Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #595b
Date: 6/29/2008
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Subj: Awesome
New Radar System
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/12/2008
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTAoxapI5b4&feature=user
This movie explains ALPR -
Automatic License Plate
Recognition software.
This awesome radar system lets
police check thousands of
license plates easily. You
can view this movie at the
above source, or on my
web site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-alpr.html
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Subj: Kenny
Roger's Lucille
From: YouTube.com on 6/18/2008
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb8FdfFAJ0M
I went to a bridge tournament
in Sonoma in June of 2008
and played against a feisty,
old lady name Lucille. For
two days this Kenny Roger's
song has been rolling around
in my head. Hope you
enjoy this page and the one below
by Little Richard as much
as I do.
You can see and hear Kenny's
song at the above source,
or on my web site by clicking
below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/mus-supp2-lucille2.html
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Subj: Little
Richard's Lucille
Composed by Albert Collins
and Little Richard in 1957
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcxej1zJKTo
This video of the song "Lucille"
Little Richard performing
live in UK in the 60's.
You can see and hear it at the
above source, or on my web
site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/mus-supp2-lucille.html
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Subj: Herman
Comics On Genetic Engineering
By Jim Unger
From: Comics.com on 6/14/2008
Source: http://www.comics.com/comics/herman/archive/herman-20080530.html
You can view this cute Herman
Comic strip on my site
by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/f_files/food-supp-herman.html
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Subj: Hands-Free
Cell Phones
From: DoctorDebt on 11/20/2003
and From: cappucinid on 6/17/2008
I don't know if you've heard,
but starting July 1, 2008 (in
the US) you will no longer
be able to use a cell phone while
driving unless you have a
"hands free" adapter. I went to
Circuit City and they wanted
$50 for a headset with a boom
microphone for my cell phone.
I have come up with an
alternative, working through
Office Depot.
These kits are compatible
with any mobile phone and one size
fits all. I paid $0.08
each because I bought in quantity.
I'm selling them for $1.00.
I tried them out on Erickson,
Motorola, & Nokia Sprint
PCS phones and they worked perfectly.
Click below to look at the
device and let me know if you want
one.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/phone.html#cell_phone
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Subj: A
Nun Flies To Chicago
From: hellgunner50 on 7/18/2004
and From: ginafm on 6/16/2008
A nun was sitting at the airport
waiting for her flight to
Chicago. She looked
over & saw one of those weight machines
that tells your fortune.
Deciding to give it a try,
she went to the machine, stepped
on the scale and put her
nickel in. Out came a card saying,
"You are a nun, you weigh
128 Lbs & you're going to Chicago".
The nun sat back down &
told herself the machine probably
gives the same card to Everyone.
The more she thought about
it, the more curious she
was, so she decided to try it again.
She went back to the machine
& put another nickel in. Out
came a card, "You are a nun,
you weigh 128 lbs, you are going
to Chicago and you're going
to play a fiddle.
The nun said to herself, I
know this is wrong. I've never
played a musical instrument
In my life. She went back to her
seat. From out of nowhere,
a cowboy came & sat Down, putting
his fiddle on the seat between
them.
Without thinking, she opened
The case, took out the fiddle &
started playing. Surprised
at what she'd done, she looked at
the machine & decided
to try again. Back to the machine &
another nickel. The
card said "You are a nun, you weigh 128
lbs, you are going to Chicago
& you're going to break wind."
Now, she knew the machine
was wrong. She'd never broken wind
in public in her life.
But getting off the scale, she slipped
& straining to keep from
falling, she broke wind.
Stunned, she sat down &
looked at the machine, thinking I have
to try this again.
She went back to the machine & dropped in
a nickel. Another Card
came out. It read, "You are a nun,
you weigh 128 lbs, you've
fiddled & farted around & missed
your flight to Chicago.
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Subj: The
Lion Tamer
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/12/2008
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says, "I'm going to
become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy,
you don't know nothing about
no lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this.
When one of those lions comes
at you all roaring and biting,
what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I take that big
chair they all carry, and I
stick it in his face until
he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes
that big paw, and hooks
the chair with them big claws,
and throws that chair out
of the cage? What do you
do then?"
"Well, then I takes that whip
they all carry, and I whip
him and whip him until he
backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites
that whip with his big
teeth, and bites it in two?
What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun
they all carry, and I shoot
him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't
work? What will you do
then?"
"Well, then I pick up some
of the crap that's on the bottom
of the cage, and I throw
it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."
"Well, what if there ain't
no crap in the bottom of the
cage? What you gonna
do then?"
"Well, that's dumb.
Cause if that lion comes at me, and
he throws the chair out of
the cage, and he bites the whip
in two, and my gun don't
work, there's going to be some
crap on the bottom of that
cage, you can bet on that."
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Subj: Band
Around The Earth
From: Yahoo! Answers on 6/14/2009
Source: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061218145859AA5G77v
Suppose that the surface of
the earth is smooth and spherical
and that the distance around
the equator is 25,500 miles. A
steel band is made to fit
tightly around the earth at the
equator, then the band is
cut and a piece of band 21 feet
long is inserted. Then
the separation of the band from the
earth is spread evenly around
the earth.
Can you slide a piece of paper
between the band and the earth?
Can a mouse crawl between
the band and the earth? Can a small
dog go between the band and
the earth? To the nearest inch,
what will be the gap, all
the way around, between the band and
the earth's surface? (Use
3.14 as an approximate value of Pi)
The solution can be found
on my web site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/bt/band.html
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Subj: Short
Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/13/08
Every day, tell at least one
person something you like,
admire, or appreciate about
them. -- Richard Carlson
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