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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #585b
         Date: 4/20/2008

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Subj:     Mischievous Cats
          From: MetaCafe.com on 4/8/2008
 Source: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1193015/mischievous_cats/

 You can view this cute cat movie at the above source, or 
 on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/a_to_c/cats2-mischievous.html

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Subj:     Amazing Railway Routes
          From: darrell94590 on 7/21/2006

 A very beautiful Power Point Show of the railroad from 
 Whitehorse, Yukon to Skagway, Alaska.  Click below to view.

 http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/n_to_v/train-routes.pps

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Subj:     Aging And Belt Height
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/4/2008
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20050319

 You can view this cute cartoon at the above source, or on 
 my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/clothing-belts.html

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Subj:     Important Message About Getting Older
          From: ginafm on 4/6/2008

 You can read this important message on my web site 
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_eld/e3s-message.html

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Subj:     Fire Angle
          From: lauracollins07 on 4/9/2008

 This "Fire Angle Ice Sculpture" is quite moving. 
 Click below to see it on my web site.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/fire-angle.html

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Subj:     Woman Confesses Sex With Boyfriend
          From: thebartend on 98-05-11 and 11/17/2003
      and From: tom on 4/7/2008

 There once was a young woman who went to confession.

 Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father,
 for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and
 be forgiven."

 The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad
 passionate love to me seven times."

 The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven
 lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink the juice.

 The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

 "NO, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

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Subj:     60 Year Old Man Discusses Family w/Doctor 
          From: JCary on 9/3/99
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/4/2008

 A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up.  The doctor
 told him,  "You're in terrific shape.  There's nothing wrong
 with you.  Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a
 35 year old.  By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

 The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"  The doctor
 was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

 The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he
 still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times
 a week during the summer."

 The doctor couldn't believe it!  So he said, "Well, how old was
 your grandfather when he died?"

 The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"

 The doctor was astonished.  He said, "You mean to tell me you are
 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive?
 Is your grandfather very active?"

 The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and
 surfing once a week during the summer.  Not only that," said the
 patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is
 getting married again."

 The doctor said, "At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather
 want to get married?"

 His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he
 wanted to?"

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Subj:     Saddam And Paddy
          From: BartendJOTD-owner on 11/29/2000 
      and From: AFine963 on 4/7/2008 

 Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom 
 to invade next when his telephone rang. 

 "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This 
 is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland.  I am ringing to 
 inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" 

 "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important 
 news! Tell me, how big is your army?" 

 "At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's 
 calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next 
 door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from 
 the pub -- that makes eight!" 

 Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have a million 
 men in my army waiting to move on my command." 

 "Begorrah!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!" 

 Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. 
 Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire 
 some equipment!" 

 "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. 

 "Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and 
 Murphy's tractor from the farm." 

 Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I 
 have sixteen thousand tanks, fourteen thousand armoured 
 personnel carriers, and my army has increased to two 
 million men since we last spoke." 

 "Really?" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!" 

 Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr. 
 Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call 
 off the war." 

 "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden 
 change of heart?" 

 "Well," said Paddy "We've had a look at the Geneva Convention, 
 all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed two million 
 prisoners." 

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Subj:     Calc Final At Ohio State
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page 

 The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven 
 years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 
 students) for a Calculus final.  Apparently this particular 
 calculus teacher wasn't very well liked.  He was one of 
 those guys who would stand at the front of the class and 
 yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a 
 test, a real charmer.  Since he was so busy galavanting 
 around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that 
 everyone was aware of how much time they had left before 
 their failure on the test was complete, he had the students 
 stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front 
 of the room.  This made for quite a mess, remember there 
 were 1000 students in the class. 

 Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the 
 test needing a descent grade to pass the class.  His only 
 problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, 
 and this ass standing in the front of the room barking out 
 how much time was left before the tests had to be handed 
 in didn't help him at all.  He figured he wanted to assure 
 himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched when the 
 professor said "pencils down and submit your scantron 
 sheets and work to piles at the front of the room". 

 Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into 
 fourty... almost an hour after the test was "officially 
 over", our friend finally put down his pencil, gathered up 
 his work, and headed to the front of the hall to submit 
 his final.  The whole time, the professor sat at the front 
 of the room, strangely waiting for the student to complete 
 his exam. 

 "What do you think you're doing?" the professor asked as 
 the student stood in front of him about to put down his 
 exam on one of the neatly stacked piles of exams (the 
 professor had plenty of time to stack the mountain of 
 papers while he waited) It was clear that the professor 
 had waited only to give the student a hard time. 

 "Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently. 

 "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the professor 
 gloated, "Your exam is an hour late.  You've FAILED it 
 and, consequently, I'll see you next term when you repeat 
 my course." 

 The student smiled slyly and asked the professor "Do you 
 know who I am?" 

 "What?" replied the professor gruffly, annoyed that the 
 student showed no sign of emotion. 

 The student rephrased the question mockingly, "Do you 
 know what my name is?" 

 "NO", snarled the professor. 

 The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and 
 said slowly, "I didn't think so", as he lifted up one 
 of the stacks half way, shoved his test neatly into the 
 center of the stack, let the stack fall burying his 
 test in the middle, turned around, and walked casually 
 out of the huge lecture hall. 

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Subj:     An Egg-Head Limerick:

This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).
     ((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0

Or for those who have trouble with the poem:
  A dozen, a gross, and a score,
  Plus three times the square root of four,
    Divided by seven,
    Plus five times eleven,
  Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

From: LABLaughsClean on 4/4/2007

 "Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall 
  emerge into the light."  -- Helen Keller

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Calvin and Hobbes from
GIFMania

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