Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #584
Date: 4/13/2008
"Men will confess to treason,
murder, arson, false teeth, or
a wig. How many of
them will own up to a lack of humor?"
-- Frank Moore
Colby
Thanks for the great jokes you guys
keep sending. If
I haven’t sent out a certain joke
for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a
second time.
Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have
sent me through the years.
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Subj: Marriage
Notes
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/13/2008
Source: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31317.htm
You can view this cute cartoon
at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_mar/m4-notes.html
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Subj: The
Water Wheel
From: ginafm on 3/29/2008
This connection between two
canals in Scotland is a engineering
marvel. You can see
this PowerPoint Show by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/engineer1.html#wheel
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Subj: Hillary
And Barack Are Friends
From: rfslick on 4/1/2008
This cute, dirty picture of
Hillary and Barack is funny.
Click below to view it on
my site.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/polit/polit-supp-friends.html
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Subj: The
Sudoku Accounting Method
From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/2/2008
Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common/
.........affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost&comic=franknernest
You can view this cute Frank
and Ernest comic strip
on my web site by clicking
below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/after_m/stat-F_N_E2.html
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Subj: Butchart
Gardens
From: darrellvip on 4/2/2008
Fall at Butchart Gardens,
Victoria, B. C., Canada
It's hard to believe anything
could be this beautiful.
You can view these eight
pictures by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyPictures/fantastic2.html
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Subj: The
Mink Coat
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
and From: DoctorDebt on 6/24/2004
A man and a woman walk into
a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier.
"Show the lady your finest
mink!" the fellow exclaims. The
owner of the shop goes in
back and comes out with an absolutely
gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the
furrier sidles up to the guy and
discreetly whispers, "Ah,
sir, that particular fur goes for
$65,000."
"No problem! I'll write you
a check!"
"Very good, sir." says the
shop owner. "Today is Saturday.
You may come by on Monday
to pick it up, after the check has
cleared." The man and
the woman leave.
On Monday, the fellow returns
without the lady. The store
owner is outraged: "How dare
you show your face in here?!
There wasn't a single penny
in your checking account!!"
"I just had to come by," grinned
the guy, "to thank you for
the most wonderful weekend
of my life!"
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Subj: Blind
Man Orders By Smell
From: sking on 97-07-18
and From: LABLaughs.com on 11/3/2003 and 3/19/2008
A blind man walks into a restaurant
and sits down. The
waiter, who is also the owner,
walks up to the blind man
and hands him a menu. "I'm
sorry sir, but I am blind and
can't read the menu. Just
bring me a dirty fork from a
previous customer, I'll smell
it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner
walks over to the dirty dish
pile and picks up a greasy
fork. He returns to the blind
man's table and hands it
to him. The blind man puts the
fork to his nose and takes
in a deep breath. "Ah, yes
that's what I'll have, meatloaf
and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says
to himself as he walks
towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's
wife and he tells her what
had just happened. The blind
man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind
man returns and the owner
mistakenly brings him a menu
again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the
blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize
you. I'll go get you a
dirty fork." The owner
again retrieves a dirty fork and
brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath,
the blind man says, "That
smells great, I'll take the
Macaroni and cheese with
broccoli."
Once again walking away in
disbelief, the owner thinks
the blind man is screwing
around with him and tells his
wife that the next time the
blind man comes in he's
going to test him. The blind
man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week,
but this time the owner
sees him coming and runs
to the kitchen. He tells his
wife, "Mary, rub this fork
on your panties before I
take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her
husband the fork back.
As the blind man walks in
and sits down, the owner is
ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I
remembered you and I already
have the fork ready for
you."
The blind man puts the fork
to his nose, takes a deep
whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't
know that Mary worked
here!"
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Subj: Swiss
Seeks Directions
From: flovilla on 3/23/2001
A Swiss guy, looking for directions,
pulls up at a bus stop
where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen
Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he
asks. The two Americans just stare
at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous
Francais?" he tries. The two
continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing. The
Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to
the second and says, "Y'know,
maybe we should learn a foreign
language."
"Why?" says the other. "That
guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."
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Subj: Bill
Gates And Farting
From: JBCARY1 on 11/29/2001
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and
Jerry Sanders (Heads of MicroSoft,
Intel, and AMD, Advanced
Micro Devices) were in a high-powered
business meeting. During
the serious, tense discussion, a
beeping noise suddenly is
emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, "Oh, that's my
beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I
need to take this call."
Bill lifts his wristwatch to his
ear and begins talking
into the end of his tie. After
completing this call, he
notices the others are staring at
him. Bill explains, "Oh,
this is my new personal communi-
cation system. I have
an earpiece built into my watch and
a microphone sewn into the
end of my tie. That way I can
take a call anywhere."
The others nod, and the meeting
continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion
is again interrupted when
Andy starts beeping.
He states, "Excuse me gentlemen, this
must be an important call."
Andy taps his earlobe and
begins talking into thin
air. When he completes his call,
he notices the others staring
at him and explains, "I also
have a personal communication
system. My earpiece is
actually implanted in my
earlobe, and the microphone is
actually embedded in this
fake tooth."
The others nod, and the meeting
continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion
is again interrupted
when Jerry emits a thunderous
fart. He looks up at the
others staring at him and
says, "Somebody get me a piece
of paper... I'm receiving
a fax!"
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Subj: Picket
Posts By Sam Loyd
From the book
"More Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
Edited by Martin Gardner
From: Dover Publications in 1960
Can you place sixteen checkers
on a checkerboard so that
only two are on every row,
column, and diagonal? For
more details and pictures
click below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/bt/picket.html
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