Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #617c
Date: 11/30/2008
You can also view old ‘Sunday Morning
Laughs’ at
http://jokelibrary.net/archive/index.html
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Subj:
The Clumsy Best Man
From: darrellvip on 11/3/2008 |
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This short home movie is funny.
Click below to see it.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_other/wed-supp-clumsy.html
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Subj: Hardening
Of The Nipples
From: JokesUncut on 3/21/2003
WATER DEPARTMENT
RING!
Southeast Treatment Plant,
this is Dave...
"Is this the water department?"
Yes Ma'am, for most of this
area...
"Good. I have some very technical
questions to ask you
about the water"
I'll try and help...
"Why are my nipples getting
so hard?"
You're not really serious...
"I AM SO!! My nipples...
they're hard and they have this
white coating on them!"
Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh,
nipples with white, uhh... stuff...
"Not only that, they're getting
warped!"
I see...
"They used to be soft, pink
and round!"
I'm sure they were...
"Now they really look disgusting!"
I'm sure they do...
"So I want to know what you're
going to do about this!"
I really don't think I can
help you. Have you discussed
this with your personal physician?
"Yes I have! He said
I should call you because he thought
it was from the water!"
I see... uhhhh, just why and
how does he think the water
is causing this?
"He said cleaning them in
boiling water sometimes does that."
Sounds painful... can't you
just sponge them off?
"Painful?! THE BABY
BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M
TALKING ABOUT!"
Now I understand...
"Are you going to buy me new
ones?"
Why would we do that?
"Because your water ruined
these. My baby won't suck them
anymore. He's been
sick and I think it's from the white
stuff... he used to really
suck..."
May I ask how old your baby
is?
"He's six, going on seven"
Six... and he refuses the
bottle? Maybe he's getting a
little old for the bottle...
"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE
MY CHILD!"
I wasn't. How long have you
been using these nipples?
"Since he was born"
Hmmmmm. My guess is
the white film is from the calcium
carbonate in the water...
kind of like bathtub ring of
the nipple... and they are
hard and warped because of
being boiled and bitten for
six years...
"So! You are refusing to pay!"
Well, that's not for me to
decide. I was only trying to
suggest they might just be
plain worn out.
"THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT
IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!"
There is really nothing more
I can do for you...
"JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO
GET MY MONEY?"
Well, why don't you just run
down to our main office.
There you can file an insurance
claim...
"What good would that do?
Will they give me the money?"
They will investigate and
make a judgement whether to
settle or not...
"Well, you sure haven't been
any help! How do I get
them to pay more attention
than you have?"
Just show them your nipples!!
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Subj:
Dashboard Camera II
From: gattica30 on 11/1/2008
and From: tom on 11/5/2008 |
The original title of this
video was "How to turn a
speeding ticket into jail
time." Click below to
learn how this can be done.
http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pol-supp-dashcam.html
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Subj: Man
Discusses Fight With Wife In Bar
From: thebartend on 2/19/2004
Walking into the bar, Mike
said to the bartender, "Pour me
a stiff one, I just had another
fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Greg "And
how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied,
"she came to me on her hands
and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch!
What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under
that bed, you little chicken
shit."
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Subj:
World's First Hybrid Motorcycle
From: ginafm on 11/3/2008
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Source: http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_may2006/1stHybridMotorcycle.htm
The price of gasoline on the
rise has contributed to the
growing sales of hybrid Cars.
Only stands to reason that
someone would invent a Hybrid
Motorcycle! You can view
this amazing invention at
the above source, or on my web
site by clicking below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/harley-hybrid.html
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Subj: Two
Rednecks Win At Wal-Mart
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/18/2005
While Bubba and Billy Bob,
two rednecks from Lenoir,N.C.
were in the local Wal-Mart
they decided to get in on the
weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each
at a dollar a pop. The
following week, when the
raffle was drawn, each had won a
prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place; a
years supply of gourmet
spaghetti sauce and extra
long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet
brush.
About a week or so had passed
when the men met back at
Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy
Bob how he liked his prize, to
which Billy Bob replied,
"Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How
'bout you, how's the toilet
brush? "Not so good," replied
Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna
go back to paper."
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Subj:
The 'Brief' Safe
From: jcary
on 9/21/2008 |
Source1: http://www.spyville.com/brief-safe-underwear.html
Source1: http://www.efindoutthetruth.com/Diversion_Safes.htm
With all the theft from airline
luggage now and motel
housekeeping going through
your luggage while you are out,
this product will deter those
thieves. Just place your
valuables inside and travel
while feeling secure.
This is a real product which
is for sale at the above two
sources. Click below
to see a picture of the 'Brief' Safe.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/banking_pictures/supp-brief.html
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Subj: Alligator
Contest
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/8/2004
and From: ginafm on 11/5/2008
A rich white guy in Georgia
decided that he wanted to
throw a party and invited
all of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, the
token black guy in the
neighborhood. He held the
party around the pool in the
backyard of his mansion.
Everyone was having a good
time drinking, dancing, eating
shrimp, oysters and BBQ
and flirting with the women.
At the height of the party, the
rich white dude said, "I
have a 10 ft. Man-eating gator in
my pool and I'll give a million
dollars to anyone who has
the balls to jump in."
The words were barely out
of the rich white dude's mouth
when there was a loud splash
and everyone turned around
and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator
and kicking its ass! Leroy
was jabbing the gator in the
eyes with his thumbs, throwing
punches, doing all kinds
of things like head butts
and chokeholds, biting the gator
on the tail and flipping
the gator through the air like some
kind of Japanese Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and
splashing everywhere. Both
Leroy and the gator were
screaming and raising hell.
Finally Leroy strangled the
gator and let it sink to the
bottom like a K-Mart gold
fish. Leroy then slowly climbed
out of the pool. Everybody
was just staring at him in
disbelief.
Finally the rich white guy
says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I
owe you a million dollars."
"No, that's okay. I don't
want it," said Leroy.
The rich white dude said,
"Man, I have to give you
something. You won the bet.
How about half a million
bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don't want it.",
answered Leroy.
The white dude said, "Come
on, I insist on giving you
something. That was amazing.
How about a new
Porsche and a Rolex and some
stock options?"
The brother said no.
The confused rich white guy
said, "Well, Leroy, then
what do you want?"
Leroy answered, "I want the
name of the muthafucka’
who pushed me in the pool."
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Subj: Frank
And Ernest Comic Strip
by Bob Thaves
From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/3/2008
Source: http://members.comics.com/affiliate/washington_post/?ComicID=31
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Subj: Two
Doctors Operate On Owl While Hunting
From Bawdy.Net Collage #5
An ear/nose/throat specialist
and an urologists were out
hunting. As was their
custom, they each had a hip flask
filled with their favorite
spirits. Near the end of the
day, the flasks were lighter,
and both physicians were
somewhat inebriated.
As they passed under a tree, they
noticed an old owl up in
a high branch.
The ENT man said, "I bet you
I can climb up the tree,
whip out that owl's tonsils,
and be back down here with-
out him noticing." Disbelieving,
the urologist made the
bet. The ENT man shimmied
up the tree, grabbed the owl,
whipped out his tonsils,
and was back on the ground with-
out the bird even waking
up. The urologist, not to be
outdone, said, "Well, I bet
I can go up the tree, grab
that owl, and circumcise
him without him waking up."
Naturally, the bet was taken.
The urologist shimmied
up the tree, grabbed the
owl, performed the circumcision,
and was back down on the
ground without the owl even
noticing. The two men
went on about their way.
Several days later, the old
owl was flying over the same
forest with a younger owl.
The young owl, noticing an
old tree with an inviting
high branch, said, "Let's go
down and take a nap on that
high branch."
The old owl said, "nothing
doing! Last week I took a
nap on that same branch,
and ever since then I haven't
been able to hoot worth a
fuck or fuck worth a hoot."
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by John
Graziano
From:
Comics.com on 10/6/2008 |
Source: http://www.comics.com/comics/ripleys/index.html
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You can see the answer by
clicking on the above
"Solution Button", or on
the internet address below.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-cannonballs2.html
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Subj:
The Smolen Bid
From: BridgeClues.com on 11/3/2008
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This wonderful web site has
daily problems if you click on
the bidding drop down menu.
Today's hand #2191 discusses
the Smolen bid. Click
below to see this bridge problem.
http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g2/a_bridge_column73.html
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