Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #596b
Date: 7/6/2008
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Subj: Turkish
Gillette Commercial
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/17/2008
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifsCXvHNBQc
I don't know how this commercial
sells razor blades,
but it is very funny.
You can view it at the above
source, or on my web site
by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/nationalities/a_to_z/middle_east-gillette.html
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Subj: Double
Vision (S596b)
From: ginafm on 6/20/2008
This short PowerPoint Show
is the art of Arcimboldo.
Click below to view it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/artist-supp.html#double
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Subj: Having
Patience
From: ginafm on 6/20/2008
One of the greatest secrets
of life is having patience.
Click below to see a dog
with patience.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/thts/l-sp2-patience.html
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Subj: How To Survive A Heart
Attack Alone II
From: jbcary1 on 6/22/2008
This PowerPoint Show shows
you how to survive a heart attack
alone. Please note
that the medical community does NOT
recommend doing this as verified
from Snopes.com at
http://www.snopes.com/medical/homecure/coughcpr.asp
You can view this PPS on my
web site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/
thoughts-learned2.htm#how_to_survive_a_heart_attack_2
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Subj: Many
Differences Between Men And Women
From: ICohen on 7/9/2002
and From: AFine963 on 6/21/2008
or "Why Men Are Just Happier
People"
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman
= romance
Smart man + dumb woman =
affair
Dumb man + smart woman =
marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman =
pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a
$1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for
a $2 item that
she doesn't
need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS And STATISTICS
A woman worries about the
future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about
the future until he gets a wife.
Successful man is one who
makes more money than
his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot
and love
him a little.
To be happy with a woman,
you must love her a lot
and not
try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer
than single men, but married men
are a
lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting
he will change,
but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change,
and she
does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word
in any argument.
Anything a man says after
that is the beginning
of a new
argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up
to me at weddings, poking me in
the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them
at funerals.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah
go out for lunch, they will
call each
other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go
out, they will affectionately
refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike,
Dave and John will each throw
in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything
smaller and none will
actually
admit they want change back.
When the girls get their
bill, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his
bathroom: toothbrush and
toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap,
and a
towel from M&S.
The average number of items
in the typical woman's
bathroom
is 337.
A man would not be able to
identify more than 20
of these
items.
CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats but
when women aren't
looking
men kick cats.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to
go shopping, water the plants,
empty
the trash, answer the phone, read a book,
and get
the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings
and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking
as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate
during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman
knows all about her children.
She knows
about dentist appointments and romances,
best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears, and
hopes
and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of
some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget
his mistakes.
There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
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Subj: Blonde
Burial At Sea
From: rfslick on 6/18/2008
Chrisy and Barbie, two blonde
sisters had promised their
uncle, who had been a seafaring
gentleman all his life,
to bury him at sea when he
died.
Of course, in due time, he
did pass away and the two blondes
kept their promise.
They set off from Clearwater Beach with
their uncle all stitched
up in a burial bag and loaded onto
their rowboat.
After a while Chrisy says,
'Do you think we're out far enough,
Barbie?' Barbie slipped
over the side and finding the water
only knee deep said, 'nope,
not yet Chrisy'. So they rowed a
little farther...
Again Chrisy asks Barbie,
'Do you think we're out far enough
now?
Once again Barbie slips over
the side and almost immediately
says, 'No, this will never
do, the water is only up to my chest.'
So on they row and row and
row, and finally Barbie slips over
the side and disappears.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor
Chrisy is really getting
worried when suddenly Barbie breaks
the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enough yet,
Sis?'
'Yes, finally. Hand me the
shovel.'
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Subj: Short
Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/15/2008
"Fear is the opportunity for
courage, not proof of
cowardice." -- John
McCain
Handle every stressful situation
like a dog.
Piss on it and walk away.
"Nobody can give you wiser
advice than yourself."
-- Cicero
"Make the best use of what
is in your power and
take the rest as it happens."
-- Epictetus
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