Subj: Pig Jokes
(Includes 22 jokes and articles, 13731n,7,cf)
Pigs On A Wing from
Also see COWBOY file - 'Cowboy
And Barnyard Pig'
FAIRY TALES - 'Telling Fairy Tales To Your Kids'
FARMER1 file - 'Pig Fucking'
......................- 'Farmer Tries To Insemenate Pigs'
FARMER2 file - 'Farmer Not Raising Hogs'
ITALIAN file - 'Paolo The Carpenter'
JUDGE file - 'Man Sued For 'Pig' Statement'
MARRIAGE6 - 'Marriage Vs Free Milk'
MEXICAN file - 'Two American Pigs And A Mexican'
MUSIC file - 'Britney Spears Scares Wild Boars'
OTHER_ANIMALS- 'Animals Rescue People'
PSYCH-SUPP - 'Draw-A-Pig Personality Test'
POLITICAL-SUP- 'How To Catch Wild Pigs'
POLIT-CLINTON- 'Clinton's Driver Runs Over A Pig'
......................- 'Bill Brings Back Two Pigs'
Squeaky The Ranch Hand (S619)
From: darrellvip on 11/17/2008
to see this movie about a wild boar who
helps herd cattle and protect his rancher.
Subj: Going To Jail Over Pig Toys (S313b)
From: jerry on 1/29/2003
Beginning in April, any pig farmer
in Europe found to have
bored pigs will face three months in prison and a $1,500
fine. By law, farmers must put toys inside every sty and
change the toys when the pigs become bored with any of them.
The animals are entitled to balls, squeaky dolls and other
One farmer has already given
his 1,200 pigs a plastic plane
and a furry teddy bear.
Says one farmer, "The day of
the toy inspector has arrived
and it is not a TV spoof. It is the dictators of Europe
who have thought this up."
The purpose of the rule is to
stop pigs from wanting to
bite each other, presumably because they have nothing
better to do.
UK Sun 28-Jan-03
Subj: City Slicker Buys A Pig (S285, S592c)
From: thebartend on 7/19/2002
A city slicker decided to buy
himself a pig, so he drove to
the country until he saw a sign that said "PIGS FOR SALE".
Turning into the driveway, he
spotted the farmer, told him
what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to
the barn where the farmer picked up a pig by the tail with
his teeth. "Yup, that there swine weighs 74 pounds."
Noting the man's bewilderment,
the farmer explained that
it was a family trait, passed on through generations, to
be able to precisely weigh pigs in that manner. The city
slicker, however, insisted on a second opinion. So the
farmer called his son over and the boy came up with the
The man was ready to buy the
pig on the spot, but the
farmer said to go on up to the house and pay his wife.
The man could then bring the receipt back to the farmer
and take the pig.
After a long wait, the city slicker
finally returned, but
without a receipt. "What's the problem, son?" asked the
"I went up there like you said,"
said the man, "And your
wife was too busy."
"Busy doing what?"
"Well, don't quote me on this,"
he warned, "But I think
she was weighing the milkman."
Subj: Pig Goes Into A Bar (S359b, DU)
From: humorsearch.com on 4/6/99
One day a pig walks into a bar
and says to the bar tender
"give me a beer". So the bar tender does, the pig drinks
it, and then he goes to the washroom, and goes home.
Next day a pig walks into the
bar and says to the bar tender
"give me a beer". So the bar tender does, the pig drinks it,
and then he goes to the washroom and goes home.
Third day in a row a pig walks
into the bar and tells the
bar tender to "give him a beer". So the bar tender does,
the pig drinks it, and then goes to the washroom, and goes
Fourth day in a row a pig walks
into the bar and tells the
bar tender "give me a beer". So the bar tender gives him a
beer, the pig drinks it, goes to the washroom, and goes home.
Fifth day in a row, a pig walks
into the bar and tells the
bar tender "give me a beer". So by now the bar tender is
pretty used to these pigs coming to the bar, so he gives him
a drink. The pig drinks it, and get's ready to go home.
The bar tender is puzzled why it isn't using the washroom so
he says "Aren't you going to use the washroom before you go
The pig looks at him and says..."nah,
the fifth little pig
goes wee wee wee all the way home."
Subj: Personality Test (S70, S705)
From: RFSlick on 98-05-30
YOU MUST NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU DRAW YOUR PICTURE.
On a blank piece of paper draw
a pig. Then scroll down and
read the interpretation of your pig!! Draw your pig first!
And don't look at the next part until you are done!
It won't be fun if you look first!!!
***** > > > YOU'RE NOT CHEATING,
ARE YOU ?????
IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN,
JUST DRAW THE PIG!!! ? ? ? *********
The pig serves as a useful test
of the personality traits
of the drawer.
YOUR PERSONALITY TRAITS
If the pig is drawn:
WHERE ON THE PAPER
Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency
to behave negatively.
Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and
remember dates (birthdays, etc.)
Facing right, you are innovative
and active, but don't have
a strong sense of family, nor do you remember dates.
Facing front (looking at you),
you are direct, enjoy playing
devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.
With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.
With few details, you are emotional
and naive, you care
little for details and are a risk-taker.
With less than 4 legs showing, you may be living
through a period of major change.
With 4 legs showing, you are
secure, stubborn, and
stick to your ideals.
The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better.
The length of the tail indicates the quality of your
sex life!!!! (And again more is better!)
OK, who didn't draw a tail???
Subj: Three Couples At A Cafe (S65, DU)
From: thebartend on 98-04-22
One day three couples in a minivan
are heading to Yellowstone
National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one
is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa. They stop at a little
cafe on the side of the road for breakfast.
Their waitress serves them their
food, and the husband from
Nebraska says, "could you pass the honey honey?" To whom
his wife, hands over the honey.
Then, the husband from Kansas
says " Could you pass the
sugar sugar?" and she passes him the sugar.
The Iowan husband sits there
for a minute, then looks at his
wife and says "Wanna pass me the bacon, pig.
Subj: Blind Dog Meets Blind Pig (DU)
A blind pig met a blind dog,
neither of which knew what
they were themselves. After a bit of discussion the Dog
says to the Pig "Why don't we figure out what each other
is and solve the problem that way". "Fair enough", says
the Pig, "I'll go first".
So the Pig starts to sniff the
Dog. " Well, you have a wet
nose on a fairly long snout, two pointy ears, four legs,
hair all over and a big bushy tail, do you know, I think
you're a dog!".
"Well that's brilliant" says
the Dog, "that's just what I
always wanted to be. Now let me have a sniff of you."
"Well you have a short flat nose,
a squiggly little tail,
short little legs, little beady eyes, very little hair and
a big fat belly on you, I think you're...
Subj: Three Legged Pig Saves Farmer (S129b, S529b)
From: smiles on 6/7/99
Farmer Jones got out of his car
and while heading for his
friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His
curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him
a wooden leg?"
"Well Michael, that's a mighty
special pig! A while back a
wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods.
That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and
chased him away. Saved my life!"
"And the boar tore up his leg?"
"No he was fine after that.
But a bit later we
had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn.
Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck,
woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had
herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"
"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"
"No, Michael. He was a might
winded, though. When my
tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond
I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove
into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did
save my life."
"And that was when he hurt his leg?"
"Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too."
"OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?"
"Well", the farmer tells him,
"A pig like that, you don't
want to eat all at once."
Subj Short Pig Jokes
Subj: Swine Flu In Canned Pork (S653)
From: samhutkins on 7/10/2009
||If you receive an email
Department of Health telling you
not to eat pork packed in a can
because of swine flu - ignore it.
It's just "spam".
How You Catch Swine Flu (S639b)
Herman Comics On Ham Operators (S598c)
The Pink Dachshund (S581b)
on 3/4/2008 (in Dogs-Supp)
A Wild Hog From Florida (S536c)
Tiglets (S499b in Big-CATS)
Pigs are the only mammals besides
humans which can be
sunburned. A hippopotamus also can get a sunburn. A
hippopotamus is related to a pig.
Ben and Jerry's send the waste
from making ice cream to
local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff,
except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.
In Kingsville, Texas, there is
a law against two pigs
having sex on the city's airport property.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #100 on 98-04-22
Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it?
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #318 on 6/25/00
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. ( Note: I bet you'll
never think of a pig in the same way again!)
From: icohen on 98-12-11
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
From: Puneet385 on 9/15/2002 (S294)
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals. -- Sir Winston Churchill
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/27/2008
(S622b in Jobs-Supp)
Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in
mud. After a while you realize that while you are
getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
Q: What is a crafty pig called?
From: DR SWITZER on 98-02-24
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/9/2009 (S650b)
Q: How did the pig go on holiday?
A: The swine flu!