Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #608
Date: 9/28/2008
"They say the seeds of what
we will do are in all of us,
but it always seemed to me
that in those who make jokes
in life the seeds are covered
with better soil and with
a higher grade of manure.
" -- Ernest Hemingway
Thanks for the great jokes you guys
keep sending. If
I haven’t sent out a certain joke
for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a
second time.
Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have
sent me through the years.
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Subj:
The Ghost Of Thomas Paine And
The Second Revolution
From: tom on 8/29/2008 |
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Source: http://www.lawatchdog.com/SecondRevolution071108.html
The ghost of Thomas Paine
offers some excellent arguments
about needed changes in the
United States of America. You
can view this video at the
above source, or on my web site
by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/nat/nat-supp-paine.html
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Subj: Irish
Prayer
From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97
From: janeenmarie on 3/9/2003
Murphy was staggering home
with a pint of booze in
his back pocket when he slipped
and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he
felt something wet running
down his leg.
"Please Lord," he implored,
"let it be blood!!"
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Subj:
Lays Potato Chip Commercial
From: ginafm
on 9/1/2008 |
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYkQ_0p-eK0
This short commercial about
Lays potato chips and
false teeth is quite cute.
You can view it at the
above source, or on my web
site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/f_files/food-supp-lays.html
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Subj: Why
Men Don't Write Advice Columns
From: ginafm on 8/30/2008
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here.
The other day I set off for
work leaving my husband in
the house watching the TV as
usual. I hadn't gone
more than a mile down the road when
my engine conked out and
the car shuddered to a halt. I
walked back home to get my
husband's help. When I got home
I couldn't believe my eyes.
He was in the bedroom with a
neighbor lady making mad
passionate love to her.
I am 32, my husband is 34
and we have been married for
twelve years. When
I confronted him, he tried to make out
that he went into the back
yard and heard a lady scream,
had come to her rescue but
found her unconscious. He'd
carried the woman back to
our house, laid her in bed, and
began CPR. When she
awoke she immediately began thanking
him and kissing him and he
was attempting to break free
when I came back. But
when I asked him why neither of
them had any clothes on,
he broke down and admitted that
he'd been having an affair
for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would
leave him. He was let go
from his job six months ago
and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much,
but ever since I gave him
the ultimatum he has become
increasingly distant.
I don't feel I can get through to
him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs.. Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being
driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults
with the engine. Start by
checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line, or it
could be that the fuel pump
itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to the
carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
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This movie shows the Italian
police motorcycle unit’s
precision drills of the 1950s.
Their driving skills
are awsome. You can
view the video at the above source,
or on my web site by clicking
below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/harley-police.html
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Subj: Family
Goes To The Zoo
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/18/2002
Father, mother and son decide
to go to the zoo one day. So
they set off and are seeing
lots of animals. Eventually
they end up opposite the
elephant house.
The boy looks at the elephant,
sees its penis, points to it
and says, "Mummy, what is
that long thing?"
His mother replies, "That
son, is the elephant's trunk."
"No, at the other end."
"That son, is the tail."
"No, mummy, the thing under
the elephant."
A short embarrassed silenced
after which she replies, "That's
nothing." The mother
goes to buy some ice cream and the boy,
not being satisfied with
her answer asks his father the same
question. "Daddy, what
is that long thing?"
"That's the trunk, son" replies
the father.
"No, at the other end."
"Oh, that is the tail."
"No, no daddy, the thing below,"
asks the son in desperation.
"That is the elephant's penis.
Why do you ask son?"
"Well mummy said it was nothing,"
says the boy.
The father draws himself up
to his full height and replies,
"I tell you, I spoil that
woman..."
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Subj:
Redneck 911 Call
From: darrellvip on 8/31/2008 |
You can listen to this cute,
short audio file in a movie by
clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/n_to_v/phone-supp-911.html
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Subj: Groping
Your Spouse
This guy decides he's going
to play a little joke on his
wife one day. As she steps
out of the shower, he grabs one
of her breasts and says "If
you firmed these up a bit, you
wouldn't have to keep using
your bra." He laughs and laughs.
The next morning, he again
catches her as she finishes her
shower and grabs her ass
and says "If you firmed this up a
bit, you wouldn't have to
keep using your girdle." Again he
laughs and laughs, while
his wife plots her revenge.
The next morning as he steps
out of the shower, his wife
grabbed his penis and says,
"If you firmed THIS up a bit,
I wouldn't have to keep using
your brother."
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Subj:
Math Prob. - Next Number IV
by Philip J. Carter and Kenneth A. Russell
From the book "IQ Test" on 9/3/2008 |
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Drawing from
InklingBlog.com |
Published by Sterling Pub. Co., Inc., 2008
387 Park Avenue South, New York, N.Y. 10016
Test #4, Problem #30, Page 79
What number should replace
the question marks?
7, 17, 8 1/2,
14 1/2, 11 1/2, and ???
The solution can be found
on my web site by clicking
below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-next_4.html
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Subj:
Math Prob. - Puzzleland Races
From the book
"Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
Edited by Martin Gardner
From: Dover Publications in 1959 |
In Puzzleland, a hippopotamus,
a rhinoceros, and a
giraffe are in a race.
If the odds are two to one
against the hippopotamus
and three to two against the
rhinoceros, what should be
the odds against the giraffe?
You can view this problem,
drawing, and solution on my
web site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-races.html
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