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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #578b
         Date: 3/2/2008

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Subj:     Jack Nicholson Endorses Hillary
          From: YouTube on 3/1/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mOa3sXjqE4

 Action Jack Nicholson and his many movie personas endorse 
 Hillary Clinton in this cute video.  Click on the source, 
 or click below to view the movie on my web site.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/polit/polit-supp-jack.html

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Subj:     Balloon Twisting Dresses
          From: ginafm on 2/5/2008

 Look at how far twisting balloons has come in these 
 seventeen pictures.  Click below to view. 
 
 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/bal/balloon.html
 

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Subj:     A Little Blonde Test
          From: tom on 2/2/2008

 Look closely at the picture and decide which model is a 
 blonde.  Then look below to check your answer.  Click 
 below to start.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/d_files/bl2-test.html

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Subj:     Invisible Mother
          From: ginafm on 2/17/2008

 You can read this wonderful, long, heart warming story on 
 my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_other/moth-supp-invisible.html

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Subj:     Math Prob-Birds And Ice Cream
          From: dscott on 97-06-30
      and From: Imogenelumen on 11/20/2003

 Little Johnny is attending his math class when teacher asks
 him a question: "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on
 a fence and you shot one with your rifle, how many would be
 left?"

 "None," says Johnny, "because the rest would fly away."

 "Well the answer is four," says teacher, "but I like the way
 you're thinking."

 Little Johnny says, "I have a question for now: If there were
 three women eating ice cream cones entering a shop, one was
 licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the
 third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

 "Well" says teacher, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

 "Not quite," says little Johnny, "the one with the wedding
 ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

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Subj:     The Vicar's Salary
          From: hellgunner50 on 2/7/2008

 The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger 
 congregation that will pay him more. 

 There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to 
 leave.  Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the 
 area, stands up and proclaims: "If the Vicar stays, I will 
 provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with 
 a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" 

 The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.  Sam 
 Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and 
 says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double 
 his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee private 
 secondary school education of his children!" 

 More sighs and loud applause.  Agnes Jones, age 88, stands 
 and announces with a smile, if the Vicar stays, I will give 
 him sex." 

 There is total silence. 

 The Preacher, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever 
 possessed you to say that?" 

 Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, 
 holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking 
 his head from side to side, while his wife replies: "Well, 
 I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 
 "F### the Vicar."

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Subj:     18 Things I've Learned By Dave Barry
          From: spyda on 3/24/2001
      and From: tom on 2/7/2008

 18 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
 by Dave Barry

  1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
     compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

  2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
     human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its
     full potential, that word would be "meetings."

  3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
     illness."

  4. People who want to share their religious views with you
     almost never want you to share yours with them.

  5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all
     of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity,
     He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV
     with a bad hairstyle.

  6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

  7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take
     it too seriously.

  8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always
     one individual who perceives a solution and is willing
     to take command.  Very often, that individual is crazy.

  9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
     dance.

 10. Never lick a steak knife.

 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

 13. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
     protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even
     remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant
     unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
     her at that moment.

 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
     other people to make a big deal about your birthday.
     That time is age eleven.

 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
     of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
     background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe
     that we are above average drivers.

 17. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter,
     is not a nice person.

 18. Your friends love you anyway.

 And a new one added

 19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
     and a laxative on the same night.

 Thought for the day:
 Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that
 amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

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Subj:     Three Wishes From A Frog Genie
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98 
      and From: RFSlick on 98-12-01 

 A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. 
 The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm 
 not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it 
 really is phenomenal!  I have a question though, why is 
 your head so small?" 

 The big guy nods slowly.  He's obviously fielded this 
 question many times.  "One day," he begins, "I was hunting 
 when I got lost in the woods.  I heard someone crying for 
 help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog 
 sitting next to a stream.  So I picked up the frog and it 
 said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and 
 grant you 3 wishes." 

 I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog 
 a kiss.  POOF!  The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, 
 naked woman.  She said, "You now have 3 wishes."  I looked 
 down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body 
 like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, 
 and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my 
 clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What 
 will be your second wish?" 

 I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I 
 want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." 
 She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me.  We then made 
 love for hours!  Later, as we lay there next to each other, 
 sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into 
 my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish.  What will it 
 be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?" 

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

Two quotes from famed violinist, Jascha Heifetz
From: edapsmas on 2/6/2008

 "No matter what side of an argument you're on,
 you always find some people on your side that
 wish you were on the other side."

 "I occasionally play works by contemporary composers
 for two reasons.  First to discourage the composer
 from writing any more and secondly to remind myself
 how much I appreciate Beethoven."

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Smiley and eyebrows from
Imogenelumen on 12/17/2003

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