Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #609
Date: 10/5/2008
"Men show their characters in nothing
more clearly than in what
they think laughable." Johann
Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
The best jokes I receive each week
are from you folks.
If you get a good joke please pass
it on to me, I enjoy
a good laugh and it cut down the
work. If you don't get
you Sunday Laughs, or want a back
issue, drop me a note.
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I uploaded the 399 new jokes you
sent me during the last
three months to my web site.
You can view these new
jokes plus all the other jokes
you have sent me through
the years at http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
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Source: www.donotcall.gov
Register your home phone and
cell phones at the "National
Do NOT Call Registry" at
the above source to prevent
telemarketers from having
access to your numbers.
It will only take a minute
of your time to blocks your
numbers for five (5) years.
You can call 888-382-1222 to
block you cell phone number.
You cannot call from a
different phone number to
block a cell phone number.
This National Registry was
verified by Snopes.com at
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/pending/donotcall.asp
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Subj: Tennis
Elbow
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
and From: agrief on 6/2/00
One day, in line at the company
cafeteria, Jack says to Mike
behind him, "My elbow hurts
like hell. I guess I better see
a doctor." "Listen, save
your money," Mike replies, "there's
a diagnostic computer at
the corner drugstore. Just give it
a urine sample. The computer
tells you what's wrong and
what to do about it. It takes
10 seconds and costs $10, it's
a hell of a lot cheaper than
a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample
in a small jar and takes it
to the drugstore. He deposits
$10, and the computer lights
up and asks for a urine sample.
He pours the sample into the
slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a
printout: "You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity.
It'll improve in two weeks."
That evening while thinking
how amazing this new technology
was, Jack began wondering
if the computer could be fooled.
He combined some tap water
with a stool sample from his dog,
urine samples from his wife
and daughter, and masturbated
into the mixture for good
measure. Hurrying back to the
drugstore, Jack eagerly deposits
$10, pours in his
concoction, and awaits the
results.
The computer prints the following:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener. Your dog
has ring worm. Bathe him
with anti-fungal shampoo. Your
daughter has a cocaine habit.
Get her into rehab. Your wife
is pregnant...twin girls.
They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop playing
with yourself, your elbow will
never get better.
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Subj:
How Beer Works
From: tom
on 9/6/2008 |
You can view this cute animated
SWF on my web site by
clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/drinking/beer-supp-works.html
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Subj: Pickle
Factory Worker Fired
From: CKButch4Femme on 9/11/2008
Source: http://www.twistedhumor.com
on 10/14/2000
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed
there for a number of years
when he came home one day to
confess to his wife that
he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his
penis in the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he
should see a therapist to talk
about it, but Bill indicated
that he'd be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later
Bill came home absolutely ashen.
His wife could see at once
that something was seriously
wrong. "What's wrong,
Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told
you how I had this tremendous
urge to put my penis in the
pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
The wife ran over and pulled
his pants down to see what
damage had been done. "You
look okay," she said with a
sigh of relief. "So
what happened?"
"I got fired."
"What happened with the pickle
slicer?"
"Oh,..... she got fired too."
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Subj:
Cajun Math Test
From: darrell94590t on 3/4/2006
and From: tom on 9/12/2008 |
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To see the Cajun Math Test,
click below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/m1-tree.html
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Subj: Dick
Replaced With Elephant Trunk
A guy gets his penis severed
in a car accident. When he
wakes up in the hospital,
he rings for the doctor. The
doctor comes in and tells
him what happened. "So what
are my options?" the patient
asks.
"You have two options: we
can sew your penis back on, but
it will cost you about a
million dollars. Or...we can
sew on a baby elephant's
trunk. It will look a bit
different, but it will feel
the same and that will only
cost about a thousand dollars."
The guy says, "Well, I'm low
on cash so I'll have to go
with the elephant trunk."
About two weeks later the
guy is out to dinner with some
friends, when all of a sudden
the trunk comes up from
under the table, grabs a
biscuit, then returns back
under the table. The
guy thinks, "Shit, I hope nobody
saw that!" About five
minutes later, the trunk comes up
and grabs another biscuit.
This time the guy's friends
see it.
"Holy shit! What the
fuck was that?" his friends ask.
So the guy tells them the
story of the accident and the
surgery. "Wow, that's
awesome! Can you do that again?"
they ask.
The guy says, "Well, I probably
could, but I don't think
my ass could take another
biscuit!"
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Subj:
The New Dollar Bill
From: ginafm on 10/2/2008 |
With the economy these days,
the Treasury department has
issued a new dollar bill.
Click below to view it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/banking_pictures/supp-one.html
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Subj: Doctor
And The Voluptuous Woman
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-03-26
A beautiful, voluptuous woman
goes to a gynecologist.
The doctor takes one look
at this woman and all his
professionalism goes out
the window. Right away he
tells her to undress.
After she has disrobed he begins
to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the
woman, "Do you know what
I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking
for any abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," says the
doctor. He then begins to
fondle her breasts. "Do you
know what I'm doing now?"
he says.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're
checking for any lumps
or breast cancer."
"Correct," replies the doctor.
He then begins to have
sexual intercourse with the
woman. He says to her,
"Do you know what I'm doing
now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're
getting herpes, which is why
I came here in the first
place.."
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Subj:
Puzzle - Adjacent Letters
by Philip J. Carter and Kenneth A. Russell
From the book "IQ Test" on 9/9/2008
Published by Sterling Pub.Co., Inc.,2008
387 Park Avenue South, New York, N.Y.
Test #5, Problem #20, Page 92 |
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Rearrange the nine tiles so
that every two adjacent letters
form a word and two related
words can be read around the
outer edge. Click below
to see the drawing, and solution.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-letters.html
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Subj:
Math Prob. - Free Acres
From the book
"Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
Edited by Martin Gardner
From: Dover Publications in 1959 |
How can you enclose as many
acres of land as there are
twelve-foot rails to a fence?
You can view this problem,
it's drawing, and solution
on my web site by clicking
below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-acres.html
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