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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #597b
         Date: 7/13/2008
 

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Subj:     Herman Comics
          by Jim Unger 
          From: Comics.com on 6/26/2008
 Source: http://www.comics.com/comics/herman/index.html

 You can view this Herman comic strip on prison breaks 
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/p_files/pris-herman.html

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest On Pi
          By Bob Thaves 
          From: FrankAndErnest.com on 6/25/2008
 Source: http://www.frankandernest.com/cgi/view/display.pl?108-05-14

 You can read this cute comic strip about Pi on my web site 
 by clicking below

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/m6-frank.html

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Subj:     Divorce Letters
          From: ginafm on 6/25/2008

 Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm 
 leaving you forever.  I've been a good man to you for seven 
 years and I have nothing to show for it.  These last two 
 weeks have been hell.  Your boss called to tell me that you 
 quit your job today and that was the last straw.  Last week, 
 you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, 
 had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair 
 of silk boxers. 

 You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after 
 watching all of your soaps.  You don't tell me you love me 
 anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as 
 husband and wife.  Either you're cheating on me or you don't 
 love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone. 

 Signed, 
 Your EX-Husband 

 P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away 
 to West Virginia together! Have a great life! 

 ¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤ 

 Dear Ex-Husband - Nothing has made my day more than receiving 
 your letter.  It's true that you and I have been married for 
 seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've 
 been.  I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your 
 constant whining and griping.  Too bad that doesn't work.  I 
 DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first 
 thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" 

 Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say 
 something nice, I didn't comment.  And when you cooked my 
 favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, 
 because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.  About those 
 new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 
 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a 
 coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars 
 from me that morning.  After all of this, I still loved you 
 and felt that we could work it out.  So when I hit the lotto 
 for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two 
 tickets to Jamaica.  But when I got home you were gone. 

 Everything happens for a reason, I guess.  I hope you have 
 the fulfilling life you always wanted.  My lawyer said that 
 the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. 
 So take care. 

 Signed, 
 Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free! 

 P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister 
 Carla was born Carl.  I hope that's not a problem.

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Subj:     Top 25 things We Wish Would Comeback
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/25/2008

 Source: http://money.aol.com/special/top-25-things-we-wish-would-come-back 

 This is the count down WalletPop.com's list of the top 25 
 things that they wish would make a comeback.  Some of their 
 picks have virtually disappeared, while others may still be 
 around but are becoming more and more rare.  You can see 
 pictures of the twenty-five items at the above source. 

 No. 25 - Grape Nehi Soda 
 No. 24 - House & Garden Magazine 
 No. 23 - Missing Vowels in text messaging 
 No. 22 - Lard in Pastry 
 No. 21 - Howard Johnson's restaurants 
 No. 20 - Vent Windows in cars 
 No. 19 - Screaming Yellow Zonkers 
 No. 18 - Train Travel 
 No. 17 - New Harry Potter books 
 No. 16 - Chromed Metal on cars 
 No. 15 - Wiggly Gelatin Salad 
 No. 14 - Drive-Ins Theaters 
 No. 13 - Gas Attendants 
 No. 12 - Milkshakes With Milk 
 No. 11 - 45 rpms Vinyl Records 
 No. 10 - McDonald's 'Fried' Apple Pie 
 No.  9 - Cursive Elegant Handwriting 
 No.  8 - Full-Size Spare Tire 
 No.  7 - Day Games During Baseball Playoffs 
 No.  6 - Phone Booths 
 No.  5 - Pleasurable Air Travel 
 No.  4 - Hydrox Cookies 
 No.  3 - Easy-to-Open Packaging 
 No.  2 - In-Store Lunch Counters 
 No.  1 - Missed Comic Strips like 'The Far Side'

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Subj:     ATM Drive-Through Banking
          From: auntiegah on 10/25/2002
      and From: tom on 6/25/2008

 ATM drive-through banking instructions:

 Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new "Drive-
 through" teller machines.  Customers will be able to
 withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.  To enable
 customers to use this new facility the following procedures
 have been drawn up.  Please read the procedure that applies
 to your own circumstances (i.e.MALE or FEMALE) and remember
 them  when you use the machine for the first time.

 MALE PROCEDURE
 * 1 Drive up to the cash machine.
 * 2 Put down your car window.
 * 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
 * 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
 * 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
 * 6 Put window up
 * 7 Drive off

 FEMALE PROCEDURE:
 * 1 Drive up to cash machine
 * 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car
     window to machine
 * 3 Set parking Brake, put the window down
 * 4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger
     seat to locate card.
 * 5 Turn the radio down
 * 6 Attempt to insert card into machine
 * 7 Attempt to insert card into machine
 * 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine
     due to its excessive distance from the car
 * 9 Insert card
 * 10 Re-insert card the right way up
 * 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN
      written on the inside back page
 * 12 Enter PIN.
 * 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
 * 14 Enter amount of cash required
 * 15 Check make up in rear view mirror
 * 16 Retrieve cash and receipt
 * 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and
      place cash inside
 * 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook
 * 19 Re-check make-up again
 * 20 Drive forward 2 feet
 * 21 Reverse back to cash machine
 * 22 Retrieve card
 * 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place
      card into the slot provided
 * 24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate
      male drivers queuing behind
 * 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off
 * 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
 * 27 Release Parking Break

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Subj:     Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile

From: LABLaughsClean on 6/26/08

 Life may not be the party we hoped for,
 but while we're here we should dance.

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Calvin and Hobbes from
GIFMania

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