Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #601c
Date: 8/10/2008
You can also view old ‘Sunday Morning
Laughs’ at
http://jokelibrary.net/archive/index.html
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Subj: Stroll
Down Memory Lane
From: tom on 7/18/2008
This 6,200 KB movie is a series
of still pictures from the
50s shown with Dean Martin
singing the song "Memories" in
the background. Click
below to view and listen.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/thts/t-supp-stroll.html
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Subj: Frank
and Ernest On Golf
From: WashingtonPost.com on 7/18/2008
Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common
........./affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost?comic=franknernest
In this comic strip, Frank
and Ernest discuss golf. Click
below to see the strip.
http://jokelibrary.net/sports/a_to_z/golf2-frank.html
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Subj: Pickles
Comic Strip
By Brian Crane
From: WashingtonPost on 7/16/2008
Source: http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/wppic/
This Pickles comic strip discusses
a quotation by
Christopher Morley.
You can read it by clicking
below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/words/q_to_w/q3-pickles.html
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Subj: Man
Offers Dead Squirrels To Hooker
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/9/2008
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20050216
You can read this cute newspaper
article at the above
source, or on my web site
by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/sex/b_to_h/hooker2-sting.html
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Subj: Family
Jewels
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/16/2008
Chatting with my mother-in-law,
I asked, "Have you heard of
this company that takes the
cremated ashes of your loved
one and then compresses the
carbon into a diamond?"
"Yes," she said, smirking.
"It brings a whole new meaning to
the phrase 'family jewels.'"
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Subj: Fireman
Sex
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/14/2003
and From: darrellvip on 7/17/2008
A fireman came home from work
and told his wife, "We have a
great system at the fire
station. Bell 1 rings and we all
put on our jackets.
Then Bell 2 rings and we all slide down
the pole. Bell 3 rings
and we're all set to go on the
trucks."
"From now on," he continued,
"this house will be run the
same way. When I say
Bell 1, you're to strip naked. When I
say Bell 2, you jump into
bed and when I say Bell 3, we're
going to make love all night."
When he came home the next
night, he yelled Bell 1 and his
wife took off her clothes.
Then he yelled Bell 2 and his
wife jumped into bed.
He then yelled Bell 3 and they began
to make love.
After a few minutes, his wife
shouted, "Bell 4!"
"What the hell is Bell 4?"
he asked.
"More hose! You're nowhere
near the fire!" she replied.
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Subj: IRS
Calls Father O'Malley
From: paulnschacknow on 3/14/2004
and From: rfslick on 7/15/2008
Father O'Malley answers the
phone "Hello, is this Father
O'Malley?"
"It is"
"This is the IRS. Can
you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to
the church?"
"He will".
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Subj: Service
From: mombear1 on 8/6/2002
At one time in my life, I
thought I had a handle on the
meaning of the word "service."
The act of doing things
for other people.
Then I heard the terms Internal
Revenue Service, Postal
Service, Civil Service, Service
Stations... And I became
confused about the word "service."
This is not what I
thought "service" meant.
Then one day, I overheard
two farmers talking and one of
them mentioned that he was
having a bull service a few
of his cows.
SHAZAM!! It all came
into perspective. Now I understand
what all those "service"
agencies are doing to us...
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Subj: Redneck
Engineering Exam
From: smiles on 8/6/99
and From: RFSlick on 5/20/2003
1. Calculate the smallest
limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that
will support a 10 lb. possum.
2. Which of the following
cars will rust out the quickest
when placed
on blocks in your front yard?
A) 66
Ford Fairlane
B) 69
Chevrolet Chevelle
C) 64
Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a
still that operates at a
capacity
of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car
radiators
are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has
a chain saw that operates at
2700 rpm.
The density of the pine trees in a plot to
be harvested
is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
size.
The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Pabst
Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the
trees?
5. If every old refrigerator
in the state vented its
charge
of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the
decrease
in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed
of 2x8 pine on 24 inch
centers
with a field rock foundation. The span is 8
feet and
the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor
is 1 inch
rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses,
how many
hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and
3.7 acres of land in a hollow
with an
average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children.
Can each
of the children place a mobile home on the
man's
land?
8. A 2 ton pulpwood truck
is overloaded and proceeding
down a
steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The
brakes
fail. Given the average traffic loading of
secondary
roads, how many people will swerve to avoid
the truck
before it crashes at the bottom of the
mountain?
For extra
credit, how many of the vehicles that
swerved
will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A coal mine operates as
an NFPA Class 1, Division 2
Hazardous
Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas
warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift.
How many
cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked
during
the shift?
10. At a reduction in gene
pool variability rate of 7.5%
per generation,
how long will it take a town that has
been bypassed
by the interstate to breed a country
western
singer?
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Subj: Arrow
Maze
From: Dell Crossword Special
for May 2008 Page 12
Published bimonthly by
Dell Magazines
a division of Crosstown Publications
6 Prowitt St.
Norwark, CT 06855-1220
Starting at the S (start)
and following the arrow leading
out of that S, see if you
can find your way to F (finish)
in five minutes or less.
Click below to start.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyDrawings/maze3.html
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Subj: Responses
With A Long Suit
From: BridgeClues.com on 7/17/2008
This wonderful web site has
daily problems if you click on
the bidding drop down menu.
Today's hand #2057 discusses
responses with a long suit.
Click below to see
this bridge problem.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column57.html
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