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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #587
         Date: 5/4/2008
 

"Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what
 they think laughable." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
 

The best jokes I receive each week are from you folks.
If you get a good joke please pass it on to me, I enjoy
a good laugh and it cut down the work.  If you don't get
you Sunday Laughs, or want a back issue, drop me a note.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     Magic Cloths
          From: darrellvip on 4/20/2008

 This magic show on 'America's Got talent' is amazing.  You can 
 view it on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/clothing-magic.html

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Subj:     When To Buy A Dog 
          From: hellgunner50 on 3/8/2005 
      and From: ginafm on 4/19/2008

 To read “When to buy a dog”, click below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/d_to_z/dog2-when.html

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Subj:     Ball Control
          By Tim Nolan 
          From: ginafm on 4/20/2008
 Source: http://www.snotr.com/embed/612

 This movie is a very impressive demonstration of ball 
 control.  Click on the above source to view it.

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Subj:     Marriage Before And After
          From: tom on 4/19/2008

 You can see this cute sign on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_mar/m6-before.html

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Subj:     3% Hydrogen Peroxide
          From: tom on 4/19/2008
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/medical/homecure/peroxide.asp

 Hydrogen peroxide will cure a variety of ailments. 
 Click below to read some of them.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/b_to_t/facts4-peroxide.html

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Subj:     Patients Die On Friday Morning
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: darrellvip on 4/19/2008

 From (Cape Times, South Africa, 6/13/96) "For several months,
 our nurses have been baffled to find a dead patient in the
 same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi
 Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.  "There
 was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive
 checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for
 possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues."
 "However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of
 these deaths.

 It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the
 ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support
 system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then
 go about her business.  When she had finished her chores, she
 would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware
 that the patient was now dead.  She could not, after all, hear
 the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her
 polisher.

 "We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in
 question.  Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department
 is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra socket, so there
 should be no repetition of this incident.  The enquiry is now
 closed." BTW, the headline of the newspaper story was, "Cleaner
 Polishes Off Patients."

 Snopes.com says that this story is just an urban legend at
 http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/cleaner.asp

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Subj:     Italian Buisness School
          From: gordonschuk on 4/18/2008 

 Luigi (father): 'I want you to marry a girl of my choice.' 
 Son: 'I will choose my own bride!!!' 
 Luigi: 'But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter..' 
 Son: 'Well, in that case... ok' 

 Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates. 
 Luigi: 'I have a husband for your daughter...' 
 Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!' 
 Luigi: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank' 
 Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case...ok' 

 Finally Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank. 
 Luigi: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.' 
 President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!' 
 Luigi: 'But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law.' 
 President: 'Ah, in that case...ok' 

 And that, my friends, is how Italians do business. 

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Subj:     How Yodeling Was Invented
          From: JokesUncut on 1/22/2003 

 Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began? 
 California? Oregon? Switzerland?  Most believe it 
 originated in Switzerland, but here's the real version. 

 Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of 
 Switzerland.  Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had 
 nowhere to sleep.  He went up to a farmhouse and asked the 
 farmer if he could spend the night.  The farmer told him that 
 he could sleep in the barn. 

 As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from 
 upstairs and asked her father, "Who is that man going into 
 the barn?" 

 "That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. 
 "He needs a place to stay for the night, so I said he could 
 sleep in the barn." 

 The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry."  So she prepared 
 him a plate of food and took it out to the barn. 

 About an hour later, the daughter returned.  Her clothing 
 disheveled and straw in her hair.  Straight up to bed she 
 went. 

 The farmer's wife was very observant.  She then suggested 
 that perhaps the man was thirsty.  So she fetched a bottle 
 of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not 
 return for an hour.  Her clothing was askew, her blouse 
 buttoned incorrectly and her hair all messed up.  She also 
 headed straight to bed. 

 The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and 
 continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. 
 When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was 
 gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without 
 even saying goodbye," she cried.  "We made such passionate 
 love last night!" 

 "What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the 
 house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the 
 mountain.  The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to 
 get you! You had sex with my daughter!" 

 The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his 
 hand next to his mouth, and yelled out, "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO." 

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Subj:    Math Prob. - Trading In The Philippines
         From the book 
           "More Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
            Edited by Martin Gardner 
            From: Dover Publications in 1960 

 I recently came upon an old travel book that described some of 
 the primitive methods once used for conducting business in the 
 Philippines.  The traveling merchant shown in the picture uses 
 a balance scale and four metal rings that serve as weights. 
 The rings are different weights and sizes and he carries them 
 on his arms like bracelets. 

 With these four rings, the trader can weigh anything from a 
 quarter of a pound up to ten pounds.  These weights enable the 
 trader to get within a quarter of a pound of any weight within 
 the limits mentioned. 

 What are the weights of the four rings? 
 

 You can view this simple, historic problem, sketch, and solution 
 on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/m4bS2-trading.html

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Calvin in School from
Animated GIF Finder

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