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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #608
         Date: 9/28/2008
 

 "They say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us,
 but it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes
 in life the seeds are covered with better soil and with
 a higher grade of manure. "  -- Ernest Hemingway
 
 

Thanks for the great jokes you guys keep sending.  If
I havenít sent out a certain joke for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a second time.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     The Ghost Of Thomas Paine And
          The Second Revolution
          From: tom on 8/29/2008
 Source: http://www.lawatchdog.com/SecondRevolution071108.html

 The ghost of Thomas Paine offers some excellent arguments
 about needed changes in the United States of America.  You
 can view this video at the above source, or on my web site
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/nat/nat-supp-paine.html

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Subj:     Irish Prayer
          From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97
          From: janeenmarie on 3/9/2003

 Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in
 his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
 Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running
 down his leg.

 "Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!"

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Subj:     Lays Potato Chip Commercial
          From: ginafm
          on 9/1/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYkQ_0p-eK0

 This short commercial about Lays potato chips and 
 false teeth is quite cute.  You can view it at the 
 above source, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/f_files/food-supp-lays.html

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Subj:     Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
          From: ginafm on 8/30/2008 

 Dear Walter: 

 I hope you can help me here.  The other day I set off for 
 work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as 
 usual.  I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when 
 my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.  I 
 walked back home to get my husband's help.  When I got home 
 I couldn't believe my eyes.  He was in the bedroom with a 
 neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. 
 
 I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for 
 twelve years.  When I confronted him, he tried to make out 
 that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, 
 had come to her rescue but found her unconscious.  He'd 
 carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and 
 began CPR.  When she awoke she immediately began thanking 
 him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free 
 when I came back.  But when I asked him why neither of 
 them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that 
 he'd been having an affair for the past six months. 
 
 I told him to stop or I would leave him.  He was let go 
 from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling 
 increasingly depressed and worthless.  I love him very much, 
 but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become 
 increasingly distant.  I don't feel I can get through to 
 him anymore. 
 
 Can you please help? 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 Mrs.. Sheila Usk 
 
 
 
 Dear Sheila: 
 
 A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be 
 caused by a variety of faults with the engine.  Start by 
 checking that there is no debris in the fuel line, or it 
 could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low 
 delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. 

 I hope this helps. 

 Walter

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Subj:     Italian Police On Motorcycles
          From: tom on 8/29/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrLvYrKYVD8

 This movie shows the Italian police motorcycle unitís 
 precision drills of the 1950s.  Their driving skills 
 are awsome.  You can view the video at the above source, 
 or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/harley-police.html

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Subj:     Family Goes To The Zoo
          From: LABLaughs.com on 12/18/2002 

 Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day.  So 
 they set off and are seeing lots of animals.  Eventually 
 they end up opposite the elephant house. 

 The boy looks at the elephant, sees its penis, points to it 
 and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?" 

 His mother replies, "That son, is the elephant's trunk." 

 "No, at the other end." 

 "That son, is the tail." 

 "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." 

 A short embarrassed silenced after which she replies, "That's 
 nothing."  The mother goes to buy some ice cream and the boy, 
 not being satisfied with her answer asks his father the same 
 question.  "Daddy, what is that long thing?" 

 "That's the trunk, son" replies the father. 

 "No, at the other end." 

 "Oh, that is the tail." 

 "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. 

 "That is the elephant's penis.  Why do you ask son?" 

 "Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy. 

 The father draws himself up to his full height and replies, 
 "I tell you, I spoil that woman..." 

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Subj:     Redneck 911 Call
          From: darrellvip on 8/31/2008

 You can listen to this cute, short audio file in a movie by 
 clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/n_to_v/phone-supp-911.html

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Subj:     Groping Your Spouse

 This guy decides he's going to play a little joke on his 
 wife one day. As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one 
 of her breasts and says "If you firmed these up a bit, you 
 wouldn't have to keep using your bra."  He laughs and laughs. 
 The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her 
 shower and grabs her ass and says "If you firmed this up a 
 bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your girdle." Again he 
 laughs and laughs, while his wife plots her revenge. 

 The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife 
 grabbed his penis and says, "If you firmed THIS up a bit, 
 I wouldn't have to keep using your brother." 

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Subj:     Math Prob. - Next Number IV
          by Philip J. Carter and Kenneth A. Russell 
          From the book "IQ Test" on 9/3/2008
Drawing from
InklingBlog.com
             Published by Sterling Pub. Co., Inc., 2008 
             387 Park Avenue South, New York, N.Y. 10016 
             Test #4, Problem #30, Page 79 

 What number should replace the question marks? 
 7,  17,  8 1/2,  14 1/2,  11 1/2,  and  ??? 

 The solution can be found on my web site by clicking
 below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-next_4.html

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Subj:     Math Prob. - Puzzleland Races
          From the book
            "Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
          Edited by Martin Gardner
          From: Dover Publications in 1959

 In Puzzleland, a hippopotamus, a rhinoceros, and a
 giraffe are in a race.  If the odds are two to one
 against the hippopotamus and three to two against the
 rhinoceros, what should be the odds against the giraffe?
 You can view this problem, drawing, and solution on my
 web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-races.html

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