Subject: The Sunday
Morning Laughs #621
Date: 12/28/2008
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"They say the seeds of what
we will do are in all of us,
but it always seemed to me
that in those who make jokes
in life the seeds are covered
with better soil and with
a higher grade of manure.
" -- Ernest Hemingway
Thanks for the great jokes you guys
keep sending. If
I haven’t sent out a certain joke
for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a
second time.
Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have
sent me through the years.
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Subj:
No One As Irish As Barack OBama
Written by Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/20/2008 |
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Source: http://www.lifeisajoke.com
........./videos66_no_one_as_irish_as_barack_obama.htm
A SONG trumpeting US president-elect
Barack Obama's
ancestral Irish roots has
become a surprise hit on the
YouTube video-sharing website.
"There's no one as Irish
as Barack Obama," has had
more than 600,000 hits on YouTube,
many added since the Democrat
became the first black
candidate to be voted US
president last week.
The song, which creatively
rhymes Obama with O'Hara, is
the work of Irish band Hardy
Drew and the Nancy Boys from
Limerick in south-west Ireland
who describe themselves as
"a rag taggle bunch of dropouts
and misfits".
You can hear this wonderful
song at the above source, or
on my web site by clicking
below.
http://jokelibrary.net/nationalities/a_to_z/irish2-obama1.html
The above comments are from
News.com at
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24634074-1702,00.html?from=public_rss
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Subj:
Barack Obama is IRISH!
Written by Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys
From: YouTube on 12/1/2008 |
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EADUQWKoVek
Permission to add additional
verses given to Shay Black by
the Hardy Drew and the Nancy
Boys. The added verses are
wonderful and now the song
is longer.
You can hear this longer,
excellent
song at the above
source, or on my web site
by clicking below.
http://jokelibrary.net/nationalities/a_to_z/irish2-obama2.html
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Subj: Angry
Old Man And The Nurse
From: thebartend on 1/5/2004
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/3/2008
Lorne was an old man, he was
sick, and he was in the hospital.
Anyway, there was this one
young nurse that just drove him
crazy. Every time she
came in, she would talk to him like he
was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of
voice, "And how are we doing
this morning, or are we ready
for our bath, or are we hungry?"
Old Lorne had had enough of
this particular nurse. One day,
Old Lorne had received breakfast,
and pulled the juice off
the tray, and put it on his
bed side stand. He had been
given a Urine Bottle to fill
for testing. The juice was
apple juice. So.....you
know where the juice went.
Well, the nurse came in a
little later and picked up the
urine bottle. She looks
at it. "My, but it seems we are a
little cloudy today....."
At this, Old Lorne snatched
the bottle out of her hand,
pops off the top, and drinks
it down, saying, "Well, I'll
run it through again, and
maybe I can filter it better this
time."
The nurse fainted..... Old
Lorne just smiled......
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Subj:
A Thomas Jefferson Quote On Banking
From: gordonschuk on 11/16/2008
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Source: http://www.listafterlist.com/tabid/57/listid/15383
......../Money++Real+Estate/Thomas+Jefferson+quotes++
........Banking+institutions+are+more+dangerous+to+our+
........liberties+than+standing+armies.aspx
'I believe that banking institutions
are more dangerous
to our liberties than standing
armies. If the American
people ever allow private
banks to control the issue of
their currency, first by
inflation, then by deflation,
the banks and corporations
that will grow up around the
banks will deprive the people
of all property until their
children wake-up homeless
on the continent their fathers
conquered.' -- Thomas
Jefferson 1802
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Subj: Daddy
Sleeps Naked
From: mauryschu on 12/4/2008
'Late again,' the third-grade
teacher said to little Sammy.
'It isn't my fault this time,
Miss Crabtree. You can blame
this'un on my daddy.
The reason I'm three hours late is
my daddy sleeps naked!'
Now Miss Crabtree had taught
grammar school for thirty-some-
odd years. Despite
her mounting fears, she asked little
Sammy what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief,
and in the flower of his youth,
little Sammy and trouble
were old friends, but he always
told her the truth.
'You see, Miss Crabtree; out
at the ranch we got this here
low down Coyote. The
last few nights he done et six hens
and killed Ma's best milk
goat. Last night, when Daddy
heard a noise out in the
chicken pen, he grabbed his shot
gun and said to Ma, 'That
coyote's back again, I'm a gonna
git him!''
'Stay back,' he whispered
to all us kids. He was naked as
a jaybird, no boots, no pants,
no shirt!'
'To the hen house he crawl
ed, just like an Injun on the
snoop. Then he stuck
that double barreled 12 Gauge shot
gun through the window of
the coop. As he stared into the
darkness, with coyotes on
his mind, our old hound dog Zeke
had done woke up and comes
sneaking' up behind Daddy. Then
as we all looked on plumb
helpless, old Zeke stuck his cold
nose in Daddy's crack!
'Miss Crabtree, we all been
cleanin' chickens since three
o'clock this Mornin.
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Subj:
Blind Motorcyclist
From: mauryschu
on 12/4/2008 |
Click below to see this short,
cute commercial.
http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/harley-blind.html
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Subj: Midget
Cowboy's Balls Ache
From: RFSlick on 5/15/00
and From: gordonschuk on 12/5/2008
There was a midget cowboy
who complained to his buddy that
his testicles ached all the
time. As he was always going
on about his problem, his
friend suggested that he go to
the doctor and see what he
could do to relieve the problem.
The midget took his advice
and went to the doctor and told
him what the problem was.
The doctor told him to drop his
pants and he would have a
look.
The midget dropped his pants,
then the doctor put him up
onto the examining table
and proceeded to look for the
trouble. The doc put
one finger under his left testicle
and told the midget to cough,
which he did. "Ah!" mumbled
the doc and putting his finger
under the right one and
asked him to cough again,
which he did. "Ahhh!" said the
doctor and reached for his
surgical scissors. Snip, snip,
snip on the right side and
then snip, snip, snip on the
left side and he told the
midget to pull up his pants and
see if it still ached.
The midget was delighted as
he walked around the doc's
office and his testicles
were not aching. "What did you do
Doc?" he asked.
The doc replied, "I cut two
inches off the tops of your
cowboy boots."
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Subj:
The Wizard of Id Comic Strip
by Parker and Hart
From: Creators.com on 12/05/2008 |
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Source: http://www.creators.com/today-comics.html
Click below to read this cute
comic strip.
http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/bar1-id.html
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Subj: Widow
Writes Obituary II
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/12/2008
When the husband finally died,
his wife put the
death notice in the paper,
but added that he died
of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers
delivered when a friend
of the family phoned and
complained bitterly, 'You
know very well that he died
of diarrhea, not
gonorrhea.'
Replied the widow, 'I nursed
him night and day so
of course I know he died
of diarrhea, but I thought
it would be better for posterity
to remember him as
a great lover rather than
the big shit he always was.'
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Subj:
Can You Find The Pattern?
From Anonymous Jr. on 12/2/2008
Picture from Germes-online.com |
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What comes next?
T,E,T,T,F,
F,M,A,M,J,
A,D,G,J,M,
Click below to see the solution.
http://jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-pattern.html
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Subj:
Puzzle - Duck Shooting
From the book
"Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
Edited by Martin Gardner
From: Dover Publications in 1959 |
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By changing the position of
the fewest possible number
of the ten ducks, arrange
them so there will be five rows
of four in each row.
To see the puzzle's description, it's
large drawing and the puzzle's
solution, click below.
http://jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS-duck_shooting.html
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