Subj: Math3 - Tests And Formulas
(Includes 61 jokes and articles, 12818,4,cf)
Click "Here" for Math3-Supp
Boy from
Animation Factory
| >>>
Subj: Math3 - Tests And Formulas (Includes 61 jokes and articles, 12818,4,cf) Click "Here" for Math3-Supp |
|
Boy from Animation Factory |
The MATH1
file are nonmathematical math jokes
MATH2
file are mathematical jokes
Math3
file contains tests, and formulas
Math4
file contains problems
Math5
file contains quotes
MATH6
file contains lymerics, short jokes, stories, and Q/A.
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| Subj:
Orgasmic Calculator (S536)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2007 Source: http://snipurl.com/1fz95 |
 |
This will do your math calculations
and give you some nice
sounds while doing it.
You can use the calculator at the
two sources above, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Beauty Of Math (S558c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/30/2007
This is kinda neat...
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123
x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8
+ 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 =
98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234
x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9
+ 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7
= 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10 = 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876
x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9
+ 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2
= 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x
1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 =
123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Or (my addition to this article)
12345679 times any two digit number which adds to 9
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Subj: Old
Numbers (S502)
by William D. Jamski
In a letter to The Mathematics Teacher
From: The Handley Math Page on 9/5/2006
Source: http://www.pen.k12.va.us/Div/Winchester/jhhs/math/puzzles/oldnum.html
1. Secret agent James Bond's
number, ___, gave him a
license to
kill.
2. Popular detective show: "Hawaii ____"
3. Heinz has ___ Varieties.
4. The TV address of a Los Angeles
detective agency that
employed
"Kookie" was ____ Sunset Strip.
5. John F. Kennedy skippered
PT ___, which sank
during World
War II.
6. Sherlock Holmes' address: ___ B Baker Street.
7. Sgt. Joe Friday wore badge ___ in "Dragnet."
8. ___ Dalmations was a Walt Disney feature-length animation.
9. ___ Pennsylvania Avenue is the President's address.
10. "The ___ Question" was a popular big-dollar quiz show.
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Subj: Modern
Living Math Test (S343)
From: KMACINTY on 8/22/2003
1. Chad wants to take half a
pound of pot to Orinda and sell
it at a 20% profit.
If it originally cost him $1,500 in
food stamps, how
much should Nicole write the check for?
2. The City and County of San
Francisco decide to destroy 50
rats infesting
downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists
hold a candlelight
vigil, how many people did each dead
rat empower?
3. A red sock, a yellow sock,
a blue sock, and a white sock
are tossed randomly
in a drawer. What is the likelihood
that the first
two socks drawn will be socks of color?
4. George weighs 245 pounds
and drinks two triple lattes
every morning.
If each shot of espresso contains 490mg
of caffeine, what
is George's average caffeine density in
mg/pound?
5. If the average person can
eat one pork pot sticker in 30
seconds, and the
waitress brings a platter of 12 pot
stickers, how long
will it take five vegans to not eat them?
6. Todd begins walking down
Market Street with 12 $1 bills in
his wallet. If
he always gives panhandlers a single buck,
how many legs did
he have to step over if he has $3 left
when he reaches
the other end and met only one double-
amputee?
Advanced Placement Students Only:
7. Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John
and Effie share a three-
bedroom apartment
on Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie
and Trip can share
one bedroom, but the other three need
their own rooms
with separate ISDN lines to run their web
servers.
None of them wants to use the futon in the
living room as
a bed, and they each want to save $650 in
three months to
attend Burning Man.
What is their best
option if all five roommates accept a
$12/hour job-share
as handgun monitors at Mission High.
a. Ask Miles, the
bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie
and Trip's bedroom for $500/month.
b. Petition the
Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her
annual digital-artists-of-color stipend.
c. Rent strike
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Subj: How
To Give 103% (S249b, S454b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/31/2001
and
From: auntiegah on 9/25/2005
We have all been to those meetings
where someone wants
"more than 100%."
Well here's how you do that.
Here's how you can
achieve 103%. First of all,
here's a little math that
might prove helpful in the future.
How does one
achieve 100% in LIFE? Begin
by noting the following.
IF :
A = 1
B = 2 C = 3
D = 4 E = 5
F = 6
G = 7 H = 8
I = 9 J = 10
K = 11
L = 12 M = 13 N = 14
O = 15
P = 16
Q = 17 R = 18 S = 19
T = 20
U = 21
V = 22 W = 23 X = 24
Y = 25
Z = 26
Then:
H A
R D W O R K =
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11
= Only 98%
Similarly,
K
N O W L E D G E =
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= Only 96%
But interesting (and as you'd expect),
A T
T I T U D E =
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
= 100%..... This is how you
achieve 100%
in LIFE.
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is
B U
L L S H I T =
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%
So, it stands to reason that
hard work and knowledge will
get you close, attitude will
get you there, but bullshit
will put you over the top.
And look how far ass kissing will take you.
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
So now you know what all those
high-priced
consultants, upper management,
and motivational
speakers really mean when they
want to exceed 100%!
\\\//
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Subj: B.C.
Comic Strip (731 in Birds-Parrots)
By Johnny Hart (1931-2007)
From: Creators.com on 1/14/2011
Source: http://comics.washingtonpost.com/11_comics_bc.html
.
 |
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Subj: Useful
English System conversions/units: (S157)
From: smiles on 02/03/2000
- Ratio of an igloo's circumference
to its diameter:
Eskimo Pi
- 2.4 statute miles of
intravenous surgical tubing at Yale
University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
- 2000 pounds of Chinese
soup: Won ton
- 1 millionth mouthwash:
1 microscope
- Speed of a tortoise
breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle
- Time it takes to sail
220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:
Knot-furlong
- 365.25 days of drinking
low-calorie beer because it's less
filling: 1 lite year
- 16.5 feet in the Twilight
Zone: 1 Rod Sterling
- Half of a large intestine:
1 semicolon
- 1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
- Weight an evangelist
carries with God: 1 billigram
- Basic unit of laryngitis:
1 hoarsepower
- Shortest distance between
two jokes: A straight line
- Time between slipping
on a peel and smacking the pavement:
bananosecond
- A Half-Bath: 1 demijohn
- 453.6 graham crackers:
1 pound cake
- Given the old adage
"a journey of a thousand miles begins
with a single step," the first step of a one-mile
journey: 1 Milwaukee
- 1 million microphones:
1 megaphone
- 1 million bicycles:
2 megacycles
- 365.25 days: 1 unicycle
- 2200 mockingbirds: two
kilomockingbirds
- 10 cards: 1 decacards
- 1 kilogram of falling
figs: 1 Fig Newton
- 1000 grams of wet socks:
1 literhosen
- 1 millionth of a fish:
1 microfiche
- 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
- 1 million billion picolos:
1 gigolo
- 10 rations: 1 decoration
- 100 rations: 1 C-ration
- 10 millipedes: 1 centipede
- 3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent
- 10 monologs: 5 dialogs
- 5 dialogs: 1 decalog
- 2 monograms: 1 diagram
- 8 nickels: 2 paradigms
- 2 wharves: 1 paradox
- 100 Senators: Not 1
decision
\\\//
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Subj: City
of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam (S142)
From: kate289 on 10/19/1999
Name: ________________
Alias: _______________
Gang: ________________
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with
an 80 round clip. If he missed
6 out of
10 shots and shoots 18 times at each drive-by
shooting,
how many drive-by shootings can he attempt
before he
shoots 50 people?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine
and he sells an 8 bal to
Jackson for
$820 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram.
What is the
street value of the balance of the cocaine
if he doesn't
cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three
girls. If the price is $65
for each
trick, how many tricks will each girl have to
turn so Rufus
can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut his 1/2
pound of heroine to make 20%
more profit.
How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing
a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and
$100 for
a 4x4, if he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how
many Chevy's
will he have to steal to make $800?
6. Raul is in prison for 6 years
for murder. He got $25,000
for the hit.
If his common law wife is spending $250 per
month, how
much will be left when he gets out of prison
and how many
years will he get for killing the bitch that
spent his
money?
7. If the average spray can
covers 22 sq. ft. and the average
letter is
8 sq. ft., how many letters can a tagger spray
with 8 cans
of paint?
8. Hector knocked up 6 girls
in his gang. There are 27 girls
in the gang.
What percentage of the girls in the gang has
Hector knocked
up?
9. Rosie's sole source of income
is shoplifting. If she gets
10 cents
on the dollar from her fence, how much merchandise
must she
shoplift each week to make $250.
10. Mike carjacked a Chevy Camaro
for his date Saturday night
with his
young 14 year old girlfriend. He was arrested
that night
while making his girlfriend in the backseat.
How much
prison time is he looking for the carjacking and
for statutory
rape, even though the girl looked legal?
Assume no
prior convictions in arriving at your answer.
From: http://www.snopes.com/humor/question/mathtest.htm
on 12/16/03
11. Thelma can cook dinner for
her 16 children for $7.50
per night.
She gets $234 a month welfare for each child.
If her $325
per month rent goes up 15%, how many more
children
should she have to keep up with her expenses?
12. Salvador was arrested for
dealing crack and his bail
was set at
$25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and
returns to
Mexico, how much money will he lose by
jumping bail?
City Of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam (Answers)
1. Johnny hits 15*(4/10) people
per drive-by, which means
that he will
have to participate in 9 drive bys to shoot
50 people.
However, he will have completed two drive-by
shootings
and be just starting the third when he has to
reload.
Since he only stole a single clip, he'll only
have shot
16 people when the homeboys with the Uzis' make
Swiss cheese
out of him.
2. At 454 grams per pound, 2oz
of the rock = 56.75 grams.
An "8 ball"
is 8 grams, so pony has sold 10 grams total
and has 46.75
grams left. If he keeps selling 8-balls,
he can sell
5 more (for a total of 5*$320=$1,600) and
have 6.75
grams for his own nose. If he sells 2 gram
packs, he
can sell (46/2-23) packs at $85 apiece =
(23*$85)=$1,955.
However, he could divide it into small
parts, bake
it up into crack and sell the rocks for an
even larger
profit. This problem is really more suited
for the Gang
Multi-Variable Economics Test.
3. 800/$64=12 tricks plus a
dance. Also, Ron should consider
making a
deal with Pony from Question #2.
4. If he sells the cut heroin
at the same price per unit
volume, he
will need 20% more volume. 20% of 1/2 pound
(=8oz) is
1.6oz. So, Jarome will need 1.6oz of cut to add
to the 8
oz of heroin to get 20% more volume. He will
want a cut
which looks similar to raw heroin and has
approximately
the same melting point. Plain sugar or
laundry detergent
are suggested. Laundry detergent has
the added
benefit of removing the possibility of customer
complaints,
but will sharply limit repeat business.
5. Willie has made 2*$200 +
3*$100=$700 dollars from his
theft so
far. He needs $100 more, so he needs to steal
$100/$50=2
more Chevy's. However, he will probably want
to steal
4 Chevy's so he can take the extra two and make
a really
def low-rider.
6. 6 years*12 months/year*$250/month=$18,000.
Raul will
have $25,000
- $18,000 = $7,000 left when he gets out of
prison.
If Raul kills her in the USA, he should expect
to get 6
years. However, if he takes her down to Mexico
and buries
her scrawny, track-marked butt in the desert,
he can get
off scott free.
7. 3 cans of paint will cover
3*22=66 square feet. 66/4=16
letters with
a little paint left over to spray in the
eyes of the
cop who's comin' after you. Or the tagger
could do
15 letters and a bitchin' skull.
8. 6/27=22% of the girls.
However, 2 of them are lying
because they've
been sleeping with Pedro, Hector's
lieutenant.
So, in actuality, Hector only knocked up
4/27 or 14.8%.
9. Solve X/10=250 for X, X=$2,500.
10. Mike is only 12 so he will
serve no time and will be
doing it
again to his girlfriend in the lot in someone
else's car
next Saturday.
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Subj: Mathematics
Purity Test
Made by Mike Bender and Sarah Herr:
Count the number of yes's, subtract from 60, and divide by 0.6.
The Basics
1) Have you ever been excited
about math?
2) Had an exciting dream about
math?
3) Made a mathematical calculation?
4) Manipulated the numerator
of an equation?
5) Manipulated the denominator
of an equation?
6) On your first problem set?
7) Worked on a problem set
past 3:00 a.m.?
8) Worked on a problem set
all night?
9) Had a hard problem?
10) Worked on a problem continuously
for more than 30 minutes?
11) Worked on a problem continuously
for more than four hours?
12) Done more than one problem
set on the same night
(i.e. both
started and finished them)?
13) Done more than three problem
sets on the same night?
14) Taken a math course for
a full year?
15) Taken two different math
courses at the same time?
16) Done at least one problem
set a week for more than
four months?
17) Done at least one problem
set a night for more than
one month
(weekends excluded)?
18) Done a problem set alone?
19) Done a problem set in a
group of three or more?
20) Done a problem set in a
group of 15 or more?
21) Was it mixed company?
22) Have you ever inadvertently
walked in upon people
doing a problem
set?
23) And joined in afterwards?
24) Have you ever used food
doing a problem set?
25) Did you eat it all?
26) Have you ever had a domesticated
pet or animal walk
over you
while you were doing a problem set?
27) Done a problem set in a
public place where you might
be discovered?
28) Been discovered while doing
a problem set?
Kinky Stuff
29) Have you ever applied your
math to a hard science?
30) Applied your math to a soft
science?
31) Done an integration by parts?
32) Done two integration by
parts in a single problem?
33) Bounded the domain and range
of your function?
34) Used the domination test
for improper integrals?
35) Done Newton's Method?
36) Done the Method of Frobenius?
37) Used the Sandwich Theorem?
38) Used the Mean Value Theorem?
39) Used a Gaussian surface?
40) Used a foreign object on
a math problem (eg: calculator)?
41) Used a program to improve
your mathematical technique
(eg: MACSYMA)?
42) Not used brackets when you
should have?
43) Integrated a function over
its full period?
44) Done a calculation in three-dimensional
space?
45) Done a calculation in n-dimensional
space?
46) Done a change of bases?
47) Done a change of bases specifically
in order to
magnify your
vector?
48) Worked through four complete
bases in a single night
(eg: using
the Graham-Schmidt method)?
49) Inserted a number into an
equation?
50) Calculated the residue of
a pole?
51) Scored perfectly on a math
test?
52) Swallowed everything your
professor gave you?
53) Used explicit notation in
your problem set?
54) Purposefully omitted important
steps in your problem set?
55) Padded your own problem
set?
56) Been blown away on a test?
57) Blown away your professor
on a test?
58) Have you ever multiplied
23 by 3?
59) Have you ever bounded your
Bessel function so that the
membrane
did not shoot to infinity?
69) Have you ever understood
the following quote:
"The relationship
between Z^0 to C_0, B_0, and H_0
is
an example of a general principle which we have
encountered:
the kernel of the adjoint of a linear
transformation
is both the annihilator space of the
image
of the transformation and also the dual space
of
the quotient of the space of which the image is
a subspace
by the image subspace."
Sternberg
? Bamberg's _A "Course" in Mathematics for
Students
of Physics_, vol. 2)
\\\//
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Subj: The
History Of Math Word Problems (S59, S587c)
From: pns on 7/3/2003
and
From: AFine963 on 4/16/2008
Teaching Math in 1950: - (traditional
math)
A logger sells a truckload of
lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of
the price. What is his
profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of
lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of
the price, or $80. What
is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970: - (new
math)
A logger exchanges a set "L"
of lumber for a set "M" of
money. The cardinality
of set "M" is 100. Each element
is worth one dollar. Make
100 dots representing the
elements of the set "M". The
set "C", the cost of
production contains 20 fewer
points than set "M".
Represent the set "C" as a subset
of set "M" and answer
the following question: What
is the cardinality of the
set "P" of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of
lumber for $100. His cost
of production is $80 and his
profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number
20.
Teaching Math in 1990: - (Outcome-Based
education)
By cutting down beautiful forest
trees, the logger makes
$20. What do you think
of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation
after answering the question:
How did the forest birds and
squirrels feel as the logger
cut down the trees? There are
no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 1996:
By laying off 40% of its loggers,
a company improves
its stock price from $80 to
$100. How much capital
gain per share does the CEO
make by exercising his
stock options at $80. Assume
capital gains are no longer
taxed, because this encourages
investment.
Teaching Math in 1997:
A company outsources all of
its loggers. They save on
benefits and when demand for
their product is down the
logging work force can easily
be cut back. The average
logger employed by the company
earned $50,000, had 3
weeks vacation, received a nice
retirement plan and
medical insurance. The
contracted logger charges $50 an
hour. Was outsourcing a good
move?
Teaching Math in 1998:
A logging company exports its
wood-finishing jobs to its
Indonesian subsidiary and lays
off the corresponding half
of its US workers (the higher-paid
half). It clear-cuts
95% of the forest, leaving the
rest for the spotted owl,
and lays off all its remaining
US workers. It tells the
workers that the spotted owl
is responsible for the absence
of fellable trees and lobbies
Congress for exemption from
the Endangered Species Act.
Congress instead exempts the
company from all federal regulation.
What is the return
on investment of the lobbying
costs?
From: jerry on 3/13/2002
Teaching Math in 2000:
A logger sells a truckload of
lumber for $100. His cost
of production is $120.
How does Arthur Andersen determine
that his profit margin is $60?
From: pns on 7/3/2003
Teaching Math in 2008:
Un hachero vende una carretada
de maderapara $100. El costo
de la producciones es $80. Cuanto
dinero ha hecho?
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Subj: Equation
- Women Are Problems (S476c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/21/2006
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19981018
 |
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Subj: Math
Term Quiz
___ 1. That which Noah
built.
___ 2. An article for
serving ice cream.
___ 3. What a bloodhound
does in chasing a woman.
___ 4. An expression to
represent the loss of a parrot.
___ 5. An appropriate
title for a knight named Koal.
___ 6. A sunburned man.
___ 7. A tall coffee pot
perking.
___ 8. What one does when
it rains.
___ 9. A dog sitting in
a refrigerator.
___ 10. What a boy does on the
lake when his motor won't run.
___ 11. What you call a person
who writes for an inn.
___ 12. What the captain said
when the boat was bombed.
___ 13. What a little acorn
says when he grows up.
___ 14. What one does to trees
that are in the way.
___ 15. What you do if you have
yarn and needles.
___ 16. Can George Washington
turn into a country?
A. hypotenuse
I. circle
B. polygon
J. axiom
C. inscribe
K. cone
D. geometry
L. coincide
E. unit
M. cosecant
F. center
N. tangent
G. decagone
O. hero
H. arc
P. perpendicular
If you sort the letters (with
upper and lower case disjoint)
questions and answers will come
out next to each other.
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Subj: Brain
Teasers
From: Bobbyt's Place on 6/19/97
There is one word in the English
language that is always
pronounced incorrectly. What
is it?
A man gave one son 10 cents and
another son was given
15 cents. What time is
it?
A boat has a ladder that has
six rungs, each rung is one
foot apart. The bottom
rung is one foot from the water.
The tide rises at 12 inches
every 15 minutes. High tide
peaks in one hour. When the
tide is at it's highest, how
many rungs are under water?
There is a house with four walls.
Each wall faces south.
There is a window in each wall.
A bear walks by one of
the windows. What color
is the bear?
Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
There is a room. The shutters
are blowing in. There is
broken glass on the floor.
There is water on the floor.
You find Sloppy dead on the
floor. How did sloppy die?
How much dirt would be in a hole
6 feet deep and 6 feet
wide that has been dug with
a square edged shovel?
If I were in Hawaii and dropped
a bowling ball in a
bucket of water which is 45
degrees F, and dropped
another ball of the same weight,
mass, and size in a
bucket at 30 degrees F, dropping
them at the same time,
which ball would hit the bottom
of the bucket first?
Same question, but the location
is in Canada?
What is the significance of the
following: The year is
1978, thirty-four minutes past
noon on May 6th.
What can go up a chimney down,
but can't go down a
chimney up?
If a farmer has 5 haystacks in
one field and 4 haystacks
in the other field, how many
haystacks would he have if
he combined them all in the
center field?
What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
Paul is 20 years old in 1980,
but only 15 years old in
1985. How is this possible?
What has four legs but only one foot?
How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark?
Kindly old Grandfather Lunn
Is twice as old as his son
Twenty-five years ago
Their age ratio
Strange enough was three to
one
When does Grandfather celebrate
his centenary?
Said a certain young lady named
Gwen
Of her tally of smitten young
men
"one less and three more
Divided by four
Together give one more than
ten"
How many boyfriends had she?
There was a young fellow named
Clive
Whose bees number ten power
five
The daughters to each son
Were as nineteen to one,
A truly remarkable hive.
How many sons (drones) were
in the hive?
A team's opening batter named
Nero
Squared his number of hits,
the big hero!
After subtracting his score
He took off ten and two more
And the final result was a "zero".
How many hits did Nero make:
Some freshman from Trinity Hall
Played hockey with a wonderful
ball;
Two times its weight
Plus weight squared, minus eight,
Gave "nothing" in ounces at
all.
What was the weight of the ball?
A farmer needs a chain fifteen
links long and finds that
he has available five pieces
of chain of three links each.
The blacksmith tells him that
it will cost him twenty cents
to cut a link and thirty cents
to weld a previously cut
link. Assuming that the
blacksmith does the job in the
cheapest way, what will it cost
the farmer to have the five
pieces joined into one continuous
chain of fifteen links?
A sailboat at sea strikes a reef
and puts a 9x16 inch hole
in the hull. All you have
is one board one foot square.
How can you cut it into two
pieces so they will exactly fit
the hole?
The Bar Z ranch was a dude ranch.
One day a new "dude"
asked one of the stable hands
how many men were tending the
horses in the corral.
Having a mischievous sense of humor,
he replied, "I saw eighty-two
feet and twenty-six heads".
He then walked away, leaving
the dude scratching his head
trying to figure it out. How
many men were tending the
horses?
One morning as Paul was getting
his newspaper, he noticed
on his new house something that
needed to be fixed. Heading
over to the hardware store,
he spoke to the manager,
describing his problem. The
manager said, "I know just what
you need". He led Paul
down some aisles and stopped in
front of some bins. Digging
down into some of the bins, he
set something up on the shelf.
"I saw your house when it
was built", the manager said,
"Here's all that you'll need
and how much it'll cost... five
will be 15 cents while fifty
will be 30 cents, 250 will be
45 cents, while 2507 will only
cost you 60 cents. One
lady, about 20 blocks from your
house, bought 30247 and only
paid 75 cents! These are black,
but they also come in gold and
silver." What was the manager
selling?
If it takes 3 people to dig a
hole, how many does it take to
dig half a hole?
What is the beginning of eternity.
The end of time and space.
The beginning of every end.
And the end of every place
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Subj: Ways
To Remember The Trig Functions
Here are some phrases used to remember
SIN, COS, and TAN.
(SIN = Opposite/Hypotenuse, COS =
Adjacent/H, TAN = O/A).
1. SOHCAHTOA (sock-a-toe-a)
2. SOPHY, CADHY, TOAD
Soh-Kah-Toa
Sine=opposite/hypotenuse,
etc.
3. The Cat Sat
4. Some Old Hulks
On An Orange
Carry A Huge
And Howled Hard
Tub Of Ale
5. Silly Old Hitler
6. Some Old Hag
Caused Awful Headaches
Cracked All Her
To Our Airmen
Teeth On Asparagus
7. Some Old Hairy
8. Silly Old Harry
Camels Are Hairier
Caught A Herring
Than Others Are
Trawling Off America
9. Some Old Horse
10. The Cat Sat
Caught Another
Horse
On An Orange
Taking Oats Away
And Howled Hard
Smiles Of Happiness Come After Having Tankards Of Ale!!!
For remembering the sign of trig
functions in the quadrants:
All Suckers Take Calculus:
in quadrants one through four
S | A
---|---
T | C
All=sin, cos, and tan are all
posative
Suckers=sine positive (others
negative)
Take=tangent positive (others
negative)
Calculus=cosine positive (others
negative)
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Subj: Ways
To Remember PI
From: bhuntley
How I need a drink, alcoholic
of course, after the heavy
3 1 4
1 5 9
2 6 5
3 5
chapters involving quantum
mechanics.
8
9 7
9
Second method --
Can you memorize 1 1 3 3 5 5
Divide the first three numbers
into the last three.
____
113 | 355 = 3.1415929
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Subj: Way
To Remember The Order Of Operations
Please
excuse my
dear aunt Sally
parentheses exponents multiplication
division addition subtraction
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Subj: Chain
Rule For Devision
My friend and colleague, Lynn
Gruner (who teaches BC Calculus
with me at Walt Whitman HS in
Bethesda, MD) has altered the
quotient rule song that we received
some years back. Her
version (sung to OLD MACDONALD'S
FARM) goes like this:
Lo-de-hi less hi-de-lo
EIEIO
Then draw the line and down
below EIEIO
With a dx here and a dy there
Here a slope, yes there's hope,
you can cope
Denominator squared will go
EIEIO
I composed a chain rule "song"
to the tune of Allouette, but
it's too long to be of much
value as a mnemonic. The point
of the song certainly underscores
how the chain rule works,
but it's not one you'd be likely
to remember.
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Subj: Remembering
The Metric System
From: cbutler
"King Hector Doesn't Usually
Drink Cold Milk"
for Kilo 1000
Hecto
100
Deca
10
Units
1
Deci
0.1
Centi
0.01
Milli
0.001
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Subj: Integration
Joke
/
| 1
| ----- = log cabin
| cabin
/
Oops, you forgot your constant of integration.
/
| 1
| ----- = log cabin +
C
| cabin
/
And, as we all know, log cabin + C = houseboat
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Subj: Proof
That All Numbers Equal Zero And That 1$ = 1c
From: Benjamin.J.Tilly
Theorem : All numbers are equal
to zero.
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Theorem: 1$ = 1c.
Proof:
And another that gives you a
sense of money disappearing...
1$ = 100c
= (10c)^2
= (0.1$)^2
= 0.01$
= 1c
Here $ means dollars and c means
cents. This one is scary
in that I have seen PhD's in
math who were unable to see
what was wrong with this one.
Actually I am crossposting
this to sci.physics because
I think that the latter makes
a very nice introduction to
the importance of keeping track
of your dimensions...
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Subj: Equation
About Money, Work, and Knowledge (S45)
From: RobertTompkins on 97-12-06
Engineers and scientists will
never make as much money as
business executives. Now
a rigorous Mathaematical Proof
that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
Work
----------- = Power
Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have
Work
---------- = Knowledge
Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Work
------------------ = Money
Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches
zero, Money approaches infinity
regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more you Make.
Note: It has been speculated
that the reason Bill Gates
dropped out of Harvard's math
program was because he
stumpbled upon this proof as
an undergraduate.
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Subj: Formulas
For Work, Knowledge And Money (2ed Vers.)
From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97
After applying some simple algebra
to some trite phrases
and cliches, a new understanding
can be reached of the
secret to wealth and success.
Here it goes.
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money and as everyone
knows, Power is Work divided
by Time.
So, substituting algebraic equations
for these time worn
bits of wisdom,
we get:
K = P
(1)
T = M
(2)
P = W/T
(3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in
for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T
(4)
Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work divided by Money.
What this MEANS is that:
1. The More
You Know, the More Work You Do,
and
2. The More
You Know, the Less Money You Make.
3. The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work divided by Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that
Money approaches infinity as
Knowledge approaches 0, regardless
of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get
W = M x K
(7)
Work equals
Money times Knowledge
From equation (7) we see that
Work approaches 0 as
Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS is:
The stupid rich do little or no work.
Working out the socioeconomic
implications of this
breakthrough is left as an exercise
for the reader.
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Subj: Proof
That Girls Are Evil (S224)
From: One of Chris Guinon's students 5/15/01
We all know that girls take time and money
Girls = time x money
and we know that time is money
time = money
Therefore girls = money x money or (money)2
Now we all know money is the root of all evil
money = square root(evil)
so girls = ( square root(evil) )2
Therefore girls = evil
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Subj: Other
Proofs
From: clubok
Here's my personal favorite:
Use integration by parts to
find the anti-derivative of 1/x.
One can get the amusing result
that 0=1. (Until you realize
you have to put in the limits.)
From: kdq
Theorem: 4 = 5
Proof:
16 - 36 = 25 - 45
4^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*5
4^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5
+ 81/4
(4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^2
4 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/2
4 = 5
From: julison
Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Proof:
Choose arbitrary a and b, and
let t = a + b. Then
a + b = t
(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb
+ (t^2)/4
(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
a - t/2 = b - t/2
a = b
So all numbers are the same,
and math is pointless.
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| Subj:
Train Problem - Cartoon (S491c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/19/2006 |
 |
You can view this silly math
cartoon at the source above, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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 |
Smiley in the box from
GIFs Rubrik:Neon Smiley |