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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #582c
         Date: 3/30/2008
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     Saudis And Human Rights
          From: AFine963 on 3/9/2008

 Source: http://www.dotsub.com/films/moredemands
........./index.php?autostart=true&language_setting=en_1618

 This six-minute lecture on human rights in the Middle 
 East is interesting.  You can listen to the talk at the 
 source above, or click below for the version on my site.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/nationalities/a_to_z/middle_east-rights.html

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Subj:     Dashboard Camera
          From: tom on 3/11/2008

 This video from a police car's dashboard camera is cute. 
 Click below to view it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-stop.html

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Subj:     Florida Airport Work Site
          From: tom on 3/12/2008
 Source: http://community-2.webtv.net/karenlprince/AMUSTSEE/index.html

 Since this gator has a roll of duck tape around his mouth, 
 I'll bet he is still alive.  You can view this alligator 
 and the 87 rattlers at the source above, or on my site by 
 clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/a_to_c/allig-fpl.html

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Subj:     Doing The Laundry
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/6/2003 

 A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were 
 very anxious about having sex because they were both 
 virgins.  Because of their sexual inexperience, they were 
 a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came 
 up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of 
 "having sex." 

 This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. 
 Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. 
 They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night.  In the 
 middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was 
 ready to do the laundry again.  He gently shook his new wife 
 and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was 
 very tired. 

 She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. 
 May be in the morning.  A few hours later the new wife awoke 
 feeling very guilty.  What he had asked for wasn't 
 unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do 
 the laundry" with him again. 

 She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied 
 you... We can do the laundry again if you want," 

 He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it 
 by hand."

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Subj:     Why BEER is Better Than Women:

 *  Beer always comes in multiples of six.
 *  Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
 *  Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
 *  Beer doesn't blow you off.
 *  Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
 *  When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
 *  A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
 *  You don't need a license to live with a beer.
 *  Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
 *  You can shoot a beer.
 *  Beer doesn't demand equality.
 *  A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
 *  A frigid beer is a good beer.
 *  No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.
 *  Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
 *  Beer tastes *good*.
 *  You can't catch social diseases from a beer.
 *  A beer will actually *support* belching and farting and
    share your enthusiasm for getting them included as
    demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
 *  When your interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason.
 *  Beer never changes its mind.
 *  Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
 *  A beer doesn't change its mind after you've taken
    off its top.
 *  A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
 *  Finishing a beer in three seconds is something to
    be proud of.
 *  A beer won't raise any objections to an evening
    of watching
    "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
 *  Beer stains wash out.
 *  A tree is good enough for a beer.
 *  Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
 *  A beer doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch
    of other beers around.
 *  Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
 *  Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
 *  Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
 *  Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
 *  Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
 *  Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
 *  A beer chaser is easier to catch.
 *  A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say
    "doberman" instead of "doberperson".
 *  Beer always listens and never argues.
 *  Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after
    you've had it.
 *  Beer doesn't pout or play games.
 *  A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin
    commercials with the babies are "cute".
 *  You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
 *  A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like
    leaving the toilet seat up.
 *  Beer doesn't live with its mother.
 *  A beer is always satisfying.
 *  You can have more than one beer in a night and
    not feel guilty.
 *  Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
 *  A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you
    go to the grocery store.
 *  A beer goes down easy.
 *  If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it
    but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you
    of "date rape".
 *  Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
 *  Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and
    Charles Bronson flicks.
 *  A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read
    Penthouse "just for the articles".  (You *are* lying,
    but the beer won't accuse you of it.)
 *  Beer doesn't have a mother.
 *  After you've had a beer, the bottle is still
    worth 5 cents.
 *  A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.
 *  Beer doesn't have morals.
 *  If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good
    for a while.
 *  Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
 *  It's okay to leave a party with a different beer
    than the one you bought.
 *  Beer doesn't complain about farting.
 *  You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
 *  When you go to a bar, you know you can always
    pick up a beer.
 *  A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
 *  When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
 *  Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
 *  You can enjoy a beer all night long.
 *  You can put all your old beers together in one room
    and they won't fight.
 *  A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because
    the guys spit.
 *  Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
 *  A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig
    if you say "Gene  Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".
 *  Beer doesn't mind football season.
 *  You can share a beer with your friends.
 *  A beer does not come with inlaws.
 *  A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor"
    than a woman.
 *  You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower
    curtain rod.
 *  Beers don't want a lasting relationship.
 *  Beer doesn't demand legality.
 *  Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
 *  A beer won't make you go to church.
 *  Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
 *  You can try dark beers and foreign beers without
    upsetting your parents.
 *  When beer goes flat you toss it out.
 *  A beer won't argue that there's no difference between
    shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and
    blowing a Korean airliner
 *  You are never embarraessed about the beer you bring
    to a party.
 *  A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
 *  A beer never costs you more than five dollars and
    never leaves you thirsty.
 *  Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
 *  To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it
    in the ice box.
 *  Beer looks the same in the morning.
 *  A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer
    on your breath.
 *  Beer is always easy to pick up.
 *  Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
 *  A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
 *  You don't have to wine and dine beer.
 *  You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
 *  Big, fat beers are nice to have.
 *  Beer is always wet.
 *  After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other
    than dumping the empty bottle.
 *  Your beer will always wait patiently for you at home
    until the bar closed.
 *  A beer never fishes for compliments.
 *  Beer doesn't need much closet space.
 *  Beer labels come off without a fight.
 *  You don't have to drive a beer home in the morning.
 *  After you've put your lips to a beer, it doesn't say,
    'What are you doing?'
 *  A beer will *never* make you go to a Swedish movie.
 *  A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
 *  When you're through with a beer, the thought of another
    beer doesn't make you ill.
 *  You can have a beer in public.
 *  Beer won't drive you to drink.
 *  Beer never asks you to change the station.
 *  A beer will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater"
    on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
 *  A beer won't smoke in your car.
 *  Beer is never late.
 *  If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8"
    around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an
    enormous can of vegetable juice.
 *  Beer never has a headache.
 *  A beer won't get upset if you come home and have
    another beer.
 *  A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours
    of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
 *  Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
 *  Beer doesn't wear a bra.
 *  If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
 *  Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
 *  A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.
 *  A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas
    with the excuse: "But I saved a quarter!"
 *  Beer is easy to get into.
 *  You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
 *  A beer doesn't care when you come.
 *  Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
 *  An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your
    way with it.
 *  After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
 *  You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
 *  Beer is never overweight.
 *  A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you
    videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written
    consent of the National Football League.
 *  A beer is always wet.
 *  The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go
    to the bathroom.
 *  You can enjoy a beer all month.
 *  HANGOVERS go away.

 Q: Why is a beer better than a woman?
 A: You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good

 Q: What's the difference between a woman and a beer?
 A: A beer's still worth 5 cents when you are finished with it.

 Q: Why is a beer better than a woman?
 A: If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

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Subj:     Finding A Bid In Bridge
          From: BridgeClues.com on 3/22/2008

 This wonderful web site has daily problems if you click on 
 the bidding drop down menu.  Today's hand #2745 discusses 
 finding a bid.  Click below to see this bridge problem.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column38.html

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Smiley says 'Bye' from
darrell94590 on 9/7/2005

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