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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #574b
         Date: 2/3/2008

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Subj:     Andy Roddick - Greatest Ace Ever
          From: mauryschu on 1/15/2008
 Source: http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=22327

 You can view this great tennis shot at the source above, or 
 on my web by clicking below.

 http://jokelibrary.net/sports/a_to_z/tennis-roddick.html

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Subj:     Maxine On A Shoulder To Cry On
          From: darrellvip on 1/14/2008

 You can view this cute Maxine Cartoon on my site 
 by clicking below.

 http://jokelibrary.net/education/after_m/psych-supp-shoulder.html

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Subj:     If You're Having A Bad Day
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-10-16 and 9/15/2003
      and From: darrellvip on 1/13/2008

 This is great!  You will get a kick out of this...

 For all of us who occasionally have a really bad day when
 we just need to take it out on someone!!!  Don't take that
 bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone
 you DON'T know!!!

 Now get this.  I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered
 a phone call I had to make.  I found the number and dialed
 it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

 I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I
 please speak to Robin Carter?"  He rudely said NO!, and
 hung up on me.

 I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She
 had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.

 After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number
 still lying there on my desk.  I decided to call it again.
 When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're
 a jackass!" and hung up.

 Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and
 put it in my desk drawer.  Every couple of weeks, when I
 was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him
 up.  He'd answer, and the I'd yell, "You're a jackass!",
 it would always cheer me up.

 Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID.
 This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to
 stop calling the jackass.  Then one day I had an idea.
 I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."  I
 made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the
 telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're
 familiar with our caller ID program?"

 He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.  I quickly
 called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

 The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to
 show you how if there's ever anything really bothering
 you, you can do something about it.

 Just dial 823-4863.

 [Keep reading, it gets better.]

 The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out
 of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going
 to leave.  Finally, her car began to move and she started
 to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up little
 more to give her plenty of room to pull out.  Great, I
 thought, she's finally leaving.

 All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the
 parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her
 space.  I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't
 just do that, Buddy. I was here first!"

 The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me.
 He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.  I
 thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot
 of jackasses in this world.  I noticed he had a "For Sale"
 sign in the back window of his car.  I wrote down the
 number.  Then I hunted for another place to park.

 A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk.  I
 had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and
 yelling, "You're jackass!" (It's really easy to call him
 now since I have his number on speed dial.)  I noticed the
 phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my
 desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

 After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said,
 "Hello."  I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro
 for sale?"

 "Yes, it is."

 "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

 "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street.  It's a yellow house
 and the car's parked right out front."

 I said, "What's your name?"

 "My name is Don Hansen."

 "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

 "I'm home in the evenings."

 "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

 "Yes,"

 "Don, you're a jackass!"  I slammed the phone down.  After
 I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

 For a while things seemed to be going better for me.  Now
 when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call.

 After several months of calling the jackasses and hanging
 up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
 I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with
 a solution.

 First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1.  A man answered
 nicely saying, "Hello."

 I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.

 The jackass said, "Are you still there?"

 I said, "Yeah."

 He said, "Stop calling me."

 I said, "No."

 He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

 I said, "Don Hansen."

 He said "Where do you live?"

 "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black
 Camaro's parked out front."

 "I'm coming over right now, Don.  You'd better start saying
 your prayers."

 "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

 Then I called Jackass #2.

 He answered, "Hello."

 I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

 He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

 "You'll what?"

 "I'll kick your butt."

 "Well, here's your chance.  I'm coming over right now
 Jackass!"  I hung up.  I picked up the phone and called
 the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street
 and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he
 got home.

 Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going
 on down W. 34th Street.

 After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
 Street to watch the whole thing.  Glorious!  If you want
 to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other
 in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped
 it off the evening news.

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Smiley and eyebrows from
Imogenelumen on 12/17/2003

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