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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #578b
Date: 3/2/2008

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Subj:     Jack Nicholson Endorses Hillary

Action Jack Nicholson and his many movie personas endorse
Hillary Clinton in this cute video.  Click on the source,
or click below to view the movie on my web site.

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Subj:     Balloon Twisting Dresses
From: ginafm on 2/5/2008

Look at how far twisting balloons has come in these
seventeen pictures.  Click below to view.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/bal/balloon.html

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Subj:     A Little Blonde Test
From: tom on 2/2/2008

Look closely at the picture and decide which model is a
below to start.

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Subj:     Invisible Mother
From: ginafm on 2/17/2008

You can read this wonderful, long, heart warming story on
my web site by clicking below.

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Subj:     Math Prob-Birds And Ice Cream
From: dscott on 97-06-30
and From: Imogenelumen on 11/20/2003

Little Johnny is attending his math class when teacher asks
him a question: "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on
a fence and you shot one with your rifle, how many would be
left?"

"None," says Johnny, "because the rest would fly away."

"Well the answer is four," says teacher, "but I like the way
you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for now: If there were
three women eating ice cream cones entering a shop, one was
licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the
third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Well" says teacher, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"Not quite," says little Johnny, "the one with the wedding
ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

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Subj:     The Vicar's Salary
From: hellgunner50 on 2/7/2008

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to
leave.  Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the
area, stands up and proclaims: "If the Vicar stays, I will
provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with
a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.  Sam
Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and
says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double
his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee private
secondary school education of his children!"

More sighs and loud applause.  Agnes Jones, age 88, stands
and announces with a smile, if the Vicar stays, I will give
him sex."

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever
possessed you to say that?"

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide,
holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies: "Well,
I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,
"F### the Vicar."

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Subj:     18 Things I've Learned By Dave Barry
From: spyda on 3/24/2001
and From: tom on 2/7/2008

18 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry

1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its
full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all
of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity,
He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take
it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always
one individual who perceives a solution and is willing
to take command.  Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe
that we are above average drivers.

17. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.

18. Your friends love you anyway.

19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.

Thought for the day:
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that
amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

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Subj:     Three Wishes From A Frog Genie
From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
and From: RFSlick on 98-12-01

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm
not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it
really is phenomenal!  I have a question though, why is

The big guy nods slowly.  He's obviously fielded this
question many times.  "One day," he begins, "I was hunting
when I got lost in the woods.  I heard someone crying for
help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog
sitting next to a stream.  So I picked up the frog and it
said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and
grant you 3 wishes."

I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog
a kiss.  POOF!  The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous,
naked woman.  She said, "You now have 3 wishes."  I looked
down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body
like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell,
and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my
clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I
want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream."
She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me.  We then made
love for hours!  Later, as we lay there next to each other,
sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into
my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish.  What will it
be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

Two quotes from famed violinist, Jascha Heifetz
From: edapsmas on 2/6/2008

"No matter what side of an argument you're on,
you always find some people on your side that
wish you were on the other side."

"I occasionally play works by contemporary composers
for two reasons.  First to discourage the composer
from writing any more and secondly to remind myself
how much I appreciate Beethoven."

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.
 Smiley and eyebrows from Imogenelumen on 12/17/2003

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