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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #583b
         Date: 4/6/2008
 

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Subj:     The New Bush Coins
          From: rfslick on 3/26/2008
 Source: http://blip.tv/file/520347?ref=patrick.net

 Now that President Bush has declared martial law, it will 
 be illegal to own precious metals after the first of the 
 year.  Here's a sneak peek at the new money from BlimpTV.net 
 You can view brilliant, funny, and chilling movie at the 
 above source, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/banking_pictures/banking-supp-coin.html

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Subj:     A Shark's Love
          From: darrellvip on 3/26/2008

 Read the true love story of a man and a seventeen foot 
 great white shark.  Click below to see this amazing 
 PowerPoint Show.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/sports/fishing2.html#shark

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Subj:     Put A Cap In Your Ass
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2008 
 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/30829.htm

 You can view this stupid, cute animated GIF at the above 
 source, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/nationalities/a_to_z/black1-cap.html

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Subj:     How To Hug A Baby
          From: AllFunny.net on 3/28/2008
 Source: http://allfunny.net/index.php/funny-pictures/how-to-hug-a-baby.html

 This set of four photos is very cut.  You can view them at 
 the source above, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/d_to_z/dog-supp-hug.html

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Subj:     Retired Sailor & The Prostitute
          From: ICohen on 12/13/2001
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2008

 An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads
 for the docks once  more for old times sake.  He engages
 a prostitute and takes her up to a room.  He's soon
 going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but
 needing some reassurance, he asks, "How am I doing?"

 The prostitute replies, "Well old sailor, you're doing
 about three knots."

 "Three knots?" he asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"

 She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're
 knot getting your money-back!

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Subj:     Prosecutor's First Witness
          From: Imogenelumen on 9/6/2004
      and From: hellgunner50 on 3/22/2008

 A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness
 to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He
 approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

 She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams.  I've
 known you since you were a young boy.  Frankly, you've been
 a big disappointment to me.  You lie, you cheat on your wife,
 you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
 You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the
 brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
 than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

 The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he
 pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you
 know the defense attorney?"

 She again replied, "Why, yes I do.  I've known Mr. Bradley
 since he was a youngster, too.  I used to baby-sit him for
 his parents.  And he, too, has been a real disappointment
 to me.  He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem.  The
 man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his
 law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state.
 Yes, I know him."

 At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence
 and called both counselors to the bench.  In a very quiet
 voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if
 she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

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Subj:     German, American, And A Pollack Sentenced To Guillotine

 Once upon a time there was a German, American and Pollack. 
 All three had been overseas to some third world country. 
 While at this third world country, they all had managed to 
 be suspects for the murder of one of the high government 
 officials of this dreaded land.  The community had gotten 
 together to decide what should be done to have justice 
 served. 

 They ran into a problem, however.  No one could decide who 
 the guilty man was.  From the back of the room where the 
 community meeting was held, a voice cried out.  It said 
 "guillotine 'em all!"  This was the decision agreed upon 
 by all.  This judgement was to be carried out the following 
 morning.  When morning came they were all informed that 
 they would each get a last request.  Each man was led 
 through the town square to be decapitated. 

 The German was to be first.  He was asked if he had a last 
 request.  The German responded "Yes, would you please see 
 to it that my wife is taken care of?"  He was told that 
 this would happen and was lowered under the mighty blade. 
 The lever was released and the blade fell short of reaching 
 his head by about 2 inches.  The people of the land decided 
 that this was an act of God saying that he was not guilty, 
 so they lethim go free. 

 Next up was the American.  He was asked if he had a last 
 request.  The American responded "Yes, may I please smoke 
 just one last cigarette?"  The answer was yes and was 
 allowed to light up. After he was finished he was lowered 
 under the mighty blade.  The lever was released and the 
 blade fell short of reaching his head by about 2 inches. 
 The people of the land decided that this was an act of God 
 saying that he was not guilty, so they let him go free. 

 Finally the pollack was to meet his death under the mighty 
 blade and was asked if he had a last request. The pollack 
 stood there for about two minutes with a dumbfounded look 
 on his face trying to think of a last request.  Then his 
 eyes lit up and said yes.  He responded by saying "Look, 
 there is a kink in the chain!" 

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/24/2008

 "The family fireside is the best of schools."
    -- Arnold Glasgow
 

 "Life is mostly froth and bubble;
  Two things stand like stone: - 
  Kindness in another's trouble,
  Courage in your own"
    -- Adam Lindsay Gordon  1833-70
 

 "Determine never to be idle.  It is wonderful how much
  may be done if we are always doing."  -- Thomas Jefferson
 

 It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have
 to do what's required.  -- Sir Winston Churchill

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Calvin in Sunglasses from
GIFMania

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