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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #595b
         Date: 6/29/2008

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Subj:     Awesome New Radar System
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/12/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTAoxapI5b4&feature=user

 This movie explains ALPR - Automatic License Plate 
 Recognition software.  This awesome radar system lets 
 police check thousands of license plates easily.  You 
 can view this movie at the above source, or on my 
 web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-alpr.html

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Subj:     Kenny Roger's Lucille
          From: YouTube.com on 6/18/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb8FdfFAJ0M

 I went to a bridge tournament in Sonoma in June of 2008
 and played against a feisty, old lady name Lucille.  For
 two days this Kenny Roger's song has been rolling around
 in my head.  Hope you enjoy this page and the one below
 by Little Richard as much as I do.

 You can see and hear Kenny's song at the above source,
 or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/mus-supp2-lucille2.html

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Subj:     Little Richard's Lucille
          Composed by Albert Collins 
               and Little Richard in 1957
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcxej1zJKTo

 This video of the song "Lucille" Little Richard performing 
 live in UK in the 60's.  You can see and hear it at the 
 above source, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/mus-supp2-lucille.html

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Subj:     Herman Comics On Genetic Engineering
          By Jim Unger 
          From: Comics.com on 6/14/2008
 Source: http://www.comics.com/comics/herman/archive/herman-20080530.html

 You can view this cute Herman Comic strip on my site 
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/f_files/food-supp-herman.html

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Subj:     Hands-Free Cell Phones
          From: DoctorDebt on 11/20/2003
      and From: cappucinid on 6/17/2008

 I don't know if you've heard, but starting July 1, 2008 (in
 the US) you will no longer be able to use a cell phone while
 driving unless you have a "hands free" adapter.  I went to
 Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a headset with a boom
 microphone for my cell phone. I have come up with an
 alternative, working through Office Depot.

 These kits are compatible with any mobile phone and one size
 fits all.  I paid $0.08 each because I bought in quantity.
 I'm selling them for $1.00.  I tried them out on Erickson,
 Motorola, & Nokia Sprint PCS phones and they worked perfectly.

 Click below to look at the device and let me know if you want
 one.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/phone.html#cell_phone
 

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Subj:     A Nun Flies To Chicago
          From: hellgunner50 on 7/18/2004
      and From: ginafm on 6/16/2008

 A nun was sitting at the airport waiting for her flight to
 Chicago.  She looked over & saw one of those weight machines
 that tells your fortune.

 Deciding to give it a try, she went to the machine, stepped
 on the scale and put her nickel in.  Out came a card saying,
 "You are a nun, you weigh 128 Lbs & you're going to Chicago".

 The nun sat back down & told herself the machine probably
 gives the same card to Everyone.  The more she thought about
 it, the more curious she was, so she decided  to try it again.
 She went back to the machine & put another nickel in.  Out
 came a card, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going
 to Chicago and you're going to play a fiddle.

 The nun said to herself, I know this is wrong.  I've never
 played a musical instrument In my life.  She went back to her
 seat.  From out of nowhere, a cowboy came & sat Down, putting
 his fiddle on the seat between them.

 Without thinking, she opened The case, took out the fiddle &
 started playing.  Surprised at what she'd done, she looked at
 the machine & decided to try again.  Back to the machine &
 another nickel.  The card said "You are a nun, you weigh 128
 lbs, you are going to Chicago & you're going to break wind."

 Now, she knew the machine was wrong.  She'd never broken wind
 in public in her life.  But getting off the scale, she slipped
 & straining to keep from falling, she broke wind.

 Stunned, she sat down & looked at the machine, thinking I have
 to try this again.  She went back to the machine & dropped in
 a nickel.  Another Card came out.  It read, "You are a nun,
 you weigh 128 lbs, you've fiddled & farted around & missed
 your flight to Chicago.

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Subj:     The Lion Tamer
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/12/2008 

 Two unemployed guys are talking.  One says, "I'm going to 
 become a lion tamer."   The other replies, "That's crazy, 
 you don't know nothing about no lion taming." 

 "Yes I do!" 

 "Well, OK, answer me this.  When one of those lions comes 
 at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?" 

 "Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I 
 stick it in his face until he backs down." 

 "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks 
 the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out 
 of the cage? What do you do then?" 

 "Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip 
 him and whip him until he backs down." 

 "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big 
 teeth, and bites it in two?  What you gonna do then?" 

 "Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot 
 him." 

 "Well, what if that gun doesn't work?  What will you do 
 then?" 

 "Well, then I pick up some of the crap that's on the bottom 
 of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of 
 the cage." 

 "Well, what if there ain't no crap in the bottom of the 
 cage?  What you gonna do then?" 

 "Well, that's dumb.  Cause if that lion comes at me, and 
 he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip 
 in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some 
 crap on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

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Subj:     Band Around The Earth
          From: Yahoo! Answers on 6/14/2009
 Source: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061218145859AA5G77v
 

 Suppose that the surface of the earth is smooth and spherical 
 and that the distance around the equator is 25,500 miles.  A 
 steel band is made to fit tightly around the earth at the 
 equator, then the band is cut and a piece of band 21 feet 
 long is inserted.  Then the separation of the band from the 
 earth is spread evenly around the earth. 

 Can you slide a piece of paper between the band and the earth? 
 Can a mouse crawl between the band and the earth?  Can a small 
 dog go between the band and the earth?  To the nearest inch, 
 what will be the gap, all the way around, between the band and 
 the earth's surface? (Use 3.14 as an approximate value of Pi) 

 The solution can be found on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/bt/band.html

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

From: LABLaughsClean on 6/13/08

 Every day, tell at least one person something you like,
 admire, or appreciate about them.  -- Richard Carlson

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Calvin in Sunglasses from
GIFMania

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