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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #584
         Date: 4/13/2008
 

 "Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or
  a wig.  How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?" 
    -- Frank Moore Colby
 

Thanks for the great jokes you guys keep sending.  If
I havenít sent out a certain joke for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a second time.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     Marriage Notes
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/13/2008 
 Source: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31317.htm

 You can view this cute cartoon at the source above, or on 
 my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_mar/m4-notes.html

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Subj:     The Water Wheel
          From: ginafm on 3/29/2008

 This connection between two canals in Scotland is a engineering 
 marvel.  You can see this PowerPoint Show by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/engineer1.html#wheel

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Subj:     Hillary And Barack Are Friends
          From: rfslick on 4/1/2008

 This cute, dirty picture of Hillary and Barack is funny. 
 Click below to view it on my site.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/polit/polit-supp-friends.html

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Subj:     The Sudoku Accounting Method
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/2/2008
 Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common/
.........affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost&comic=franknernest

 You can view this cute Frank and Ernest comic strip 
 on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/after_m/stat-F_N_E2.html

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Subj:     Butchart Gardens
          From: darrellvip on 4/2/2008

 Fall at Butchart Gardens, Victoria, B. C., Canada 
 It's hard to believe anything could be this beautiful. 
 You can view these eight pictures by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyPictures/fantastic2.html

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Subj:     The Mink Coat
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: DoctorDebt on 6/24/2004

 A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier.
 "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.  The
 owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely
 gorgeous full-length coat.

 As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and
 discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
 $65,000."

 "No problem! I'll write you a check!"

 "Very good, sir." says the shop owner.  "Today is Saturday.
 You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has
 cleared."  The man and the woman leave.

 On Monday, the fellow returns without the lady.  The store
 owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?!
 There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

 "I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for
 the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

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Subj:     Blind Man Orders By Smell
          From: sking on 97-07-18
      and From: LABLaughs.com on 11/3/2003 and 3/19/2008

 A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.  The
 waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man
 and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and
 can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a
 previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

 A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish
 pile and picks up a greasy fork.  He returns to the blind
 man's table and hands it to him.  The blind man puts the
 fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes
 that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

 Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks
 towards the kitchen.  The cook happens to be the owner's
 wife and he tells her what had just happened.  The blind
 man eats his meal and leaves.

 Several days later the blind man returns and the owner
 mistakenly brings him a menu again.

 "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

 "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a
 dirty fork."  The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and
 brings it to the blind man.  After another deep breath,
 the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the
 Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

 Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks
 the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his
 wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's
 going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

 He returns the following week, but this time the owner
 sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.  He tells his
 wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I
 take it to the blind man."

 Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

 As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is
 ready and waiting.  "Good afternoon sir, this time I
 remembered you and I already have the fork ready for
 you."

 The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep
 whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked
 here!"

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Subj:     Swiss Seeks Directions
          From: flovilla on 3/23/2001 

 A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop 
 where two Americans are waiting.  "Entschuldigung, koennen 
 Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.  The two Americans just stare 
 at him. 

 "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two 
 continue to stare. 

 "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" 
 Still nothing.  The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. 

 The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, 
 maybe we should learn a foreign language." 

 "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it 
 didn't do him any good." 

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Subj:     Bill Gates And Farting
          From: JBCARY1 on 11/29/2001 

 Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (Heads of MicroSoft, 
 Intel, and AMD, Advanced Micro Devices) were in a high-powered 
 business meeting.  During the serious, tense discussion, a 
 beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. 
 Bill says, "Oh, that's my beeper.  Gentlemen, excuse me, I 
 need to take this call."  Bill lifts his wristwatch to his 
 ear and begins  talking into the end of his tie.  After 
 completing this call, he notices the others are staring at 
 him. Bill explains, "Oh, this is my new personal communi- 
 cation system.  I have an earpiece built into my watch and 
 a microphone sewn into the end of my tie.  That way I can 
 take a call anywhere." 

 The others nod, and the meeting continues. 

 Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when 
 Andy starts beeping.  He states, "Excuse me gentlemen, this 
 must be an important call."  Andy taps his earlobe and 
 begins talking into thin air.  When he completes his call, 
 he notices the others staring at him and explains, "I also 
 have a personal communication system.  My earpiece is 
 actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is 
 actually embedded in this fake tooth." 

 The others nod, and the meeting continues. 

 Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted 
 when Jerry emits a thunderous fart.  He looks up at the 
 others staring at him and says, "Somebody get me a piece 
 of paper... I'm receiving a fax!" 

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Subj:     Picket Posts By Sam Loyd
          From the book
               "More Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd" 
               Edited by Martin Gardner 
               From: Dover Publications in 1960

 Can you place sixteen checkers on a checkerboard so that
 only two are on every row, column, and diagonal?  For
 more details and pictures click below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/bt/picket.html

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