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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #594c
         Date: 6/22/2008
 

You can also view old ‘Sunday Morning Laughs’ at 
http://jokelibrary.net/archive/index.html
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Subj:     Classic Peanuts By Charles Schultz
          From: WashingtonPost on 6/8/2008
 Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common
........./affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost&comic=peanuts

 You can view this Classic Peanuts comic strip about 
 psychology on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/after_m/psych-supp-peanuts2.html

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Subj:     Three Male Dogs Meet a Beautuful Poodle
          From: RFSlick on 4/13/2004
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 6/5/2008

 Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when
 they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

 The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort
 to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in
 front of her at the same time.

 The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on
 themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

 Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three
 suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first
 one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in
 an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

 The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says,
 "I love liver and cheese."

 "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no
 imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

 She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says
 "How well can you do?"

 "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

 "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's
 just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

 She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says,
 "How about you, little guy?"

 The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and
 finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.  He gives her a smile,
 a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and
 says ......
 
 

 ....
 
 

 ....
 
 

 ....
 
 

 "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

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Subj:     Woman Plans Prison Break
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/28/2008 

 A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. 
 Angry and resentful about her situation, she had decided 
 that she would rather die than to live another year in 
 prison. 

 Over the years she had become good friends with one of 
 the prison caretakers.  His job, among others, was to 
 bury those prisoners who died in a graveyard just outside 
 the prison walls.  When a prisoner died, the caretaker 
 rang a bell, which was heard by everyone.  The caretaker 
 then got the body and put it in a casket.  Next, he entered 
 his office to fill out the death certificate before 
 returning to the casket to nail the lid shut.  Finally, he 
 put the casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and 
 bury it. 

 Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan 
 and shared it with the caretaker.  The next time the bell 
 rang, the woman would leave her cell and sneak into the 
 dark room where the coffins were kept.  She would slip 
 into the coffin with the dead body while the caretaker 
 was filling out the death certificate.  When the care-taker 
 returned, he would nail the lid shut and take the coffin 
 outside the prison with the woman in the coffin along 
 with the dead body.  He would then bury the coffin.  The 
 woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe 
 until later in the evening when the caretaker would 
 return to the graveyard under the cover of darkness, 
 dig up the coffin, open it, and set her free. 

 The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, 
 but since he and the woman had become good friends over 
 the years, he agreed to do it. 

 The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison 
 died. She was asleep in her cell when she heard the death 
 bell ring.  She got up and slowly walked down the hallway. 
 She was nearly caught a couple of times.  Her heart was 
 beating fast.  She opened the door to the darkened room 
 where the coffins were kept.  Quietly in the dark, she 
 found the coffin that contained the dead body, carefully 
 climbed into the coffin and pulled the lid shut to wait 
 for the caretaker to come and nail the lid shut. 

 Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer 
 and nails.  Even though she was very uncomfortable in 
 the coffin with the dead body, she knew that with each 
 nail she was one step closer to freedom.  The coffin was 
 lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the graveyard. 
 She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground. 
 She didn't make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of 
 the grave with a thud. Finally she heard the dirt 
 dropping onto the top of the wooden coffin, and she 
 knew that it was only a matter of time until she would 
 be free at last.  After several minutes of absolute 
 silence, she began to laugh.  She was free!  She was free! 
 Feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find 
 out the identity of the dead prisoner beside her. 

 To her horror, she discovered that she was lying next to 
 the dead caretaker. 

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Subj:     The Bacon Tree
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/27/2008 

 Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly 
 and close to death. 

 They are close to just lying down and waiting for the 
 inevitable, when all of a sudden... 

 'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?  Ees bacon I ahm 
 sure of eet.' 

 'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee'. 

 So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand 
 dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. 

 There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture... 

 There's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... 

 Every imaginable kind of cured pig meat. 

 'Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!  Eet EES a bacon tree!' 

 'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?  We ees in the Desert 
 don't forget.' 

 'Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like 
 bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'. 

 And with that...Luis races toward the tree. 

 He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely 
 behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and 
 Luis is cut down in his tracks. 

 It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that 
 he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. 

 'Pepe...go back man, you was right.  Ees not a bacon tree.' 

 'Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it? 

 'Pepe...ees not a bacon tree... 
  
  
  
  

 Ees... 
  
  
  

 Ees... 
  
  
  

 Ees... 
  
  
  

 Ees... 
  
  
  

 ... Eees a Ham Bush!" 

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Subj:     A Response To A 2ed Level Preempt
          From: BridgeClues.com on 6/5/2008

 This wonderful web site has daily problems if you click on 
 the bidding drop down menu.  Today's hand #5140 discusses 
 a response to a 2ed level preempt.  Click below to see this
 bridge problem.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column50.html

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.
Smiley says 'Bye' from
darrell94590 on 9/7/2005

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