Rats and Mice Jokes
(Includes 21 jokes and articles, 17 1018,9,cf,wXT4,5)
Also see BALLS file - 'Mouse
CHURCH file - 'Rodent Evangelism' - Drawing
COMPUTERS3 - 'New Mouse' - Video
CONDOM file - 'Little Johnny And Dad's Condom'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Cat And Mice Go To Heaven'
LAWYER2 file - 'Lawyers As Test Rats'
Subj: Amanda and Monica Blow Bubbles (S1018)
From: Laney Huda on Facebook on 10/16/13
.........Click 'HERE' to see ten more mouse drawings.
Subj: Two Mice Live In A Movie Warehouse (S727)
From: email@example.com on 12/21/2010
Two mice live in a movie studio
warehouse and are looking
for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.
"What did you find?" he asks.
"I am not sure," comes the answer.
"It looks like a piece
of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see... Ah, yes.
It is from 'Gone with the Wind.'"
"And how is it?"
"Nothing much. The book was better."
Bart Weetjens: How To Teach Rats To
Sniff Out Land Mines (S727d)
From: Wimp.com on 12/17/2010
Bart Weetjens talks about his extra-
ordinary project: training rats to sniff out land mines.
He shows clips of his "hero rats" in action, and previews
his work's next phase: teaching them to turn up tuber-
culosis in the lab. Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful
Subj: Mouse Story (S472b, S687b)
From: gordonschuk on 1/29/2006
Mouse looked through the crack
in the wall to see the farmer
and his wife open a package. "What food might this contain?"
The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a
Retreating to the farmyard, the
mouse proclaimed the warning.
"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in
The chicken clucked and scratched,
raised her head and said,
"Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it
is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and
told him, "There is a mouse-
trap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The pig sympathized, but said,
"I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse,
but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured
you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and
said "There is a mousetrap in
the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The cow said, "Wow, Mr.
Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's
no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the
house, head down and dejected,
to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.
That very night a sound was heard
throughout the house -- like
the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see
what was caught. In the dark-
ness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the
trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the
hospital, and she returned home
with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh
chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard
for the soup's main ingredient.
But his wife's sickness continued,
so friends and neighbours
came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the
farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get
well; she died. So many people
came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to
provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all
from his crack in the wall with
So, the next time you hear someone
is facing a problem and
think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is
threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this
journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another
and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend.
Subj: Sex Maniac Mouse (S235)
From: dogbyte on 7/28/2001
One night a man heard howls coming
from his basement and
went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.
Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's
confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.
The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a
German Shepherd. The man, very excited by this, was dying
to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up
his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse,
screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said
the man. "Wait until I
tell you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his
wife. "And take that sex
maniac with you!"
Subj: Three Mice Bragging In A Bar (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #130 on 98-05-25
Three mice were sitting in a
bar talking about how tough
The first mouse slams a shot
and says, "I play with mouse
traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is
closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or
thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot
and says, "That's nothing.
I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them
just for the fun of it." And with that he slams another
The third mouse slams a shot,
gets up and walks away. The
first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the
third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies,
"Can't hang around
with you wimps. I'm going home to fuck the cat."
Subj: Guinness And The Mouse (S110, DU)
From: thebartend on 99-03-06
Some Guinness was spilt on the
When the pub was shut for the night.
When out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy foam
from the floor
Then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long, you could hear the mouse roar,
"Bring on the goddamn cat!"
Subj: Snake Drawing (S399b)
From: Imogenelumen on 6/26/2004
Subj: A Tourist And The Rat Sculpture (S27, S642c)
From: Yzmir's HUMOR LISTS Updated 5/22/1997
and From: jbcary1 on 10/18/2004
(Also see 'Red Pigeon In Phoenix' in BIRDS)
A tourist wanders into a back-alley
antique shop in San
Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on
display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze
sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and
unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what
"Twelve dollars for the rat,
sir," says the shop owner,
"and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old
man," he replies, "but I'll
take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist
leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As
he crosses the street in front of the store, two live
rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind
him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to
walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain,
more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked
two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and
people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and
soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from
sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats
by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the
waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts
to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats
keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but
millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the
water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is
behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light
post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze
rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he
can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the
light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide
of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where
Shaken and mumbling, he makes
his way back to the antique
shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story,"
says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "I was
wondering if you have a
Ellen Gareckie's Mice Drawings (S876d)
From: Laney Huda on Facebook on 10/16/13
Photo from Amazon.com...
Ellen was born in Bennington,
Vermont in 1959. As a child,
she spent much of her spare time drawing. She also kept a
variety of pets throughout her childhood, which included a
pig named Pipsqueak (who was raised on a bottle) a quail,
some lizards and, of course, mice. When Ellen was introduced
to her first mouse, it was love at first sight, and the
beginning of a lifelong interest, which would eventually
lead to the creation of House-Mouse Designs®.
In college and looking for money
for a trip to Europe in 1980,
Ellen followed the advice of her boyfriend, Barry Percy, and
created several pen-and-ink drawings of her pet mouse, Tiny,
to sell at a craft show. Twenty-six years later, their
business is making a darned good living for them.
||to see ten of Ellen's mouse drawings.|
Everyone has a bad day! (S550)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/6/2007
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Blind Rat Has Sex (S483b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/26/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Family of Mice Caught By Cat (S318)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/2/2003
A family of mouse were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse
jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was
that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's
important to learn a second language."
When You're Down And Out (S464b)
From: darrell94590 on 12/12/2005
Mouse Songs (S462b)
From: Science News on 11/26/2005
Subj: Popsicle Stick Riddle (S822)
................Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632
..........Click 'HERE' to see all 22 riddles.
From: ICohen on 3/13/2001 (S215)
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
In L.A., California it is illegal
to set a mousetrap without
a hunting license....
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 5/5/2003
Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature
immediately comes up with a better mouse. -- James Carswell
From: DoctorDebt on 6/2/2003 (S322b)
It has recently been discovered that
research causes cancer in rats.