Subj: Math3 - Tests And Formulas
          (Includes 63 jokes and articles, 10 1000,8,cf,wYT2a3,2)

      Click "Here" for Math3-Supp

Boy from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Bill Cosby Math Equation - Photo (S897 in Supp)
.........................Amazing Math - Video Proof (S900 in Supp)
.........................How Many Ways Can You Arrange A Deck Of Cards? (S898 - Sup)
.........................Herman Cartoon (S818 in Supp)
.........................Kevin Slavin: Algorithms Shape Our World - Video (S758-Sup)
.........................Arthur Benjamin: Magic Of Fibonacci Numbers - Vid (S879-Sp)
.........................Pi Or Pie - Photo (DU in Supp)
.........................Fractal Zoom Mandelbrot Corner - Video (S743 in Supp)
.........................Donald In Mathmagic Land - Videos (S715 in Supp)
.........................Concious Mind Patterns 3 - Animated GIF (S972)
.........................The Infinite Hotel Paradox - Jeff Dekofsky Video (S889 -Sp)
.........................Unusual Origami Method - Video (S688 in Supp)
.........................Big Bang Math Problem - Photos (S905 in Supp)
.........................Nature By Numbers - Video (S689b in Supp)
.........................Arthur Benjamin Does "Mathemagic" - Video (S685b in Supp)
.........................FoxTrot Comic Strip (S629 in Supp)
.........................Has Couple Found Formula To Win Lottery? (S607b in Supp)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S642c in Supp)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip II (707b in Supp)
.........................Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S623c in Supp)
.........................Mathematics Purity Test (in Supp)
.........................Agnes Comic Strip (S642c in Supp)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip (DU in Supp)
.........................A Mathematical Expression (S807 in Supp)
.........................Pythagorean Theorem - Animated GIF (S917)
.........................Orgasmic Calculator - Program (S536)
.........................The Beauty Of Math (S558c)
.........................Old Numbers (S502)
.........................Modern Living Math Test (S343)
.........................How To Give 103% (S249b, S454b)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip (731)
.........................Useful English System conversions/units: (S157)
.........................High School Math Proficiency Exam (S142)
.........................The History Of Math Word Problems (S59, S587c)
.........................Equation - Women Are Problems - Photo (S476c)
.........................Math Term Quiz
.........................Brain Teasers
.........................Ways To Remember The Trig Functions
.........................Ways To Remember PI
.........................Algebra Problem - Photo (S972)
.........................Way To Remember The Order Of Operations
.........................Chain Rule For Devision
.........................Remembering The Metric System
.........................Integration Joke
.........................Proof That All Numbers Equal Zero And That 1$ = 1c
.........................Equation About Money, Work, And Knowledge (S45)
.........................Formulas For Work, Knowledge And Money (2ed Vers.)
.........................Balance This Equation - Web Page (S1000)
.........................Proof That Girls Are Evil (S224)
.........................Other Proofs
.........................Train Problem - Cartoon (S491c)

The MATH1 file are nonmathematical math jokes
    MATH2 file are mathematical jokes
    Math3 file contains tests, and formulas
    Math4 file contains problems
    Math5 file contains quotes
    MATH6 file contains lymerics, short jokes, stories, and QA

Subj:     Pythagorean Theorem (S917)
          From: Karen Celia LaRiviere on Facebook
 Source: (Removed from news.distractify.com)
Subj:     Orgasmic Calculator (S536d)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2007
 At: http://www.joke-pages.com/jokes/images/org-calc.swf

 This will do your math calculations and give you some nice
 sounds while doing it.  Click 'HERE'. to use it.

Subj:     The Beauty Of Math (S558c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 9/30/2007

 This is kinda neat...

        1 x 8 + 1 = 9
       12 x 8 + 2 = 98
      123 x 8 + 3 = 987
     1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
    12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
   123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
   1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
  12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

         1 x 9 + 2 = 11
        12 x 9 + 3 = 111
       123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
      1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
     12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
    123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
   1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
  12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
 123456789 x 9 +10 = 1111111111

         9 x 9 + 7 = 88
       98 x 9 + 6 = 888
       987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
      9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
     98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
    987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
   9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
  98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

 Brilliant, isn't it?

 And look at this symmetry:

                 1 x 1 = 1
               11 x 11 = 121
             111 x 111 = 12321
           1111 x 1111 = 1234321
         11111 x 11111 = 123454321
       111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
     1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
   11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
 111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

 Or (my addition to this article)

 12345679 times any two digit number which adds to 9

Subj:     Old Numbers (S502)
          by William D. Jamski
          In a letter to The Mathematics Teacher
          From: The Handley Math Page on 9/5/2006
 Source: (Removed from pen.k12.va.us)

  1. Secret agent James Bond's number, ___, gave him a
     license to kill.

  2. Popular detective show: "Hawaii ____"

  3. Heinz has ___ Varieties.

  4. The TV address of a Los Angeles detective agency that
     employed "Kookie" was ____ Sunset Strip.

  5. John F. Kennedy skippered PT ___, which sank
     during World War II.

  6. Sherlock Holmes' address: ___ B Baker Street.

  7. Sgt. Joe Friday wore badge ___ in "Dragnet."

  8. ___ Dalmations was a Walt Disney feature-length animation.

  9. ___ Pennsylvania Avenue is the President's address.

 10. "The ___ Question" was a popular big-dollar quiz show.

Subj:     Modern Living Math Test (S343)
          From: KMACINTY on 8/22/2003

 1. Chad wants to take half a pound of pot to Orinda and sell
    it at a 20% profit.  If it originally cost him $1,500 in
    food stamps, how much should Nicole write the check for?
 2. The City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy 50
    rats infesting downtown.  If 9,800 animal rights activists
    hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead
    rat empower?
 3. A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock
    are tossed randomly in a drawer.  What is the likelihood
    that the first two socks drawn will be socks of color?
 4. George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes
    every morning.  If each shot of espresso contains 490mg
    of caffeine, what is George's average caffeine density in
 5. If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30
    seconds, and the waitress brings a platter of 12 pot
    stickers, how long will it take five vegans to not eat them?
 6. Todd begins walking down Market Street with 12 $1 bills in
    his wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck,
    how many legs did he have to step over if he has $3 left
    when he reaches the other end and met only one double-

    Advanced Placement Students Only:

 7. Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John and Effie share a three-
    bedroom apartment on Guerrero for $2400 a month.  Effie
    and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other three need
    their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their web
    servers.  None of them wants to use the futon in the
    living room as a bed, and they each want to save $650 in
    three months to attend Burning Man.
    What is their best option if all five roommates accept a
    $12/hour job-share as handgun monitors at Mission High.
    a. Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie
       and Trip's bedroom for $500/month.
    b. Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her
       annual digital-artists-of-color stipend.
    c. Rent strike

Subj:     How To Give 103% (S249b, S454b)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/31/2001
      and From: auntiegah on 9/25/2005

 We have all been to those meetings where someone wants
 "more than 100%."
 Well here's how you do that.  Here's how you can
 achieve 103%. First of all, here's a little math that
 might prove helpful in the future. How does one
 achieve 100% in LIFE? Begin by noting the following.

 IF :

     A = 1      B = 2      C = 3      D = 4      E = 5
     F = 6      G = 7      H = 8      I = 9      J = 10
     K = 11     L = 12     M = 13     N = 14    O = 15
     P = 16     Q = 17     R = 18     S = 19     T = 20
     U = 21     V = 22     W = 23     X = 24     Y = 25
     Z = 26


      H A  R D  W  O  R  K =
      8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%


      K  N  O  W  L E D G E =
     11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%

     But interesting (and as you'd expect),

     A  T  T I  T  U D E =
     1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%..... This is how you
     achieve 100% in LIFE.


     B  U  L  L  S H I  T =
     2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

 So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will
 get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit
 will put you over the top.

 And look how far ass kissing will take you.

   A  S  S  K  I  S  S  I  N  G

   1 19 19  11 9 19 19  9 14  7 = 118%

 So now you know what all those high-priced
 consultants, upper management, and motivational
 speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%!

Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (731 in Birds-Parrots)
          By Johnny Hart (1931-2007) on 1/14/2011
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2011/01/14/
Subj:     Useful English System conversions/units: (S157)
          From: smiles on 02/03/2000

 -  Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:
             Eskimo Pi
 -  2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale
             University Hospital:  1 I.V. League
 -  2000 pounds of Chinese soup:  Won ton
 -  1 millionth mouthwash:  1 microscope
 -  Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier:  Mach Turtle
 -  Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:
 -  365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less
             filling:  1 lite year
 -  16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling
 -  Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
 -  1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
 -  Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
 -  Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
 -  Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
 -  Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:
 -  A Half-Bath: 1 demijohn
 -  453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
 -  Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins
             with a single step,"  the first step of a one-mile
             journey: 1 Milwaukee
 -  1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
 -  1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
 -  365.25 days: 1 unicycle
 -  2200 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
 -  10 cards: 1 decacards
 -  1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
 -  1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
 -  1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
 -  1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
 -  1 million billion picolos: 1 gigolo
 -  10 rations: 1 decoration
 -  100 rations: 1 C-ration
 -  10 millipedes: 1 centipede
 -  3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent
 -  10 monologs: 5 dialogs
 -  5 dialogs: 1 decalog
 -  2 monograms: 1 diagram
 -  8 nickels: 2 paradigms
 -  2 wharves: 1 paradox
 -  100 Senators: Not 1 decision

Subj:     City of Los Angeles
          High School Math Proficiency Exam (S142)
          From: kate289 on 10/19/1999

  Name: ________________

  Alias: _______________

  Gang: ________________

  1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80 round clip. If he missed
     6 out of 10 shots and shoots 18 times at each drive-by
     shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt
     before he shoots 50 people?

  2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 bal to
     Jackson for $820 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram.
     What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine
     if he doesn't cut it?

  3. Rufus is pimping for three girls.  If the price is $65
     for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to
     turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

  4. Jerome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroine to make 20%
     more profit.  How many ounces of cut will he need?

  5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and
     $100 for a 4x4, if he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how
     many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?

  6. Raul is in prison for 6 years for murder.  He got $25,000
     for the hit.  If his common law wife is spending $250 per
     month, how much will be left when he gets out of prison
     and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that
     spent his money?

  7. If the average spray can covers 22 sq. ft. and the average
     letter is 8 sq. ft., how many letters can a tagger spray
     with 8 cans of paint?

  8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang.  There are 27 girls
     in the gang.  What percentage of the girls in the gang has
     Hector knocked up?

  9. Rosie's sole source of income is shoplifting.  If she gets
     10 cents on the dollar from her fence, how much merchandise
     must she shoplift each week to make $250.

 10. Mike carjacked a Chevy Camaro for his date Saturday night
     with his young 14 year old girlfriend.  He was arrested
     that night while making his girlfriend in the backseat.
     How much prison time is he looking for the carjacking and
     for statutory rape, even though the girl looked legal?
     Assume no prior convictions in arriving at your answer.

From: http://www.snopes.com/humor/question/mathtest.htm on 12/16/03
 11. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50
     per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child.
     If her $325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more
     children should she have to keep up with her expenses?

 12. Salvador was arrested for dealing crack and his bail
     was set at $25,000.  If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and
     returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by
     jumping bail?

 City Of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam  (Answers)

  1. Johnny hits 15*(4/10) people per drive-by, which means
     that he will have to participate in 9 drive bys to shoot
     50 people.  However, he will have completed two drive-by
     shootings and be just starting the third when he has to
     reload.  Since he only stole a single clip, he'll only
     have shot 16 people when the homeboys with the Uzis' make
     Swiss cheese out of him.

  2. At 454 grams per pound, 2oz of the rock = 56.75 grams.
     An "8 ball" is 8 grams, so pony has sold 10 grams total
     and has 46.75 grams left.  If he keeps selling 8-balls,
     he can sell 5 more (for a total of 5*$320=$1,600) and
     have 6.75 grams for his own nose.  If he sells 2 gram
     packs, he can sell (46/2-23) packs at $85 apiece =
     (23*$85)=$1,955.  However, he could divide it into small
     parts, bake it up into crack and sell the rocks for an
     even larger profit.  This problem is really more suited
     for the Gang Multi-Variable Economics Test.

  3. 800/$64=12 tricks plus a dance.  Also, Ron should consider
     making a deal with Pony from Question #2.

  4. If he sells the cut heroin at the same price per unit
     volume, he will need 20% more volume. 20% of 1/2 pound
     (=8oz) is 1.6oz. So, Jarome will need 1.6oz of cut to add
     to the 8 oz of heroin to get 20% more volume.  He will
     want a cut which looks similar to raw heroin and has
     approximately the same melting point.  Plain sugar or
     laundry detergent are suggested.  Laundry detergent has
     the added benefit of removing the possibility of customer
     complaints, but will sharply limit repeat business.

  5. Willie has made 2*$200 + 3*$100=$700 dollars from his
     theft so far.  He needs $100 more, so he needs to steal
     $100/$50=2 more Chevy's.  However, he will probably want
     to steal 4 Chevy's so he can take the extra two and make
     a really def low-rider.

  6. 6 years*12 months/year*$250/month=$18,000.  Raul will
     have $25,000 - $18,000 = $7,000 left when he gets out of
     prison.  If Raul kills her in the USA, he should expect
     to get 6 years.  However, if he takes her down to Mexico
     and buries her scrawny, track-marked butt in the desert,
     he can get off scott free.

  7. 3 cans of paint will cover 3*22=66 square feet. 66/4=16
     letters with a little paint left over to spray in the
     eyes of the cop who's comin' after you.  Or the tagger
     could do 15 letters and a bitchin' skull.

  8. 6/27=22% of the girls.  However, 2 of them are lying
     because they've been sleeping with Pedro, Hector's
     lieutenant.  So, in actuality, Hector only knocked up
     4/27 or 14.8%.

  9. Solve X/10=250 for X, X=$2,500.

 10. Mike is only 12 so he will serve no time and will be
     doing it again to his girlfriend in the lot in someone
     else's car next Saturday.

Subj:     The History Of Math Word Problems (S59, S587c)
          From: pns on 7/3/2003
      and From: AFine963 on 4/16/2008

 Teaching Math in 1950: - (traditional math)
 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His
 cost of production is 4/5 of the price.  What is his

 Teaching Math in 1960:
 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His
 cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.  What
 is his profit?

 Teaching Math in 1970: - (new math)
 A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of
 money.  The cardinality of set "M" is 100.  Each element
 is worth one dollar.  Make 100 dots representing the
 elements of the set "M". The set "C", the cost of
 production contains 20 fewer points than set "M".
 Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer
 the following question: What is the cardinality of the
 set "P" of profits?

 Teaching Math in 1980:
 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost
 of production is $80 and his profit is $20.  Your
 assignment: Underline the number 20.

 Teaching Math in 1990: - (Outcome-Based education)
 By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes
 $20.  What do you think of this way of making a living?
 Topic for class participation after answering the question:
 How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger
 cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

 Teaching Math in 1996:
 By laying off 40% of its loggers, a company improves
 its stock price from $80 to $100.  How much capital
 gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his
 stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no longer
 taxed, because this encourages investment.

 Teaching Math in 1997:
 A company outsources all of its loggers.  They save on
 benefits and when demand for their product is down the
 logging work force can easily be cut back.  The average
 logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3
 weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and
 medical insurance.  The contracted logger charges $50 an
 hour. Was outsourcing a good move?

 Teaching Math in 1998:
 A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its
 Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half
 of its US workers (the higher-paid half).  It clear-cuts
 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl,
 and lays off all its remaining US workers.  It tells the
 workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence
 of fellable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from
 the Endangered Species Act.  Congress instead exempts the
 company from all federal regulation.  What is the return
 on investment of the lobbying costs?

From: jerry on 3/13/2002
 Teaching Math in 2000:
 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost
 of production is $120.  How does Arthur Andersen determine
 that his profit margin is $60?

From: pns on 7/3/2003
 Teaching Math in 2008:
 Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100.  El costo
 de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

Subj:     Equation - Women Are Problems (S476c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/21/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj:     Math Term Quiz

 ___  1. That which Noah built.
 ___  2. An article for serving ice cream.
 ___  3. What a bloodhound does in chasing a woman.
 ___  4. An expression to represent the loss of a parrot.
 ___  5. An appropriate title for a knight named Koal.
 ___  6. A sunburned man.
 ___  7. A tall coffee pot perking.
 ___  8. What one does when it rains.
 ___  9. A dog sitting in a refrigerator.
 ___ 10. What a boy does on the lake when his motor won't run.
 ___ 11. What you call a person who writes for an inn.
 ___ 12. What the captain said when the boat was bombed.
 ___ 13. What a little acorn says when he grows up.
 ___ 14. What one does to trees that are in the way.
 ___ 15. What you do if you have yarn and needles.
 ___ 16. Can George Washington turn into a country?

     A. hypotenuse              I. circle
     B. polygon                 J. axiom
     C. inscribe                K. cone
     D. geometry                L. coincide
     E. unit                    M. cosecant
     F. center                  N. tangent
     G. decagone                O. hero
     H. arc                     P. perpendicular

 If you sort the letters (with upper and lower case disjoint)
 questions and answers will come out next to each other.

Subj:     Brain Teasers
          From: Bobbyt's Place on 6/19/97

 There is one word in the English language that is always
 pronounced incorrectly. What is it?

 A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given
 15 cents.  What time is it?

 A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one
 foot apart.  The bottom rung is one foot from the water.
 The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes.  High tide
 peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how
 many rungs are under water?

 There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south.
 There is a window in each wall.  A bear walks by one of
 the windows.  What color is the bear?

 Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?

 There is a room. The shutters are blowing in.  There is
 broken glass on the floor.  There is water on the floor.
 You find Sloppy dead on the floor.  How did sloppy die?

 How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet
 wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?

 If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a
 bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped
 another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a
 bucket at 30 degrees F, dropping them at the same time,
 which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first?
 Same question, but the location is in Canada?

 What is the significance of the following: The year is
 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.

 What can go up a chimney down, but can't go down a
 chimney up?

 If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks
 in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if
 he combined them all in the center field?

 What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

 Paul is 20 years old in 1980, but only 15 years old in
 1985.  How is this possible?

 What has four legs but only one foot?

 How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark?

 Kindly old Grandfather Lunn
 Is twice as old as his son
 Twenty-five years ago
 Their age ratio
 Strange enough was three to one
 When does Grandfather celebrate his centenary?

 Said a certain young lady named Gwen
 Of her tally of smitten young men
 "one less and three more
 Divided by four
 Together give one more than ten"
 How many boyfriends had she?

 There was a young fellow named Clive
 Whose bees number ten power five
 The daughters to each son
 Were as nineteen to one,
 A truly remarkable hive.
 How many sons (drones) were in the hive?

 A team's opening batter named Nero
 Squared his number of hits, the big hero!
 After subtracting his score
 He took off ten and two more
 And the final result was a "zero".
 How many hits did Nero make:

 Some freshman from Trinity Hall
 Played hockey with a wonderful ball;
 Two times its weight
 Plus weight squared, minus eight,
 Gave "nothing" in ounces at all.
 What was the weight of the ball?

 A farmer needs a chain fifteen links long and finds that
 he has available five pieces of chain of three links each.
 The blacksmith tells him that it will cost him twenty cents
 to cut a link and thirty cents to weld a previously cut
 link.  Assuming that the blacksmith does the job in the
 cheapest way, what will it cost the farmer to have the five
 pieces joined into one continuous chain of fifteen links?

 A sailboat at sea strikes a reef and puts a 9x16 inch hole
 in the hull.  All you have is one board one foot square.
 How can you cut it into two pieces so they will exactly fit
 the hole?

 The Bar Z ranch was a dude ranch.  One day a new "dude"
 asked one of the stable hands how many men were tending the
 horses in the corral.  Having a mischievous sense of humor,
 he replied, "I saw eighty-two feet and twenty-six heads".
 He then walked away, leaving the dude scratching his head
 trying to figure it out. How many men were tending the

 One morning as Paul was getting his newspaper, he noticed
 on his new house something that needed to be fixed.  Heading
 over to the hardware store, he spoke to the manager,
 describing his problem. The manager said, "I know just what
 you need".  He led Paul down some aisles and stopped in
 front of some bins.  Digging down into some of the bins, he
 set something up on the shelf.  "I saw your house when it
 was built", the manager said, "Here's all that you'll need
 and how much it'll cost... five will be 15 cents while fifty
 will be 30 cents, 250 will be 45 cents, while 2507 will only
 cost you 60 cents.  One lady, about 20 blocks from your
 house, bought 30247 and only paid 75 cents!  These are black,
 but they also come in gold and silver."  What was the manager

 If it takes 3 people to dig a hole, how many does it take to
 dig half a hole?

 What is the beginning of eternity.  The end of time and space.
 The beginning of every end. And the end of every place

Subj:     Ways To Remember The Trig Functions

Here are some phrases used to remember SIN, COS, and TAN.
(SIN = Opposite/Hypotenuse, COS = Adjacent/H, TAN = O/A).

 1. SOHCAHTOA  (sock-a-toe-a)      2. SOPHY, CADHY, TOAD
    Sine=opposite/hypotenuse, etc.

 3. The Cat Sat                    4. Some Old Hulks
    On  An Orange                     Carry A Huge
    And Howled Hard                   Tub Of Ale

 5. Silly Old Hitler               6. Some Old Hag
    Caused Awful Headaches            Cracked All Her
    To Our Airmen                     Teeth On Asparagus

 7. Some Old Hairy                 8. Silly Old Harry
    Camels Are Hairier                Caught A Herring
    Than Others Are                   Trawling Off America

 9. Some Old Horse                10. The Cat Sat
    Caught Another Horse              On  An Orange
    Taking Oats Away                  And Howled Hard

 Smiles Of Happiness Come After Having Tankards Of Ale!!!

 For remembering the sign of trig functions in the quadrants:
 All Suckers Take Calculus:

 in quadrants one through four
                S  |  A
                T  |  C
 All=sin, cos, and tan are all posative
 Suckers=sine positive (others negative)
 Take=tangent positive (others negative)
 Calculus=cosine positive (others negative)

Subj:     Ways To Remember PI
          From: bhuntley

 How I need a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy
  3  1  4   1   5        9     2    6       5    3    5
  chapters involving quantum mechanics.
      8        9        7        9

 Second method  --  Can you memorize 1 1 3 3 5 5
 Divide the first three numbers into the last three.
   113 | 355 = 3.1415929

Subj:     Algebra Problem (S972)
          From: Brilliant.org
 Source: https://brilliant.org/problems/confusing-square-root/?group=
Subj:     Way To Remember The Order Of Operations

Please      excuse    my             dear     aunt     Sally
parentheses exponents multiplication division addition subtraction

Subj:     Chain Rule For Devision

 My friend and colleague, Lynn Gruner (who teaches BC Calculus
 with me at Walt Whitman HS in Bethesda, MD) has altered the
 quotient rule song that we received some years back.  Her
 version (sung to OLD MACDONALD'S FARM) goes like this:

 Lo-de-hi less hi-de-lo   EIEIO
 Then draw the line and down below   EIEIO
 With a dx here and a dy there
 Here a slope, yes there's hope, you can cope
 Denominator squared will go   EIEIO

 I composed a chain rule "song" to the tune of Allouette, but
 it's too long to be of much value as a mnemonic.  The point
 of the song certainly underscores how the chain rule works,
 but it's not one you'd be likely to remember.

Subj:     Remembering The Metric System
          From: cbutler

 "King Hector Doesn't Usually Drink Cold Milk"
 for Kilo  1000
     Hecto  100
     Deca    10
     Units    1
     Deci     0.1
     Centi    0.01
     Milli    0.001

Subj:     Integration Joke

  |   1
  | -----  = log cabin
  | cabin
        Oops, you forgot your constant of integration.

  |   1
  | -----  = log cabin + C
  | cabin

        And, as we all know, log cabin + C = houseboat

Subj:     Proof That All Numbers Equal Zero And That 1$ = 1c
          From: Benjamin.J.Tilly

 Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.
 Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
 a = b
 a^2 = ab
 a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
 (a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
 a + b = b
 a = 0

 Theorem: 1$ = 1c.
 And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing...
 1$ = 100c
    = (10c)^2
    = (0.1$)^2
    = 0.01$
    = 1c
 Here $ means dollars and c means cents.  This one is scary
 in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see
 what was wrong with this one.  Actually I am crossposting
 this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes
 a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track
 of your dimensions...

Subj:     Equation About Money, Work, and Knowledge (S45)
          From: RobertTompkins on 97-12-06

 Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as
 business executives.  Now a rigorous Mathaematical Proof
 that explains why this is true:

 Postulate 1:    Knowledge is Power.     Postulate 2:    Time is Money.

 As every engineer knows,

        -----------     =  Power

 Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have

        ----------      =  Knowledge

 Solving for Money, we get:

        ------------------  = Money

 Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity
 regardless of the Work done.

 Conclusion:  The Less you Know, the more you Make.

 Note:  It has been speculated that the reason Bill Gates
 dropped out of Harvard's math program was because he
 stumpbled upon this proof as an undergraduate.


Subj:     Formulas For Work, Knowledge And Money (2ed Vers.)
          From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97

 After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases
 and cliches, a new understanding can be reached of the
 secret to wealth and success.

 Here it goes.

 Knowledge is Power
 Time is Money and as everyone knows, Power is Work divided
    by Time.

 So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn
    bits of wisdom, we get:
     K = P    (1)
     T = M    (2)
     P = W/T  (3)

 Now, do a few simple substitutions:

     Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
     K = W/T  (4)

     Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

     K = W/M  (5).

 Now we've got something.  Expanding back into English, we get:

     Knowledge equals Work divided by Money.

 What this MEANS is that:

     1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do,
     2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.

     3. The Less you Know, the More you Make.

     Solving for Money, we get:

     M = W/K  (6)

     Money equals Work divided by Knowledge.

 From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as
 Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.

 What THIS MEANS is:

     The More you Make, the Less you Know.

 Solving for Work, we get

     W = M x K  (7)
     Work equals Money times Knowledge

 From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as
 Knowledge approaches 0.

 What THIS MEANS is:

     The stupid rich do little or no work.

 Working out the socioeconomic implications of this
 breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.

Subj:     Balance This Equation (S1000)
          by Lee Emjay on 3/9/2016
 Source: http://www.dose.com/sports/26789/There-Are-3-Ways-To-Balance-This-Equation-
..........This equation obviously isn't correctly balanced.
..........By moving one matchstick, you can fix it.
..........Click 'HERE' to see the four solutions.
Subj:     Proof That Girls Are Evil (S224)
          From: One of Chris Guinon's students 5/15/01

 We all know that girls take time and money

           Girls = time x money

 and we know that time is money

           time = money

 Therefore girls = money x money or (money)2

 Now we all know money is the root of all evil

           money = square root(evil)

 so        girls = ( square root(evil) )2

 Therefore girls = evil

Subj:     Other Proofs

From: clubok
 Here's my personal favorite:
 Use integration by parts to find the anti-derivative of 1/x.
 One can get the amusing result that 0=1.  (Until you realize
 you have to put in the limits.)

From: kdq
 Theorem: 4 = 5
 16 - 36 = 25 - 45
 4^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*5
 4^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4
 (4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^2
 4 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/2
 4 = 5

From: julison
 Theorem: All numbers are equal.
 Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then
 a + b = t
 (a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
 a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
 a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
 a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
 (a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
 a - t/2 = b - t/2
 a = b
 So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

Subj:     Train Problem - Cartoon (S491c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/19/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

                           -(o o)-
...............................From GIFs Rubrik:Neon Smiley