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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #587b
         Date: 5/4/2008
 

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Subj:     Laser Cannon
          From: tom on 4/15/2008 
      and From: Popular Science Magazine
 Source: http://www.popsci.com/military-aviation-space/article
........./2008-03/how-it-works-airborne-laser-cannon

 This chemical laser in the belly of a gunship flying at 
 300 mph and will fire at targets as far away as five miles 
 To read the complete article from Popular Science either 
 click on the above source, or below for a copy on my site.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/sold/supp-cannon.html

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Subj:     Free To Good Home
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/16/2008
 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/32172.htm

 You can read this cute classified ad at the above source, 
 or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_mar/m6-free.html

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Subj:     Price Of Gas Around The World
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/17/2008 

 Prices are quoted in US dollars per gallon for regular 
 unleaded. 

 Oslo, Norway 
 $6.82 

 Hong Kong 
 $6.25 

 Brussels, Belgium 
 $6.16 

 London, UK 
 $5.96 

 Rome, Italy 
 $5.80 

 Tokyo, Japan 
 $5.25 

 Sao Paulo, Brazil 
 $4.42 

 New Delhi, India 
 $3.71 

 Sidney , Australia 
 $3.42 

 Johannesburg, South Africa 
 $3.39 

 Mexico City 
 $2.22 

 Buenos Aires , Argentina 
 $2.09 

 ... YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ... 

 Riyadh, Saudi Arabia 
 $0.91 

 Kuwait 
 $0.78 

 Caracas , Venezuela 
 $0.12 

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Subj:     Jewish Man Has Soup With Bread
          From: mrx on 5/26/2004
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 4/16/2008

 An old Jewish man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He
 always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him
 how he liked his meal. The old man replies (with Yiddish
 accent) "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."

 So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him
 four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager
 asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread,"
 comes the reply.

 So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him
 eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the
 manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more
 bread," comes the reply.

 So ... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give
 him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your
 meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay. "Wass
 goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes
 the reply once again.

 The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say
 that he is satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the
 bakery, and orders a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the
 man comes in as usual the next day, the waitress and the
 manager cut the loaf in half, butter the entire length of
 each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to
 his bowl of soup. The old man sits down, and devours both
 his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf
 of bread.

 The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking
 for, and when the old man comes up to pay for his meal, the
 manager asks in the usual way: "How was your meal TODAY,
 sir?"

 The old Jew replies: "It wass goot as usual, but I see you
 are back to giving only two slices of bread!"

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Subj:     Golfer Gets Robot Caddie
          From: flovilla on 12/11/2002
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/17/2008

 A man goes to a public golf course.  He approaches the man
 behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like
 18 holes of golf and a caddie,"

 The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is
 no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course.
 What I will do for you is this..  We just got 8 brand new
 robot golf caddies.  If you're willing to take one with
 you out on the course and if you will come back and tell
 me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today!"

 The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.  He
 approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said
 to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

 The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir.  Use
 your 3 wood.  A driver is far too much club for this hole."

 Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good
 contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet
 to the right front of the hole on the green.  The golfer,
 delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his
 assistance.

 As the golfer pulled out his putter, he said, "I think
 this green is gonna break left to right."

 The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir.  I do
 believe this green will break right to left."

 Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his
 prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine.
 He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot
 and his advice.  But his luck didn't end there!

 His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks
 to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie!  Upon
 returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter
 asked, "How was your game?"

 The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever
 played.  Thank you very much for letting me take one of
 your robots. See you next week!"

 A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the
 pro shop.  Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the
 man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes
 of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please!"

 The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man
 and said, "Well, the 18 holes is no problem.  However,
 we had to get rid of the robots.  We had too many
 complaints."

 Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS?  Who in the hell
 could've complained about those robots?  They were
 incredible!"

 The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance.
 It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare
 from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the
 fairway."

 The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them
 black?"

 The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Three of 'em
 didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one was
 arrested for dealing drugs, and the other two robbed the
 pro shop!"

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile
 

Subj:     Two Seals And The Valdez Oil Spill
          From: darrellvip on 4/19/2008

 The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the 
 Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.  At a special 
 ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were 
 released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from 
 onlookers.  A minute later they were both eaten by a killer 
 whale. 

 This is a good story, but Snopes.com says it is just an urban
 legend at  http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/fakenews.asp
 
 

From: LABLaughsClean on 4/14/2007

 "Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do
  not let them master you.  Let them teach you patience,
  sweetness, insight."  -- Helen Keller
 

 Q: What is the difference between garbage and an ugly girl?
 A: Garbage gets picked up at least once a week.

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Calvin in Sunglasses from
GIFMania

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