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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #594b
         Date: 6/22/2008
 

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Subj:     10 Beautiful Pictures
          From: darrellvip on 6/9/2008

 You can view these ten beautiful pictures on my site
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyPictures/fantastic3.html

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Subj:     The New Maid
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/27/2008 
 Source: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11133.htm

 You can view this silly, animated GIG at the above source,
 or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/butler-maid.html#new

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Subj:     Calvin As An Advice Columnist
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/10/2008
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060817

 Calvin applies to be an advice columnist.  You can enjoy 
 his proposed columns at the above source, or on my site 
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/words/a_to_p/mann-calvin.html

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Subj:     Five Guys And A Gal Stranded On Island
          From: darrellvip on 6/9/2008 

 There is this ship that goes out to sea and crashes.  6 people 
 (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to 
 a deserted island. 

 After spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to 
 get really lonely, sexually deprived lonely.  So they come to 
 this agreement:  Each man will marry the one woman for a week. 
 So the first man has her for one week, then the second man has 
 her for the second week, and so on. 

 Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. 
 This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.  Each man 
 gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex 
 whenever she wants with a different man every week. 

 Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies!!!!  The 
 first week is pretty bad, the second week is  still pretty 
 bad, the third week it's getting worse, the fourth week things 
 are just bad, really bad, the fifth week it is just awful, it's 
 getting so bad, soooooo... on the sixth week...... 

 They bury her.

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Subj:     Mortician Cuts Off Cadaver's Penis
          From: mbucher on 09/29/1999
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 6/5/2008

 A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
 examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried
 or cremated.  As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was
 about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz
 had the longest penis he had ever seen!  "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,"
 said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with
 a tremendously huge penis like this.  It has to be saved for
 posterity."  With that the coroner used his tools to remove the
 dead man's schlong.  The coroner stuffed his prize into a brief-
 case and took it home.  The first person he showed was his wife.
 "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said,
 and opened his briefcase.

 "Oh my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

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Subj:     The Asshole Bill of Rights
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/27/2008 

 The Asshole Bill of Rights As an ASSHOLE, 
 I proclaim the following: 

 #1 I will live my life the way I deem fit, screw political 
 correctness. 

 #2 I have the right to choose my religious path if I 
 choose one at = all. Christianity be damned. 

 #3 If I want to eat a cow, I will eat a cow. 

 #4 I have the right to hang up on telemarketers 
 midsentence and not have to worry about whether 
 or not I was polite. 

 #5 If I think someone's an idiot, I will tell them 
 they're an idiot. 

 #6 I have the right to tell children that their parents 
 aren't raising them correctly. (Think of how many times 
 you've been at a supermarket and heard a screaming child 
 the entire time...what exactly would you want to say 
 that'd be any nicer?) 

 #7 If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the 
 hell up. 

 #8 You may have the right to speak, but I don't have to 
 listen to you. 

 #9 If I want to be rude, loud, and obnoxious, it's a 
 free country. 

 #10 If I want to go to a bar, destroy my liver with 
 alcohol, clog my arteries with junk , and have unsafe 
 sex with the woman/man I just met, I ought to be able 
 to smoke while I'm at it. 

 #11 I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can go to 
 Jenny Craig. 

 #12 Jerry Springer for President!!!!!!! 

 #13 Denis Leary should be proclaimed God and given 
 reign over society. 

 #14 Your daughter just got drunk at a party, made a 
 slut of herself, and you're worried about my 
 religious beliefs? 

 #15 Before you tell me how to run my life, be 
 certain that your own is squeaky clean. 

 #16 Just because you work at McDonald's doesn't 
 mean you have an excuse to have an I.Q. under 
 twelve. 

 #17 (Courtesy of George Carlin) Just because you're a 
 student does not mean that you're any more enlightened 
 than someone that works at Blockbuster. 

 #18 Speaking of Blockbuster, if I return the tape, you do 
 not have to actually sue me for $15!! 

 #19 If you're stupid enough to give me credit, deal with 
 the consequences. 

 #20 It's ignorant to charge someone $25 if they bounce a 
 check for $5. (If I didn't have the $5, what makes you 
 think I'm going to have $25 you retards!!) 

 #21 If you don't like the way I drive then at the next red 
 light get out from under my car. 

 #22 If your dog or cat is so smart, then why do you talk 
 to it like it's a newborn baby? 

 #23 If I shoot you while you're committing a crime, and 
 you try to sue me for it, I'll shoot you again. 

 #24 Courtesy of Ben Franklin: Anyone who would give up 
 freedoms and liberties for temporary security deserves 
 neither freedom or security. 

 #25 If you live in Tornado Alley, don't whine when you get 
 hit by a tornado. 

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Subj:     Math Prob. - Find Michael's Age
          From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 6/8/2008 
 Source: http://www.brainteaserarchive.com/TeaserContest/contacts.php

 Once there were 9 children, all of which were in the same 
 family.  They were all born 18 months apart.  The oldest 
 one George was 5 times older than the youngest one Michael. 
 How old was Michael? 

 The solution can be found on my web site by clicking below.

 http://jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/m4c-michael.html

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile
 

From: LABLaughsClean on 6/9/2008

 "I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt 
  discarded is another step forward."  -- Thomas Alva Edison

 "The young do not know enough to be prudent and therefore, 
  they attempt the impossible and achieve it, generation 
  after generation."  -- Pearl S. Buck

 "The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready 
  for his opportunity when it comes."  -- Benjamin Disraeli

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Smiley and eyebrows from
Imogenelumen on 12/17/2003

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