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Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #616b
Date: 11/23/2008
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Subj:
SR-71 Blackbird Pilot Brian Shul
From: gattica30 on 10/29/2008
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Source: http://www.greatdanepromilitary.com/SR-71/index.htm
This movie is the true story
of when Brian Shul piloted
the SR-71 over Libya and
surface-to-air missiles capable
of Mach 5 speed were launched
at his SR-71 plane. Click
below to see the movie.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/plane/supp-sr71-movie.html
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Subj:
29 Spectacular Pictures
From: gattica30 on 10/27/2008 |
These twenty-nine photos are
wonderful. Click below
to view them.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyPictures/fantastic6.html
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Subj:.....Dave
Barry's Colonoscopy Journal
From: tom on 10/31/2008
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Source: http://www.miamiherald.com/283/story/427603.html
.
OK. You turned
50. You know you're supposed to get a colonoscopy.
But you haven't.
Here are your reasons:
1. You've
been busy.
2. You
don't have a history of cancer in your family.
3. You
haven't noticed any problems.
4. You
don't want a doctor to stick
a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.
Let's examine these
reasons one at a time. No, wait, let's not.
Because you and I
both know that the only real reason is No. 4.
This is natural.
The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply
involved in what is technically known as
your ''behindular
zone'' gives you the creeping willies.
Five years pass...
I did nothing.
Five more years passed.
I turned 60, and I still hadn't gotten a colonoscopy. Then, a couple
of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from my brother Sam, who is 10 years younger
than I am, but more mature.
The email was addressed
to me and my middle brother, Phil. It said:
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``Dear
Brothers,
``I went in for
a routine colonoscopy and got the dreaded
diagnosis: cancer.
We're told it's early and that there is
a good prognosis
that they can get it all out, so, fingers
crossed, knock
on wood, and all that. And of course they
told me to tell
my siblings to get screened. I imagine you
both have.'' |
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Um. Well.
First I called Sam.
He was hopeful, but scared. We talked for
a while, and when
we hung up, I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make
an appointment for a colonoscopy. A
few days later, in
his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of
the colon, a lengthy
organ that appears to go all over the place,
at one point passing
briefly through Minneapolis ..
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Then
Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me
in a thorough, reassuring
and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything
he
said, because my
brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S
GOING TO STICK A
TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
Drawing from CrohnsDiseaseFocus.com |
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I left Andy's office
with some written instructions, and a pres-
cription for a product
called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box
large enough to hold
a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep
in detail later;
for now suffice it to say that we must never allow
it to fall into the
hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several
days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day
before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with
my instructions, I didn't eat
any solid food that
day; all I had was chicken broth, which is
basically water,
only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening,
I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a
one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those
unfamiliar with the metric system, a
liter is about 32
gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug.
This takes about
an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am
being kind - like
a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for
MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a
great
sense of humor, state that after you drink it,'a loose watery bowel movement
may result.' This is kind
of like saying that
after you jump off your roof, you
may experience contact
with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want
to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle
launch? This
is pretty much the
MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle......................................Photo
from EarlKnight.com |
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There are times when
you wish the commode had a seat belt. You
spend several hours
pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting
violently.
You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure
you must be totally
empty, you have to drink another liter of
MoviPrep, at which
point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel
into the future and
start eliminating food that you have not even
eaten yet.
After an action-packed
evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my
wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried
about the procedure, but I had been exper-
iencing occasional
return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was
thinking, 'What if
I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a
friend for something
like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had
to sign many forms acknowledging that I under-
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stood
and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms
said. Then
they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside
a little curtained space and
took off my clothes
and put on one of those hospital
garments designed
by sadist perverts, the kind that, when
Drawing from AlongPlumCreek.BlogSpot.com |
you put it on, makes
you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named
Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I
would have fainted, but Eddie was very good,
and I was already
lying down. Eddie also told me that some people
put vodka in their
MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I had
not thought of this,
but then I pondered what would happen if you
got yourself too
tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full
Fire Hose Mode. You would have no
choice but to burn
your house.
When
everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the pro-
cedure room, where
Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not
see the 17,000-foot tube, but
I knew Andy had it
hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on |
Photo from MercyNorthIowa.com |
my left side, and the
anesthesiologist began hooking something up
to the needle in
my hand.
There was music playing
in the room, and I realized that the song
was 'Dancing Queen'
by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the
songs that could
be playing during this particular procedure,
'Dancing Queen' has
to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to
turn it up?' said
Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it
was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than decade.
If you are squeamish,
prepare yourself, because I am going to tell
you, in explicit
detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I
slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking
Dancing Queen!
Feel the beat from the tambourine and the next
moment, I was back
in the other room, waking up in a very mellow
mood.
Andy was looking down
at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even
more excellent when Andy told me that it
was all over, and
that my colon had passed with flying colors.
I have never been
prouder of an internal organ.
.
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.
.
.
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Subj:
Locking Your Keys Inside
From: darrellvip on 10/30/2008 |
This cute, short movie discusses
what is worse than
locking your keys in the
car. Click below to view it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/space/ST-keys.html
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Subj:
Stainless 1936 Fords
From: gattica30 on 10/28/2008
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Source: http://www.alleghenyludlum.com/pages
........./companyinfo/stainlesscars.asp
This is the 1936 Ford Tudor
Sedan built for and owned by
Allegheny Ludlum Steel.
This is 1 of only 4 in existence
and is the only one currently
in running & in road worthy
condition. All 4 cars
each had over 200,000 miles on them
before they removed them
from service. Click below to
see this stainless Steel
beauty.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/cars/cars2-stainless.html
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Subj: Clarke's
Laws
by Arthur C. Clarke (1917-)
From: "Physics of the Impossible
by Michio Kaku
Published by Doubleday in New York in 2008
I. When a distinguished
but elderly scientist states that
something is possible, he is almost certainly right.
When he states that something is impossible, he is
very probably wrong.
II. The only way of discovering
the limits of the possible
is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
III. Any sufficiently advanced
technology is indistinguishable
from magic.
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Subj: Jonathan
Swift's Clever Puzzle-Poem
From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 10/29/2008
Source: http://www.apuzzlezone.com/adailypuzzle/10-29-08.html
Jonathan Swift, who wrote
Gulliver's Travels, also wrote
this clever puzzle-poem:
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We are little airy
creatures,
All of different voice and features;
One of us in "glass" is set,
One of us you'll find in "jet,"
T'other you may see in "tin,"
And the fourth a "box" within.
If the fifth you should pursue,
It can never fly from "you." |
Drawing from Flickr.com
Can you guess who or what
the five "little airy creatures" are?
The solution can be found
on my web site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/words/q_to_w/rid-supp2-swift.html
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Subj:
Bubba Had Shingles
From: RFSlick on 2/17/00
and From: tom on 10/27/2008 |
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Those of us who spend much
time in a doctor's office
should appreciate this!
Doesn't it seem more and more
that physicians are running
the ir practices like an
assembly line? Here's
what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's
office and the receptionist
asked him what he had. Bubba
said: 'Shingles.' So she
wrote down his name, address,
medical insurance number
and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's
aide came out and asked
Bubba what he had.Bubba said,
'Shingles.' So she wrote
down his height, weight,
a complete medical history and
told Bubba to wait in the
examining room.
A half hour later a nurse
came in and asked Bubba what he
had.Bubba said, 'Shingles.'
So the nurse gave Bubba a
blood test, a blood pressure
test, an electrocardiogram,
and told Bubba to take off
all his clothes and wait for
the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came
in and found Bubba sitting
patiently in the nude and
asked Bubba what he had. Bubba
said, 'Shingles.'
The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the
truck. Where do you
want me to unload 'em??'
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Subj:
Foolish Trivia
From: The Contra Costa Times on 10/27/2008
Animated GIF from gordonschuk |
This is another “Name That
Company” which tells you facts
about a famous company and
asks you to name the company.
Click below to play.
http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/job-stuff-supp-trivia.html#23
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