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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #615
         Date: 11/16/2008
 

"He who laughs, lasts."
    -- Mary Pettibone Poole
 

The best jokes I receive each week are from you folks.
If you get a good joke please pass it on to me, I enjoy
a good laugh and it cut down the work.  If you don't get
you Sunday Laughs, or want a back issue, drop me a note.

I also sending out an EDITED version of SUNDAY MORNING
LAUGHS if you have kids.  Let me know if you would prefer
this 'PG Edition'.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     Don Blue's Radio Show - Benicia Schools
          From: A.Benician on 11/12/2008
Drawing from Don Blue Radio...
 Source: http://www.star1013fm.com/pages/bleuper_archive.html

 In order to attend a school in Benicia, the child must reside 
 in the town.  Don Blue called a the parent, who lives in Vallejo, 
 but has their child go to a Benicia school.  You can listen 
 to argument at the above source (clicking on Sara), or listen 
 on my web site by clicking below

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/after_m/sch-supp2-blue.html

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Subj:     Silent Fart
          From: Dickschu on 1/24/2006
      and From: tom on 10/8/2008

 An elderly couple was attending church services.  About
 halfway through the service she leans over and says, "I
 just had a silent fart what do you think I should do?"

 He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

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Subj:     A Pittance Of Time - Video/Song
          By Terry Kelly
          From: tom on 11/10/2008Photo from Army.Forces.GC.CA
 Source: http://www.army.forces.gc.ca/chief_land_staff
........./remembrance/english/video.asp

 For Veteran's Day on November 11, this video with song
 was absolutely wonderful.  Take two minutes and view it
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/sold/supp-pittance.html

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Subj:     The Voodoo Dick
          From: darrell94590 on 12/8/2005 
      and From: gattica30 on 10/20/2008 

 This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says: 
 "Doctor, I just can't have an orgasm."  "Do you masturbate?", 
 he says.  "No luck". is the reply.  "How about cunnilingus?" 
 "Nope"  "Kick-start vibrator?" "Wakes up the neighbors, but 
 not me." she complains.  "Hmm, looks like a problem.  Wait 
 here."  The doctor says as he walks into the next room.  He 
 walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. 
 Her eyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents. 

 "What is it", she gasps. 

 "It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot- 
 long, meaty shaft from the case.  "It is VERY powerful, but 
 it can fulfill your every desire.  Watch.  VOODOO DICK, 
 hand!" he commands.  The dick leaps across his lap into his 
 open palm faster than the eye can see.  "Ooooh", she sighs. 
 "VOODOO DICK, case."  The dick returns in a shot to its case. 
 "You may take this, but you must promise NOT to abuse its 
 power." 

 "Certainly, of course, anything you say," she sputters as 
 the wetness in her mouth matches the wetness in her panties. 
 So she takes the magic missile with her, thanking the good 
 doctor and hurrying out to her car.  She can't wait to get
 home, so she prys the lid open on the seat next to her. 
 "VOODOO DICK, hand!" she commands.  It flies eagerly into 
 her hand.  She is amazed by the size of this veiny tool, 
 and quickly removes her underwear.  "VOODOO DICK, pussy!" 
 she screams, and it obliges. Burying itself inside her in 
 an instant, she gasps with pleasure.  "VOODOO DICK, fuck me." 
 It begins to thrust in and out.  "VOODOO DICK, faster!"  It 
 quickens the pace while the woman sits in sexual bliss. 
 Unbelievable sensations course through her body.  "VOODOO 
 DICK, harder!"  It pounds away furiously as orgasms begin, 
 one after the other.  Soon the woman begins to tire, 
 unaccustomed to this sort of satisfaction.  "VOODOO DICK, 
 stop." 

 BUT IT WON'T STOP !!!!!!  "VOODOO DICK, stop now!", she 
 yells.  It continues its relentless assault.  "Quit it, 
 VOODOO DICK.  That hurts"  It is oblivious to her desires. 
 She finally manages to wrench it from her pussy and throw 
 it out the window.  Just as she gets the window rolled up, 
 it is there against the glass, trying to get it. 

 She quickly starts the car and screeches away in terror. 
 60, 70, 80 mph.  The VOODOO DICK hot on (and for) her tail. 
 90, 100. The woman starts to pull away as the dick fades 
 away behind the last corner.  Sirens blare. 

 The women is babbling senselessly as the officer approaches 
 her car.  "You-you have to let me go.  There is this-this 
 thing- gotta go" she yells.  "Lady, you were doing 100 miles 
 an hour.  What the hell is your problem?" 

 "You don't under-understand.  There is this VOODOO DICK 
 following me." she sputters. 

 "A WHAT?", the cop yells? 

 "A magic VOODOO DICK.  It's after me!" she exclaims. 

 To which the cop replies, "VOODOO DICK, my ass!"

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Subj:     What’s Your Work Style?
          By M. WOLFE, AOL FIND A JOB
          From: AOL Find a Job on 10/23/2008
Photo from AOL.com
Source: http://jobs.aol.com/article/_a/whats-your-work-style
......../20080925115109990001?icid=200100397x1211598102x1200690505

 Are you in a job that suits you?  How about your work 
 environment?  Take this four-question quiz from AOL to 
 help you determine your work type.  The quiz will help 
 you “think out of the box” as you consider your many 
 options.  You can take the quiz at the above source, 
 or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/job-stuff-supp-style.html

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Subj:     Farmer Wants A Divorce
          From: PGSP4LIFE on 10/11/1999

 A Farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file 
 for a divorce.  The attorney asked, "May I help you?"  The 
 Farmer said, "Yea, I want one those dayvorce's."  The 
 Attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" 

 The Farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." 

 The Attorney said, "No you don't understand, do you have 
 a case?" 

 The Farmer said, "No I don't have a Case, but I have a 
 John Deere." 

 The Attorney said, No, you don't understand, I mean do 
 you have a grudge."  The Farmer said, "Yea, I got a 
 grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." 

 The Attorney said, "No do you have a suit?" 

 The Farmer said "Yes Sir, I got a suit, I wear it to 
 Church on Sundays." 

 The Attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you 
 up or anything?" 

 The Farmer said, "No sire, we both get up about 4:30." 

 The Attorney then said, "Well is she a nagger or anything?" 

 The Farmer said, "No she's a little white gal, but our 
 last child was a nagger and that's why I want this Dayvorce!" 

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Subj:     Art In The Eye Of A Needle
          From: darrellvip
          on 10/20/2008
 Source: http://www.maniacworld.com/art-in-the-eye-of-a-needle.html

 Willard Wigan is now emerging as the most globally celebrated 
 micro-miniaturist of all time.  He can turn a speck of dust 
 into a vision of true beauty.  You can see a movie about his 
 creations at the above source, or on my site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/art/supp-needle.html

 I have a web page full of his creations on my site which you 
 can see by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/art/microscopic.html

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Subj:     Uncle Names The Twins
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #136 on 98-06-02

 A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to
 the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
 Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relent-
 less world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

 He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied,
 "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a
 daughter.  But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the
 birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife
 were unconscious, I named them for you."

 The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he
 done now?" and said with trepidation, "Well what did you
 name them?"

 The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

 The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name!
 What did you come up with for my son?"

 The brother replied, "Denephew.

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Subj:     Martha vs Maxine??
          From: tom on 9/29/2008
Photo from Veg Lawyer's Weblog

 This comparison between the cooking styles of Martha 
 Stewart and Maxine is very funny.  Click below to view.

 http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/f_files/m/m.html

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Subj:    Math Prob. - Colored Cubes
         From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers
         on 10/16/2008
 Source: http://www.apuzzlezone.com/adailypuzzle/10-16-08.html

 A set of building blocks contains a number of wooden cubes. 
 The six faces of each cube are painted, each with a single 
 color, in such a way that no two adjacent faces have the 
 same color.  Given that only five different colors have 
 been used and that no two of the blocks are identical in 
 their colorings, what is the maximum number of blocks there 
 can be in the set? 

 The solution can be found on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-cubes.html

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Subj:     Puzzle - The Guido Mosaics
          From the book
            "Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
          Edited by Martin Gardner
          From: Dover Publications in 1959

 Cut the Mosaic into parts which will form two squares. 
 You can see this problem's description, drawing, 
 and solution on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-guido.html

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Calvin in School from
Animated GIF Finder

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