Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #582c
Date: 3/30/2008
Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have
sent me through the years.
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Subj: Saudis
And Human Rights
From: AFine963 on 3/9/2008
Source: http://www.dotsub.com/films/moredemands
........./index.php?autostart=true&language_setting=en_1618
This six-minute lecture on
human rights in the Middle
East is interesting.
You can listen to the talk at the
source above, or click below
for the version on my site.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/nationalities/a_to_z/middle_east-rights.html
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Subj: Dashboard
Camera
From: tom on 3/11/2008
This video from a police car's
dashboard camera is cute.
Click below to view it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-stop.html
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Subj: Florida
Airport Work Site
From: tom on 3/12/2008
Source: http://community-2.webtv.net/karenlprince/AMUSTSEE/index.html
Since this gator has a roll
of duck tape around his mouth,
I'll bet he is still alive.
You can view this alligator
and the 87 rattlers at the
source above, or on my site by
clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/a_to_c/allig-fpl.html
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Subj: Doing
The Laundry
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/6/2003
A young couple got married.
On their honeymoon, they were
very anxious about having
sex because they were both
virgins. Because of
their sexual inexperience, they were
a bit uncomfortable discussing
the subject so they came
up with the term "doing the
laundry" to use in place of
"having sex."
This made them both more comfortable
with the whole concept.
Well, the first night of
their honeymoon was wonderful.
They "did the laundry" 5
times that first night. In the
middle of the night the new
husband woke up, and he was
ready to do the laundry again.
He gently shook his new wife
and asked her, "Can we do
the laundry again?" but she was
very tired.
She told him that she just
couldn't do it again just yet.
May be in the morning.
A few hours later the new wife awoke
feeling very guilty.
What he had asked for wasn't
unreasonable, and she decided
she should go ahead and "do
the laundry" with him again.
She gently shook him and said,
"Honey, I'm sorry I denied
you... We can do the laundry
again if you want,"
He replied, "That's ok...
It was a small load... I did it
by hand."
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Subj: Why
BEER is Better Than Women:
* Beer always comes
in multiples of six.
* Beer doesn't whine,
it bubbles.
* Beer doesn't make
you go shopping.
* Beer doesn't blow
you off.
* Beer doesn't care
if you have no culture or manners.
* When your beer goes
flat, you toss it out.
* A beer gets lighter
the longer you hold it.
* You don't need a
license to live with a beer.
* Beer doesn't mind
if you fart or belch.
* You can shoot a beer.
* Beer doesn't demand
equality.
* A beer doesn't think
DOS is pronounced "dose".
* A frigid beer is
a good beer.
* No matter what the
package, a beer still looks good.
* Beer never complains
when you take it somewhere.
* Beer tastes *good*.
* You can't catch social
diseases from a beer.
* A beer will actually
*support* belching and farting and
share your enthusiasm
for getting them included as
demonstration
sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
* When your interrupted
by a beer it's for a good reason.
* Beer never changes
its mind.
* Beer doesn't mind
being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
* A beer doesn't change
its mind after you've taken
off its top.
* A beer ALWAYS goes
down easy.
* Finishing a beer
in three seconds is something to
be proud of.
* A beer won't raise
any objections to an evening
of watching
"John Holmes'
Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
* Beer stains wash
out.
* A tree is good enough
for a beer.
* Beer won't run off
with your credit cards.
* A beer doesn't give
a fuck if you keep a bunch
of other beers
around.
* Beer doesn't tease
you or play hard to get.
* Beer is happy to
ride in the trunk of your car.
* Beer doesn't grow
hair where it shouldn't.
* Some beers (e.g.
St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
* Beer doesn't tell
you to mow the grass.
* Beer doesn't use
up your toilet paper.
* A beer chaser is
easier to catch.
* A beer will not call
you a sexist pig if you say
"doberman" instead
of "doberperson".
* Beer always listens
and never argues.
* Beer doesn't care
if you go to sleep right after
you've had it.
* Beer doesn't pout
or play games.
* A beer will not insist
that those odious Michelin
commercials
with the babies are "cute".
* You can't catch anything
but a "buzz" from a beer.
* A beer won't raise
a fuss about a little thing like
leaving the
toilet seat up.
* Beer doesn't live
with its mother.
* A beer is always
satisfying.
* You can have more
than one beer in a night and
not feel guilty.
* Beer doesn't look
you up in a month.
* A beer won't make
you pick up some tampons when you
go to the grocery
store.
* A beer goes down
easy.
* If you take a beer
outta the fridge just to look at it
but then decide
to drink it, the beer won't accuse you
of "date rape".
* Beer doesn't worry
about waking the kids.
* Beer doesn't mind
seeing Chuck Norris and
Charles Bronson
flicks.
* A beer won't accuse
you of lying when you say you read
Penthouse "just
for the articles". (You *are* lying,
but the beer
won't accuse you of it.)
* Beer doesn't have
a mother.
* After you've had
a beer, the bottle is still
worth 5 cents.
* A beer won't tell
you its pregnant for fun.
* Beer doesn't have
morals.
* If a beer leaks all
over the room, it smells kinda good
for a while.
* Beer labels don't
go out of style every year.
* It's okay to leave
a party with a different beer
than the one
you bought.
* Beer doesn't complain
about farting.
* You don't have to
wine and dine a beer.
* When you go to a
bar, you know you can always
pick up a beer.
* A beer won't whine
that seatbelts hurt.
* When your beer is
gone, you just pop another.
* Beer doesn't have
a lawyer.
* You can enjoy a beer
all night long.
* You can put all your
old beers together in one room
and they won't
fight.
* A beer doesn't think
baseball is stupid simply because
the guys spit.
* Beer doesn't go crazy
once a month.
* A beer won't accuse
you of being a sexist pig
if you say "Gene
Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".
* Beer doesn't mind
football season.
* You can share a beer
with your friends.
* A beer does not come
with inlaws.
* A beer is more likely
to know how to spell "carburetor"
than a woman.
* You rarely (if ever)
find beer labels on the shower
curtain rod.
* Beers don't want
a lasting relationship.
* Beer doesn't demand
legality.
* Beer doesn't complain
about the way you drive.
* A beer won't make
you go to church.
* Beer doesn't bitch,
yell, or cry.
* You can try dark
beers and foreign beers without
upsetting your
parents.
* When beer goes flat
you toss it out.
* A beer won't argue
that there's no difference between
shooting down
an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and
blowing a Korean
airliner
* You are never embarraessed
about the beer you bring
to a party.
* A beer will never
buy a car with automatic transmission.
* A beer never costs
you more than five dollars and
never leaves
you thirsty.
* Beer doesn't worry
about someone walking in.
* To cool off a beer,
all you have to do is put it
in the ice box.
* Beer looks the same
in the morning.
* A beer won't get
upset if you come home with beer
on your breath.
* Beer is always easy
to pick up.
* Beer doesn't mind
getting dirty.
* A beer doesn't get
jealous when you grab another beer.
* You don't have to
wine and dine beer.
* You don't have to
wash a beer before it tastes good.
* Big, fat beers are
nice to have.
* Beer is always wet.
* After you have a
beer, you're committed to nothing other
than dumping
the empty bottle.
* Your beer will always
wait patiently for you at home
until the bar
closed.
* A beer never fishes
for compliments.
* Beer doesn't need
much closet space.
* Beer labels come
off without a fight.
* You don't have to
drive a beer home in the morning.
* After you've put
your lips to a beer, it doesn't say,
'What are you
doing?'
* A beer will *never*
make you go to a Swedish movie.
* A beer won't claim
that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
* When you're through
with a beer, the thought of another
beer doesn't
make you ill.
* You can have a beer
in public.
* Beer won't drive
you to drink.
* Beer never asks you
to change the station.
* A beer will *never*
make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater"
on channel 5
on Saturday afternoons.
* A beer won't smoke
in your car.
* Beer is never late.
* If you mention a
"three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8"
around a beer,
it won't think you're talking about an
enormous can
of vegetable juice.
* Beer never has a
headache.
* A beer won't get
upset if you come home and have
another beer.
* A beer won't get
a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours
of lesbian folk
music on your favorite radio station.
* Beer doesn't have
cold hands/feet.
* Beer doesn't wear
a bra.
* If you pour a beer
right, you will always get good head.
* Beer doesn't complain
about insensitivity.
* A beer will wait
in the car while you go and play football.
* A beer won't fill
up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas
with the excuse:
"But I saved a quarter!"
* Beer is easy to get
into.
* You always know you're
the first one to pop a beer.
* A beer doesn't care
when you come.
* Beer doesn't care
how much you earn.
* An ice-cold beer
will nonetheless let you have your
way with it.
* After you have a
beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
* You never have to
promise to respect a beer in the morning.
* Beer is never overweight.
* A beer won't worry
that you'll go to jail if you
videotape a
Giants game without the expressed, written
consent of the
National Football League.
* A beer is always
wet.
* The only thing a
beer tells you is when its time to go
to the bathroom.
* You can enjoy a beer
all month.
* HANGOVERS go away.
Q: Why is a beer better than
a woman?
A: You don't have to wash
a beer before it tastes good
Q: What's the difference between
a woman and a beer?
A: A beer's still worth 5
cents when you are finished with it.
Q: Why is a beer better than
a woman?
A: If you pour a beer right,
you'll always get good head.
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Subj: Finding
A Bid In Bridge
From: BridgeClues.com on 3/22/2008
This wonderful web site has
daily problems if you click on
the bidding drop down menu.
Today's hand #2745 discusses
finding a bid. Click
below to see this bridge problem.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column38.html
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|
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Smiley says 'Bye' from
darrell94590 on 9/7/2005 |
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