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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #574
         Date: 2/3/2008
 

"Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what
 they think laughable." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
 

The best jokes I receive each week are from you folks.
If you get a good joke please pass it on to me, I enjoy
a good laugh and it cut down the work.  If you don't get
you Sunday Laughs, or want a back issue, drop me a note.
 
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     Using A Caulking Gun Correctly
          From: tom on 1/13/2008

 This Saturday Night Live skit is cute.  Click below
 to view it.

 http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/contr-caulk.html

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Subj:     Redneck Power Windows
          From: rfslick on 1/15/2008

 This 2,600 KB movie is too cute to miss.  Click below to see it.

 http://jokelibrary.net/people/red/supp-windows.html

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Subj:     Bizarro's Comics On Lawyers
          From: WashingtonPost on 1/16/2004
 Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving
       /comics/king_bizarro.html?name=Bizarro

 You can view this cute, strange, comic strip on my web site 
 by clicking below.

 http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/law1-air_bag.html

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Subj:     Irish Toasts And Blessings
          From: smiles on 3/16/00 

          May those who love us love us. 
           And those that don't love us, 
            May God turn their hearts. 
        And if He doesn't turn their hearts, 
            May he turn their ankles, 
        So we'll know them by their limping. 
 

            May you live as long as you want, 
           And never want as long as you live. 
 

             May your glass be ever full. 
      May the roof over your head be always strong. 
               And may you be in heaven 
     half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. 
 

               Always remember to forget 
              The things that made you sad. 
              But never forget to remember 
             The things that made you glad. 

               Always remember to forget 
             The friends that proved untrue. 
              But never forget to remember 
              Those that have stuck by you. 

                Always remember to forget 
              The troubles that passed away. 
               But never forget to remember 
             The blessings that come each day. 
 

       May the enemies of Ireland never meet a friend. 
 

 Used at Patricia Maureen Duvall's funeral on June 5,2002

                May the road rise to meet you. 
             May the wind be always at your back. 
            May the sun shine warm upon your face. 
             And rains fall soft upon your fields. 
                    And until we meet again, 
          May God hold you in the hollow of His hand. 
 

                    Here's to you and yours 
                     And to mine and ours. 
                     And if mine and ours 
              Ever come across to you and yours, 
                 I hope you and yours will do 
                  As much for mine and ours 
                 As mine and ours have done 
                      For you and yours! 
 

             May the roof above us never fall in. 
     And may the friends gathered below it never fall out. 
 

           Here's a toast to your enemies' enemies! 
 

          May you have warm words on a cold evening, 
                 A full moon on a dark night, 
        And the road downhill all the way to your door. 
 

             May there be a generation of children 
               On the children of your children. 
 

              May you live to be a hundred years, 
                With one extra year to repent! 
 

               May the Lord keep you in His hand 
              And never close His fist too tight. 
 

                May your neighbors respect you, 
                     Trouble neglect you, 
                    The angels protect you, 
                    And heaven accept you. 
 

                When we drink, we get drunk. 
              When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 
            When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. 
            When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. 
          So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven! 
 

                    Here's to your coffin! 
      May your coffin have six handles of finest silver! 
     May your coffin be carried by six fair young maids! 
         And may your coffin be made of finest wood 
                  from a  100-year-old tree, 
                 that I'll go plant tomorrow! 
 

 From: RFSlick on 3/17/2003 

 May there always be work for your hands to do; 
 May your purse always hold a coin or two; 
 May the sun always shine on your windowpane; 
 May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain; 
 May the hand of a friend always be near you; 
 May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

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Subj:     Last Wish Before A Plane Crash
          From: woneye on 4/9/2003
      and From: ginafm on 1/12/2008

 A passenger plane on a cross the country trip runs into a
 terrible storm.  The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind
 and lightening.  The passengers are screaming.  They are
 sure the plane is going to crash and they are all going to
 die.

 At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and
 exclaims, "I can't take this anymore!  I can't just sit
 here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair.  If I
 am going to die, let me die feeling like a woman.  Is there
 anyone here man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

 A man stands up in the rear of the plane.  "I can make you
 feel like a woman," he says.  He's gorgeous.  Tall, built,
 with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to
 walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button
 at a time.  No one moves.  The woman is breathing heavily
 in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

 He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as
 he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to
 the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this. Then get
 me a beer."

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Subj:     The Golden Throne
          From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/26/97 

 This missionary got sent to evangelize among the Fuzzie 
 Wuzzies on Bongo Bongo but was having little success.  He 
 approached the King of the Fuzzie Wuzzies to see what 
 would be necessary to engender his cooperation.  The King 
 had seen pictures of European kings and queens sitting on 
 thrones, and he told the missionary that he would have the 
 entire tribe convert if only he could have a golden throne. 
 The missionary wrote home to the Home Mission Board to tell 
 them of this marvelous opportunity; could they please send 
 him a golden throne?  So they sent him one (okay, it wasn't 
 solid gold, but the King liked it a lot), and the whole 
 tribe converted and the missionary was a big success. 

 In his later years, however, the King of the Fuzzie Wuzzies 
 got kind of arthritic and decided that sitting on his hard 
 old golden throne was exacerbating his aches and pains, so 
 he stashed the throne up in the attic of his little grass 
 shack.  Sure enough, one day the throne came crashing 
 through the ceiling and squashed the old King of the Fuzzie 
 Wuzzies. 

 Which only goes to show that people who live in grass 
 houses shouldn't stow thrones. 

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Laughing Smiley from
flovilla on 9/23/2005

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