Subj: Other Animal Jokes
(Includes 70 jokes and articles, 18 1027n,15,cf,wYT3,13)
Click "HERE" for Other-Animals2
AGAG Animation Gallery
Also see ALLIGATORS - 'Florida
Airport Work Site'
ASCII ART I - 'ASCII Dragon'
......................- 'ASCII Bat'
AUSTRALIAN - 'Lost Australian Sheep'
......................- 'Australian Bushman First Time With Woman'
BALLS file - 'A Squirrel's Balls Caught' - 2 Photos
......................- 'Lobsters In The Pants'
BAR-ANIMALS - (see whole file)
BIOLOGY file - 'What a Wonderful World w/David Attenborough' - BBC Video
BIRDS file - 'The Buzzard, Bat, And Bumblebee'
......................- (see all files)
BIRDS-SUPP - 'Larytta, Animal Kaleidoscope' - Video
BUGS-ETC - 'Lessons Learned From Worms'
.........CARS-SUPP - 'Reason I'm Late For Work'
......................- 'Tundra Comics' w/Beavers
CARTOONS file- 'Coyote Catches Roadrunner' - Video
......................- 'Coyote Catches Roadrunner II' - Video
CARTOON-SUPP - 'Donald Duck: Daddy Duck 1948' - Video
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Reindeer Antlers'
CHURCH-SUPP - 'Squirrels Invade Three Churches'
COLLEGE-SUPP - 'Goats On The Cal Poly Campus'
COMPUTER-SUPP- 'Computer Problems'
......................- 'The Floys'
COMPUTER-SUP3- 'Whale Hologram In Gym' - Video
DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Repaving The Highway'
DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Rattlesnake Catch'
......................- 'Shooting Raccoons'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Doctor Sleeps With Patient'
DOG3 file - 'The Secret Life Of Pets Trailer'
.........DOG-SUPP2 - 'Labrador and Dolphin Swim Together' - Video
.........DRINKING file- 'Beer And Brain Cells'
.........DWARFS file - 'Seven Dwarfs Meet The Pope'
ELDERLY2-SUPP- 'Carrying Bucket, Anvil, 2 Chickens, and a Goose'
ELDERLY4-SUPP- 'A Group Of Elderly Tour Holland'
FACTS3 file - 'WGASA Bush Line'
......................- 'Silver Bullet:'
FACTS4 file - 'Marauding Moose'
FISHING2 file- 'A Shark's Love'
......................- 'Redneck Fisherman Sees Snake'
......................- (See whole file)
FOOTBALL file- 'Man w/Dachshund Goes To A Bar'
FOOTBALL-SUPP- 'Jim Harbaugh And Siku Do Push-Ups' - Video
FUNERAL file - 'Little Tommy's Fish Dies'
Ghosts file - 'Professor Talks About Ghosts'
.........GOLF2 file - 'Squirrel Golf'
HARLEY file - 'The Biker And The Squirrel'
HEAD-ADS-SUP2- 'Three Mountain Dew Ads With Felicia The Goat' 4 Videos
HOOKER2 file - 'Vet's Mother Donates Money To Church'
HORSE file - 'Chicken And Horse Get Stuck'
HUNTING file - 'Father Takes Son Hunting'
JOBS2 file - 'Corporate Lessons'
LAWYER2 file - 'Lawyers As Test Rats'
MOVIES/TV/PLY- 'Pets On Stage'
NATIONAL2 - 'Congresswoman Flies To Rhino, New York'
NUDIST file - 'Chameleon By Johannes Stotter' - Video
OTHER PPS - 'Extraordinary Nature Photos'
PENIS1 file - 'Drug Makes Your Dick Last'
POLICE2 file - 'Police Stop Man w/Penguin'
POLIT-BUSH-SU- 'Bush Is A 'Post Turtle''
RABBIT file - 'The Rabbit Vs The Snake' - Video
......................- 'Rabbit Running Through Forrest'
......................- 'Bambi And Thumper Do Exist'
RELIGION2 - 'Discussing Jonah And The Whale'
SANTA file - 'Santa's Reindeer'
SEX1 file - 'A Taste Of Life'
SEX2 file - 'Elk Sex' - Photo/Joke
SEX3 file - 'Animal Sex Facts'
.........SHERLOCKHOLMS- 'Sherlock Holmes Riddle'
SHIT file - 'Two Airplane Passengers Talk
SOLDIER2 file- 'Special Camouflage Unit'
SOUTHERN - 'Taxidermist In Alabama Bar'
SWIMMING file- 'Surfer Almost Swallowed by Whale' - Video
WORD-JOKES2 - 'Two Weevils Grew Up'
WORD_JKS-SUPP- 'Non Sequitur Cartoon'
Subj: Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S793)
By Wiley Miller on 3/23/2012
Subj: Turtle Climbs A Tree (S470b, S741)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/18/2006
A baby turtle was standing at
the bottom of a large tree and
with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he
reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He
turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off
On landing at the bottom in a
pile of soft, dead leaves, he
shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and
with a sigh started to climb. About an hour later, he again
reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread
his flippers and flung himself off the branch.
Again, he landed on the bottom,
shook himself off, went to
the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from
the end of the branch were
two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said,
"Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"
The Llama Song (S469b,d)
by Burton Earny on 1/15/2006
Source: (Removed from albinoblacksheep.com)
This video is a very catchy little
song with pictures.
You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Animals Rescue People (S405b)
From: DafterLafter on 10/21/2004
I could not find any references
to these stories at
Urban Legends Reference Pages at http://snopes.com/.
So I doubt these stories are true.
Priscilla the pig of Houston,
Texas rescued an 11-year-old
boy from drowning. Priscilla spotted Anthony Melton swim-
ming in Lake Somerville and noticed he was having trouble.
She swam out to him, used her snout to keep his head above
water until he could hold on to her collar, and then dragged
him to shore.
Carletta the cow saved her owner,
Bruno Cipriano of Tuscany
in when she charged at a boar that was about to attack him
and butted it with her horns.
Bracken the Collie saved his
owner, Ian Elliot, when he was
chopping down trees on his Canadian farm and a pine tree
crashed on to him breaking his back. Bracken lay across him
to maintain his body temperature. When Bracken heard voices
in the distance, he ran to the men and led them back to his
A school of dolphins saved Adam
Maguire when he was surfing
near Sydney and was attacked by a shark. As the shark moved
in for the kill it was distracted by a school of dolphins
thrashing around in the water. To prevent the shark reaching
Maguire, then dolphins then swam around him in circles until
his friends had managed to rescue him.
Subj: Hamster Jokes (S381b)
From: igiggle on 5/12/2004
Q: Where does a hamster go for
Q: When do hamsters run away
A: When its raining cats and dogs!
Q: What's gray and furry on the
inside and white on the outside?
A: A hamster sandwich!
Q: What do you call a hamster
that can pick up an elephant?
Taking Little Johnny To The Other Zoo
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/29/2003 (S336b)
from Yahoo! Images
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have
a good time?" asked his
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked
it," exclaimed Little Johnny
excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing
home at 30 to 1!"
The Penguin Show (S477d, S681b)
From: igiggle on 3/5/2006
This is one way to get your message
across in a SWF video.
The source will show you how to put your message in the
video, but it loads very slowly, or you can view my message
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Snake Sees Doctor For Glasses (S257b)
From: dogbyte on 1/2/2002
An old snake goes to see his
Doctor. "Doc, I need something
for my eyes, I can't see very well these days."
The Doc fixes him up with a pair
of glasses and tells him
to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks
and tells the doctor he's
Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, but
I just discovered I've been
living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Subj: Choosing A Family Pet (S241b)
From: pns on 9/5/2001
A pet can be a wonderful addition
to a household, but it's
important to choose one that's right for your family. Here
are some tips for making the right choice.
Pets eventually grow old and
die, causing your children
great emotional trauma. Be sure to only choose pets which
will outlive them, such as the giant Pacific sea tortoise.
Select a pet with which you can
experience both eros and
Be sure to check for the appropriate
number of limbs
before you get your new pet home.
Don't forget: Poodles are for big, flaming faggots.
Pets soiling the rug in your
house will only be a
problem if they are given food and water.
Pick any pet you like. If you
later decide you don't
like it, simply kill it and feed it to your next
"try-out" pet. Repeat as many times as necessary until
you find the perfect pet for your family.
Pets are loving, trusting creatures.
Do not treat them
with the same cruelty and neglect you do your children.
Though most experts advocate
spaying or neutering your
pet, it's expensive, it's a big hassle, and it screws
with your pet's mind. To hell with spaying and neutering.
Don't choose a pet that is larger
than your family can
handle, unless you have plenty of room to store the
Only choose a pet you are reasonably
confident you can
defeat in hand-to-hand struggle, in case of food-chain-
For a fun and low-maintenance
pet, consider a "jar cat."
Place a kitten in a 16-ounce jar and seal the lid. Your
new pet won't get any bigger and will never run away or
get into fights.
Before letting your children
play with their brand-new
pet, remove potentially dangerous teeth and claws with
a hand-held rotating saw.
For those parents concerned about
the added expense a
pet brings, remember: Many pets and children may be fed
to one another.
Pet ownership is a great way
to teach children about the
entire cycle of life, from the miracle of birth to the
inevitability of death. An efficient parent can teach
these important lessons in about three hours.
Don't underestimate the fun and
excitement your family
can derive from The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys - just add
water and see them come to life!
Remind your children that pet
ownership is a privilege
they earn through good behavior. If they do not live up
to this responsibility, take the pet away by sacrificing
it in an elaborate ceremony involving candles, knives,
readings from the Book Of Numbers, and the ritual
consumption of the pet's roasted corpse.
Remember, pets need regular food,
exercise, love, and
attention. You probably should not be allowed to own one.
Deers In A Fire (S405)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 10/21/2004
Source: (Removed from dump.com)
You can view this spectacular,
large, JPG picture
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Taking A Load Of Penguins To The Zoo (S153, S488)
From: OKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 01/04/2000
and From: darrell94590 on 5/30/2006
(Also see 'Police Stop Man w/Penguin' in POLICE2)
Kimo is a bus driver for the
Honolulu Transit Company. One
day Kimo is headed to work on his bus route, when he runs
across a delivery van stranded at the side of the road. The
van driver works for the Honolulu Zoo. He pleads with Kimo
to do him a favor.
He offers a $100 bill to Kimo
to help him deliver a truckload
of penguins to the zoo, because they needed to be there within
the hour. Agreeing, Kimo proceeds to load two dozen penguins
onto his bus. Then, off they drive towards the zoo.
An hour later, the delivery driver
gets his van fixed and heads
off to the zoo to catch up with his delivery. As he's driving
down the road, he see's Kimo and the busload of penguins heading
in the opposite direction. He turns his van around and chases
in pursuit. He finally catches up to the bus and pulls over
Kimo on the side of the road. In an irate voice he asks, "Hey,
Kimo. I thought I gave you a $100 dollars to go and take the
penguins to the zoo for me?"
"Calm down," Kimo says.
"I took the penguins to the zoo. We
had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies!"
Dam Building (DU)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/28/98
To read these two letters between
the Enviromental Quality
Department and a land owned, click 'HERE'.
Subj: Man Buys Toothless Hampster (S152)
From: RFSlick on 12/29/1999
Larry walks into a pet store
and says, "My dog ran away, so
I need another one."
The store owner says, "You don't want a dog, too much hassle.
I've got the perfect thing for you...a toothless hamster."
Larry says, "Why would I want a a toothless hamster?"
The owner says, "Take out your prick and I'll show you."
Larry takes out his cock, the owner puts the hamster down by
his crotch, the hamster lunges out, locks on, and gives Larry
the best blow job he's ever had. Needless to say, he buys it.
He goes home, walks in the door, and sets the hamster down on
the kitchen floor.
His wife jumps up on a chair and screams, "Yikes! What the hell
Larry says, "Never mind what it is. Teach it to cook and then
get the fuck out."
Subj: A Lion In The London Zoo (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #235 on 98-03-09 (S58)
A lion in the London zoo was
lying in the sun licking its
arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said, "that's
a docile old thing, isn't it?"
"No way," said the keeper, "its
the most ferocious beast
in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian
tourist into the cage and completely devoured him."
"Hardly seems possible." said
the astonished visitor, "Why
is it lying there licking its arse?"
"The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth."
Subj: Two Goats Eat Film (S03)
Two goats were snooping around
the back lot of a Hollywood
movie studio when they came upon a can of film. One goat
devoured the can and film. His companion watched him and,
when he had finished, asked, "How was it?"
The first goat replied, "Frankly, the book was better!"
Professional Competency Test (S157, S600)
From: dhatch on 02/01/2000
Also called 'Simple Quiz for Professionals or
How about competent, do you feel
competent in today's
high pressure world. Chick 'HERE' to take this cute
four question test.
Subj: Short Animal Jokes
3 Confused Squirrels (S474)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/7/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Just Checking In (S473c)
From: darrell94590 on 2/6/2006
Subj: The Cost Of Having A Pet Turtle (S296b)
From: jerry on 10/3/2002
A Helsingborg, Sweden, apartment tenant provided his pet
turtle with a steady stream of tap water at a steady
temperature of 97F (36C) for 18 straight months. The
cost of the 5,000 cubic meters of water used for the
turtle and the 160,000 KWh of heating, along with costs
incurred by the landlord to try to find out why his water
and heating bills were skyrocketing, came to $15,100.
Turtle man has agreed to pay
these costs and has stopped
running the water.
Reuters via Yahoo News 2-Oct-02
Talking Deer Video (S473b,d)
From: auntiegah on 2/4/2006 (in Hunting)
Friday vs Monday (S459d - in Job-Stuff)
From: chrisdaddyg on 11/4/2005
Subj: Whale Watching In Australia (S289)
From: jerry on 8/12/2002
"Australia has become a Mecca for whale watchers and
scientists. Up to 100 a day can be seen at Cape Byron,
Australia's most easterly mainland point. 'Every year
they come up, mate and give birth and you see a lot of
activity,' said the Southern Cross Center for Whale
Research director David Paton."
Amazing Snake Photo (S457b)
..........From: darrell94590 on 10/27/2005
You can view this amazing photo by clicking 'HERE'.
From: RFSlick on 9/9/2005
Subj: Cobra Bites Man And Cobra Dies (S285b)
From: jerry on 7/17/2002
Cobra bites man. Man bites cobra. Man wins.
A black cobra bit an Indian farm
laborer, working in a
paddy field. In retaliation the man chased the cobra
through the field, grabbed it, and bit a piece of its
spine and windpipe off, killing the snake. He survived
after taking the snake to the hospital where they were
able to match the snake species with the appropriate
"Hansda's mental strength to
chase, catch and bite the
fleeing cobra for a tooth-for-tooth retaliation is really
rare," said the doctor.
Hippo's New Mom (S443)
From: RFSlick on 7/18/2005
You can view the Hippo's new mom by clicking 'HERE'.
A Great White (S439)
From: darrell94590 on 6/23/2005
Subj: Activists Against Vegetarianism (S275c)
From: jerry on 5/7/2002
News Item: An Oregon State University animal rights
activist denounces vegetarianism because mice, moles
and rabbits are often killed in the preparation of
farmland to grow vegetables.
You might want to stop eating until we sort this out.
Taken verbatim from the QT column
in the Chicago Sun-Times
The Good Morning Squirrel (S410b,d)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/01/2004
This is a very cute animated GIF with music.
Two Penguins - Animated GIF (S392b)
From: jbcary1 on 8/4/2004
Each one of us feels like doing
to at least one person a day.
Subj: Squirrel Fishing (S363b)
From: igiggle on 1/2/2004
I don't know how Becky comes up with so many sites for
good, clean fun. Go to the site below to view the sport
Subj: Three Moles Smell The Air (S178, S553b)
From: collins2 on 6/27/00
and From: darrellvip on 8/23/2007
There were three moles burrowing underneath the interstate
when they decided to go up for a breath of fresh air. They
popped up beside a busy intersection where pappa mole said,
"Hey, I think we're near a Waffle House... I can smell waffles
Mamma Mole said, "I think you're
right dear... I can smell
bacon frying." She asked the baby mole, "What do you think
Baby Mole said, "I don't know
mamma, from down here all I
can smell is molasses."
Subj: Lions And Gazelle's (S170)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 5/7/00
"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it
must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every
morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun
the slowest gazelle or it will starve. It doesn't matter
whether you're a lion or a gazelle--when the sun comes up,
you'd better be running."
Subj: Two Seals And The Valdez Oil Spill (S587b)
From: darrellvip on 4/19/2008
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the
Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special
ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were
released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from
onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer
This is a good story, but Snopes.com
says it is just an urban
legend at http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/fakenews.asp
|Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009|
Snopes.com says that this story
is just an urban legend at
In the last 4000 years, no new
animals have been
Carnivorous animals will not
eat another animal that
has been hit by a lightning strike.
An animal epidemic is called an epizootic.
All porcupines float in water.
When opossums are playing 'possum,
they are not "playing."
They actually pass out from sheer terror.
Armadillos have four babies at
a time and they are always
all the same sex.
Armadillos are the only animal
besides humans that can
If you bring a raccoon's head
to the Henniker, New
Hampshire town hall, you are entitled to receive
$.10 from the town.
From LAWS file.
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed
to have sex with
animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual
relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(OK, like THAT makes sense)
A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does
not allow moose to have
sex on city streets.
In Oklahoma whale hunting is
strictly forbidden throughout
the entire state...
From: humorlist-digest V2 #1 on 98-01-01
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
From: Return To Mars by Ben Bova (S136)
Behold the lowly turtle, he only makes
progress when he sticks his neck out.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #92 on 98-04-14
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into
From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
Reindeer like to eat bananas.
"I think animal testing is a
terrible idea; they get all
nervous and give the wrong answers." -- Unknown
"No animal should ever jump up
on the dining-room furniture
unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the
conversation." -- Fran Lebowitz
From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
I love defenceless animals, especially in a good gravy
From: humorlist-digest V2 #118 on 98-05-13
My brother-in-law is in danger of losing his license to
He was caught having sex with some of his patients.
It's such a shame.
He was the best veterinarian in town.
From: ossama on 98-06-01
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Save the whales. Harpoon a fat chick.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #309 on 6/24/99
So a baby seal walks into a club...
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
A female ferret will die if it goes into
heat and cannot find a mate.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
From: Mark Taylor on 7/5/99
Never invest in anything that you have to paint or feed.
-- J. Paul Getty
From: KMACINTY on 11/5/2002 (S301b)
The average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm
when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it
into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean
every time one unloads. And you wonder why the ocean is
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/20/2006 (S470b)
"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while."
-- Ansel Adams
Bawdy.Net Collage #247 on 98-05-16
Q: Why do mice have such tiny balls?
A: Because so very few of them can dance.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #253 on 98-06-11
Q: What is it that a Goose can do, a duck can't do,
and a lawyer won't do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
From: JBCARY1 on 7/16/2002 (S285b)
Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
A: Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
From: igiggle on 1/28/2006 (S472b)
Q: Why did the goldfish age?
A: It lost the g.
...........................From Zoo World