Includes 47 jokes and articles, 22 1032n,20,cf,wYT2b,17)

          Click "Here" for Horse-Supp 
 


Horse and Flies from
PageWorks
Includes the following:  Arab Loses Donkey In Parking Lot - Video (S978 in Supp)
.........................Horse Surfing! - Video (S1030 in Supp)
.........................Baby Zonkey Named Ippo - Photo (S909 in Supp)
.........................Lovely Lady On A Horse - Video (S858 in Supp)
.........................50 Shades Of Hay - Cartoon (S920 in Supp)
.........................Justin, The Artistic Horse - Video (S825 in Supp)
.........................Nine Budweiser, Clydesdale Commercials (S882 in Supp)
.........................Horse Puzzle (S923 in Supp)
.........................A Friend Gives You A Horse (S140 in Supp)
.........................Mechanical Wooden Horse - Video (S1025 in Supp)
.........................Dorf the Jockey On Tonight Show  (S1001 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Water Skiing Behind A Horse - Video (S954)
.........................Chicken And Horse Get Stuck (S168, S528c)
.........................Five Funny Horse Race Videos (S801)
.........................Horseback Riding Accident (S45, S807)
.........................The Royal Friesian Horse - Video (S821)
.........................Horse Race At Tydall Beach
.........................A Donkey With Two Riders (S815)
.........................Old Man, A Boy And A Donkey (S140, S557b)
.........................Lorenzo, The Flying French Man - Video (S619)
.........................Cajun Buys Dead Donkey (S264c, S749)
.........................Horses at Sunset On The Beach - Photo (S913)
.........................Farmer Ties Bedsheet On Horse (DU)
.........................The Sketch Show - Irish Jockey - Videos (S774)
.........................Catholic Horses (S581)
.........................How To Tell If Your Ass Is Too Small - Video (S526c)
.........................Riding Blue Steel (S378b)
.........................Horse Riding Sign (S976)
.........................Farmer's Donkey Stuck In A Well (S275b, S621b)
.........................The Donkey In A Well II - Video (S413)
.........................Midget With Lisp Buys A Horse (S418)
.........................Patches The Horse - Video (S418b)
.........................Father O'Malley And A Dead Jackass (S392, S798)
.........................Pastor Finds Dead Mule (S192, S496)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S638b)
.........................Zebra Goes To Heaven (S562c)
.........................Horserace Riddle (S280)
.........................Short Horse Jokes
..............................I Love This Post - Photo (S886 in Supp)
..............................
..............................A Man, A Woman, And The Accident - PPS (S664b)
..............................Seeing-Eye Horse (S646b)
..............................Cute Ass (S642)
..............................Horse Gets Head Stuck In Tree (S625b)
..............................Meet Molly (S613)
..............................Man Checks Horses Before Buying (S319, S781)
..............................The Mule And The Lion (S516b)
..............................Going For A Ride With Your Horse (S479c)

Also see BAR_ANIMALS  - 'Bar With Horse'
......................- 'True Magazine Cartoon'
......................- 'A Horse Goes Into A Bar Needing A Tie'
         BIRD-CHICKEN - 'City Boy Buys Two Chickens And A Mule'
         BIRTHDAYS    - 'Are You Ready To Sing Happy Birthday?' - Drawing
         BROTHERS     - 'Two Brothers At Christmas'
         CHRISTMAS1   - 'Kid Gets Bike For Christmas'
         COWBOY file  - 'Cowboy In A Bar Has His Horse Stolen'
......................- 'Cowboy And His Horse'
......................- 'Cowboy Kisses Horses Ass'
         DRINKING_BR2 - 'Bud Lite Sleighride'
         Elderly1-Supp- 'How To Handle A Husband'
         FARMER1 file - 'Farmer's Mule Kills Mother-In-Law'
......................- 'Farmer And Truck Driver Have An Accident'
         FARMER2 file - 'Settling The Will Of A Missouri Farmer'
......................- 'Farmer's Horse Won't Breed'
         FIREMEN file - 'Fire Horses Being Harnessed In 1903' - Video
         GOD2 file    - 'God Created Donkeys, Dogs, Monkeys, And Men'
         GOLF3 file   - 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events'
.........ILLUSIONS19  - 'Frog To Horse Illusion'
         INDIAN file  - 'The Dead Horse Theory' - Drawing
......................- 'Indian Gives Lady A Horseback Ride'
         JOB1 file    - 'Beating A Dead Horse'
         OTHER_ANIMALS- 'Taking Little Johnny To The Other Zoo'
......................- 'Best Friends'
         MARRIAGE2    - 'Husband Claimed He Was At The Race Track'
         MUSIC-SUPP   - 'Horses Singing Four Part Harmony'
         OTHER_ANIMALS- 'Animals Rescue People'
         POETRY file  - 'Reincarnation, By Wallace McRae'
         POLIT-BUSH   - 'Bush Meets The Queen'
         PREACHER file- 'Minister Gives A Talk About Sex'
         PREACHER-SUPP- 'Preaching About Horseback Riding'
         PRIEST1 file - 'Priest And The Donkey Race'
         RIDDLE-SUPP2 - 'A Dangerous Ride'
         SCHOOL1 file - 'Students Go To The Race Track'
         SHIT file    - 'Two Airplane Passengers Talk'
         THGIVING SUPP- 'Donkey Vs Turkey'
         THO-LEARNED1 - 'A Thought On Happiness'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Water Skiing Behind A Horse (S954d)
          From: Kathryn Jean Brosseau on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=419003488275913
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.......
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.......Click 'HERE' to watch this 30 second video.
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Top
Subj:     Chicken And Horse Get Stuck (S168, S528c)
          From: mbucher on 4/16/00
      and From: Imogenelumen on 7/13/2003

 (Also see 'An Elephant, A Chicken And A Porsche' in ELEPHANTS)

 Once upon a time there were a horse and a chicken who were good
 friends.  They lived on a ranch with lots of other animals and
 were very happy. One day, while they were playing near a pond,
 the horse stepped into a hole of quicksand.  The horse rapidly
 sank and was yelling for his  friend, the chicken, to save him.
 The chicken thought for a minute, then ran away.  The chicken
 ran back to the ranchouse, and jumped into the rancher's BMW.
 Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and the chicken managed
 to start the car, and put it in gear.

 It raced over to the sinkhole, where the horse had almost
 disappeared by now.  The smart chicken tied a rope around the
 back of the BMW and threw the other end around the front legs of
 the horse.  The chicken hopped back in the driver's seat and
 stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, the horse eased out of the
 quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, still on shaky legs,
 stuttered: "You just saved my life.  Thank you!"

 The chicken just said, " don't mention it - That's what friends
 are for!!"

 A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's rest, and
 heard some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard.  The
 horse followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene:  There
 was his best friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole of quicksand!
 The sand was already up to its neck-feathers and the cries for
 help had almost stopped.

 The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight.  And the
 rancher had gone to town with his BMW.  What to do?

 The horse took a deep breath and spread his body and legs out
 over the hole.  His member was dangling down right above the
 poor chicken.  "Here, my friend, grab my thingie and I will pull
 you to safety!"

 With its last bit of energy, the chicken grabbed a hold of the
 big horse-thingy and the horse straightened its body, pulling
 the chicken from its trap.  With one big step, both were on solid
 ground and safe.

 The chicken slumped down on the ground, exhausted: "Now You saved
 my life, my friend!!"  The horse just smiled.

 And what is the moral of this story?........

 If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Top
Subj:     Five Funny Horse Race Videos (S801d)
          From: AFine963
Photo from SuperBooyah.com...
 Source: (Removed from superbooyah.com)

 Being a horse racing announcer is one of the toughest announcing
 jobs in all of sports.  You have to talk really fast, yell really
 loud and the sad thing is that the only people who are listening
 to you are a bunch of bookies and degenerate gamblers.

 Click 'HERE' to see these five very funny racing videos. The two
 locations have slightly different videos.

Top
Subj:     Horseback Riding Accident (S45, S807)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #271 on 97-12-08
      and From: AFine963 on 6/25/2012

 A blonde decided to try horseback riding, even though she
 has had no lessons or prior experience.  She mounts the
 horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into
 motion.  It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace,
 but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

 In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem
 to get a firm grip.  She tries to throw her arms around the
 horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse
 anyway.  The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to
 its slipping rider.

 Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the
 horse to try and throw herself to safety.  Unfortunately,
 her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is
 now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her
 head is struck against the ground again and again and
 again.  As her head is battered against the ground, she is
 mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great
 fortune............

 Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs
 the horse.  And you thought all they did was say "Hello"
 and give you a cart.

Top
Subj:     The Royal Friesian Horse (S821d)
          From: tom on 10/4/2012
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/Y5XJbSqwriM?rel=0
 Source2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friesian_horse

 The Friesian is most often recognized by its black coat
 color.  They have a long, thick mane and tail, often wavy,
 and "feathers"-long, silky hair on the lower legs,
 deliberately left untrimmed.  The breed is known for a
 brisk, high-stepping trot.  The Friesian is considered a
 willing, active, and energetic horse that is also gentle
 and docile.  They tends to have great presence and to
 carry itself with elegance.  The Friesian is a horse
 breed originating in Friesland, Netherlands.

 Click 'HERE' to see these awesome creatures who have
 such amazing grace and beauty!!!

Top
Subj:     Horse Race At Tydall Beach
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

 (Also see 'Dirty Horse Race Announced' video in Horse Race Videos)

 Horses in race are:
 1. Passionate Lad                       6. Clean Sheets
 2. Bare Belly                           7. Thighs
 3. Silk Panties                         8. Big Dick
 4. Conscience                           9. Heavy Bosum
 5. Jockey Shorts                       10. Merry Cherry

 At the Post

 They're off!  Conscience is left behind at the post.  Jockey
 Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is
 being pressured.  Passionate lady is caught between Thighs
 and Big Dick is in a very dangerous spot.

 At the Halfway Mark

 It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed
 in.  Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
 Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
 Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

 At The Stretch

 Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.  Big Dick is making
 a final drive.  Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is
 coming.

 At The Finish

 Its Big Dick giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady
 takes everything Big Dick has to offer.  It looks like a
 dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final squirt
 and wins by a head. Bare Belly shows.  Heavy Bosum weakens
 and Thighs pull up Clean Sheets never had a chance...

Top
Subj:     A Donkey With Two Riders (S815)
          From: Caroline Newton on 8/23/2012
 Source: Facebook photos

 When I saw this four frame cartoon, I thought of the article
 in today's paper where Seagate is buying the 412,000 square-
 foot Solyndra building.  The company has not announced what
 it will do with the new building so that critics have less
 things to complain about.  They said "If and when the purchase
 is completed, we will provide our plans for use of the building."

 Click 'HERE' to see this all too real cartoon.

Top
Subj:     Old Man, A Boy And A Donkey (S140, S557b)
          From: RFSlick on 10/07/1999
      and From: ginafm on 9/18/2007

 There was an old man, a boy and a donkey.  They were going to
 town and it was decided that the boy should ride.  As they
 went along they passed some people who thought that it was a
 shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk.  The man
 and boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they
 changed positions.

 Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a
 real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk.  The
 two decided that maybe they both should walk.

 Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was
 stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride.  The man and
 the boy decided maybe the critics were right so they decided
 that they both should ride.

 They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame
 to put such a load on a poor little animal.  The old man and
 the boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they
 decided to carry the donkey.  As they crossed a bridge they
 lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and
 drowned.

 The moral of the story?

 If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your
 ass good-bye!

Top
Subj:     Lorenzo, The Flying French Man (S619d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/3/2008
..........At: http://canecorso.com/lorenzo.htm

 Lorenzo, called "The Flying Frenchman" jumps incredible
 obstacles at a galop while standing on his 8 grey Lusitano
 horses.  I can't explain why watching this video is such
 a moving experience, but it is. Click 'HERE' to view it.

Top
Subj:     Cajun Buys Dead Donkey (S264c, S749)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/13/2002
      and From: thebartend on 5/3/2006

 A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey
 from an old farmer for $100.00.  The farmer agreed to
 deliver the donkey the next day.

 The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I
 got some bad news.  The donkey died."

 "Well then, just give me my money back."

 "Cain't do that. I went and spent it already."

 "OK then, just unload the donkey."

 "What ya gonna do with em."

 "I'm gonna raffle him off."

 "Ya cain't raffle off a dead donkey!"

 "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead."

 A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked,
 "What happened with the dead donkey?"

 "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and
 made a profit of $898.00."

 "Didn't no one complain?"

 "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back."

Top
Subj:     Horses at Sunset On The Beach (S913d)
          Photographed by Earl Miller
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202839107633698
.........?set=a.1247462741643.2038016.1081662565?type=1?theater
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.
.Click 'HERE' to see the full, signed photograph.
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Top
Subj:     Farmer Ties Bedsheet On Horse (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #242 on 98-04-28

 A farmer buys a cute little filly that he plans to race next
 season.  When he gets her home his old stallion spots her
 and starts kicking up dust and raising all sorts of hell.

 The farmer doesn't want her knocked up because he won't be
 able to race her, so he calls the vet for advice.

 The vet tells him to tie a bedsheet around the horse's rump
 to keep the stallion away.

 The next day the farmer goes out to the corral to make sure
 the vet's solution worked, but the filly's nowhere to be
 found.  The farmer follows her hoof trail to the neighbor's
 farm, and sees the neighbor's kid out by the barn.

 "Hey boy, did you see a filly run by with a bedsheet tied
 around her rump?" the farmer asks.

 The kid replies, "No sir, but I saw one dash by with a
 handkerchief sticking out of her ass!"

Top
Subj:     The Sketch Show - Irish Jockey (S774d2)
          From: Dave Ribeiro on Facebook on 11/10/11
Photos from YouTube.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/TR5yDZO4nZE
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/embed/7v7Z22jGNSo
.
This first video is from The Sketch Show aired
on WN Network on British TV from 10th September
2001 to 24th April 2004.  The skit was titled
 'The Fast Talking Irish Jockey,' and stars Lee Mack and
 Ronni Ancona.  Click 'HERE' to see this very funny sketch.
.
The second video is from Kelsey Grammer Presents
The Sketch Show aired on Fox in the US.  The skit
stared Lee Mack and Kaitlin Olson.  Click 'HERE'
 to see the version shown on Fox.  The British version
 seemed funnier to me.

Top
Subj:     Catholic Horses (S581)
          From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008

 One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all
 but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out
 onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses
 lining up for the 4th race.

 Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
 Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch
 watched with interest the old priest step onto the track.

 Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting
 gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of
 the horses.

 Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small
 bet on the horse.  Again, even though it was another long
 shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

 Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see
 which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race.  The
 priest again blessed a horse.

 Mitch bet big on it, and it won.  Mitch was elated.  As the
 races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses,
 and each one ended up coming in first.

 Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money.  By
 the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come
 true.  He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his
 savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell
 him which horse to bet on.

 True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for
 the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that
 was the longest shot of the day.  Mitch also observed the
 priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

 Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on
 the old nag.  He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag
 come in dead last.  Mitch, in a state of shock, made his
 way down to the track area where the priest was.

 Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father!  What
 happened?  All day long you blessed horses and they all
 won.  Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost
 by a Kentucky mile.  Now, thanks to you I've lost every
 cent of my savings - all of it!".

 The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.  "Son", he said,
 "that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the
 difference between a simple blessing and last rites".

Top
Subj:     How To Tell If Your Ass Is Too Small (S526c,d)
          From: darrell94590 on 2/20/2007
..........At: http://www.youtube.com/embed/fIPVg6FXB1s

 You can view this cute video by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Riding Blue Steel (S378b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/27/2004

 A city slicker named Tommy was on vacation in Texas.  His
 hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo
 especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time,
 Blue Steel.

 Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for
 being the toughest meanest horse there ever was.  He had
 sent off so many would-be riders that the rodeo organizers
 had promised $10,000 for anyone who could ride him just for
 10 seconds.

 That afternoon, all the local Cowboys tried their best but
 Blue Steel lived up to his reputation and threw them all
 off with the greatest of ease.

 As a joke the organizers then offered the prize to anyone
 in the crowd who would dare to tangle with such a beast.

 Up jumped Tommy and of course everyone laughed at him.  But
 the organizers decided to let the city boy have a try.

 Blue Steel bucked and lunged but Tommy not only stayed on
 the horse for 10 seconds but he stayed on for 20 seconds,
 then 30, then a minute!  A few minutes more and Blue Steel
 was so exhausted he calmed down and Tommy rode him all
 around the ring like a birthday party pony.

 Everyone was astonished.

 "Considering you've never even sat on a horse before," said
 Tommy's friends "how on earth did you manage that?"

 "Easy," said Tommy "my wife's an epileptic."...

Top
Subj:     Horse Riding Sign (S976d)
          From: Robin Winters on Facebook on 9/24/2015
 Source: Horse-Funnies-Quotes
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Top
Subj:     Farmer's Donkey Stuck In A Well (S275b, S521b)
          From: gheckman on 12/10/2001
      and From: darrellvip on 12/1/2008

 (Also see 'The Donkey In A Well II' below)

 One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.  The
 animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to
 figure out what to do.  Finally he decided the animal was
 old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just
 wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.  He invited all
 his neighbors to come over and help him.

 They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into
 the well.  At first, the donkey realized what was happening
 and cried horribly.  Then, to everyone's amazement, he
 quieted down.  A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
 looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw.

 With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was
 doing something amazing.  He would shake it off and take a
 step up.  As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
 dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take
 a step up.  Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
 stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

 Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
 The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off
 and take a step up.  Each of our troubles is a stepping
 stone.  We can get out of the deepest wells just by not
 stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

 Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
 1. Free your heart from hatred.
 2. Free your mind from worries.
 3. Live simply.
 4. Give more.
 5. Expect less.

 O.K., that's enough of that BS ... The donkey later came
 back, caught the farmer out in the field and kicked the
 shit out of him.  Then he went over to each of his neighbors
 farms and kicked the shit out of them too for helping.

 The REAL Moral:

 When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.

Top
Subj:     The Donkey In A Well II - Video (S413d)
          From: janeenmarie on 12/21/2004
 The silly, old video "Farmer And The Donkey", can be
 seen by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Midget With Lisp Buys A Horse (S418)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/29/2005

 A guy calls his buddy, a horse rancher, and says he's sending
 a friend over to look at a horse.

 The buddy says, "How will I recognize him?"

 "That's easy," says the guy, "he's a midget with a speech
 impediment."

 So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking
 for a male or female horse. "A female horth," says the midget.
 So he shows him a prized filly.

 "Nith lookin horth.  Can I thee her eyeth?" asks the midget.
 So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes
 the once over.

 "Nith eyeth," notes the midget. "Can I thee her earzth"?
 So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the
 horse's ears.

 "Nith earzth," comments the midget. "Can I see her mouf"?
 The rancher is getting pretty annoyed by this point, but
 he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

 "Nice mouf," states the midget. "Can I see her twat?"
 Totally fed up at this point, the rancher grabs him under
 his arm and jams the midget's head as far as he can up the
 horse's you-know-what, pulls him out and slams him on the
 ground.

 The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.  "Perhapth I
 should rephrathe that?" says the midget. "Can I thee her wun
 awound a widdle bit?"

Top
Subj:.....Patches The Horse - Video (S418b,d)
          From: mebharkins on 1/30/2005
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/teHfyby_veU

 This is a wonderful video about an amazing horse named
 Patches.  Click 'HERE' to see it.

Top
Subj:     Father O'Malley And A Dead Jackass (S392, S798)
          From: JokesUncut on 7/29/2004
      and From: virv on 4/24/2012

 (Also see 'Pastor Finds Dead Mule' below)

 An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

 Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.  It was a
 fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.  He walked
 to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the
 beautiful day outside.  Noticing there was a jackass lying
 dead in the middle of his front lawn, he promptly called
 the local police station......

 The conversation went like this:

 "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones.  How might I help you?"

 "And the best of the day te yerself.  This is Father O'Malley
 at St. Ann's Catholic Church.  There's a jackass lying dead
 in me front lawn."

 Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit,
 replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my
 impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

 There was dead silence on the line for a moment, then
 Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, 'tis certainly true,
 but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

Top
Subj:     Pastor Finds Dead Mule (S192, S496)
..........From: mbucher on 9/30/00
      and From: DoctorDebt on 7/16/2006

 (Also see 'Father O'Malley And A Dead Jackass' above)

 A pastor went to his church office Monday morning and
 discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police.
 Because there did not appear to be any foul play, the police
 referred the pastor to the Health Department.

 The Health Department said that since there was no health threat
 he should call the Animal Control Department. The supervisor of
 the Animal Control Department said that since the mule was dead
 he should call the Sanitation Department. The Sanitation
 Department manager said he could not pick up the mule without
 authorization from the mayor.

 Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not too eager to call
 him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal
 with, but since it was the last resort, the pastor called him
 anyway.

 The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant
 and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me
 anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

 The pastor paused for a brief minute and asked the Lord to
 direct his response. Then, he replied, "Yes Mayor, it is my job
 to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin
 first."

Top
(S638b)
     by John Graziano on 3/26/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/03/26
 
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Subj:     Zebra Goes To Heaven (S562c)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #34 on 98-02-04
      and From: ginafm on 10/29/2007

 The Zebra died and went to heaven. At the Gate he asked St.
 Peter if he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black
 zebra with white stripes.  St. Peter told him, "You are what
 you are."

 Well that didn't tell him anything so St. Peter told him to
 ask God when he saw him.  So when he saw God he asked him
 was he a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra
 with white stripes and God told him, "You are what you are."

 The next time he saw St. Peter, St Peter asked him what God
 had said and he told him God had said, "You are what you are."
 So St. Peter said, "Well, you're a white zebra with black
 stripes.

 The zebra asked, "How do you figure that?" and St. Peter said,
 " If you had been a black zebra with white stripes God would
 have said, "You is what you is."

Top
Subj:     Horserace Riddle (S280)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 6/18/2002

 The old king is dying, and wants to leave his kingdom to
 the wiser of his two sons.  He tells them that he will
 hold a horserace, and the son whose horse is the last to
 reach the church and come back will inherit the realm.
 Immediately the younger son jumps on a horse and makes
 for the church at top speed.  The king now knows that
 this is the wiser son, and leaves him the kingdom.  Why?
 
 

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ANSWER
 
 

 The younger son jumped on the older son's horse. He
 realized that if they rode their own horses the race
 would never end.


Subj:     Short Horse Jokes

TopT
Subj:     A Man, A Woman, And The Accident - PPS (S664b)
          From: darrellvip on 9/30/2009. (in Cars-Supp2)
Drawing from FotoSearch.com
 This short PowerPoint Show is a joke about a man, a
 woman, and an auto accident.  Click 'HERE' to view it.
 

Top
Subj:     Seeing-Eye Horse (S646b)
          by Helena Sung
          From: RDobry on 5/31/2009
 Source: (Removed from pawnation.com)
 Click 'HERE' to read this short, interesting article.
 

Top
Subj:     Cute Ass (S642)
          From: rfslick on 5/1/2009
 This is, without a doubt, the cutest ass you will ever see.
 Click 'HERE' to see it.
 
 

Top
Subj:     Horse Gets Head Stuck In Tree (S625b)
          By Chris Irvine on 12/31/2008
 Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/
Photo: Wenn
.........howaboutthat/3229053/Horse-gets-head-stuck-in-tree.html
 A horse had to be cut free with a chainsaw after it managed
 to get its head stuck in a tree.  You can read this cute
 story with pictures by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Meet Molly (S613) 
          From: darrellvip on 10/6/2008 
 Source1: http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/molly.asp
 Source2: http://www.hoofcare.com/mollythepony.html
 After Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast in August
 2005, Molly was found wandering in a pasture in St.
 Charles Parish, Louisiana.  Click 'HERE' to read this
 wonderful true story of this amazing, intelligent horse.
 

Top
Subj:     Man Checks Horses Before Buying (S319, S781)
          From: RFSlick on 3/8/2003
      and From: virv on 11/4/2011
 Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
 He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
 running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump,
 and chest.

 After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you
 doing that?"

 His father replied, "Because I'm buying horses.  I have
 to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape
 before I buy."

 Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry
 home right away."

 "Why?" said his father.

 "Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, I think he
 wants to buy Mom."
 

Top
Subj:     The Mule And The Lion (S516b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/4/2006
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/mulelion.asp
 This true story of a mules encounter with a mountain lion is
 eye opening.  You can read it and see the four pictures by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Going For A Ride With Your Horse (S479c)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 3/24/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view this cute picture by clicking 'HERE'.
 
 

 The United States has never lost a war in which mules
 were used.

From: auntieg on 98-11-14
 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both
 front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the
 horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a
 result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all
 four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
 causes.

From: TAdams on 3/21/2001 (S216)
 "An optimist is someone who, when he finds a pile of manure
 under the Christmas tree, exclaims, "I'm getting a pony!"
   -- Ronald Reagan

From: KMACINTY on 8/13/2002 (S289b)
 Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
 This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."

From: LABLaughs.com on 2/27/2003 (S317b)
 You cannot train a horse with shouts
 and expect it to obey a whisper.

From: igiggle on 5/19/2003 (S329b)
 More people are killed by donkeys every year
 than are killed in plane crashes.

From: igiggle on 1/2/2004 (S365b)
 No matter when a race horse is born, they all
 "become" a year older on New Year's Day.

From: Anonymous Jr. on 11/24/2009 (S672b)
 You know horses are smarter than people.  You never
 heard of a horse going broke betting on people.
   -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
 

From: CatScratch on 3/7/2002 (S267c)
 Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand
    up a horse's ass?
 A: A mechanic!

From: A fellow wood carver on 12/29/04 (S414b)
 Q: How do you make an Appaloosa?
 A: Yu shaka da tree.

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