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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #617
         Date: 11/30/2008
 

"He who laughs, lasts."
    -- Mary Pettibone Poole
 

The best jokes I receive each week are from you folks.
If you get a good joke please pass it on to me, I enjoy
a good laugh and it cut down the work.  If you don't get
you Sunday Laughs, or want a back issue, drop me a note.

I also sending out an EDITED version of SUNDAY MORNING
LAUGHS if you have kids.  Let me know if you would prefer
this 'PG Edition'.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
 

¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤

 In "Sunday Morning Laughs" #616c was an article titled

 "Stunt Plane Loses Its Wing"

 where a video shows a stunt plane losing its right wing
 and land safely.  Snopes.com says that this video is
 probably a fake.  You can read their report by clicking

 http://www.snopes.com/photos/airplane/onewing.asp

 Thanks Chris for catching this error.  If you see other
 errors in the Sunday Morning Laughs, please email me.

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Subj:     Kevin James' Magic
          From: tom on 11/4/2008
Photo from YouTube...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chvsqMgPKhk

 Master Magician Kevin James performing at the Las Vegas 
 "callbacks" on America's Got Talent.  I had no clue how 
 he did this amazing illusion until I saw the next video 
 below.  Click below to see this wonderful but gory movie.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/s_to_z/z_oth-supp-james.html

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Subj:     Kevin James' Magic *Explanation*
          From: YouTube on 11/4/2008
Photo from YouTube
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXcJsgUqK-E

 Detailed (possible) explanation of Kevin James' performance 
 on AGT.  Because of the attention this video has received, 
 I'd like to point out that this one explanation is almost 
 certainly inaccurate to some degree.  I only used the AGT 
 footage and had no extra information.  Click below to 
 learn how the 'Kevin James' Magic' video may have been done.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/s_to_z/z_oth-supp-explained.html

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Subj:     Divorce On Thanksgiving
          From: Imogenelumen on 11/24/2003
      and From: LABLaughs on 11/18/2008

 A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before
 Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have
 to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-
 five years of misery is enough."

 "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

 "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the
 father says.

 "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about
 this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

 Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
 "No way they're getting divorced!" she shouts, "I'll take
 care of this."

 She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father,
 "You are not getting divorced.  Don't do a single thing
 until I get there.  I'm calling my brother back, and we'll
 both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO
 YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

 The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay,"
 he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their
 own way."

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Subj:     Japanese Mall Fountain
          From: darrellvip on 10/31/2008
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAITYFkICEc

 This amazing fountain is in Canal City Hakata in Fukuota, 
 Japan.  This new high tech fountain paints beautiful 
 pictures with water.  It will spell out "Welcome to Canal 
 City" in the middle of this amazing show.  I could sit and 
 watch this for hours.  You can see it at the above source, 
 or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/nationalities/asian/as-fountain.html

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Subj:     Not Wanting To Go To School
..........From: humorlist-digest V2 #33 on 98-02-03 

 Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. 

 "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" 

 "But why, Mom?  I don't want to go." 

 "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." 

 "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate 
 me, too!" 

 "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school.  Come on now 
 and get ready." 

 "Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school." 

 "Well, for one, you're 52 years old.  For another, 
 you're the PRINCIPAL!"

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Subj:     Turkey Trivia Quiz
          From: gattica30 on 11/23/2008
Photo from PageWorks
 Source: http://home.aristotle.net/Thanksgiving/trivia.asp

 This twenty question quiz will test how much you know about
 turkeys and Thanksgiving.  You can take it at the above
 source, or on my web site bt clicking below.

 http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherNtoZ/n_to_v/th-quiz/quiz.html

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Subj:     Learning To Play Golf

 I believe this one is best done with a bit'a the brogue
 after a wee sip.  Me wife says to me one day, "Tain't it
 about time you learned to play this golf thing that all
 the other husbands are play'n?"

 So I goes next door and says to me neighbor, "Can you teach
 me to play golf?"

 He: "Sure. Have you got any balls and club?"

 Me: "?.....of course. Why?"

 H: "Well bring'em to the club house tomorrow and
 we'll T-off."

 M: "?T-off?  Whats this T-off?"

 H: "Oh, it's just a golf term and we'll T-off right next
    to the clubhouse."

 M: "Look, you T-off where ever you want to but I'll T-off
    in private if you don't mind."

 H: "(chuckle) No no, a T's that little thing about the
    size of your little finger."

 M: (them damn women been talk'n again)

 H: "Look, the first thing you do is stick you T in the
    ground and put you ball on top of it."

 M: "Oh, this is sit down game?"

 H: "No, your standing up when you put your ball on the T."

 M: "Is'nt that stretch'n things a bit far"?

 H: "No. You got a bag to go along with your balls'n clubs"?

 M: "?.....of course. Why?"

 H: "Zippered bag or velcro"?

 M: "?...........neither."

 H: "Oh, well how do you hold you club"?

 I: "Two fingers."

 H: "No, no.  That's not right.  Look let me get around
    behind you like this. Now spread your feet apart a bit.
    Bend over a bit.  Now I'll put my arms around you and
    show you how to swing."

 M: "Damn man, I spent six years in the Navy and I know what
    you got on your mind.

 H: "Ok, look, you take your club and swing it over your
    shoulder..."

 M: "No, no, that's me brother Jimmy you be think'n of."

 H: "...and you hit your ball with it and it'll soar and soar."

 M: "I can well believe that."

 H: "Then when your on the green..."

 M: "What's the green thing"?

 H: "Ah, that's where the hole is."

 M: "You color blind"?

 H: "No, why"?  "...anyway, when you get there, you take
    your putter..."

 M: "Whats a putter"?

 H: "Smallest club made."

 M: (Damn that woman, just can't keep her mouth shut).

 H: "...and with it you put the ball in the hole."

 M: "You mean the putter"?

 H: "No, the ball, the hole isn't big enough for the ball
    and the putter."

 M: "Well, that's when I knew he didn't know what he was
    talk'n about.  Cuz I seen holes big enough for a horse-
    n-wagon."

 H: "Then after the first hole, you go on to the next 17."

 M: "I quit.  Takes me 18 days to make one hole.  Besides,
    how would I know when I in the 18th one"?

 H: "Why, the holes got a flag in it."

 M: Sheeez!

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Subj:     Secret Service Code Names
          From: CKButch4Femme on 11/5/2008
Photo from ZTEKnologies.com...
Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content
......../article/2007/06/16/AR2007061601079.html?hpid=topnews

 This article from the Washington Post, written during
 the primaries, explains the use of "Code Names" used by
 the Secret Service to protect the President and the
 presidential candidates.  Click below and learn how
 President-Elect Barack Obama got the tag: "Renegade."

 http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-names.html

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Subj:     "Cats Are Like?"
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #204 on 98-09-01
          (See 'Our Best Friends?' in DOGS2)

  1. Cats do what they want, when they want.
  2. They rarely listen to you.
  3. They're totally unpredictable.
  4. They whine when they are not happy.
  5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.
  6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
  7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
  8. They're moody.
  9. They leave their hair everywhere.
 10. They drive you nuts.

 Conclusion: Cats are like little, tiny women
             in cheap fur coats.

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Subj:     Puzzle - Count The Triangles III
          by Philip J. Carter and Kenneth A. Russell 
          From the book "IQ Test" on 11/3/2008
             Published by Sterling Pub.Co., Inc.,2008
             387 Park Avenue South, New York, N.Y.
             Test #9, Problem #31, Page 164

 How many triangles are there in the above figure? 
 Click below to see the larger drawing, and solution.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-triangles.html

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Subj:     Things That Can Kill You
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/5/2005

 Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.  The next
 day I stopped smoking.

 Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
 The next day I stopped eating red meat..

 Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you.
 The next day I stopped drinking.

 Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
 This morning I stopped reading.

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Subj:     Math Prob. - A Puzzling Mixture
          From the book
            "Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
          Edited by Martin Gardner
          From: Dover Publications in 1959

 With how much water did the milkman dilute each of his 
 two cans of milk?  You can view this problem, drawing, 
 and solution on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-milkman.html

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Calvin and Hobbes from
Bozeman Public Schools

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