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Subject: The Sunday Morning Laughs #789
         Date: 3/18/2012
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GIF from TownOfGenoa...
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"He who laughs, lasts."
    -- Mary Pettibone Poole
 

The best jokes I receive each week are from you folks.
If you get a good joke please pass it on to me, I enjoy
a good laugh and it cut down the work.  If you don't get
you Sunday Laughs, or want a back issue, drop me a note.
 

Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have sent me through the years.

You can also view old "Sunday Morning Laughs" at 
http://jokelibrary.net/archive/index.html
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Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009
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 The volume of new material I see in emails and on the web is
 decrease.  The Sunday Morning Laughs will be getting shorter.
 Help keep the Sunday Laughs going by sending me new stuff.
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Subj:     Vintage Race Car Crashes
          Video from The Jalopy Journal's videos
          Music written and sung by A.A. Bondy
         From: lubin100 on 2/26/2012
 Source1: http://vimeo.com/20247765
 Source2: http://devour.com/video/vintage-race-car-crashes/
 Source3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWl2PxqrQhg

 This is a vintage race car crash compilation.  The great 
 music is "Killed Myself When I Was Young" by A.A. Bondy. 
 This wonderful video is not for those with a weak stomach. 
 Click on any source, or below for my copy, to see this 
 nostalgic video.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/cars/cars-supp2-crash2.html

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Subj:     4 Clever International Commercials
          From: virv
          on 2/25/2012
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjVAYdkHVVc

 This video contains four clever International Commercials: 
 Veet, Kiwi Bacon, Wiener Stadtische Insurance, Nissan U.K. 
 Click on the above source, or below for my copy, to see 
 these four, very funny commercials.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/
 b_to_t/head-supp/supp2-4_commercials.html

 or at

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/
 b_to_t/head-supp/supp2-4_commercials.wmv

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Subj:     Family Dinner And The Harley 
          From: From: DoctorDebt on 12/21/2005 
      and From: lubin100 on 2/23/2012

 This is the joke that finally made me decide to collect 
 jokes.  After reading it, I deleted it and later wanted 
 to give it to Roger.  After relocating the joke, I didn't 
 want to looks it again.  I still think this joke is a 
 classic. 

 A young man name Steve has always dreamed of owning a 
 Harley Davidson.  One day he has finally saved up enough 
 money so he goes down to the dealer.  After picking out 
 the perfect bike the dealer asks if he would like the 
 extra chrome protection added to the bill.  The young man 
 is upset because he does not have the extra money and is 
 now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet. 

 The dealer tells him not to worry.  There is an old biker 
 trick that will keep the chrome like new.  All he has to do 
 is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome 
 before it rains and everything will be fine.  The young man 
 happily pays for the bike and leaves. 

 A few months later Steve meets a woman and falls in love. 
 She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. 
 He readily agrees and the date is set. 

 At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and 
 they ride to her parents house.  Before they go in she 
 tells him, "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, 
 don't say a word.  Our family had a fight a while ago 
 about doing dishes.  We haven't done any since.  The first 
 person to speak at dinner has to do them, all of them." 

 Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described 
 it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and 
 around the edge of the dining room.  Nobody is saying a word. 

 After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting 
 for the first person to break and get stuck doing the 
 dishes.  After a long fifteen minutes the Steve decides to 
 speed things up so he reaches over and kisses the woman in 
 front of her family. 

 His girlfriend is upset, her dad smiles, but no one says a 
 word... 

 Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles 
 her breasts. His girlfriend turns beet red, but a little 
 smile appears on her face. 

 Next he decides to take a more direct approach so he throws 
 her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. 

 His girlfriend is a badly flustered, her dad is obviously 
 livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but 
 no one says a word... 

 A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the 
 table and does a repeat performance.  They have even 
 wilder sex. 

 Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and 
 her mother is a little happier.  But still there is 
 complete silence at the table. 

 All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it 
 starts to rain.  His first thought is to protect the 
 chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in 
 his pocket and pulls out his jar of  Vaseline.  Upon 
 witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away 
 from the table and screams, "Okay damnit I'll do the 
 dishes!"

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Subj:     NCIS - Gibbs Rules
          From: Google.com on 2/26/2012
Photo from The TVAddict.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKBbfNrv4ns
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1IJI7rRRKM
 Source3: http://www.ncisfanwiki.com/page/NCIS%3A+Gibbs+Rules
 Source4: http://ncis.wikia.com/wiki/Leroy_Jethro_Gibbs/Rules

 On the TV show NCIS, Leroy Jethro Gibbs has a set of rules
 he teaches his coworkers.  Gibbs' rules originated from his
 first wife, Shannon, who told him at their first meeting,
 "Everyone needs a code they can live by."  Years later, after
their marriage, Gibbs began writing his rules down,
keeping them in a small tin inside his home.  Though
he uses it often we almost never see the tin.
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Drawing from CafePress.com
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 Click on either of the first two sources, or below for my 
 copy, to see Gibbs rules up to season 7.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/mov2-supp/NCIS.html

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Subj:     American Car Brochures
          Site created by Hans Tore Tangerud of Norway
          From: lubin100 on 2/22/2012
 Source: http://www.lov2xlr8.no/broch1.html

 This web-site featuring the original factory brochures for 
 nearly every American car you have ever owned.  Pick the 
 manufacturer, the year and the model and enjoy the trip 
 down nostalgia lane.  Click on the above source to see 
 this great web site.

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Subj:     The Story Of Onestone
          From: DoctorDebt on 10/6/2004 
      and From: rfslick on 2/24/2012 

 This is the story of an Indian called Onestone. This was his 
 Indian name given to him because he had only one testicle. 
 After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and 
 said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them." 

 The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then 
 one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good 
 morning Onestone."  He jumped up, grabbed her and took her 
 deep into the forest and there he made love to her all day, 
 he made love to her all night, he made love to her all the 
 next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. 

 The word got around that Onestone meant business. Years went 
 by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village 
 after many years of being away.  Yellow Bird, who was Blue 
 Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged 
 him and said "Good to see you Onestone." 

 Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where 
 he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made 
 love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next 
 night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! 

 What is the moral of the story?  Go down the page to find out..... 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 You can't kill two birds with one stone.

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Subj:     Tom & Jerry - Cat Concerto
          From: darrelldre on 2/24/2012
Photo from Google.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/QbxArVlS5tU?rel=0
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbxArVlS5tU
 Source3: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cat_Concerto

 The Cat Concerto is a 1946 American animated cartoon. 
 This Technicolor one-reel movie was produced by Fred 
 Quimby and directed by William Hanna and Joseph Barbera, 
 with musical supervision by Scott Bradley, and animation 
 by Kenneth Muse, Ed Barge and Irven Spence.  It won 
 the 1946 Academy Award for Best Short Subject: Cartoons. 
 In 1994 it was voted #42 of the 50 Greatest Cartoons 
 of all time. 

 Click on either of the top two sources, or below for 
 my copy, to see this musical classic.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/music/m2-Tom_n_Jerry.html

 or at

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/music/m2-Tom_n_Jerry.wmv

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Subj:     Seashell Tattoo
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/11/2008
      and From: darrelldre on 2/23/2012
 Source: http://forums.pelicanparts.com/4373819-post202.html

 A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell
 on her inner thigh.  Her friends ask her why she would get
 such a tattoo and in that location.
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She responds 'It's really cool.  If you put your
ear up against it, you can smell the ocean.'
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Subj:     My Mother Taught Me
          From: KMACINTY on 08/16/2000 
      and From: tom on 3/4/2008 and 2/24/2012 

 My Mother taught me LOGIC... 
 "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, 
 you can't go to the store with me." 

 My Mother taught me MEDICINE... 
 "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, 
 they're going to freeze that way." 

 My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... 
 "If you don't pass your spelling test, 
 you'll never get a good job!" 

 My Mother taught me ESP... 
 "Put your sweater on; don't you think 
 that I know when you're cold?" 

 My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... 
 "What were you thinking? Answer me when 
 I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!" 

 My Mother taught me HUMOR... 
 "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, 
 don't come running to me." 

 My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... 
 "If you don't eat your vegetables, 
 you'll never grow up. 

 My mother taught me ABOUT SEX... 
 "How do you think you got here?" 

 My mother taught me about GENETICS... 
 "You are just like your father!" 

 My mother taught me about my ROOTS... 
 "Do you think you were born in a barn?" 

 My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... 
 "When you get to be my age, you will understand." 

 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... 
 "Just wait until your father gets home." 

 My mother taught me about RECEIVING... 
 "You are going to get it when we get home." 

 And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE... 
 "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn 
 out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like." 

 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - 
 "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - 
 I just finished cleaning!" 

 My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that 
 will come out of the carpet." 

 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't 
 straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of 
 next week!" 

 My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." 

 My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear 
 clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. 

 My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give 
 you something to cry about." 

 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - 
 "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" 

 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you 
 just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" 

 My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 
 'till all that spinach is finished." 

 My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a 
 tornado swept through your room." 

 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you 
 once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" 

 My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought 
 you into this world, and I can take you out." 

 My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - 
 "Stop acting like your father!" 

 My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions 
 of less fortunate children in th is world who don't have 
 wonderful parents like you do!"

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Subj:     Garfield Comic Strip
          By Jim Davis
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 2/20/2012
 Source: http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/ga/

 Click below to watch this Garfield comic strip discuss 
 the importance of people over things.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/thts/l-sp3-garfield.html

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Subj:     Kopf Cartoon
          Published in FunnyTimes in March 2012
          From: virv on 2/26/2012

 If Rene Descartes, the French philosopher who coined 
 the sentence "I think, therefore I am" were to rewrite 
 this as an elderly person, this cartoon by Kopf would 
 probably be the result.  Click below to see this all 
 to real cartoon.

 http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_eld/e3s-Kopf.html
 

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Irish turtle from
Zoo World in Facebook
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