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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #617c
         Date: 11/30/2008
 

You can also view old ‘Sunday Morning Laughs’ at 
http://jokelibrary.net/archive/index.html
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Subj:     The Clumsy Best Man
          From: darrellvip on 11/3/2008

 This short home movie is funny.  Click below to see it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_other/wed-supp-clumsy.html

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Subj:     Hardening Of The Nipples
          From: JokesUncut on 3/21/2003

 WATER DEPARTMENT

 RING!

 Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave...

 "Is this the water department?"

 Yes Ma'am, for most of this area...

 "Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you
 about the water"

 I'll try and help...

 "Why are my nipples getting so hard?"

 You're not really serious...

 "I AM SO!!  My nipples... they're hard and they have this
 white coating on them!"

 Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff...

 "Not only that, they're getting warped!"

 I see...

 "They used to be soft, pink and round!"

 I'm sure they were...

 "Now they really look disgusting!"

 I'm sure they do...

 "So I want to know what you're going to do about this!"

 I really don't think I can help you.  Have you discussed
 this with your personal physician?

 "Yes I have!  He said I should call you because he thought
 it was from the water!"

 I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water
 is causing this?

 "He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that."

 Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?

 "Painful?!  THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M
 TALKING ABOUT!"

 Now I understand...

 "Are you going to buy me new ones?"

 Why would we do that?

 "Because your water ruined these.  My baby won't suck them
 anymore.  He's been sick and I think it's from the white
 stuff... he used to really suck..."

 May I ask how old your baby is?

 "He's six, going on seven"

 Six... and he refuses the bottle?  Maybe he's getting a
 little old for the bottle...

 "DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"

 I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples?

 "Since he was born"

 Hmmmmm.  My guess is the white film is from the calcium
 carbonate in the water... kind of like bathtub ring of
 the nipple... and they are hard and warped because of
 being boiled and bitten for six years...

 "So! You are refusing to pay!"

 Well, that's not for me to decide.  I was only trying to
 suggest they might just be plain worn out.

 "THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!"

 There is really nothing more I can do for you...

 "JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?"

 Well, why don't you just run down to our main office.
 There you can file an insurance claim...

 "What good would that do? Will they give me the money?"

 They will investigate and make a judgement whether to
 settle or not...

 "Well, you sure haven't been any help!  How do I get
 them to pay more attention than you have?"

 Just show them your nipples!!

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Subj:     Dashboard Camera II
          From: gattica30 on 11/1/2008
      and From: tom on 11/5/2008

 The original title of this video was "How to turn a 
 speeding ticket into jail time."  Click below to 
 learn how this can be done.

 http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-dashcam.html

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Subj:     Man Discusses Fight With Wife In Bar
          From: thebartend on 2/19/2004

 Walking into the bar, Mike said to the bartender, "Pour me
 a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."

 "Oh yeah?" said Greg "And how did this one end?"

 "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands
 and knees."

 "Really? Now that's a switch!  What did she say?"

 She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chicken
 shit."

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Subj:     World's First Hybrid Motorcycle
          From: ginafm on 11/3/2008
Animated GIF from FreeFever.com...
 Source: http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_may2006/1stHybridMotorcycle.htm

 The price of gasoline on the rise has contributed to the 
 growing sales of hybrid Cars.  Only stands to reason that 
 someone would invent a Hybrid Motorcycle!  You can view 
 this amazing invention at the above source, or on my web 
 site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/harley-hybrid.html

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Subj:     Two Rednecks Win At Wal-Mart
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/18/2005 

 While Bubba and Billy Bob, two rednecks from Lenoir,N.C. 
 were in the local Wal-Mart they decided to get in on the 
 weekly charity raffle. 

 They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The 
 following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a 
 prize. 

 Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet 
 spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti. 

 Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush. 

 About a week or so had passed when the men met back at 
 Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to 
 which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!" 

 Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet 
 brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna 
 go back to paper." 

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Subj:     The 'Brief' Safe
          From: jcary
          on 9/21/2008
 Source1: http://www.spyville.com/brief-safe-underwear.html
 Source1: http://www.efindoutthetruth.com/Diversion_Safes.htm

 With all the theft from airline luggage now and motel 
 housekeeping going through your luggage while you are out, 
 this product will deter those thieves.  Just place your 
 valuables inside and travel while feeling secure. 

 This is a real product which is for sale at the above two 
 sources.  Click below to see a picture of the 'Brief' Safe.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/banking_pictures/supp-brief.html

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Subj:     Alligator Contest
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/8/2004
      and From: ginafm on 11/5/2008

 A rich white guy in Georgia decided that he wanted to
 throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
 He also invited Leroy, the token black guy in the
 neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the
 backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good
 time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ
 and flirting with the women. At the height of the party, the
 rich white dude said, "I have a 10 ft. Man-eating gator in
 my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has
 the balls to jump in."

 The words were barely out of the rich white dude's mouth
 when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around
 and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator
 and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the
 eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds
 of things like head butts and chokeholds, biting the gator
 on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some
 kind of Japanese Judo Instructor.

 The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both
 Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.
 Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it sink to the
 bottom like a K-Mart gold fish. Leroy then slowly climbed
 out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in
 disbelief.

 Finally the rich white guy says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I
 owe you a million dollars."

 "No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

 The rich white dude said, "Man, I have to give you
 something. You won the bet. How about half a million
 bucks then?"

 "No thanks. I don't want it.", answered Leroy.

 The white dude said, "Come on, I insist on giving you
 something. That was amazing. How about a new
 Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

 The brother said no.

 The confused rich white guy said, "Well, Leroy, then
 what do you want?"

 Leroy answered, "I want the name of the muthafucka’
 who pushed me in the pool."

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest Comic Strip
          by Bob Thaves 
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/3/2008
 Source: http://members.comics.com/affiliate/washington_post/?ComicID=31
 

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Subj:     Two Doctors Operate On Owl While Hunting
          From Bawdy.Net Collage #5

 An ear/nose/throat specialist and an urologists were out
 hunting.  As was their custom, they each had a hip flask
 filled with their favorite spirits.  Near the end of the
 day, the flasks were lighter, and both physicians were
 somewhat inebriated.  As they passed under a tree, they
 noticed an old owl up in a high branch.

 The ENT man said, "I bet you I can climb up the tree,
 whip out that owl's tonsils, and be back down here with-
 out him noticing." Disbelieving, the urologist made the
 bet. The ENT man shimmied up the tree, grabbed the owl,
 whipped out his tonsils, and was back on the ground with-
 out the bird even waking up.  The urologist, not to be
 outdone, said, "Well, I bet I can go up the tree, grab
 that owl, and circumcise him without him waking up."

 Naturally, the bet was taken.  The urologist shimmied
 up the tree, grabbed the owl, performed the circumcision,
 and was back down on the ground without the owl even
 noticing.  The two men went on about their way.

 Several days later, the old owl was flying over the same
 forest with a younger owl.  The young owl, noticing an
 old tree with an inviting high branch, said, "Let's go
 down and take a nap on that high branch."

 The old owl said, "nothing doing!  Last week I took a
 nap on that same branch, and ever since then I haven't
 been able to hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot."

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     by John Graziano
     From: Comics.com on 10/6/2008
 Source: http://www.comics.com/comics/ripleys/index.html
 
..

 You can see the answer by clicking on the above
 "Solution Button", or on the internet address below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-cannonballs2.html

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Subj:     The Smolen Bid 
          From: BridgeClues.com on 11/3/2008
Drawing from ArtZooks.com...

 This wonderful web site has daily problems if you click on 
 the bidding drop down menu.  Today's hand #2191 discusses 
 the Smolen bid.  Click below to see this bridge problem.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column73.html

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Calvin and Hobbes from
GIFMania

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