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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #618
         Date: 12/7/2008
 

"Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what
 they think laughable." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

The best jokes I receive each week are from you folks.
If you get a good joke please pass it on to me, I enjoy
a good laugh and it cut down the work.  If you don't get
you Sunday Laughs, or want a back issue, drop me a note.

I also sending out an EDITED version of SUNDAY MORNING
LAUGHS if you have kids.  Let me know if you would prefer
this 'PG Edition'.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.
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Subj:     Installing Your Digital TV Converter Box
          From: tom
          on 10/22/2008
 Source: http://www.hulu.com/watch/36608/talkshow
.........-with-spike-feresten-cable-psa#s-p1-st-i1

 This funny movie teaches an elderly lady how to install 
 a digital TV converter box.  You can view it at the 
 above source, or on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/movies_etc-supp2-digital.html

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Subj:     Can You Spot The 44th President Below?
          From: gattica30 on 11/12/2008
Source: http://pictures.sprintpcs.com/share.do?invite=WEMr2rm
........5k570xUMzLh1k&shareName=MMS&messageState=RETRIEVED
 Click 'HERE'
    to see
an enlargement
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Subj:     Cab Driver And The 80 Year Old Lady
          From: mombear1 on 7/8/2002
      and From: darrellvip on 11/13/2008

 Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.  When I arrived
 at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light
 in a ground floor window.  Under these circumstances, many
 drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then
 drive away.

 I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis
 as their only means of transportation.  Unless a situation
 smelled of danger, I always went to the door.  This passenger
 might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

 So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute", answered
 a frail, elderly voice.  I could hear something being dragged
 across the floor.

 After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's
 stood before me.  She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox
 hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s
 movie.

 By her side was a small nylon suitcase.  The apartment looked
 as if no one had lived in it for years.  All the furniture
 was covered with sheets.  There were no clocks on the walls,
 no knickknacks or utensils on the counters.  In the corner
 was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

 "Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said.  I took
 the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

 She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.  She
 kept thanking me for my kindness.

 "It's nothing", I told her.  "I just try to treat my
 passengers the way I would want my mother treated".

 "Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.

 When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked,
 "Could you drive through downtown?"

 "It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.

 "Oh, I don't mind," she said.  "I'm in no hurry.  I'm on
 my way to a hospice".  I looked in the rearview mirror.
 Her eyes were glistening.  "I don't have any family left,"
 she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."

 I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.  "What
 route would you like me to take?" I asked.

 For the next two hours, we drove through the city.  She
 showed me the building where she had once worked as an
 elevator operator.  We drove through the neighborhood
 where she and her husband had lived when they were
 newlyweds.  She had me pull up in front of a furniture
 warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had
 gone dancing as a girl.

 Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular
 building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness,
 saying nothing.

 As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she
 suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."

 We drove in silence to the address she had given me.  It
 was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with
 a driveway that passed under a portico.

 Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up.
 They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
 They must have been expecting her.

 I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.
 The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

 "How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.

 "Nothing," I said.

 "You have to make a living," she answered.

 "There are other passengers," I responded.  Almost without
 thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.  She held onto me
 tightly.

 "You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said.
 "Thank you."

 I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light.
 Behind me, a door shut.  It was the sound of the closing of
 a life.

 I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove
 aimlessly, lost in thought.  For the rest of that day, I
 could hardly talk.

 What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who
 was impatient to end his shift?  What if I had refused to
 take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

 On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything
 more important in my life.  We're conditioned to think that
 our lives revolve around great moments.  But great moments
 often catch us unaware--beautifully wrapped in what others
 may consider a small one.

 PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT `YOU DID,
 OR WHAT YOU SAID,
 ~BUT ~
 THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

 In Sunday Morning Laughs, I always have ten to fifteen
 quotes.  On several occasions the teachers at Benicia
 High have discussed this quotation.  We all believe this
 this is the single most important quote I have ever sent
 out.  Tom A. includes it at the bottom of every letter
 he writes

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Subj:     Free Range Comic Strip
          by Bill Whitehead 
          From: Creators.com on 11/11/2008
Source: http://www.creators.com/today-comics/2008-11-11.html
 

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Subj:     Non Sequitur Comic Strip
          By Wiley Miller
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/9/2008
 Source: http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/nq/

 This comic strip is cute, funny, and all too real 
 in our present times.  Click below to view it.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/animals/d_to_z/z-oth-s-sequitur.html

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Subj:     Boss Talks To Child
          From: DoctorDebt on 6/8/2003 
      and From: ginafm on 11/11/2008 

 The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees 
 about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.  He 
 dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with 
 a child's whispered on the first ring, "Hello?" 

 Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a 
 youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?". "Yes.", 
 whispered the small voice.  May I talk with him?", the man 
 asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice 
 whispered, "No." 

 Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your 
 Mommy there?".  "Yes.", came the answer. "May I talk with 
 her?". Again the small voice whispered, "No." 

 Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be 
 left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a 
 message with the person who should be there watching over 
 the child.  "Is there any one there besides you?", the 
 boss asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child, "A 
 policeman." 

 Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, 
 the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?". "No, 
 he's busy.", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?", asked 
 the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.", 
 came the whispered answer. 

 Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded 
 like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the 
 boss asked, "What is that noise?". "A hello-copper.", 
 answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", 
 asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice 
 the child answered, "The search team just landed in the 
 hello-copper!" 

 Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 
 'What are they searching for?' 

 Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled 
 giggle... 'ME.' 

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Subj:     Mallard Comic Strip
          by Bruce Tinsley 
          From: SeattlePi.com on 11/8/2008
Source: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mallard.asp?date=20081108
 

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Subj:     Mating Pigs
          From: ginafm on 11/13/2008

 A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were tough, he
 had determined to take them to the county fair and sell
 them.  While at the fair he met another farmer who owned
 five male pigs.  After talking a bit, they decided to mate
 the pigs and split everything 50/50.

 Now the farmers lived sixty miles away from one another,
 so they each agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field
 in which to mate their pigs.

 The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up
 at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon
 (which was the only vehicle they had) and drove the thirty
 miles.

 While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer,
 "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

 The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing
 in the morning, then they're pregnant, but if they're
 rolling in the mud, then they're not."

 The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed
 them off, called the other farmer, loaded them again into
 the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.

 The following morning, in the mud again!  And the next
 morning, MUD again!  This continued all week until the
 farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed.

 He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and
 tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field grazing."

 The wife looked out the window and then yelled back,
 "Neither, they're in the station wagon and one of them is
 honking the horn." 

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Drawing from InklingBlog.com
Subj:  Math Prob. - Find The Missing Number IV
       by Philip J. Carter and Kenneth A. Russell 
       From the book "IQ Test" on 11/8/2008 
          Published by Sterling Pub. Co., Inc., 2008 
          387 Park Avenue South, New York, N.Y. 10016 
          Test #9, Problem #39, Page 167

 What number should replace the question mark? 
 219, 208, 186, ?, 109, 54, and -12 

 The solution can be found on my web site by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-missing_number_4.html

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Subj:     Math Prob. - Tell Mother's Age
          From the book 
             "Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd" 
          Edited by Martin Gardner 
          From: Dover Publications in 1959

 How old is the mother?  You can view the problem's 
 description, drawing, and solution on my web site 
 by clicking below.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-mother.html

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Laughing Smiley from
flovilla on 9/23/2005

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