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Subj:     Letters to Santa           From: ginafm on 12/4/2007   Wreath from PageWorks...

 Dear Santa, 
 I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud 
 boy all yeer. yer Frend, BiLLy 

 Dear Billy, 
 Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. 
 How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to 
 read  and write?  I'm giving your older brother the space 
 ranger.  At least HE can spell! 
 Santa 
 ________________________________________ 

 Dear Santa, 
 I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask 
 for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! 
 Love, Sarah 

 Dear Sarah, 
 Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? 
 Santa 
 ________________________________________ 

 Dear Santa, 
 I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd 
 like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.  Please 
 see what you can do. 
 Love, Teddy 

 Dear Teddy, 
 Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door 
 in a hurricane.  Do you think he's gonna give that up to 
 come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? 
 It's time to give up that dream.  Let me get you some nice 
 Legos instead. 
 Santa 
 ________________________________________ 

 Dear Santa, 
 I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, 
 a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba. 
 Love, Francis 

 Dear Francis, 
 Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?  I bet you're gay; 
 I'll set you up with a Barbie. 
 Santa 

 Dear Santa, 
 I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I 
 left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. 
 Love, Susan 

 Dear Susan, 
 Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in 
 my face when riding in the sleigh.  You want to do me a 
 favor?  Leave me a bottle of scotch. 
 Santa 
 ________________________________________ 

 Dear Santa, 
 What do you do the other 364 days of the year?  Are you 
 busy making toys? 
 Your friend, Thomas 

 Dear Thomas, 
 All the toys are made in China.  I have a condo in 
 Vegas,  where I spend most of my time making low-budget 
 porno films.  I unwind by drinking myself silly and 
 squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing 
 money at the craps table.  Hey, you wanted to know. 
 Santa 
 ________________________________________ 

 Dear Santa, 
 Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know 
 when we're awake, like in the song? 
 Love, Jessica 

 Dear Jessica, 
 Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? 
 Good luck in whatever you do.  I'm skipping your house. 
 Santa 
 ________________________________________ 

 Dear Santa, 
 I really really want a puppy this year.  Please please 
 please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? 
 Timmy 

 Timmy, 
 That whiney begging shit may work with your over-indulgent 
 folks, but that crap doesn't work with me.  You're getting 
 a sweater again. 
 Santa 
 ________________________________________ 

 Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how 
 do you get into our home? 
 Love, Marky 

 Mark, 
 First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're 
 getting your ass whipped at school.  Second, you don't 
 live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. 
 Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, 
 through your bedroom window. 
 Sweet Dreams, Santa

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Subj:     Words Of Wisdom
          From: RFSlick on 7/10/00 and 11/24/2003 
     and From: darrellvip on 12/4/2007

 They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of 
 saying so much with so few words. Enjoy....... 

 I've learned that the best classroom in the world is at the 
 feet of an elderly person. 

 I've learned that when you're in love, it shows. 

 I've learned that just one person saying to me, "You've made 
 my day!" makes my day. 

 I've learned that having a child fall asleep in your arms is 
 one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. 

 I've learned that being kind is more important than being right. 

 I've learned that you should never say no to a gift from a child. 

 I've learned that I can always pray for someone when I don't 
 have the strength to help him in some other way. 

 I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires 
 you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 

 I've learned that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to 
 hold and a heart to understand. 

 I've learned that simple walks with my father around the block on 
 summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. 

 I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper.  The 
 closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. 

 I've learned that we should be glad God doesn't give us 
 everything we ask for. 

 I've learned that money doesn't buy class. 

 I've learned that it's those small daily happenings that make 
 life so spectacular. 

 I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who 
 wants to be appreciated and loved. 

 I've learned that the Lord didn't do it all in one day.  What 
 makes me think I can? 

 I've learned that to ignore the facts does not change the facts. 

 I've learned that when you plan to get even with someone, you 
 are only letting that person continue to hurt you. 

 I've learned that love, not time, heals all wounds. 

 I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is 
 to surround myself with people smarter than I am. 

 I've learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted 
 with a smile. 

 I've learned that there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with 
 your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks. 

 I've learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love
 with them. 

 I've learned that life is tough, but I'm tougher. 

 I've learned that opportunities are never lost; someone will take 
 the ones you miss. 

 I've learned that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will 
 dock elsewhere. 

 I've learned that I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her 
 one more time before she passed away. 

 I've learned that one should keep his words both soft and tender, 
 because tomorrow he may have to eat them. 

 I've learned that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. 

 I've learned that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what 
 I do about it. 

 I've learned that when your newly born grandchild holds your little 
 finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. 

 I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but 
 all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. 

 I've learned that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; 
 when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation. 

 I've learned that the less time I have to work with, the more things 
 I get done. 

 ~Andy Rooney~

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Subj:     Other Bridge Columns
          by Phillip Alder
          From: 2007 Engagement Calendar

 The main thing this bridge hand illustrates is finding out 
 which opponent has the key missing cards.

 http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column14.html

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