Subj: Biology Jokes
(Includes 33 jokes and articles, 31981,9,cf,wXT2,5)
Also see CLINTONSCNDL1- 'Brain
COLLEGE1 - 'Cheek Cells Under A Microscope'
COLLEGE2 - 'College Biology Class'
FROG file - 'Frog Phones Pyschic Hotline'
Ig Nobel file- 'Biology Prize'
LAWYER2 file - 'Lawyers As Test Rats'
MATH2 file - 'A Mathematician, Biologist And Physicist Count'
Subj: Zebrafish Embryo (S898d)
Photographed by Annie Cavanagh and David McCarthy, Microscopists
Scanned micrograph of a four-day-old zebrafish embryo.
Does Neil Tyson Think We Are Alone? (S730d)
This seven minute video/lecture
by Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson,
host of Novascience Now, is one segment of a one hour,
twenty-eight minute presentation (see third source) called
'Cosmic Quandaries with Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson' held at
St. Petersburg College. This video answers the question,
'Does Neil Tyson think we are alone in the universe?'
Click 'HERE' to see this illuminating video.
What a Wonderful World
.............with David Attenborough (S779d)
From: Wimp.com on 12/22/2011
In what is probably the best
thing you will see today,
naturalist and TV explorer extraordinaire Sir David
Attenborough sings Louis Armstrong's classic "What a
Wonderful World" as the beauty of nature is gorgeously
displayed. It'll make you smile, go on and watch it.
Originally uploaded by the BBC
on Dec 7, 2011 on their
youtube channel: youtube.com/bbc. It is part 7 of Frozen
Planet series, a 7 part documentary.
Click 'HERE' to see and hear this wonderful video.
Macro Timelapse (S915d)
Created by Daniel Csobot
Published by Daniel Csobot
This timelapse video of the growth
and movement of plants
is very beautiful. Click 'HERE' to see this amazing,
Cicada Life Cycle (S688d in Bugs Etc)
From: Wimp.com on 3/21/2010
After lying beneath the earth
for up to 17 years, cicadas
venture above ground as a massive group to shed their
larvae shells, sprout wings and sing for a mate. Sir David
Attenborough demonstrates how easy it is to hypnotise a
male cicada with the click of his fingers in this amazing
wildlife video from BBC animal show 'Life in the Undergrowth'.
Click 'HERE' to see this fascinating video.
Subj: Jumping Frog Experiment (DU)
There was this biologist who
was doing some experiments with
frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So
he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!". The
frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 4
legs - jumps 2 feet'.
Next he chops off one of the
legs and repeats the experiment.
"Jump frog jump!" he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet.
So he writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 3 legs - jumps 1.5 feet'.
He chops off another and the
frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes
in his book: 'Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot'.
He continues and removes yet
another leg. " Jump frog jump!"
and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. So he writes in
his lab book again: 'Frog with one leg - jumps 0.5 feet'.
Finally he chops off the last
leg. He puts the frog on the line
and teels it to jump. "Jump frog, jump!". The frog doesn't move.
"Jump frog, jump!!!". Again the frog stays on the line. "Come
on frog, jump!". But to no avail.
The biologist finally writes
in his book: 'Frog with no legs -
TED, Unveiling Synthetic Life (S699d)
From: Wimp.com on 6/4/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
Craig Venter and team make a
historic announcement: they
have created the first fully functioning, reproducing cell
controlled by synthetic DNA. He explains how they did it
and why the achievement marks the beginning of a new era
for science. Click 'HERE' to see this eighteen minute,
Subj: Biology Quotes
"Biology is the only science
in which multiplication means
the same thing as division."
Enzymes are things invented by
biologists that explain
things which otherwise require harder thinking.
-- Jerome Lettvin
Physics-envy is the curse of biology. -- Joel Cohen
A curious aspect of the theory
of evolution is
that everybody thinks he understands it.
-- Jacques Monod _On the Molecular Theory of Evolution_ (1974)
Orgel's Second Rule: Evolution
is cleverer than you are.
-- Francis Crick quoted by Daniel C. Dennett in _Elbow Room_ (1984)
Evolution is a tinkerer.
-- Francois Jacob "Evolution and Tinkering" (1977)
A hen is only an egg's way of
making another egg.
-- Samuel Butler _Life and Habit_ (1877)
People are DNA's way of making
-- Edward O. Wilson, 1975
Much of what we know about man
is derived from the
study of sweet peas and a species of vinegar fly.
The misnaming of fields of study
is so common as to lead
to what might be general systems laws. For example, Frank
Harary once suggested the law that any field that had the
word "science" in its name was guaranteed thereby not to
be a science. He would cite as examples Military Science,
Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking Science,
Social Science, and Computer Science. Discuss the
generality of this law, and possible reasons for its
predictive power. -- Gerald Weinberg, "An Introduction
to General Systems Thinking."
by John Graziano on 4/29/2010
Subj: Biology Exam (S776)
From: allenbergman on 11/19/2011
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name
two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks"
and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
Subj: Kids Say The Most Amazing Things (S725)
From: darrellvip on 12/3/2010
When asked on an elementary school quiz, "In what family do
crabs belonged?", a student gave the following answer:
Subj: Worms And Alcohol (S291, S651)
From: grs on 97-12-04
and From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/27/2002
(Also see 'Minister Gives A Talk About Worms And Sin' in Preacher)
A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration
for his class. He took two earth worms and in front of
the class. He dropped the first worm into a beaker of
water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about.
He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol
and it immediately shriveled up and died. He asked the
class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended
to show them.
A boy in the second row immediately
shot his arm up and,
when called on said, "You're showing us that if you drink
alcohol, you won't have worms."
Subj: Evolution GIF (S981)
From: Phyllis on Facebook on 10/27/2015
Subj: Life (S255)
From: dogbyte on 12/17/2001
Life is a biochemical reaction to the stimulus of the
surrounding environment in a stable ecosphere, while
a bowl of cherries is a round container filled with
little red fruits on sticks.
Therefore, life is NOT like a
bowl of cherries!
Subj: Who's In Charge Of The Body? (S439b)
From: FrankRoesc on 99-03-05
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to
decide who was in charge. "I should be in charge," said
the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so with-
out me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said
the blood, "because I
circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste
"I should be in charge," said
the stomach, "because I
process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said
the rectum, "because I'm
responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed
at the rectum and
insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within
a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the
stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually
the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum
should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or
important to be in charge... just an asshole.
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away
Life is a sexually transmitted disease
Life is anything that dies when you stomp it!
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
There was once a cloner named
who had problems in his private sector,
his wife was depressed,
'cos his genes weren't experessed,
for lack of a functioning vector!
Biologists think they're biochemists.
Biochemists think they're chemists.
Chemists think the're physical chemists.
Physical Chemists think they're physicists.
Physicists think they're God.
God thinks he is a mathematician
Q: What does DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association
From: icohen on 12/07/1999 (S149)
Q: What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?
A: You can't hear an enzyme.