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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #601c
         Date: 8/10/2008
 

You can also view old ‘Sunday Morning Laughs’ at 
http://jokelibrary.net/archive/index.html
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Subj:     Stroll Down Memory Lane
          From: tom on 7/18/2008

 This 6,200 KB movie is a series of still pictures from the 
 50s shown with Dean Martin singing the song "Memories" in 
 the background.  Click below to view and listen.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/thts/t-supp-stroll.html

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Subj:     Frank and Ernest On Golf
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 7/18/2008
 Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common
........./affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost?comic=franknernest

 In this comic strip, Frank and Ernest discuss golf.  Click 
 below to see the strip.

 http://jokelibrary.net/sports/a_to_z/golf2-frank.html
 

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Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip
          By Brian Crane 
          From: WashingtonPost on 7/16/2008
 Source: http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/wppic/

 This Pickles comic strip discusses a quotation by 
 Christopher Morley.  You can read it by clicking
 below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/words/q_to_w/q3-pickles.html

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Subj:     Man Offers Dead Squirrels To Hooker
          From:  LABLaughsAdult on 7/9/2008
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20050216

 You can read this cute newspaper article at the above 
 source, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/sex/b_to_h/hooker2-sting.html

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Subj:     Family Jewels
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/16/2008 

 Chatting with my mother-in-law, I asked, "Have you heard of 
 this company that takes the cremated ashes of your loved 
 one and then compresses the carbon into a diamond?" 

 "Yes," she said, smirking. "It brings a whole new meaning to 
 the phrase 'family jewels.'"

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Subj:     Fireman Sex
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/14/2003
      and From: darrellvip on 7/17/2008

 A fireman came home from work and told his wife, "We have a
 great system at the fire station.  Bell 1 rings and we all
 put on our jackets.  Then Bell 2 rings and we all slide down
 the pole.  Bell 3 rings and we're all set to go on the
 trucks."

 "From now on," he continued, "this house will be run the
 same way.  When I say Bell 1, you're to strip naked.  When I
 say Bell 2, you jump into bed and when I say Bell 3, we're
 going to make love all night."

 When he came home the next night, he yelled Bell 1 and his
 wife took off her clothes.  Then he yelled Bell 2 and his
 wife jumped into bed.  He then yelled Bell 3 and they began
 to make love.

 After a few minutes, his wife shouted, "Bell 4!"

 "What the hell is Bell 4?" he asked.

 "More hose!  You're nowhere near the fire!" she replied.

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Subj:     IRS Calls Father O'Malley
          From: paulnschacknow on 3/14/2004
      and From: rfslick on 7/15/2008

 Father O'Malley answers the phone "Hello, is this Father
 O'Malley?"

 "It is"

 "This is the IRS.  Can you help us?"

 "I can"

 "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

 "I do"

 "Is he a member of your congregation?"

 "He is"

 "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

 "He will".

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Subj:     Service
          From: mombear1 on 8/6/2002
 At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the
 meaning of the word "service."  The act of doing things
 for other people.

 Then I heard the terms Internal Revenue Service, Postal
 Service, Civil Service, Service Stations... And I became
 confused about the word "service."  This is not what I
 thought "service" meant.

 Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking and one of
 them mentioned that he was having a bull service a few
 of his cows.

 SHAZAM!!  It all came into perspective.  Now I understand
 what all those "service" agencies are doing to us...

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Subj:     Redneck Engineering Exam
          From: smiles on 8/6/99
      and From: RFSlick on 5/20/2003

  1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
     tree that will support a 10 lb. possum.

  2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest
     when placed on blocks in your front yard?
     A) 66 Ford Fairlane
     B) 69 Chevrolet Chevelle
     C) 64 Pontiac GTO

  3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a
     capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car
     radiators are necessary to condense the product?

  4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at
     2700 rpm.  The density of the pine trees in a plot to
     be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
     size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
     Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the
     trees?

  5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented its
     charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the
     decrease in the ozone layer?

  6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24 inch
     centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8
     feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor
     is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses,
     how many hound dogs will be killed?

  7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow
     with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children.
     Can each of the children place a mobile home on the
     man's land?

  8. A 2 ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding
     down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The
     brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of
     secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid
     the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the
     mountain?

     For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that
     swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

  9. A coal mine operates as an NFPA Class 1, Division 2
     Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
     A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift.
     How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked
     during the shift?

 10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5%
     per generation, how long will it take a town that has
     been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country
     western singer?

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Subj:     Arrow Maze
          From: Dell Crossword Special 
                   for May 2008 Page 12 
                Published bimonthly by 
                   Dell Magazines 
                a division of Crosstown Publications 
                   6 Prowitt St. 
                   Norwark, CT 06855-1220

 Starting  at the S (start) and following the arrow leading
 out of that S, see if you can find your way to F (finish)
 in five minutes or less.  Click below to start.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyDrawings/maze3.html

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Subj:     Responses With A Long Suit
          From: BridgeClues.com on 7/17/2008

 This wonderful web site has daily problems if you click on 
 the bidding drop down menu.  Today's hand #2057 discusses 
 responses with a long suit.  Click below to see
 this bridge problem.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column57.html

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Calvin and Hobbes from
GIFMania

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