Subj: MATH1
File  NonMath Jokes
(Includes 36 jokes and articles, 20 1005,21,cf,wXT2c3,11) 

Algebra GIF from
Animation
Factory

Includes the following: Geobender
Cube  Video (S979)
.........................Should
Math Be Taught In Schools?  Videos (S770)
.........................Patrick
Stewart Helps The Count  Video (S700b)
.........................911
Math  Video (S650b)
.........................Teacher
Arrested At JFK Airport (S359b, S839)
.........................Math,
Poker, And Life (S580b)
.........................Seconds
In A Year
.........................Bizarro
Cartoon (S968)
.........................Frazz
Sunday Comic Strip (S678)
.........................Proof
Barney Is Satanic (S214)
.........................Rugrats
Comic Strip (S635c)
........................."Walter
can READ YOUR MIND!"  Jeff Dunham  Video (S1005)
.........................Little
Johnny Knows His Numbers (S244, S655b)
.........................'We
Hate Math,' Say 4 in 10 (S771)
.........................Little
Johnny Doesn't Pay Attention (S134, S735)
.........................Non
Sequitur Comic Strips (S633c)
.........................Little
Johnny Gets An F In Math (S228)
.........................Algebra
 Cartoon (S443b)
.........................Teaching
Math Concept Of A 100 (S238)
.........................Cajun
Math Test (S476, S609)
.........................Elementary
Class Does Operations
.........................One
Big Happy Comic Strip (S638c)
.........................Math
ProbBirds And Ice Cream (S22, S578b)
.........................Merits
Of A Wife Or A Mistress (S262c)
.........................Halloween
Math  Video (S666)
.........................The
Number "Seven" (S578c)
.........................Cash
Converters' "Thirteen Thirteen" (S689)
.........................The
Number 43
.........................Frank
And Ernest Comic Strip (S617c)
.........................Mathematician,
Engineer, And Hooker
.........................B.C.
Comic Strip (S876)
.........................Knowledge
Pills
.........................Hard
Math Equations (S528)
Also see BANKINGSUPP  'What
Exactly Is One Trillion Dollars?'
BARSUPP  'Booze
And Calculus Don't Mix'  Sign
......................
'Are
You Cold'  Sign
BIRDDUCKS  'Duck
Word Riddle'
BIRTHDAY file 'Slicing
A Brithday Cake'
BRAINTEASERS  (the whole
file)
......................
'The
Mind Reader'
.........BRAINTEASERS7
'da
Vinci's Square Puzzle'
CATS1 file  'Cats
In A Basket Riddle'
CATS2 file  'Cat
And Mice Riddle'
......................
'Cat
And Mice Riddle II'
CANDY file  'Chocolate
Math'
COMPUTERS4  'Growth
In Sales Of Wyse Computers'
DATING1 file  'Frank And Ernest
Comic Strip'
DATING3 file  'Maths
and Romance'
DIFFERENCES3  'Many
Differences'
DOGS1 file  'Two
Farmers And A Dog Who Can Count'
EBONICS file  'Algebra
I Mid Term Exam Ebonics'
.........ENGINEERING1
 'Students
Of Engineering, Physics, And MathContest'
FAMOUS2 file  'Who Is Your
Roll Model?'
FARMER2 file  'Settling
The Will Of A Missouri Farmer'
FOOD_ETC  'Ordering
Six McNuggets'
FOOD_ETCSUP2 'Pi
and Pie'
FOOTBALL file 'Football
Player Takes Math Test'
GOLF3 file  'Riddle100
Golfers In Match Play'
HALLOWEEN  'Pumpkin
Pie'
HARLEY file  'Bizarro
Cartoon'
HEAVEN1 file  'Einstein
Dies And Goes To Heaven'
HELL file  'The
Devil's Muse  Puzzle'
JOBS1 file  'Types
Of Jobs'
JOBSTUFF  'The
Dilemma'
LAWS file  'Variations
On Murphy's Law'
LOVE file  'All
You Need'  TShirt
MAILMANETC.  'Milkman's
Puzzle'
MARRIAGE1  'Accountant
Leaves Wife For Secretary'
MIDDLE EAST  'US
Arrests Iraqi School Teacher'
MUSICSUPP2  'The Fibonacci
In Lateralus'  Video
NATIONAL2  'A
Billion In Perspective...'
.........NATIVES
file  'Cannibal
Riddle II'
NEW YORK file 'The
Twin Towers And Numbers'
NUNS2 file  'Sister
Mathematical And Sister Logical'
PALINDROMES  'Puzzle
 Alice In Wonderland'
PHYSICS1 file 'Mathematician,
Physicist And A Nude Woman'
POLICE2 file  'Math
Teacher Stopped By Highway Patrol'
PSYCHOLOGY  'Psychic
Web Site'
RELIGION2  'Heavenly
Mathematics'
SCHOOL1 file  'Pepito Learns
To Add'
......................
'OldFashioned
Catholic Discipline'
SCHOOL3 file  'PUZZLECalculating
Teacher's Age'
SCHOOLSUPP  'Blonde Waves In Supermarket'
SCHOOLSUPP3  'The Phenom
Harriett Ball'  Video
SCIENCE1 file 'Murphy's
Laws Of Research'
SEX1 file  'Sex
And Numbers'
TEST2 file  'Free
Will Or Synaptic Wiring?'
THOTIME file 'Two
Math Clocks'
Valentine  'Valentine
Riddle'
The MATH1file
are nonmathematical math jokes
MATH2
file are mathematical jokes
Math3
file contains tests, and formulas
Math4
file contains problems
Math5
file contains quotes
MATH6
file contains lymerics, short jokes, stories, and QA
===========================================================Top
Subj: Geobender
Cube (S979d)
From: From: AFine963 on 10/20/2015
Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ulS7pJ5l7eI
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.......
.
.......Click
'HERE'
to see this cube's amazing transformations.
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Top


Subj:
Should Math Be Taught In Schools? (S770d)
From: Rebecca Champion
on Facebook on 11/15/2011 
Drawing from BusinessEnglishBook.com
.
Click 'HERE'
for my copy, to hear their amazing answers.
.
Click 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this cute, silly video.
Top
Subj:
Patrick Stewart Helps The Count
..........From:
Wimp.com
on 6/11/2010 (S700b,d)


Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/hNatvLe18ro
Source2: http://www.wimp.com/stewartcount/
Patrick Stewart helping the Count
with his difficulties
with the Number One on Sesame
Street. Click 'HERE' to
see this cute video.
Top
Subj: Teacher
Arrested At JFK Airport (S359b, 8390)
From: mbucher on 12/19/2003
and
From: Luis Romero on Facebook on 2/7/2013
Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=547043908649958&
.........set=a.456449604376056.98921.367116489976035&type=1&theater
(Also see 'US
Arrests Iraqi School Teacher' in MIDDLEEAST
and 'Oakland Teacher Arrested'
in MATH6)
.
...........
..
Top


Subj:
911 Math (S650b,d)
From: tom on 6/22/2009 
Source: http://www.break.com/video/ugc/math911338874
(Also see 'Kid
Calls 911 For Help With Math' in PhoneSupp)
Click 'HERE'
to see a video from Leno's "Tonight Show"
of a very cute 911 call.
Top
Subj:
Math, Poker, And Life (S580b,d)
By Brian Townsend (in Games2Supp)
From: gayleheckman on 2/25/2008 

Photo
from CardPlayer.com 
This article from Card Player
Magazine compares
mathematics to real life in
an interesting way. The
author is a young man who has
made millions of dollars
playing poker professionally.
Click 'HERE' to read it.
Top
Subj: Seconds
In A Year
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/30/2003
The teacher said, "Class, we
know there are 60 seconds in a
minute, 60 minutes in an hour,
24 hours in a day, and 365
days in a year. Now, who can
tell me how many seconds there
are in a year?"
The class looked very baffled
by the question, except for
Billy, who raised his hand and
waved it excitedly.
"Ok, Billy, tell me how many
seconds there are in a year,"
the teacher said.
"There are twelve seconds in
a year," exclaimed Billy.
"Twelve? Please explain how on
earth you came up with that
number," the teacher said.
"Well," explained Billy, "there's
January second, February
second, March second..."
Top
Subj: Bizarro
Cartoon (S968)
By Dan Piraro on
5/3/2012
From: Linda J Nichols on Facebook
Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/may32012/
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...........
.
.
Top
Click 'HERE'
to see this cute comic strip about math
in the work place.
Top
Subj: Proof
Barney Is Satanic (S214, DU)
From: jdillow on 3/8/2001
Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
Prove: Barney is Satanic
The Romans had no letter 'U' and used
'V' instead for printing,
meaning the Roman representation for
Barney would be:
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
Extracting the Roman numerals, we have:
C V V L D I V
Decimal Equivalents are:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
Adding those numbers produces: 666
666 is the number of the beast.
Therefore, Barney is Satan.
Top
Subj: Rugrats
Comic Strip (S635c)
by Nickelodeon
on 3/6/3009
Source: http://www.creators.com/todaycomics.html
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Top
Click 'HERE'
to see Walter perform a magic trick.
Top
Subj:
Little Johnny Knows His Numbers
From: thebartend on 10/3/2001 (S244, S655b)
and
LABLaughsClean on 7/21/2009 

Little
Johnny
from Yahoo!
Images 
The teacher asked little Johnny
if he knows his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father
taught me."
"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher.
"Your dad did a good job.
What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says the kid.
Top
Subj: 'We
Hate Math,' Say 4 in 10
From: Shirin Samiljan on 10/20/2011 (in Facebook)
Source: ScientificAmerican.com
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Top


Subj:
Little Johnny Doesn't Pay Attention (S134, S735)
From: smiles on 8/22/99
Little Johnny from Yahoo!
Images 
The math teacher saw that Little
Johnny wasn't paying attention
in class. She called on him
and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and
4 and 28 and 44?"
Johnny quickly replied, "CBS,
NBC, HBO and the Cartoon Network."
Top
Subj: Non
Sequitur Comic Strips (S633c)
By Wiley Miller
on 2/24/2009
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2009/02/24
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.
.
Click 'HERE'
to see all six Non equitur math comic strips.
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Top
Subj:
Little Johnny Gets An F In Math (S228)
From: h2oman19 on 6/7/2001
. 

Little
Johnny
from Yahoo!
Images 
Little Johnny returns from school
and says he got an F in
arithmetic. "Why?" asks the
father.
"The teacher asked 'How much
is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much
is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?"
asks the father.
"That's what I said!
Top
Subj: Algebra
(S443b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/18/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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..
Top


Subj:
Teaching Math Concept Of A 100 (S238)
From: flovilla on 8/20/2001
.
Little Johnny from Yahoo!
Images 
A Teacher is talking to her class
one day, and decides to
experiment with abstract thought
processes. "Who here can
draw a picture that describes
100?" she asks.
Little Johnny runs up to the
B/Board, grabs the chalk and
draws three trees and says..."Tree
plus Tree plus Tree!"
"Very good Johnny, but that only
makes nine!" replies
the Teacher.
Little Johnny thinks some more
and colours the trees
in a dark brown color and says
"Dirty Tree plus Dirty
Tree plus Dirty Tree!"
"Very good Johnny, but now you
only have 99!" replies
the Teacher.
Little Johnny thinks some more
and puts a small dot
under each tree.
"Whats that supposed to be?"
asks the Teacher.
"Dirty Tree and a Turd plus Dirty
Tree and a Turd plus
Dirty Tree and a Turd."
Top
Second version
Subj: Cajun
Math Test (S476, S609)
From: darrell94590t on 3/4/2006 

and From:
tom on 9/12/2008
To see the Cajun Math Test, click
'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Elementary
Class Does Operations
Mrs. Johnson the elementary school
math teacher was having
children do problems on the
blackboard that day.
"Who would like to do the first
problem, addition?"
No one raised their hand.
She called on Tommy, and with
some help he finally got it
right.
"Who would like to do the second
problem, subtraction?"
Students hid their faces.
She called on Mark, who got
the problem but there was some
suspicion his girlfriend
Lisa whispered it to him.
"Who would like to do the third
problem, division?"
Now a low collective groan could
be heard as everyone
looked at nothing in particular.
The teacher called on
Suzy, who got it right (she
has been known to hold back
sometimes in front of her friends).
"Who would like to do the last
problem, multiplication?"
Tim's hand shot up, surprising
everyone in the room. Mrs.
Johnson finally gained her composure
in the stunned silence.
"Why the enthusiasm, Tim?"
"God said to go fourth and multiply!"
Top
Subj: One
Big Happy Comic Strip (S638c)
by Rick Detorie
on 4/4/2009
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/onebighappy
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Top
Subj:
Math ProbBirds And Ice Cream (S22, S578b)
From: dscott on 970630
and
From: Imogenelumen on 11/20/2003 

Little
Johnny
from Yahoo!
Images 
Little Johnny is attending his
math class when teacher asks
him a question: "Johnny, if
there were five birds sitting on
a fence and you shot one with
your rifle, how many would be
left?"
"None," says Johnny, "because
the rest would fly away."
"Well the answer is four," says
teacher, "but I like the way
you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a
question for now: If there were
three women eating ice cream
cones entering a shop, one was
licking her cone, the second
was biting the cone, and the
third was sucking the cone,
which one is married?"
"Well" says teacher, "I guess
the one sucking the cone?"
"Not quite," says little Johnny,
"the one with the wedding
ring on her finger, but I like
the way you're thinking."
Top
Subj: Merits
Of A Wife Or A Mistress (S262c)
(Also See 'Architect,
Artist, And Engineer' in ENGINEER1)
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician
were discussing the
relative merits of having a
wife or a mistress. The lawyer
says: "For sure a mistress is
better. If you have a wife
and want a divorce, it causes
all sorts of legal problems.
The doctor says: "It's better
to have a wife because the
sense of security lowers your
stress and is good for your
health.
The mathematician says: " You're
both wrong. It's best to
have both so that when the wife
thinks you're with the
mistress and the mistress thinks
you're with your wife 
you can do some mathematics.
 Bruce Bukiet, Los
Alamos National Lab
Top
Click 'HERE'
to see this cute, silly math lesson at Holloween.
Top
Subj: The
Number "Seven" (S578c)
This guy lives near a mental
hospital. Everyday on his way
to the bus stop, he has to pass
along the tall walls of the
hospital.
One morning, on his way to work,
he heard the psychos behind
the wall chanting, "Seven! Seven!
Seven!" The guy thought
to himself, "Crazy nuts!"
Later that afternoon on the way
home, he again passed the
sanitarium. And again
he heard the loonies counting,
"Seven! Seven! Seven!"
Now thoroughly intrigued, he went
around the tall walls to look
for somewhere he could peek
in. He found a big boulder
just beside the fence and he
climbed it. And he stuck
his head over the wall and looked
down...
BAM!! A loony waiting just
behind the other side of the
wall hit him with a big baseball
bat. Down he went from
the boulder and fell to the
ground unconscious. And the
nuts resumed their chanting,
"Eight! Eight! Eight!"
Top


Subj:
Cash Converters' "Thirteen Thirteen" (S688d)
From: Wimp.com on 4/3/2010 
Source1: http://www.wimp.com/thirteenthirteen/
Source2: http://www.youtube.com/embed/pDUIIl_OUuo
A man walking next to a tall
fence hears a crowd behind the
fence chanting 'Thirteen, thirteen,
thirteen. This ad for
"Cash Converters" cost $345
to produce. Click 'HERE' to
see this very funny video.
Top
Subj: The
Number 43 (like "7" joke, but I prefer the this version)
A man was jumping up and down
on a manhole cover on a
sidewalk in town. Every
time he landed he shouted 43.
On and on he went : "43 43 43
43...."
A curious passerby stopped and
asked him what he was doing?
To which the man replied "making
money". The passer was
sceptical, and said : "what
by jumping up and down shouting
43?" "Yup" replied the man.
The passer by chuckled and left.
On his way back, he again came
across the man jumping on the
manhole cover. "43 43
43 43 ...". Still curious he asked
the man if he could give it
a try, "Nooooo!" replied the man
"this is my lucky manhole cover,
go find your own!"
The passerby begged him to let
him try, and reluctantly, the
man let him have his way for
5 bucks. The passer started
jumping up and down yelling
"43 43 43...". As he was in mid
flight, the man swept the manhole
cover away.
The passer by fell down into
the darkness. After which the
man resumed: "44 44 44 44 44........"
Top
Subj: Frank
And Ernest Comic Strip (S617c in trees)
by Bob Thaves on
11/3/2008
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frankandernest/2008/11/03
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Top
Subj: The
Mathematician, The Engineer, And The Hooker
A Mathematician and an engineer
walk into a square room.
On the far side of the room
is a hooker. The engineer says
to the mathematician "Bet you
can't get to her if you go
half the distance to her, then
go half the distance of that
half the distance that you just
took, and so on". The
mathematician takes out his
calculator, does some figuring
for fifteen minutes, realizes
he will never accomplish the
feet, and starts to walk out
the door. As he reaches the
door the hooker offers the engineer
the same challenge and
says she will work for free
if he wins. The engineer takes
out his HP, does some figuring
for five minutes, and walks
to the bathroom.
He soon comes back with a ruler
in his hand. The mathe
matician asks the engineer "What
are you doing?". The
engineer answers "Well at least
I can get within working
distance within the next ten
minutes."
Second version
A mathematician and a physicist
agree to a psychological
experiment. The mathematician
is put in a chair in a large
empty room and a beautiful naked
woman is placed on a bed
at the other end of the room.
The psychologist explains, "You
are to remain in your chair.
Every five minutes, I will move
your chair to a position
halfway between its current
location and the woman on the
bed." The mathematician
looks at the psychologist in disgust.
"What? I'm not going to go through
this. You know I'll never
reach the bed!" And he
gets up and storms out. The psycho
logist makes a note on his clipboard
and ushers the physicist
in. He explains the situation,
and the physicist's eyes
light up and he starts drooling.
The psychologist is a bit
confused.
"Don't you realize that you'll
never reach her?" The
physicist smiles and replied,
"Of course! But I'll get
close enough for all practical
purposes!"
Top
Subj: B.C.
Comic Strip (S876d)
By Mastroianni
and Hart on 10/9/2013
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2013/10/09
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Top
Subj: Knowledge
Pills
A somewhat advanced society has
figured how to package basic
knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning,
goes to the pharmacy and
asks what kind of knowledge
pills are available. The
pharmacist says "Here's a pill
for English literature."
The student takes the pill and
swallows it and has new know
ledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks
the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history,
biology, and world
history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and
swallows them and has new
knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you
have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says "Wait just
a moment", and goes back
into the storeroom and brings
back a whopper of a pill and
plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill
for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied "Well,
you know math always was a
little hard to swallow."
Top
You can view this silly, cute
picture by clicking
'HERE'.
\\\//
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............................From
Smiley_Central
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