594b

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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #594b
Date: 6/22/2008

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Subj: 10 Beautiful Pictures
From: darrellvip on 6/9/2008

You can view these ten beautiful pictures on my site
by clicking below.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyPictures/fantastic3.html

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Subj:     The New Maid
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/27/2008
Source: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11133.htm

You can view this silly, animated GIG at the above source,
or on my web site by clicking below.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/butler-maid.html#new

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Subj:     Calvin As An Advice Columnist
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/10/2008
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060817

Calvin applies to be an advice columnist. You can enjoy
his proposed columns at the above source, or on my site
by clicking below.

http://www.jokelibrary.net/words/a_to_p/mann-calvin.html

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Subj:     Five Guys And A Gal Stranded On Island
          From: darrellvip on 6/9/2008

There is this ship that goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people
(1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to
a deserted island.

After spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to
get really lonely, sexually deprived lonely. So they come to
this agreement: Each man will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, then the second man has
her for the second week, and so on.

Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man
gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex
whenever she wants with a different man every week.

Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies!!!! The
first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty
bad, the third week it's getting worse, the fourth week things
are just bad, really bad, the fifth week it is just awful, it's
getting so bad, soooooo... on the sixth week......

They bury her.

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Subj:     Mortician Cuts Off Cadaver's Penis
          From: mbucher on 09/29/1999
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 6/5/2008

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried
or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was
about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz
had the longest penis he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,"
said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with
a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for
posterity." With that the coroner used his tools to remove the
dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a brief-
case and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said,
and opened his briefcase.

"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

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Subj:     The Asshole Bill of Rights
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/27/2008

The Asshole Bill of Rights As an ASSHOLE,
I proclaim the following:

#1 I will live my life the way I deem fit, screw political
correctness.

#2 I have the right to choose my religious path if I
choose one at = all. Christianity be damned.

#3 If I want to eat a cow, I will eat a cow.

#4 I have the right to hang up on telemarketers
midsentence and not have to worry about whether
or not I was polite.

#5 If I think someone's an idiot, I will tell them
they're an idiot.

#6 I have the right to tell children that their parents
aren't raising them correctly. (Think of how many times
you've been at a supermarket and heard a screaming child
the entire time...what exactly would you want to say
that'd be any nicer?)

#7 If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the
hell up.

#8 You may have the right to speak, but I don't have to
listen to you.

#9 If I want to be rude, loud, and obnoxious, it's a
free country.

#10 If I want to go to a bar, destroy my liver with
alcohol, clog my arteries with junk , and have unsafe
sex with the woman/man I just met, I ought to be able
to smoke while I'm at it.

#11 I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can go to
Jenny Craig.

#12 Jerry Springer for President!!!!!!!

#13 Denis Leary should be proclaimed God and given
reign over society.

#14 Your daughter just got drunk at a party, made a
slut of herself, and you're worried about my
religious beliefs?

#15 Before you tell me how to run my life, be
certain that your own is squeaky clean.

#16 Just because you work at McDonald's doesn't
mean you have an excuse to have an I.Q. under
twelve.

#17 (Courtesy of George Carlin) Just because you're a
student does not mean that you're any more enlightened
than someone that works at Blockbuster.

#18 Speaking of Blockbuster, if I return the tape, you do
not have to actually sue me for $15!!

#19 If you're stupid enough to give me credit, deal with
the consequences.

#20 It's ignorant to charge someone $25 if they bounce a
check for $5. (If I didn't have the $5, what makes you
think I'm going to have $25 you retards!!)

#21 If you don't like the way I drive then at the next red
light get out from under my car.

#22 If your dog or cat is so smart, then why do you talk
to it like it's a newborn baby?

#23 If I shoot you while you're committing a crime, and
you try to sue me for it, I'll shoot you again.

#24 Courtesy of Ben Franklin: Anyone who would give up
freedoms and liberties for temporary security deserves
neither freedom or security.

#25 If you live in Tornado Alley, don't whine when you get
hit by a tornado.

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Subj:     Math Prob. - Find Michael's Age
          From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 6/8/2008
Source: http://www.brainteaserarchive.com/TeaserContest/contacts.php

Once there were 9 children, all of which were in the same
family. They were all born 18 months apart. The oldest
one George was 5 times older than the youngest one Michael.
How old was Michael?

The solution can be found on my web site by clicking below.

http://jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/m4c-michael.html

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

From: LABLaughsClean on 6/9/2008

"I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt
discarded is another step forward." -- Thomas Alva Edison

"The young do not know enough to be prudent and therefore,
they attempt the impossible and achieve it, generation
after generation." -- Pearl S. Buck

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready
for his opportunity when it comes." -- Benjamin Disraeli

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Smiley and eyebrows from
Imogenelumen on 12/17/2003

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