Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #581
Date: 3/23/2008
"They say the seeds of what
we will do are in all of us,
but it always seemed to me
that in those who make jokes
in life the seeds are covered
with better soil and with
a higher grade of manure.
" -- Ernest Hemingway
Thanks for the great jokes you guys
keep sending. If
I haven’t sent out a certain joke
for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a
second time.
Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have
sent me through the years.
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Subj: Ameriquest’s
Hospital Commercial
From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008
This is one of Ameriquest's
cute "Maybe It Is Not What
It Looks Like" commercials.
Click below to view it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/p_files/hosp1-fly.html
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Subj: The
Zimmers "My Generation"
From: rfslick on 3/8/2008
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqfFrCUrEbY
Senior Citizens Rocking Out!
This is really cool! Turn up
your speakers and enjoy!
You can see the video at the
source above, or on my web
site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_eld/e4s-generation.html
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Subj: Ameriquest's
Concert Video
From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008
This is one of Ameriquest's
cute "Maybe It Is Not What
It Looks Like" commercials.
Click below to view it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/sex/b_to_h/hooker-concert.html
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Subj: Grand
Central Station Freeze
From: sfo_pilot on 3/7/2008
Source: http://www.maniacworld.com/frozen-in-grand-central-station.html
This is a prank on a "grand"
scale. Over 200 people gathered
at Grand Central Station
in New York to pull off a 'frozen in
place' act. The on-looking
travelers who weren't part of the
act were mystified as to
what was going on. You can view the
movie at the source above,
or on my site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/n_to_v/train-freeze.html
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Subj: Ameriquest's
Romantic Dinner
From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008
This is one of Ameriquest's
cute "Maybe It Is Not What
It Looks Like" commercials.
Click below to view it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/f_files/food-supp-dinner.html
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Subj: Catholic
Horses
From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008
One day while he was at the
track playing the ponies and all
but losing his shirt, Mitch
noticed a priest who stepped out
onto the track and blessed
the forehead of one of the horses
lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse
- a very long shot - won the race.
Before the next race, as
the horses began lining up, Mitch
watched with interest the
old priest step onto the track.
Sure enough, as the 5th race
horses came to the starting
gate the priest made a blessing
on the forehead of one of
the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for a
betting window and placed a small
bet on the horse. Again,
even though it was another long
shot, the horse the priest
had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings,
and anxiously waited to see
which horse the priest would
bless for the 6th race. The
priest again blessed a horse.
Mitch bet big on it, and it
won. Mitch was elated. As the
races continued the priest
kept blessing long shot horses,
and each one ended up coming
in first.
Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling
in some serious money. By
the last race, he knew his
wildest dreams were going to come
true. He made a quick
dash to the ATM, withdrew all his
savings, and awaited the
priest's blessing that would tell
him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest
stepped onto the track for
the last race and blessed
the forehead of an old nag that
was the longest shot of the
day. Mitch also observed the
priest blessing the eyes,
ears, and hooves of the old nag.
Mitch knew he had a winner
and bet every cent he owned on
the old nag. He then
watched dumbfounded as the old nag
come in dead last.
Mitch, in a state of shock, made his
way down to the track area
where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest
he demanded, "Father! What
happened? All day long
you blessed horses and they all
won. Then in the last
race, the horse you blessed lost
by a Kentucky mile.
Now, thanks to you I've lost every
cent of my savings - all
of it!".
The priest nodded wisely and
with sympathy. "Son", he said,
"that's the problem with
you Protestants, you can't tell the
difference between a simple
blessing and last rites".
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Subj: Grocery
Store Manager Stops Thief
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/7/2008
My friend is the manager at
a grocery store. Recently, he
nabbed a shoplifter in the
act. While escorting the
suspect to the office at
the front of the store (near
the cash registers), the
shoplifter broke free from his
grip and attempted a brazen
escape.
I should mention that my friend
was an all-county
linebacker in high school,
so it was with little effort
that he brought the shoplifter
down with a tackle. He
pinned the guy against the
pickle display, then looked
up to see a number of surprised
shoppers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, folks,"
he reassured them. "This
guy just tried to go through
the express line with more
than nine items!"
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Subj: Do
you remember these?
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/7/2008
Here's a little quiz to see
how much you remember about
some less-than-important
things from a few decades back.
1. What builds strong bodies
12 ways?
a. Flintstones
vitamins
b. The
buttmaster
c. Spaghetti
d. Wonder
Bread
e. Orange
Juice
f. Milk
g. Cod
Liver Oil
2. Before he was Muhammed
Ali, he was...
a. Sugar
Ray Robinson
b. Roy
Orbison
c. Gene
Autry
d. Rudolph
Valentino
e. Fabian
f. Mickey
Mantle
g. Cassius
Clay
3. Pogo, the comic strip
character said, "We have met
the enemy
and...
a. It's
you
b. He
is us
c. It's
the Grinch
d. He
wasn't home
e. He's
really mean
f. We
quit
g. He
surrendered
4. Good night, David.
a. Good
night, Chet
b. Sleep
well
c. Good
Night, Irene
d. Good
Night, Gracie
e. See
you later, alligator
f. Until
tomorrow
g. Good
night, Steve
5. You'll wonder where the
yellow went,
a. When
you use Tide
b. When
you lose your crayons
c. When
you clean your tub
d. If
you paint the room blue
e. If
you buy a soft water tank
f. When
you use Lady Clairol
g. When
you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. Before he was the Skipper's
Little Buddy, Bob
Denver
was Dobie's friend,
a. Stuart
Whitman
b. Randolph
Scott
c. Steve
Reeves
d. Maynard
G. Krebbs
e. Corky
B. Dork
f. Dave
the Whale
g. Zippy
Zoo
7. Liar, liar...
a. You're
a liar
b. Your
nose is growing
c. Pants
on fire
d. Join
the choir
e. Jump
up higher
f. On
the wire
g. I'm
telling Mom
8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis,
Superman fights a
never
ending battle for truth, justice and...
a. Wheaties
b. Lois
Lane
c. TV
ratings
d. World
peace
e. Red
tights
f. The
American way
g. News
headlines
9. Hey, kids, what time is
it?
a. It's
time for Yogi Bear
b. It's
time to do your homework
c. It's
Howdy Doody Time
d. It's
Time for Romper Room
e. It's
bedtime
f. The
Mighty Mouse Hour
g. Scoopy
Doo Time
10. Lions and tigers and bears...
a. Yikes
b. Oh
no
c. Gee
whiz
d. I'm
scared
e. Oh
My
f. Help
Help
h. Let's
run
11. Bob Dylan advised us never
to trust anyone
a. Over
40
b. Wearing
a uniform
c. Carrying
a briefcase
d. Over
30
e. You
don't know
f. Who
says, "Trust me"
g. Who
eats tofu
12. NFL quarterback who appeared
in a television
commercial
wearing women's stockings.
a. Troy
Aikman
b. Kenny
Stabler
c. Joe
Namath
d. Roger
Stauback
e. Joe
Montana
f. Steve
Young
g. John
Elway
13. Brylcream...
a. Smear
it on
b. You'll
smell great
c. Tame
that cowlick
d. Greaseball
heaven
e. It's
a dream
f. We're
your team
g. A little
dab'll do ya
14. I found my thrill...
a. In
Blueberry muffins
b. With
my man, Bill
c. Down
at the mill
d. Over
the windowsill
e. With
thyme and dill
f. Too
late to enjoy
g. On
Blueberry Hill
15. Before Robin Williams,
Peter Pan was played by
a. Clark
Gable
b. Mary
Martin
c. Doris
Day
d. Errol
Flynn
e. Sally
Fields
f. Jim
Carey
g. Jay
Leno
16. Name the Beatles
a. John,
Steve, George, Ringo
b. John,
Paul, George, Roscoe
c. John,
Paul, Stacey, Ringo
d. Jay,
Paul, George, Ringo
e. Lewis,
Peter, George, Ringo
f. Jason,
Betty, Skipper, Hazel
g. John,
Paul, George, Ringo
17. I wonder, wonder, wonder,
who
a. Who
ate the leftovers?
b. Who
did the laundry?
c. Was
it you?
d. Who
wrote the book of love?
e. Who
I am?
f. Passed
the test?
g. Knocked
on the door?
18. I'm strong to the finish
a. Cause
I eats my broccoli
b. Cause
I eats me spinach
c. Cause
I lift weights
d. Cause
I'm the hero
e. And
don't you forget it
f. Cause
Olive Oyl loves me
g. To
outlast Bruto
19. When it's least expected,
you're elected,
you're
the star today...
a. Smile,
you're on Candid Camera
b. Smile,
you're on Star Search
c. Smile,
you won the lottery
d. Smile,
we're watching you
e. Smile,
the world sees you
f. Smile,
you're a hit
g. Smile,
you're on TV
20. What do M & M's do?
a. Make
your tummy happy
b. Melt
in your mouth, not in your pocket
c. Make
you fat
d. Melt
your heart
e. Make
you popular
f. Melt
in your mouth, not in your hand
g. Come
in colors
Okay, now scroll down for
the answers!
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Okay, that's it. Here are
the right answers.
1 d - Wonder Bread
2 g - Cassius Clay
3 b - He Is Us
4 a - Good night, Chet
5 g - When you brush your
teeth with Pepsodent
6 d - Maynard G. Krebbs
7 c - Pants On Fire
8 f - The American Way
9 c - It's Howdy Doody Time
10 e - Oh My
11 d - Over 30
12 c - Joe Namath
13 g - A little dab'll do
ya
14 g - On Blueberry Hill
15 b - Mary Martin
16 g - John, Paul, George,
Ringo
17 d - Who wrote the book
of Love
18 b - Cause I eats me spinach
19 a - Smile, you're on Candid
Camera
20 f - Melt In Your Mouth
Not In Your Hand
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