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Subj: MATH1 File - NonMath Jokes
          (Includes 36 jokes and articles, 20 1005,21,cf,wXT2c3,11)

Algebra GIF from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Geobender Cube - Video (S979)
.........................Should Math Be Taught In Schools? - Videos (S770)
.........................Patrick Stewart Helps The Count - Video (S700b)
.........................911 Math - Video (S650b)
.........................Teacher Arrested At JFK Airport (S359b, S839)
.........................Math, Poker, And Life (S580b)
.........................Seconds In A Year
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S968)
.........................Frazz Sunday Comic Strip (S678)
.........................Proof Barney Is Satanic (S214)
.........................Rugrats Comic Strip (S635c)
........................."Walter can READ YOUR MIND!" - Jeff Dunham - Video (S1005)
.........................Little Johnny Knows His Numbers (S244, S655b)
.........................'We Hate Math,' Say 4 in 10 (S771)
.........................Little Johnny Doesn't Pay Attention (S134, S735)
.........................Non Sequitur Comic Strips (S633c)
.........................Little Johnny Gets An F In Math (S228)
.........................Algebra - Cartoon (S443b)
.........................Teaching Math Concept Of A 100 (S238)
.........................Cajun Math Test (S476, S609)
.........................Elementary Class Does Operations
.........................One Big Happy Comic Strip (S638c)
.........................Math Prob-Birds And Ice Cream (S22, S578b)
.........................Merits Of A Wife Or A Mistress (S262c)
.........................Halloween Math - Video (S666)
.........................The Number "Seven" (S578c)
.........................Cash Converters' "Thirteen Thirteen" (S689)
.........................The Number 43
.........................Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S617c)
.........................Mathematician, Engineer, And Hooker
.........................B.C. Comic Strip (S876)
.........................Knowledge Pills
.........................Hard Math Equations (S528)

Also see BANKING-SUPP - 'What Exactly Is One Trillion Dollars?'
         BAR-SUPP     - 'Booze And Calculus Don't Mix' - Sign
......................- 'Are You Cold' - Sign
         BIRD-DUCKS   - 'Duck Word Riddle'
         BIRTHDAY file- 'Slicing A Brithday Cake'
         BRAINTEASERS -  (the whole file)
......................- 'The Mind Reader'
.........BRAINTEASERS7- 'da Vinci's Square Puzzle'
         CATS1 file   - 'Cats In A Basket Riddle'
         CATS2 file   - 'Cat And Mice Riddle'
......................- 'Cat And Mice Riddle II'
         CANDY file   - 'Chocolate Math'
         COMPUTERS4   - 'Growth In Sales Of Wyse Computers'
         DATING1 file - 'Frank And Ernest Comic Strip'
         DATING3 file - 'Maths and Romance'
         DIFFERENCES3 - 'Many Differences'
         DOGS1 file   - 'Two Farmers And A Dog Who Can Count'
         EBONICS file - 'Algebra I Mid Term Exam Ebonics'
.........ENGINEERING1 - 'Students Of Engineering, Physics, And Math-Contest'
         FAMOUS2 file - 'Who Is Your Roll Model?'
         FARMER2 file - 'Settling The Will Of A Missouri Farmer'
         FOOD_ETC     - 'Ordering Six McNuggets'
         FOOD_ETC-SUP2- 'Pi and Pie'
         FOOTBALL file- 'Football Player Takes Math Test'
         GOLF3 file   - 'Riddle-100 Golfers In Match Play'
         HALLOWEEN    - 'Pumpkin Pie'
         HARLEY file  - 'Bizarro Cartoon'
         HEAVEN1 file - 'Einstein Dies And Goes To Heaven'
         HELL file    - 'The Devil's Muse - Puzzle'
         JOBS1 file   - 'Types Of Jobs'
         JOB-STUFF    - 'The Dilemma'
         LAWS file    - 'Variations On Murphy's Law'
         LOVE file    - 'All You Need' - T-Shirt
         MAILMAN-ETC. - 'Milkman's Puzzle'
         MARRIAGE1    - 'Accountant Leaves Wife For Secretary'
         MIDDLE EAST  - 'US Arrests Iraqi School Teacher'
         MUSIC-SUPP2  - 'The Fibonacci In Lateralus' - Video
         NATIONAL2    - 'A Billion In Perspective...'
.........NATIVES file - 'Cannibal Riddle II'
         NEW YORK file- 'The Twin Towers And Numbers'
         NUNS2 file   - 'Sister Mathematical And Sister Logical'
         PALINDROMES  - 'Puzzle - Alice In Wonderland'
         PHYSICS1 file- 'Mathematician, Physicist And A Nude Woman'
         POLICE2 file - 'Math Teacher Stopped By Highway Patrol'
         PSYCHOLOGY   - 'Psychic Web Site'
         RELIGION2    - 'Heavenly Mathematics'
         SCHOOL1 file - 'Pepito Learns To Add'
......................- 'Old-Fashioned Catholic Discipline'
         SCHOOL3 file - 'PUZZLE-Calculating Teacher's Age'
         SCHOOL-SUPP  - 'Blonde Waves In Supermarket'
         SCHOOL-SUPP3 - 'The Phenom Harriett Ball' - Video
         SCIENCE1 file- 'Murphy's Laws Of Research'
         SEX1 file    - 'Sex And Numbers'
         TEST2 file   - 'Free Will Or Synaptic Wiring?'
         THO-TIME file- 'Two Math Clocks'
         Valentine    - 'Valentine Riddle'

The MATH1file are nonmathematical math jokes
    MATH2 file are mathematical jokes
    Math3 file contains tests, and formulas
    Math4 file contains problems
    Math5 file contains quotes
    MATH6 file contains lymerics, short jokes, stories, and QA

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Subj:     Geobender Cube (S979d)
          From: From: AFine963 on 10/20/2015
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ulS7pJ5l7eI
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.......Click 'HERE' to see this cube's amazing transformations.
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Subj:     Should Math Be Taught In Schools? (S770d)
          From: Rebecca Champion
          on Facebook on 11/15/2011
 Drawing from BusinessEnglishBook.com
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In the Miss USA 2011, the 51 delegates were asked in
an Interview "Should evolution be taught in school?"
Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/UkBmhM0R2A0
 Click 'HERE' for my copy, to hear their amazing answers.
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Someone created this parody clip of those interviews
where the question was "Should math be taught in school?"
Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/9QBv2CFTSWU
 Click 'HERE' for my copy, to see this cute, silly video.

Top
Subj:     Patrick Stewart Helps The Count
..........From: Wimp.com on 6/11/2010 (S700b,d)
Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/hNatvLe18ro
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/stewartcount/

 Patrick Stewart helping the Count with his difficulties
 with the Number One on Sesame Street.  Click 'HERE' to
 see this cute video.

Top
Subj:     Teacher Arrested At JFK Airport (S359b, 8390)
          From: mbucher on 12/19/2003
      and From: Luis Romero on Facebook on 2/7/2013
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=547043908649958&
.........set=a.456449604376056.98921.367116489976035&type=1&theater

 (Also see 'US Arrests Iraqi School Teacher' in MIDDLEEAST
       and 'Oakland Teacher Arrested' in MATH6)
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Subj:     911 Math (S650b,d)
          From: tom on 6/22/2009
 Source: http://www.break.com/video/ugc/math-911-338874

 (Also see 'Kid Calls 911 For Help With Math' in Phone-Supp)

 Click 'HERE' to see a video from Leno's "Tonight Show"
 of a very cute 911 call.

Top
Subj:     Math, Poker, And Life (S580b,d)
          By Brian Townsend (in Games2-Supp)
          From: gayleheckman on 2/25/2008
Photo from CardPlayer.com

 This article from Card Player Magazine compares
 mathematics to real life in an interesting way.  The
 author is a young man who has made millions of dollars
 playing poker professionally.  Click 'HERE' to read it.

Top
Subj:     Seconds In A Year
          From: LABLaughs.com on 8/30/2003

 The teacher said, "Class, we know there are 60 seconds in a
 minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365
 days in a year. Now, who can tell me how many seconds there
 are in a year?"

 The class looked very baffled by the question, except for
 Billy, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly.

 "Ok, Billy, tell me how many seconds there are in a year,"
 the teacher said.

 "There are twelve seconds in a year," exclaimed Billy.

 "Twelve? Please explain how on earth you came up with that
 number," the teacher said.

 "Well," explained Billy, "there's January second, February
 second, March second..."

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S968)
          By Dan Piraro on 5/3/2012
          From: Linda J Nichols on Facebook
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/may-3-2012/
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Subj:     Frazz Sunday Comic Strip (S678)
          By Jef Mallett on 11/22/2009
..........Source: http://comics.com/frazz/

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute comic strip about math
 in the work place.

Top
Subj:     Proof Barney Is Satanic (S214, DU)
          From: jdillow on 3/8/2001

Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
Prove: Barney is Satanic

The Romans had no letter 'U' and used 'V' instead for printing,
meaning the Roman representation for Barney would be:

CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

Extracting the Roman numerals, we have:
C V V L D I V

Decimal Equivalents are:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5

Adding those numbers produces: 666

666 is the number of the beast.

Therefore, Barney is Satan.

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Subj:     Rugrats Comic Strip (S635c)
          by Nickelodeon on 3/6/3009
 Source: http://www.creators.com/today-comics.html
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Subj:     "Walter can READ YOUR MIND!" (S1005)
          Created by Jeff Dunham
          From: Carol Ashe on 4/17/2016
 At: http://www.youtube.com/embed/1sk1ZuCkEbU

 Click 'HERE' to see Walter perform a magic trick.

Top
Subj:     Little Johnny Knows His Numbers
          From: thebartend on 10/3/2001 (S244, S655b)
      and LABLaughsClean on 7/21/2009
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

 The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

 "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

 "Good. What comes after three."

 "Four," answers the boy.

 "What comes after six?"

 "Seven."

 "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job.

 What comes after ten?"

 "A jack," says the kid.

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Subj:     'We Hate Math,' Say 4 in 10
          From: Shirin Samiljan on 10/20/2011 (in Facebook)
 Source: ScientificAmerican.com
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Subj:     Little Johnny Doesn't Pay Attention (S134, S735)
          From: smiles on 8/22/99
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images

 The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn't paying attention
 in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and
 4 and 28 and 44?"

 Johnny quickly replied, "CBS, NBC, HBO and the Cartoon Network."

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Subj:     Non Sequitur Comic Strips (S633c)
          By Wiley Miller on 2/24/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2009/02/24
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 Click 'HERE' to see all six Non equitur math comic strips.
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Subj:     Little Johnny Gets An F In Math (S228)
          From: h2oman19 on 6/7/2001
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Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images
 Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in
 arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father.

 "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"

 "But that's right!"

 "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

 "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

 "That's what I said!

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Subj:     Algebra (S443b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/18/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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Subj:     Teaching Math Concept Of A 100 (S238)
          From: flovilla on 8/20/2001
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Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
 A Teacher is talking to her class one day, and decides to
 experiment with abstract thought processes. "Who here can
 draw a picture that describes 100?" she asks.

 Little Johnny runs up to the B/Board, grabs the chalk and
 draws three trees and says..."Tree plus Tree plus Tree!"

 "Very good Johnny, but that only makes nine!" replies
 the Teacher.

 Little Johnny thinks some more and colours the trees
 in a dark brown color and says "Dirty Tree plus Dirty
 Tree plus Dirty Tree!"

 "Very good Johnny, but now you only have 99!" replies
 the Teacher.

 Little Johnny thinks some more and puts a small dot
 under each tree.

 "Whats that supposed to be?" asks the Teacher.

 "Dirty Tree and a Turd plus Dirty Tree and a Turd plus
 Dirty Tree and a Turd."

Top
Second version
Subj:     Cajun Math Test (S476, S609)
         From: darrell94590t on 3/4/2006
      and From: tom on 9/12/2008

 To see the Cajun Math Test, click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Elementary Class Does Operations

 Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having
 children do problems on the blackboard that day.

 "Who would like to do the first problem, addition?"

 No one raised their hand.  She called on Tommy, and with
 some help he finally got it right.

 "Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?"

 Students hid their faces.  She called on Mark, who got
 the problem but there was some suspicion his girlfriend
 Lisa whispered it to him.

 "Who would like to do the third problem, division?"

 Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone
 looked at nothing in particular.  The teacher called on
 Suzy, who got it right (she has been known to hold back
 sometimes in front of her friends).

 "Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?"

 Tim's hand shot up, surprising everyone in the room.  Mrs.
 Johnson finally gained her composure in the stunned silence.
 "Why the enthusiasm, Tim?"

 "God said to go fourth and multiply!"

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Subj:     One Big Happy Comic Strip (S638c)
          by Rick Detorie on 4/4/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/onebighappy
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Subj:     Math Prob-Birds And Ice Cream (S22, S578b)
          From: dscott on 97-06-30
      and From: Imogenelumen on 11/20/2003
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

 Little Johnny is attending his math class when teacher asks
 him a question: "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on
 a fence and you shot one with your rifle, how many would be
 left?"

 "None," says Johnny, "because the rest would fly away."

 "Well the answer is four," says teacher, "but I like the way
 you're thinking."

 Little Johnny says, "I have a question for now: If there were
 three women eating ice cream cones entering a shop, one was
 licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the
 third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

 "Well" says teacher, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

 "Not quite," says little Johnny, "the one with the wedding
 ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

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Subj:     Merits Of A Wife Or A Mistress (S262c)

 (Also See 'Architect, Artist, And Engineer' in ENGINEER1)

 A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the
 relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.  The lawyer
 says: "For sure a mistress is better.  If you have a wife
 and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.

 The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the
 sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your
 health.

 The mathematician says: " You're both wrong. It's best to
 have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the
 mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife ---
 you can do some mathematics.
   -- Bruce Bukiet, Los Alamos National Lab

Top
Subj:     Halloween Math (S666d in Halloween-Supp)
          From: Wimp.com on 11/1/2009
 Source: http://www.wimp.com/halloweenmath/

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute, silly math lesson at Holloween.

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Subj:     The Number "Seven" (S578c)

 This guy lives near a mental hospital.  Everyday on his way
 to the bus stop, he has to pass along the tall walls of the
 hospital.

 One morning, on his way to work, he heard the psychos behind
 the wall chanting, "Seven! Seven! Seven!"  The guy thought
 to himself, "Crazy nuts!"

 Later that afternoon on the way home, he again passed the
 sanitarium.  And again he heard the loonies counting,
 "Seven! Seven! Seven!"  Now thoroughly intrigued, he went
 around the tall walls to look for somewhere he could peek
 in.  He found a big boulder just beside the fence and he
 climbed it.  And he stuck his head over the wall and looked
 down...

 BAM!!  A loony waiting just behind the other side of the
 wall hit him with a big baseball bat.  Down he went from
 the boulder and fell to the ground unconscious.  And the
 nuts resumed their chanting, "Eight! Eight! Eight!"

Top
Subj:     Cash Converters' "Thirteen Thirteen" (S688d)
          From: Wimp.com on 4/3/2010
 Source1: http://www.wimp.com/thirteenthirteen/
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/embed/pDUIIl_OUuo

 A man walking next to a tall fence hears a crowd behind the
 fence chanting 'Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen.  This ad for
 "Cash Converters" cost $345 to produce.  Click 'HERE' to
 see this very funny video.

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Subj:     The Number 43 (like "7" joke, but I prefer the this version)

 A man was jumping up and down on a manhole cover on a
 sidewalk in town.  Every time he landed he shouted 43.
 On and on he went : "43 43 43 43...."

 A curious passer-by stopped and asked him what he was doing?
 To which the man replied "making money".  The passer was
 sceptical, and said : "what by jumping up and down shouting
 43?" "Yup" replied the man.  The passer by chuckled and left.
 On his way back, he again came across the man jumping on the
 manhole cover.  "43 43 43 43 ...".  Still curious he asked
 the man if he could give it a try, "Nooooo!" replied the man
 "this is my lucky manhole cover, go find your own!"

 The passer-by begged him to let him try, and reluctantly, the
 man let him have his way for 5 bucks.  The passer started
 jumping up and down yelling "43 43 43...".  As he was in mid
 flight, the man swept the manhole cover away.

 The passer by fell down into the darkness.  After which the
 man resumed: "44 44 44 44 44........"

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S617c in trees)
          by Bob Thaves on 11/3/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2008/11/03
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Subj:     The Mathematician, The Engineer, And The Hooker

 A Mathematician and an engineer walk into a square room.
 On the far side of the room is a hooker.  The engineer says
 to the mathematician "Bet you can't get to her if you go
 half the distance to her, then go half the distance of that
 half the distance that you just took, and so on".  The
 mathematician takes out his calculator, does some figuring
 for fifteen minutes, realizes he will never accomplish the
 feet, and starts to walk out the door.  As he reaches the
 door the hooker offers the engineer the same challenge and
 says she will work for free if he wins.  The engineer takes
 out his HP, does some figuring for five minutes, and walks
  to the bathroom.

 He soon comes back with a ruler in his hand. The mathe-
 matician asks the engineer "What are you doing?".  The
 engineer answers "Well at least I can get within working
 distance within the next ten minutes."

Second version
 A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological
 experiment.  The mathematician is put in a chair in a large
 empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed
 at the other end of the room.

 The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair.
 Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position
 halfway between its current location and the woman on the
 bed."  The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust.
 "What? I'm not going to go through this.  You know I'll never
 reach the bed!"  And he gets up and storms out.  The psycho-
 logist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist
 in.  He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes
 light up and he starts drooling.  The psychologist is a bit
 confused.

 "Don't you realize that you'll never reach her?"  The
 physicist smiles and replied, "Of course!  But I'll get
 close enough for all practical purposes!"

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Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (S876d)
          By Mastroianni and Hart on 10/9/2013
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2013/10/09
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Subj:     Knowledge Pills

 A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic
 knowledge in pill form.

 A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and
 asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.  The
 pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature."
 The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new know-
 ledge about English literature!

 "What else do you have?" asks the student.

 "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world
 history," replies the pharmacist.

 The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new
 knowledge about those subjects.

 Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

 The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back
 into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and
 plunks it on the counter.

 "I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

 The pharmacist replied "Well, you know math always was a
 little hard to swallow."

Top
Subj:     Hard Math Equations (S528)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/8/2007
 At: http://www.clickofthemoment.com/index.php?moment=40

 You can view this silly, cute picture by clicking 'HERE'.

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............................From Smiley_Central
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