Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #585b
Date: 4/20/2008
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Subj: Mischievous
Cats
From: MetaCafe.com on 4/8/2008
Source: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1193015/mischievous_cats/
You can view this cute cat
movie at the above source, or
on my web site by clicking
below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/a_to_c/cats2-mischievous.html
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Subj: Amazing
Railway Routes
From: darrell94590 on 7/21/2006
A very beautiful Power Point
Show of the railroad from
Whitehorse, Yukon to Skagway,
Alaska. Click below to view.
http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/n_to_v/train-routes.pps
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Subj: Aging
And Belt Height
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/4/2008
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20050319
You can view this cute cartoon
at the above source, or on
my web site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/clothing-belts.html
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Subj: Important
Message About Getting Older
From: ginafm on 4/6/2008
You can read this important
message on my web site
by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_eld/e3s-message.html
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Subj: Fire
Angle
From: lauracollins07 on 4/9/2008
This "Fire Angle Ice Sculpture"
is quite moving.
Click below to see it on
my web site.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/fire-angle.html
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Subj: Woman
Confesses Sex With Boyfriend
From: thebartend on 98-05-11 and 11/17/2003
and From: tom on 4/7/2008
There once was a young woman
who went to confession.
Upon entering the confessional
she said, "Forgive me Father,
for I have sinned." The priest
said, "Confess your sins and
be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last
night my boyfriend made mad
passionate love to me seven
times."
The priest thought long and
hard and then said, "Take seven
lemons and squeeze them into
a glass and then drink the juice.
The young woman asked, "Will
this cleanse me of my sins?"
"NO, but it will wipe that
smile off of your face."
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Subj: 60
Year Old Man Discusses Family w/Doctor
From: JCary on 9/3/99
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/4/2008
A 60 year old man went to
a doctor for a check-up. The doctor
told him, "You're in
terrific shape. There's nothing wrong
with you. Why, you
might live forever; you have the body of a
35 year old. By the
way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60 year old responded,
"Did I say he was dead?" The doctor
was surprised and asked,
"How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60 year old responded,
"Well, he is 82 years old and he
still goes skiing three times
a season and surfing three times
a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe
it! So he said, "Well, how old was
your grandfather when he
died?"
The 60 year old responded
again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished.
He said, "You mean to tell me you are
60 years old and both your
father and your grandfather are alive?
Is your grandfather very
active?"
The 60 year old said, "He
goes skiing at least once a season and
surfing once a week during
the summer. Not only that," said the
patient, "my grandfather
is 106 years old, and next week he is
getting married again."
The doctor said, "At 106 years
why on earth would your grandfather
want to get married?"
His patient looked up at the
doctor and said, "Did I say he
wanted to?"
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Subj: Saddam
And Paddy
From: BartendJOTD-owner on 11/29/2000
and From: AFine963 on 4/7/2008
Saddam Hussein was sitting
in his office wondering whom
to invade next when his telephone
rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily
accented voice said. "This
is Paddy up in County Cavan,
Ireland. I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially
declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied,
"this is indeed important
news! Tell me, how big is
your army?"
"At this moment in time,"
said Paddy after a moment's
calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Sean, my next
door neighbour Gerry, and
the entire dominoes team from
the pub -- that makes eight!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell
you Paddy that I have a million
men in my army waiting to
move on my command."
"Begorrah!" said Paddy, "I'll
have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day
Paddy rang back. "Right Mr.
Hussein, the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire
some equipment!"
"And what equipment would
that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combine
harvesters, a bulldozer and
Murphy's tractor from the
farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I
must tell you, Paddy, that I
have sixteen thousand tanks,
fourteen thousand armoured
personnel carriers, and my
army has increased to two
million men since we last
spoke."
"Really?" said Paddy "I'll
have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy called
again the next day. "Right Mr.
Hussein, I am sorry to tell
you that we have had to call
off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that,"
said Saddam. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy "We've
had a look at the Geneva Convention,
all had a chat, and there's
no way we can feed two million
prisoners."
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Subj: Calc
Final At Ohio State
From: Daemonic Funnies Page
The setting is Ohio State
University about six or seven
years ago in a huge lecture
hall (approximately 1000
students) for a Calculus
final. Apparently this particular
calculus teacher wasn't very
well liked. He was one of
those guys who would stand
at the front of the class and
yell out how much time was
remaining before the end of a
test, a real charmer.
Since he was so busy galavanting
around the room making sure
that nobody cheated and that
everyone was aware of how
much time they had left before
their failure on the test
was complete, he had the students
stack the completed tests
on the huge podium at the front
of the room. This made
for quite a mess, remember there
were 1000 students in the
class.
Anyway, during this particular
final, one guy entered the
test needing a descent grade
to pass the class. His only
problem with Calculus was
that he did poorly when rushed,
and this ass standing in
the front of the room barking out
how much time was left before
the tests had to be handed
in didn't help him at all.
He figured he wanted to assure
himself of a good grade,
so he hardly flinched when the
professor said "pencils down
and submit your scantron
sheets and work to piles
at the front of the room".
Five minutes turned into ten,
ten into twenty, twenty into
fourty... almost an hour
after the test was "officially
over", our friend finally
put down his pencil, gathered up
his work, and headed to the
front of the hall to submit
his final. The whole
time, the professor sat at the front
of the room, strangely waiting
for the student to complete
his exam.
"What do you think you're
doing?" the professor asked as
the student stood in front
of him about to put down his
exam on one of the neatly
stacked piles of exams (the
professor had plenty of time
to stack the mountain of
papers while he waited) It
was clear that the professor
had waited only to give the
student a hard time.
"Turning in my exam," retorted
the student confidently.
"I'm afraid I have some bad
news for you," the professor
gloated, "Your exam is an
hour late. You've FAILED it
and, consequently, I'll see
you next term when you repeat
my course."
The student smiled slyly and
asked the professor "Do you
know who I am?"
"What?" replied the professor
gruffly, annoyed that the
student showed no sign of
emotion.
The student rephrased the
question mockingly, "Do you
know what my name is?"
"NO", snarled the professor.
The student looked the professor
dead in the eyes and
said slowly, "I didn't think
so", as he lifted up one
of the stacks half way, shoved
his test neatly into the
center of the stack, let
the stack fall burying his
test in the middle, turned
around, and walked casually
out of the huge lecture hall.
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Subj: An
Egg-Head Limerick:
This poem was written by John Saxon
(an author of math textbooks).
((12 +
144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
Or for those who have trouble with
the poem:
A dozen, a gross, and a
score,
Plus three times the square
root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times
eleven,
Equals nine squared plus
zero, no more.
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Subj: Short
Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/4/2007
"Faith is the strength by
which a shattered world shall
emerge into the light."
-- Helen Keller
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