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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #581b
         Date: 3/23/2008

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Subj:     The Ping-Pong Match
          From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008

 This 2,500 KB commercial for Show Bound dog food is cute. 
 Click below to view it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/sports/a_to_z/z_other-pong.html

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Subj:     The Rancher And The Deer
          From: gordonschuk on 3/2/2008

 This is a very cute story which is so long that it needs 
 to be a seperate file.  Click below to read the story.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/d_to_z/z-oth-s-deer.html

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Subj:     The Pink Dachshund
          From: rfslick on 3/4/2008

 The mama is a Dachshund.  She is fostering this guy for 
 another mom who couldn't take care of him.  You can view 
 these eight, cute pictures on my site by clicking below.

 http://jokelibrary.net/animals/d_to_z/dog-supp-pink.html

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Subj:     Frank and Ernest On Engineering Degrees
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/8/2008 
Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common
......../affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost?comic=franknernest

 You can view this cute comic strip on my site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/engineer1.html#frank

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Subj:     Schools 1967 vs. 2007
          From: gayleheckman on 3/7/2008

 This is a good article, but too long to include here.
 If you want to read it, click below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/school-supp2.html#67_vs_07

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Subj:     Son Of A Bitch
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/7/2008  
 Source: http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/sonofabitch.htm

 You can view this cute picture at the source above, or 
 on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-sonofabitch.html

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Subj:     Is Sex Work Or Pleasure?
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/7/2008 

 The Ship's Captain was about to start the morning briefing 
 to his Staff and Ships Officers. 

 While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, 
 he decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained 
 that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he 
 failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the 
 question of just how much of sex was 'work' and 
 how much of it was 'pleasure?' 

 A Deck Officer chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. 

 A Engineering Officer said it was 50-50%. 

 A Chief Warrant Officer responded with 25-75% in favor 
 of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at 
 the time. 

 There being no consensus, the Admiral turned to the seaman 
 who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? 

 With no hesitation, the young seaman responded, "Sir, it has 
 to be 100% pleasure." 

 The Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked 
 why? 

 "Well, Sir," began the seaman, "if there was any work 
 involved, the officers would have me doing it for them." 

 The room fell silent. 
 God Bless the Sailors, who run things! 

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Subj:     My Mother Taught Me
          From: KMACINTY on 08/16/2000
      and From: tom on 3/4/2008

 My Mother taught me LOGIC...
 "If you fall off that swing and break your neck,
 you can't go to the store with me."

 My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
 "If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
 they're going to freeze that way."

 My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
 "If you don't pass your spelling test,
 you'll never get a good job!"

 My Mother taught me ESP...
 "Put your sweater on; don't you think
 that I know when you're cold?"

 My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
 "What were you thinking? Answer me when
 I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

 My Mother taught me HUMOR...
 "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
 don't come running to me."

 My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
 "If you don't eat your vegetables,
 you'll never grow up.

 My mother taught me ABOUT SEX...
 "How do you think you got here?"

 My mother taught me about GENETICS...
 "You are just like your father!"

 My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
 "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

 My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
 "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
 "Just wait until your father gets home."

 My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
 "You are going to get it when we get home."

 And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE...
 "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn
 out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
 "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
 I just finished cleaning!"

 My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that
 will come out of the carpet."

 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't
 straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
 next week!"

 My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

 My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear
 clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.

 My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give
 you something to cry about."

 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
 "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you
 just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

 My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there
 'till all that spinach is finished."

 My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a
 tornado swept through your room."

 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you
 once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

 My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought
 you into this world, and I can take you out."

 My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
 "Stop acting like your father!"

 My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions
 of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
 wonderful parents like you do!"

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Subj:     Man Wants To Buy Polish Sausage
          From: Grampsboyd on 5/28/2003
      and From: gordonschuk on 3/2/2008

 A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like
 some Polish sausage."

 The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

 The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But
 let me ask you something "If I had asked for Italian
 sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?  Or if I
 had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I
 was German?  Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would
 you ask me if I was Jewish?  Or if I had asked for a
 taco would you ask if I was Mexican?  Would ya, huh?
 Would ya?"

 The clerk says, "Well, no."

 With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,
 "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
 just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

 The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

From: LABLaughsClean on 3/7/2008

 "Parents are not quite interested in justice.
  They are interested in quiet."  -- Bill Cosby

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Calvin and Hobbes from
GIFMania

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