Subj: Math3 - Tests And Formulas
(Includes 63 jokes and articles, 10 1000,8,cf,wYT2a3,2)
Click "Here" for Math3-Supp
file are nonmathematical math jokes
MATH2 file are mathematical jokes
Math3 file contains tests, and formulas
Math4 file contains problems
Math5 file contains quotes
MATH6 file contains lymerics, short jokes, stories, and QA
Subj: Pythagorean Theorem (S917)
From: Karen Celia LaRiviere on Facebook
Source: (Removed from news.distractify.com)
Orgasmic Calculator (S536d)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2007
This will do your math calculations
and give you some nice
sounds while doing it. Click 'HERE'. to use it.
Subj: The Beauty Of Math (S558c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/30/2007
This is kinda neat...
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10 = 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Or (my addition to this article)
12345679 times any two digit number which adds to 9
Subj: Old Numbers (S502)
by William D. Jamski
In a letter to The Mathematics Teacher
From: The Handley Math Page on 9/5/2006
Source: (Removed from pen.k12.va.us)
1. Secret agent James Bond's
number, ___, gave him a
license to kill.
2. Popular detective show: "Hawaii ____"
3. Heinz has ___ Varieties.
4. The TV address of a Los Angeles
detective agency that
employed "Kookie" was ____ Sunset Strip.
5. John F. Kennedy skippered
PT ___, which sank
during World War II.
6. Sherlock Holmes' address: ___ B Baker Street.
7. Sgt. Joe Friday wore badge ___ in "Dragnet."
8. ___ Dalmations was a Walt Disney feature-length animation.
9. ___ Pennsylvania Avenue is the President's address.
10. "The ___ Question" was a popular big-dollar quiz show.
Subj: Modern Living Math Test (S343)
From: KMACINTY on 8/22/2003
1. Chad wants to take half a
pound of pot to Orinda and sell
it at a 20% profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in
food stamps, how much should Nicole write the check for?
2. The City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy 50
rats infesting downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists
hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead
3. A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock
are tossed randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood
that the first two socks drawn will be socks of color?
4. George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes
every morning. If each shot of espresso contains 490mg
of caffeine, what is George's average caffeine density in
5. If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30
seconds, and the waitress brings a platter of 12 pot
stickers, how long will it take five vegans to not eat them?
6. Todd begins walking down Market Street with 12 $1 bills in
his wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck,
how many legs did he have to step over if he has $3 left
when he reaches the other end and met only one double-
Advanced Placement Students Only:
7. Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John
and Effie share a three-
bedroom apartment on Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie
and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other three need
their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their web
servers. None of them wants to use the futon in the
living room as a bed, and they each want to save $650 in
three months to attend Burning Man.
What is their best option if all five roommates accept a
$12/hour job-share as handgun monitors at Mission High.
a. Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie
and Trip's bedroom for $500/month.
b. Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her
annual digital-artists-of-color stipend.
c. Rent strike
Subj: How To Give 103% (S249b, S454b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/31/2001
and From: auntiegah on 9/25/2005
We have all been to those meetings
where someone wants
"more than 100%."
Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can
achieve 103%. First of all, here's a little math that
might prove helpful in the future. How does one
achieve 100% in LIFE? Begin by noting the following.
A = 1
B = 2 C = 3
D = 4 E = 5
F = 6 G = 7 H = 8 I = 9 J = 10
K = 11 L = 12 M = 13 N = 14 O = 15
P = 16 Q = 17 R = 18 S = 19 T = 20
U = 21 V = 22 W = 23 X = 24 Y = 25
Z = 26
R D W O R K =
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%
N O W L E D G E =
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%
But interesting (and as you'd expect),
T I T U D E =
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%..... This is how you
achieve 100% in LIFE.
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is
L L S H I T =
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that
hard work and knowledge will
get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit
will put you over the top.
And look how far ass kissing will take you.
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
So now you know what all those
consultants, upper management, and motivational
speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%!
Subj: B.C. Comic Strip (731 in Birds-Parrots)
By Johnny Hart (1931-2007) on 1/14/2011
Subj: Useful English System conversions/units: (S157)
From: smiles on 02/03/2000
- Ratio of an igloo's circumference
to its diameter:
- 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale
University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
- 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
- 1 millionth mouthwash: 1 microscope
- Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle
- Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:
- 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less
filling: 1 lite year
- 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling
- Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
- 1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
- Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
- Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
- Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
- Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:
- A Half-Bath: 1 demijohn
- 453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
- Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins
with a single step," the first step of a one-mile
journey: 1 Milwaukee
- 1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
- 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
- 365.25 days: 1 unicycle
- 2200 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
- 10 cards: 1 decacards
- 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
- 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
- 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
- 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
- 1 million billion picolos: 1 gigolo
- 10 rations: 1 decoration
- 100 rations: 1 C-ration
- 10 millipedes: 1 centipede
- 3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent
- 10 monologs: 5 dialogs
- 5 dialogs: 1 decalog
- 2 monograms: 1 diagram
- 8 nickels: 2 paradigms
- 2 wharves: 1 paradox
- 100 Senators: Not 1 decision
Subj: City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam (S142)
From: kate289 on 10/19/1999
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with
an 80 round clip. If he missed
6 out of 10 shots and shoots 18 times at each drive-by
shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt
before he shoots 50 people?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine
and he sells an 8 bal to
Jackson for $820 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram.
What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine
if he doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three
girls. If the price is $65
for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to
turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut his 1/2
pound of heroine to make 20%
more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing
a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and
$100 for a 4x4, if he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how
many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?
6. Raul is in prison for 6 years
for murder. He got $25,000
for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $250 per
month, how much will be left when he gets out of prison
and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that
spent his money?
7. If the average spray can
covers 22 sq. ft. and the average
letter is 8 sq. ft., how many letters can a tagger spray
with 8 cans of paint?
8. Hector knocked up 6 girls
in his gang. There are 27 girls
in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has
Hector knocked up?
9. Rosie's sole source of income
is shoplifting. If she gets
10 cents on the dollar from her fence, how much merchandise
must she shoplift each week to make $250.
10. Mike carjacked a Chevy Camaro
for his date Saturday night
with his young 14 year old girlfriend. He was arrested
that night while making his girlfriend in the backseat.
How much prison time is he looking for the carjacking and
for statutory rape, even though the girl looked legal?
Assume no prior convictions in arriving at your answer.
11. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50
per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child.
If her $325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more
children should she have to keep up with her expenses?
12. Salvador was arrested for
dealing crack and his bail
was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and
returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by
City Of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam (Answers)
1. Johnny hits 15*(4/10) people
per drive-by, which means
that he will have to participate in 9 drive bys to shoot
50 people. However, he will have completed two drive-by
shootings and be just starting the third when he has to
reload. Since he only stole a single clip, he'll only
have shot 16 people when the homeboys with the Uzis' make
Swiss cheese out of him.
2. At 454 grams per pound, 2oz
of the rock = 56.75 grams.
An "8 ball" is 8 grams, so pony has sold 10 grams total
and has 46.75 grams left. If he keeps selling 8-balls,
he can sell 5 more (for a total of 5*$320=$1,600) and
have 6.75 grams for his own nose. If he sells 2 gram
packs, he can sell (46/2-23) packs at $85 apiece =
(23*$85)=$1,955. However, he could divide it into small
parts, bake it up into crack and sell the rocks for an
even larger profit. This problem is really more suited
for the Gang Multi-Variable Economics Test.
3. 800/$64=12 tricks plus a
dance. Also, Ron should consider
making a deal with Pony from Question #2.
4. If he sells the cut heroin
at the same price per unit
volume, he will need 20% more volume. 20% of 1/2 pound
(=8oz) is 1.6oz. So, Jarome will need 1.6oz of cut to add
to the 8 oz of heroin to get 20% more volume. He will
want a cut which looks similar to raw heroin and has
approximately the same melting point. Plain sugar or
laundry detergent are suggested. Laundry detergent has
the added benefit of removing the possibility of customer
complaints, but will sharply limit repeat business.
5. Willie has made 2*$200 +
3*$100=$700 dollars from his
theft so far. He needs $100 more, so he needs to steal
$100/$50=2 more Chevy's. However, he will probably want
to steal 4 Chevy's so he can take the extra two and make
a really def low-rider.
6. 6 years*12 months/year*$250/month=$18,000.
have $25,000 - $18,000 = $7,000 left when he gets out of
prison. If Raul kills her in the USA, he should expect
to get 6 years. However, if he takes her down to Mexico
and buries her scrawny, track-marked butt in the desert,
he can get off scott free.
7. 3 cans of paint will cover
3*22=66 square feet. 66/4=16
letters with a little paint left over to spray in the
eyes of the cop who's comin' after you. Or the tagger
could do 15 letters and a bitchin' skull.
8. 6/27=22% of the girls.
However, 2 of them are lying
because they've been sleeping with Pedro, Hector's
lieutenant. So, in actuality, Hector only knocked up
4/27 or 14.8%.
9. Solve X/10=250 for X, X=$2,500.
10. Mike is only 12 so he will
serve no time and will be
doing it again to his girlfriend in the lot in someone
else's car next Saturday.
Subj: The History Of Math Word Problems (S59, S587c)
From: pns on 7/3/2003
and From: AFine963 on 4/16/2008
Teaching Math in 1950: - (traditional
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970: - (new
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of
money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element
is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the
elements of the set "M". The set "C", the cost of
production contains 20 fewer points than set "M".
Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer
the following question: What is the cardinality of the
set "P" of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990: - (Outcome-Based
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes
$20. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question:
How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger
cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 1996:
By laying off 40% of its loggers, a company improves
its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital
gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his
stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no longer
taxed, because this encourages investment.
Teaching Math in 1997:
A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on
benefits and when demand for their product is down the
logging work force can easily be cut back. The average
logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3
weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and
medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50 an
hour. Was outsourcing a good move?
Teaching Math in 1998:
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its
Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half
of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts
95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl,
and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the
workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence
of fellable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from
the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the
company from all federal regulation. What is the return
on investment of the lobbying costs?
From: jerry on 3/13/2002
Teaching Math in 2000:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine
that his profit margin is $60?
From: pns on 7/3/2003
Teaching Math in 2008:
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo
de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
Subj: Equation - Women Are Problems (S476c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/21/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Math Term Quiz
___ 1. That which Noah
___ 2. An article for serving ice cream.
___ 3. What a bloodhound does in chasing a woman.
___ 4. An expression to represent the loss of a parrot.
___ 5. An appropriate title for a knight named Koal.
___ 6. A sunburned man.
___ 7. A tall coffee pot perking.
___ 8. What one does when it rains.
___ 9. A dog sitting in a refrigerator.
___ 10. What a boy does on the lake when his motor won't run.
___ 11. What you call a person who writes for an inn.
___ 12. What the captain said when the boat was bombed.
___ 13. What a little acorn says when he grows up.
___ 14. What one does to trees that are in the way.
___ 15. What you do if you have yarn and needles.
___ 16. Can George Washington turn into a country?
B. polygon J. axiom
C. inscribe K. cone
D. geometry L. coincide
E. unit M. cosecant
F. center N. tangent
G. decagone O. hero
H. arc P. perpendicular
If you sort the letters (with
upper and lower case disjoint)
questions and answers will come out next to each other.
Subj: Brain Teasers
From: Bobbyt's Place on 6/19/97
There is one word in the English
language that is always
pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
A man gave one son 10 cents and
another son was given
15 cents. What time is it?
A boat has a ladder that has
six rungs, each rung is one
foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water.
The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide
peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how
many rungs are under water?
There is a house with four walls.
Each wall faces south.
There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of
the windows. What color is the bear?
Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
There is a room. The shutters
are blowing in. There is
broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor.
You find Sloppy dead on the floor. How did sloppy die?
How much dirt would be in a hole
6 feet deep and 6 feet
wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
If I were in Hawaii and dropped
a bowling ball in a
bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped
another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a
bucket at 30 degrees F, dropping them at the same time,
which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first?
Same question, but the location is in Canada?
What is the significance of the
following: The year is
1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.
What can go up a chimney down,
but can't go down a
If a farmer has 5 haystacks in
one field and 4 haystacks
in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if
he combined them all in the center field?
What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
Paul is 20 years old in 1980,
but only 15 years old in
1985. How is this possible?
What has four legs but only one foot?
How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark?
Kindly old Grandfather Lunn
Is twice as old as his son
Twenty-five years ago
Their age ratio
Strange enough was three to one
When does Grandfather celebrate his centenary?
Said a certain young lady named
Of her tally of smitten young men
"one less and three more
Divided by four
Together give one more than ten"
How many boyfriends had she?
There was a young fellow named
Whose bees number ten power five
The daughters to each son
Were as nineteen to one,
A truly remarkable hive.
How many sons (drones) were in the hive?
A team's opening batter named
Squared his number of hits, the big hero!
After subtracting his score
He took off ten and two more
And the final result was a "zero".
How many hits did Nero make:
Some freshman from Trinity Hall
Played hockey with a wonderful ball;
Two times its weight
Plus weight squared, minus eight,
Gave "nothing" in ounces at all.
What was the weight of the ball?
A farmer needs a chain fifteen
links long and finds that
he has available five pieces of chain of three links each.
The blacksmith tells him that it will cost him twenty cents
to cut a link and thirty cents to weld a previously cut
link. Assuming that the blacksmith does the job in the
cheapest way, what will it cost the farmer to have the five
pieces joined into one continuous chain of fifteen links?
A sailboat at sea strikes a reef
and puts a 9x16 inch hole
in the hull. All you have is one board one foot square.
How can you cut it into two pieces so they will exactly fit
The Bar Z ranch was a dude ranch.
One day a new "dude"
asked one of the stable hands how many men were tending the
horses in the corral. Having a mischievous sense of humor,
he replied, "I saw eighty-two feet and twenty-six heads".
He then walked away, leaving the dude scratching his head
trying to figure it out. How many men were tending the
One morning as Paul was getting
his newspaper, he noticed
on his new house something that needed to be fixed. Heading
over to the hardware store, he spoke to the manager,
describing his problem. The manager said, "I know just what
you need". He led Paul down some aisles and stopped in
front of some bins. Digging down into some of the bins, he
set something up on the shelf. "I saw your house when it
was built", the manager said, "Here's all that you'll need
and how much it'll cost... five will be 15 cents while fifty
will be 30 cents, 250 will be 45 cents, while 2507 will only
cost you 60 cents. One lady, about 20 blocks from your
house, bought 30247 and only paid 75 cents! These are black,
but they also come in gold and silver." What was the manager
If it takes 3 people to dig a
hole, how many does it take to
dig half a hole?
What is the beginning of eternity.
The end of time and space.
The beginning of every end. And the end of every place
Subj: Ways To Remember The Trig Functions
Here are some phrases used to remember
SIN, COS, and TAN.
(SIN = Opposite/Hypotenuse, COS = Adjacent/H, TAN = O/A).
1. SOHCAHTOA (sock-a-toe-a)
2. SOPHY, CADHY, TOAD
3. The Cat Sat
4. Some Old Hulks
On An Orange Carry A Huge
And Howled Hard Tub Of Ale
5. Silly Old Hitler
6. Some Old Hag
Caused Awful Headaches Cracked All Her
To Our Airmen Teeth On Asparagus
7. Some Old Hairy
8. Silly Old Harry
Camels Are Hairier Caught A Herring
Than Others Are Trawling Off America
9. Some Old Horse
10. The Cat Sat
Caught Another Horse On An Orange
Taking Oats Away And Howled Hard
Smiles Of Happiness Come After Having Tankards Of Ale!!!
For remembering the sign of trig
functions in the quadrants:
All Suckers Take Calculus:
in quadrants one through four
S | A
T | C
All=sin, cos, and tan are all posative
Suckers=sine positive (others negative)
Take=tangent positive (others negative)
Calculus=cosine positive (others negative)
Subj: Ways To Remember PI
How I need a drink, alcoholic
of course, after the heavy
3 1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 3 5
chapters involving quantum mechanics.
8 9 7 9
Second method --
Can you memorize 1 1 3 3 5 5
Divide the first three numbers into the last three.
113 | 355 = 3.1415929
Subj: Algebra Problem (S972)
Subj: Way To Remember The Order Of Operations
dear aunt Sally
parentheses exponents multiplication division addition subtraction
Subj: Chain Rule For Devision
My friend and colleague, Lynn
Gruner (who teaches BC Calculus
with me at Walt Whitman HS in Bethesda, MD) has altered the
quotient rule song that we received some years back. Her
version (sung to OLD MACDONALD'S FARM) goes like this:
Lo-de-hi less hi-de-lo
Then draw the line and down below EIEIO
With a dx here and a dy there
Here a slope, yes there's hope, you can cope
Denominator squared will go EIEIO
I composed a chain rule "song"
to the tune of Allouette, but
it's too long to be of much value as a mnemonic. The point
of the song certainly underscores how the chain rule works,
but it's not one you'd be likely to remember.
Subj: Remembering The Metric System
"King Hector Doesn't Usually
Drink Cold Milk"
for Kilo 1000
Subj: Integration Joke
| ----- = log cabin
Oops, you forgot your constant of integration.
| ----- = log cabin + C
And, as we all know, log cabin + C = houseboat
Subj: Proof That All Numbers Equal Zero And That 1$ = 1c
Theorem : All numbers are equal
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Theorem: 1$ = 1c.
And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing...
1$ = 100c
Here $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary
in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see
what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting
this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes
a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track
of your dimensions...
Subj: Equation About Money, Work, and Knowledge (S45)
From: RobertTompkins on 97-12-06
Engineers and scientists will
never make as much money as
business executives. Now a rigorous Mathaematical Proof
that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
----------- = Power
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have
---------- = Knowledge
Solving for Money, we get:
------------------ = Money
Thus, as Knowledge approaches
zero, Money approaches infinity
regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more you Make.
Note: It has been speculated
that the reason Bill Gates
dropped out of Harvard's math program was because he
stumpbled upon this proof as an undergraduate.
For Work, Knowledge And Money (2ed Vers.)
From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97
After applying some simple algebra
to some trite phrases
and cliches, a new understanding can be reached of the
secret to wealth and success.
Here it goes.
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money and as everyone knows, Power is Work divided
So, substituting algebraic equations
for these time worn
bits of wisdom, we get:
K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in
for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4)
Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work divided by Money.
What this MEANS is that:
1. The More
You Know, the More Work You Do,
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.
3. The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work divided by Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that
Money approaches infinity as
Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get
W = M x K
Work equals Money times Knowledge
From equation (7) we see that
Work approaches 0 as
Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS is:
The stupid rich do little or no work.
Working out the socioeconomic
implications of this
breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.
Subj: Balance This Equation (S1000)
by Lee Emjay on 3/9/2016
..........This equation obviously isn't correctly balanced.
..........By moving one matchstick, you can fix it.
..........Click 'HERE' to see the four solutions.
Subj: Proof That Girls Are Evil (S224)
From: One of Chris Guinon's students 5/15/01
We all know that girls take time and money
Girls = time x money
and we know that time is money
time = money
Therefore girls = money x money or (money)2
Now we all know money is the root of all evil
money = square root(evil)
so girls = ( square root(evil) )2
Therefore girls = evil
Subj: Other Proofs
Here's my personal favorite:
Use integration by parts to find the anti-derivative of 1/x.
One can get the amusing result that 0=1. (Until you realize
you have to put in the limits.)
Theorem: 4 = 5
16 - 36 = 25 - 45
4^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*5
4^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4
(4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^2
4 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/2
4 = 5
Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then
a + b = t
(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
a - t/2 = b - t/2
a = b
So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.
Subj: Train Problem - Cartoon (S491c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/19/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
...............................From GIFs Rubrik:Neon Smiley