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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #581
         Date: 3/23/2008
 

 "They say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us,
 but it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes
 in life the seeds are covered with better soil and with
 a higher grade of manure. "  -- Ernest Hemingway
 

Thanks for the great jokes you guys keep sending.  If
I haven’t sent out a certain joke for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a second time.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     Ameriquest’s Hospital Commercial
          From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008

 This is one of Ameriquest's cute "Maybe It Is Not What
 It Looks Like" commercials.  Click below to view it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/p_files/hosp1-fly.html

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Subj:     The Zimmers "My Generation"
          From: rfslick on 3/8/2008 
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqfFrCUrEbY

 Senior Citizens Rocking Out!  This is really cool!  Turn up 
 your speakers and enjoy!  You can see the video at the 
 source above, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_eld/e4s-generation.html

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Subj:     Ameriquest's Concert Video
          From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008

 This is one of Ameriquest's cute "Maybe It Is Not What 
 It Looks Like" commercials.  Click below to view it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/sex/b_to_h/hooker-concert.html

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Subj:     Grand Central Station Freeze
          From: sfo_pilot on 3/7/2008
 Source: http://www.maniacworld.com/frozen-in-grand-central-station.html
 

 This is a prank on a "grand" scale.  Over 200 people gathered 
 at Grand Central Station in New York to pull off a 'frozen in 
 place' act.  The on-looking travelers who weren't part of the 
 act were mystified as to what was going on.  You can view the 
 movie at the source above, or on my site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/n_to_v/train-freeze.html

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Subj:     Ameriquest's Romantic Dinner
          From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008

 This is one of Ameriquest's cute "Maybe It Is Not What 
 It Looks Like" commercials.  Click below to view it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/f_files/food-supp-dinner.html

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Subj:     Catholic Horses
          From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008 

 One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all 
 but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out 
 onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses 
 lining up for the 4th race. 

 Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. 
 Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch 
 watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. 

 Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting 
 gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of 
 the horses. 

 Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small 
 bet on the horse.  Again, even though it was another long 
 shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. 

 Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see 
 which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race.  The 
 priest again blessed a horse. 

 Mitch bet big on it, and it won.  Mitch was elated.  As the 
 races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, 
 and each one ended up coming in first. 

 Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money.  By 
 the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come 
 true.  He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his 
 savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell 
 him which horse to bet on. 

 True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for 
 the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that 
 was the longest shot of the day.  Mitch also observed the 
 priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. 

 Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on 
 the old nag.  He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag 
 come in dead last.  Mitch, in a state of shock, made his 
 way down to the track area where the priest was. 

 Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father!  What 
 happened?  All day long you blessed horses and they all 
 won.  Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost 
 by a Kentucky mile.  Now, thanks to you I've lost every 
 cent of my savings - all of it!". 

 The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.  "Son", he said, 
 "that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the 
 difference between a simple blessing and last rites".

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Subj:     Grocery Store Manager Stops Thief
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/7/2008 

 My friend is the manager at a grocery store.  Recently, he 
 nabbed a shoplifter in the act.  While escorting the 
 suspect to the office at the front of the store (near 
 the cash registers), the shoplifter broke free from his 
 grip and attempted a brazen escape. 

 I should mention that my friend was an all-county 
 linebacker in high school, so it was with little effort 
 that he brought the shoplifter down with a tackle.  He 
 pinned the guy against the pickle display, then looked 
 up to see a number of surprised shoppers staring at him. 

 "Everything's fine, folks," he reassured them.  "This 
 guy just tried to go through the express line with more 
 than nine items!"

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Subj:     Do you remember these?
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/7/2008 

 Here's a little quiz to see how much you remember about 
 some less-than-important things from a few decades back. 
  1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways? 
     a. Flintstones vitamins 
     b. The buttmaster 
     c. Spaghetti 
     d. Wonder Bread 
     e. Orange Juice 
     f. Milk 
     g. Cod Liver Oil 

  2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was... 
     a. Sugar Ray Robinson 
     b. Roy Orbison 
     c. Gene Autry 
     d. Rudolph Valentino 
     e. Fabian 
     f. Mickey Mantle 
     g. Cassius Clay 

  3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, "We have met 
     the enemy and... 
     a. It's you 
     b. He is us 
     c. It's the Grinch 
     d. He wasn't home 
     e. He's really mean 
     f. We quit 
     g. He surrendered 

  4. Good night, David. 
     a. Good night, Chet 
     b. Sleep well 
     c. Good Night, Irene 
     d. Good Night, Gracie 
     e. See you later, alligator 
     f. Until tomorrow 
     g. Good night, Steve 

  5. You'll wonder where the yellow went, 
     a. When you use Tide 
     b. When you lose your crayons 
     c. When you clean your tub 
     d. If you paint the room blue 
     e. If you buy a soft water tank 
     f. When you use Lady Clairol 
     g. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 

  6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob 
     Denver was Dobie's friend, 
     a. Stuart Whitman 
     b. Randolph Scott 
     c. Steve Reeves 
     d. Maynard G. Krebbs 
     e. Corky B. Dork 
     f. Dave the Whale 
     g. Zippy Zoo 

  7. Liar, liar... 
     a. You're a liar 
     b. Your nose is growing 
     c. Pants on fire 
     d. Join the choir 
     e. Jump up higher 
     f. On the wire 
     g. I'm telling Mom 

  8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a 
     never ending battle for truth, justice and... 
     a. Wheaties 
     b. Lois Lane 
     c. TV ratings 
     d. World peace 
     e. Red tights 
     f. The American way 
     g. News headlines 

  9. Hey, kids, what time is it? 
     a. It's time for Yogi Bear 
     b. It's time to do your homework 
     c. It's Howdy Doody Time 
     d. It's Time for Romper Room 
     e. It's bedtime 
     f. The Mighty Mouse Hour 
     g. Scoopy Doo Time 

 10. Lions and tigers and bears... 
     a. Yikes 
     b. Oh no 
     c. Gee whiz 
     d. I'm scared 
     e. Oh My 
     f. Help Help 
     h. Let's run 

 11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone 
     a. Over 40 
     b. Wearing a uniform 
     c. Carrying a briefcase 
     d. Over 30 
     e. You don't know 
     f. Who says, "Trust me" 
     g. Who eats tofu 

 12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television 
     commercial wearing women's stockings. 
     a. Troy Aikman 
     b. Kenny Stabler 
     c. Joe Namath 
     d. Roger Stauback 
     e. Joe Montana 
     f. Steve Young 
     g. John Elway 

 13. Brylcream... 
     a. Smear it on 
     b. You'll smell great 
     c. Tame that cowlick 
     d. Greaseball heaven 
     e. It's a dream 
     f. We're your team 
     g. A little dab'll do ya 

 14. I found my thrill... 
     a. In Blueberry muffins 
     b. With my man, Bill 
     c. Down at the mill 
     d. Over the windowsill 
     e. With thyme and dill 
     f. Too late to enjoy 
     g. On Blueberry Hill 

 15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by 
     a. Clark Gable 
     b. Mary Martin 
     c. Doris Day 
     d. Errol Flynn 
     e. Sally Fields 
     f. Jim Carey 
     g. Jay Leno 

 16. Name the Beatles 
     a. John, Steve, George, Ringo 
     b. John, Paul, George, Roscoe 
     c. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo 
     d. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo 
     e. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo 
     f. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel 
     g. John, Paul, George, Ringo 

 17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, who 
     a. Who ate the leftovers? 
     b. Who did the laundry? 
     c. Was it you? 
     d. Who wrote the book of love? 
     e. Who I am? 
     f. Passed the test? 
     g. Knocked on the door? 

 18. I'm strong to the finish 
     a. Cause I eats my broccoli
     b. Cause I eats me spinach 
     c. Cause I lift weights 
     d. Cause I'm the hero 
     e. And don't you forget it 
     f. Cause Olive Oyl loves me 
     g. To outlast Bruto 

 19. When it's least expected, you're elected, 
     you're the star today... 
     a. Smile, you're on Candid Camera 
     b. Smile, you're on Star Search 
     c. Smile, you won the lottery 
     d. Smile, we're watching you 
     e. Smile, the world sees you 
     f. Smile, you're a hit 
     g. Smile, you're on TV 

 20. What do M & M's do? 
     a. Make your tummy happy 
     b. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket 
     c. Make you fat 
     d. Melt your heart 
     e. Make you popular 
     f. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand 
     g. Come in colors 

 Okay, now scroll down for the answers! 
 
 

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 Okay, that's it. Here are the right answers. 
  1 d - Wonder Bread 
  2 g - Cassius Clay 
  3 b - He Is Us 
  4 a - Good night, Chet 
  5 g - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 
  6 d - Maynard G. Krebbs 
  7 c - Pants On Fire 
  8 f - The American Way 
  9 c - It's Howdy Doody Time 
 10 e - Oh My 
 11 d - Over 30 
 12 c - Joe Namath 
 13 g - A little dab'll do ya 
 14 g - On Blueberry Hill 
 15 b - Mary Martin 
 16 g - John, Paul, George, Ringo 
 17 d - Who wrote the book of Love 
 18 b - Cause I eats me spinach 
 19 a - Smile, you're on Candid Camera 
 20 f - Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand

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Calvin and Hobbes from
Bozeman Public Schools

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