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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #616b
         Date: 11/23/2008
 

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Subj:     SR-71 Blackbird Pilot Brian Shul
          From: gattica30 on 10/29/2008
Photo from SR71.net...
 Source: http://www.greatdanepromilitary.com/SR-71/index.htm

 This movie is the true story of when Brian Shul piloted 
 the SR-71 over Libya and surface-to-air missiles capable 
 of Mach 5 speed were launched at his SR-71 plane.  Click
 below to see the movie.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/plane/supp-sr71-movie.html

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Subj:     29 Spectacular Pictures
          From: gattica30 on 10/27/2008

 These twenty-nine photos are wonderful.  Click below
 to view them.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yyPictures/fantastic6.html

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Subj:.....Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal
          From: tom on 10/31/2008
Drawing from DCGastro.Website2go.com...
Source: http://www.miamiherald.com/283/story/427603.html
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OK.  You turned 50. You know you're supposed to get a colonoscopy.
But you haven't.  Here are your reasons:
   1. You've been busy.
   2. You don't have a history of cancer in your family. 
   3. You haven't noticed any problems.
   4. You don't want a doctor to stick
      a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.
Let's examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let's not.
Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4.
This is natural.  The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply involved in what is technically known as
your ''behindular zone'' gives you the creeping willies.

Five years pass...  I did nothing.

Five more years passed. I turned 60, and I still hadn't gotten a colonoscopy.  Then, a couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from my brother Sam, who is 10 years younger than I am, but more mature.
The email was addressed to me and my middle brother, Phil.  It said:
 
``Dear Brothers,

``I went in for a routine colonoscopy and got the dreaded
diagnosis: cancer. We're told it's early and that there is
a good prognosis that they can get it all out, so, fingers
crossed, knock on wood, and all that.  And of course they
told me to tell my siblings to get screened.  I imagine you
both have.''

.
Um. Well.

First I called Sam.  He was hopeful, but scared.  We talked for
a while, and when we hung up, I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.  A
few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of
the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place,
at one point passing  briefly through Minneapolis ..
 
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me
in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he
said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S
GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
Drawing from CrohnsDiseaseFocus.com
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I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a pres-
cription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box
large enough to hold a microwave oven.  I will discuss MoviPrep
in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow
it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.  Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.  In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat
any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is
basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.  You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a
liter is about 32 gallons.)  Then you have to drink the whole jug.
This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am
being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with  just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a
great sense of humor, state that after you drink it,'a loose watery bowel movement may result.'  This is kind
of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you
may experience contact with the ground.  MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative.  I don't want to be too graphic, here, but:  Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?  This
is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle......................................Photo from EarlKnight.com
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There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.  You
spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting
violently.  You eliminate everything.  And then, when you figure
you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of
MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel
into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even
eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been exper-
iencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage.  I was
thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?'  How do you apologize to a
friend for something like that?  Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I under-
stood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms
said.  Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and
took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital
garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when
Drawing from AlongPlumCreek.BlogSpot.com
you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.  Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good,
and I was already lying down.  Eddie also told me that some people
put vodka in their MoviPrep.  At first I was ticked off that I had
not thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you
got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.  You would have no
choice but to burn your house.
 
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the pro-
cedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.  I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but
I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere.  I was seriously nervous at this point.  Andy had me roll over on

Photo from MercyNorthIowa.com
my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up
to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song
was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba.  I remarked to Andy that, of all the
songs that could be playing during this particular procedure,
'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.  'You want me to
turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.  'Ha ha,' I said.  And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than  decade.

If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell
you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.  I have no idea. Really.  I slept through it.  One moment, Abba was shrieking 
Dancing Queen!  Feel the beat from the tambourine and the next
moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow
mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.  I felt excellent.  I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it
was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.
I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
 
 
 
ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist
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Photo from MiamiBeach411.com...
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Drawing from Ripleys-Believe It Or Not
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Cartoon

from

The Utopia Forum

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Subj:     Locking Your Keys Inside
          From: darrellvip on 10/30/2008

 This cute, short movie discusses what is worse than 
 locking your keys in the car.  Click below to view it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/space/ST-keys.html

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Subj:     Stainless 1936 Fords
          From: gattica30 on 10/28/2008
Photo from AlleghenyLudlum.com...
 Source: http://www.alleghenyludlum.com/pages
........./companyinfo/stainlesscars.asp

 This is the 1936 Ford Tudor Sedan built for and owned by 
 Allegheny Ludlum Steel.  This is 1 of only 4 in existence 
 and is the only one currently in running & in road worthy 
 condition.  All 4 cars each had over 200,000 miles on them 
 before they removed them from service.  Click below to 
 see this stainless Steel beauty.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/cars/cars2-stainless.html

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Subj:     Clarke's Laws
          by Arthur C. Clarke (1917-)
          From: "Physics of the Impossible
                 by Michio Kaku
                 Published by Doubleday in New York in 2008

   I. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that
      something is possible, he is almost certainly right.
      When he states that something is impossible, he is
      very probably wrong.

  II. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible
      is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

 III. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
      from magic.

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Subj:     Jonathan Swift's Clever Puzzle-Poem
          From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 10/29/2008
 Source: http://www.apuzzlezone.com/adailypuzzle/10-29-08.html

 Jonathan Swift, who wrote Gulliver's Travels, also wrote
 this clever puzzle-poem:
 
We are little airy creatures,
All of different voice and features;
One of us in "glass" is set,
One of us you'll find in "jet,"
T'other you may see in "tin,"
And the fourth a "box" within.
If the fifth you should pursue,
It can never fly from "you."
 Drawing from Flickr.com
 Can you guess who or what the five "little airy creatures" are?

 The solution can be found on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/words/q_to_w/rid-supp2-swift.html

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Subj:     Bubba Had Shingles
          From: RFSlick on 2/17/00
      and From: tom on 10/27/2008

 Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office 
 should appreciate this!  Doesn't it seem more and more 
 that physicians are running the ir practices like an 
 assembly line?  Here's what happened to Bubba: 

 Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist 
 asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.'  So she 
 wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number 
 and told him to have a seat. 

 Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked 
 Bubba what he had.Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  So she wrote 
 down his height, weight, a complete medical history and 
 told Bubba to wait in the examining room. 

 A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he 
 had.Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  So the nurse gave Bubba a 
 blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, 
 and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for 
 the doctor. 

 An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting 
 patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.  Bubba 
 said, 'Shingles.' 

 The doctor asked, 'Where?'  Bubba said, 'Outside on the 
 truck.  Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

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Subj:     Foolish Trivia
          From: The Contra Costa Times on 10/27/2008
Animated GIF from gordonschuk

 This is another “Name That Company” which tells you facts
 about a famous company and asks you to name the company.
 Click below to play.

 http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/job-stuff-supp-trivia.html#23
 

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Worm from Animated Image © Kitty Roach

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