580c

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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #580c
Date: 3/16/2008

You can also view old ‘Sunday Morning Laughs’ at
http://jokelibrary.net/archive/index.html
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Subj:     The Colon-Rectal Surgeon Song
          By Bowser and Blue
          From: cappucinid on 2/28/2008

"Bowser and Blue were a tremendous hit at our convention"
The American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons. This
song is very funny. Click below to listen to it.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/doc1-colon.html

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Subj:     Dean Kamen's Prosthetic Arm!
          From: mauryschu on 2/28/2008
Source: http://www.spectrum.ieee.org/video?id=221

The movie at the above source shows some of the amazing
advances in prosthetic arms. Click on the source to
the movie.
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Subj:     Mexican Epitaphs
          From: darrellvip on 2/27/2008

This PowerPoint Show of Mexican Epitaphs is great. You
can read these funny one-liners by clicking below.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/grave_epitaphs.html#mexican

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Subj:    Why Men Should NOT Buy Baby Clothes
         From: hellgunner50 on 2/27/2008

These eleven baby pictures are quite cute.
Click below to view them.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/clothing-baby.html

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Subj:     Redneck Condos
          From: gayleheckman on 2/29/2008

This set of homes is very cute, but too many steps.
Click below to view them.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/red/supp-condos.html

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Subj:     Body Part Quiz
          From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 3/1/2008
Source: http://www.apuzzlezone.com/adailypuzzle/03-01-08.html

1. What is the largest number of fingers and
    toes ever possessed by one person?
2. What is the longest recorded attack of hiccupping?
    Of sneezing?
    Of yawning?
3. How many square feet of skin cover the human body?
4. How much of the body is made up of bones?

The solution can be found on my web site by clicking below.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/eyes-quiz.html

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Subj:     Letter To The IRS
          From: RFSlick on 3/15/99
      and From: tom on 2/29/2008

There was a man who computed his taxes for 2007 and found
that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and
included this letter:

Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 2007 Tax Returns. Please take note of the
attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the
article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50
for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and
six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment
to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and
apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on
my return. Might I suggest you the send the above
mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article
- HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and
I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw
an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.

Sincerely,
I. Getscrewed Everyear

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Subj:     Bank Robber Shoots Witnesses
          From: Fischer-J on 3/1/2008

After robbing the bank the masked gunman raced to the
parking while pulling off his ski mask. Standing by
his car were two men and a woman. Turning to the first
man, the robber asked "Did you see me rob the bank?"

"Yes" replied the senior citizen. Bam, a bullet
strikes the first man dead.

Turning to the second man, the robber asked "Did you
see me rob the bank?"

"No" replied the younger man, "but my wife did see you
rob the bank."

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Subj:     Cucumbers Are Better Than Men Because...
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97

The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket, and
    you know how firm it is before you take it home.
Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
With a cucumber you can get a single room and
    you won't have to check in as ' Mrs. Cucumber'.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
You can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the movie.
At a drive-in you can stay in the front seat.
A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
A cucumber won't ask: 'Am I first?'
Cucumbers don't care whether or not you're a virgin.
Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin.
With cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
Cucumbers won't write your name ? number on men's room wall.
Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
Cucumbers won't ask: Am I the best? Did you come too?
    How many times?
Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski
    instructor or hair dresser.
Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate
    about your next one.
A cucumber will never make a scene because there are
    other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when
    your mother comes over.
No matter how old you are you can always get a fresh cucumber.
Cucumbers can handle rejection.
A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
A cucumber won't give it up for lent.
With a cucumber you never have to say your sorry.
Cucumbers won't leave whisker burns, fall asleep
    on your chest or drool on the pillow.
A cucumber will never give you a hickey.
Cucumbers can stay up ALL night and you won't have to
    sleep in the wet spot.
A cucumber won't work your crossword in ink.
A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest.
A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on or hairspray.
Cucumbers won't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you're in the shower.
With a cucumber the toilet seat's always the way you left it.
Cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold.
Cucumbers won't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
A cucumber will never leave you for another man, another
    woman or another cucumber.
You will always know where your cucumber has been.
A cucumber never has to call the wife.
Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
You don't have to wait for halftime to talk to your cucumber.
A cucumber won't leave town on New Years Eve.
Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
It's easy to drop a cucumber.
A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a
    property settlement or seek custody of anything.
Cucumbers don't play guitar and try to find themselves.
You won't find out later that your cucumber
    . . .is married.
    . . .is on penicillin.
    . . .likes you -- but loves your brother.
Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy."
A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.

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Subj:     Cue-Bidding Suits
          From: BridgeClues.com on 2/27/2008

This wonderful web site has daily problems if you click on
the bidding drop down menu. Today's hand #2649 discusses
how South should reach a contract of 4 Hearts. Click
below to see this bridge problem.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column33.html

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Subj:     Other Bridge Columns
          by Phillip Alder
          From: The Vallejo Times Herald

This hand discusses what to do when an opponent does a
pre-emptive bid after you have opened. Click below to
read the column.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column34.html

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