Subj:     MATH6 - lymerics, short jokes,
                  stories, and Q-A.
                (Includes 137 jokes and articles, 17 1005,14,cf,vXT3,10)

Abacus from
Best Animation
Includes the following:  Little Big Shots - Math Genius - Video (S1005)
.........................Pi Rap Song And Video (S459)
.........................Math Limericks
..............................An Egg-Head Limerick: (S11, S585b)
..............................Other Limericks
.........................Absent Minded Professor
........................."Math Class" (Imagined by Kids) - Video (S872)
.........................A Fermi Story
.........................Gauss In 10th Grade
.........................The Confuzzle - Video (S874)
.........................Calc Final At Ohio State (S585b)
                         Short Math Jokes
..............................9's Clock! (S854)
..............................Agnes Comic Strip (S770)
..............................Bizarro Cartoons (DU)
..............................Frank And Ernest On Pi (S597b)
..............................Math Comics (S334b)
..............................Frank And Ernest On The Numbers Zero (S594b)
..............................Oakland Teacher Arrested (S331)
..............................Fractions Bumper Sticker (S487b)
..............................Polygons (S129)
..............................Why Is Six Afraid Of Seven? (S431)
..............................Circle Riddle (S239b)
..............................Frank And Ernest On Teaching Math (S647b)
..............................B.C. Comic Strip (747)
..............................Geometry Jokes (S205)
..............................Popsicle Stick Riddle (S804)
.........................Question And Answers

The MATH1file are nonmathematical math jokes
    MATH2 file are mathematical jokes
    Math3 file contains tests, and formulas
    Math4 file contains problems
    Math5 file contains quotes
    MATH6 file contains lymerics, short jokes, stories, and QA

Subj:     Little Big Shots - Math Genius (S1005)
          Published by Little Big Shots
          From: Marge Pearson on Facebook on 4/16/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/JAMxbHQyPdk
.......Click 'HERE' to see this 5-year-old math GENIUS.
Subj:     Pi Rap Song And Video (S459d)
          by Hard 'n Phirm
          From: adam.prall on 11/5/2005
 Source: http://keithschofield.com/pi/std.html

 The video Hard 'n Phirm "Pi"
          Director: Keith Schofield
          for WHNP Boston

 You can view this great video by clicking 'HERE'.
Hard 'n Phirm began performing musical comedy together in the Spring of 1994 at UCLA. The next year, they won Spring Sing, UCLA's annual school-wide talent show. Baffled by the cold truth that there is, in fact, no money in the school talent show circuit, they disbanded to pursue other interests, vowing to reunite exactly eight years later. Their debut album "Horses and Grasses" contains songs about The Carbon Cycle, Pi, The Loyal Order of Moose, patriotic dinosaurs, and "Rodeohead," a bluegrass medley of Radiohead songs. They worked very, very hard on it.

Hard 'n Phirm are both able and anxious to display their comedy wares for an 18-34 year old audience with a hilarity.  This is a smoothie of stand-up, music and multimedia slide presentations. They currently reside in Los Angeles and are nice.

----- and here is Pi's lyrics -----

When ink and pen in hands of men
inscribed or formed bipedal "P"
they draw an alter on which
god has slaughtered all stability
no eyes could ever soak in
all the places you anoint
and yet to see you all at once
we only need the point
flirting with infinity
oh geometric progeny
that fit inside you oh so tight
with triangles that feel so right


forever constant homily says
flaw is dicipline
the patron saint of imperfection
frees us from our sin
and if our trancendental lift
should find a final floor
then man will know the death of God
where wonder was before

yeah i know this pi shit backwards and forwards-check it out
det de-de-duh
I did thee chicks then I pointed at the door
a girl entered in so that made it four
I snapped one time, in came another five
add 'em all up and that makes nine
the average age 26.5
now that's what I call gettin' some Pi

5 of the chicks wore 6 inch heels
2 of the 9 squealed like seals
(514) was the area code
Quebec, Canada, my Winter abode
and my 1.3 million dollar chalet
pi backwards pi forwards all night and all day


Subj:     Math Limericks

Here's a limerick I picked up off the net a few years back.
Looks better on paper.
    3_                             Which, of course, translates to:
   \/3                                      Integral z-squared dz
   /                                         from 1 to the cube root of 3
  |  2              3 x pi           3_      times the cosine
  | z dz  x  cos( ----------) = ln (\/e )    of three pi over 9 equals
  |                   9                      log of the cube root of 'e'.
 /                                           And it's correct, too.
  1                                          --Doug Walker, SAS Institute

Subj:     An Egg-Head Limerick: (S11, S585b)

This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).
     ((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0

Or for those who have trouble with the poem:
  A dozen, a gross, and a score,
  Plus three times the square root of four,
    Divided by seven,
    Plus five times eleven,
  Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.

Subj:     Other Limericks

 'Tis a favorite project of mine
 A new value of pi to assign.
     I would fix it at 3
     For it's simpler, you see,
        Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.
 ("The Lure of the Limerick" by W.S. Baring-Gould,
  p.5. Attributed to Harvey L. Carter).

 If inside a circle a line               | If (1+x) (real close to 1)
 Hits the center and goes spine to spine | Is raised to the power of 1
 And the line's length is "d"            | Over x, you will find
 the circumference will be               | Here's the value defined:
 d times 3.14159                         | 2.718281...
 Cheers done phonetically:               |
                                         | e to the u, du/dx
 ee to the ex dee ex,                    | e to the x dx
 ee to the why dee why,                  | cosine, secant, tangent, sine,
 sine x, cosine x,                       | 3.14159
 natural log of y,                       | integral, radical, u dv,
 derivative on the left                  | slipstick, slide rule, MIT!
 derivative on the right                 |
 integrate, integrate,                   |-------------------------------
 fight! fight! fight!                    |
                                         | Geometry keeps you in shape.
-----------------------------------------| Decimals make a point.
                                         | Einstein was ahead of his time.
 One and one make two,                   | Lobachevski was out of line.
 But if one and one should marry,        |
 Isn't it queer-                         |-------------------------------
 Within a year                           |
 There's two and one to carry.           |

Subj:     Absent Minded Professor
          From: Science Jokes on 7/18/01
 Source: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/

 Von Neumann and Nobert Weiner were both the subject of many
 dotty professor stories.  Von Neumann supposedly had the
 habit of simply writing answers to homework assignments on
 the board (the method of solution being, of course, obvious)
 when he was asked how to solve problems. One time one of his
 students tried to get more helpful information by asking if
 there was another way to solve the problem.  Von Neumann
 looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered, "Yes.".

 Weiner was in fact very absent minded.  The following story
 is told about him: When they moved from Cambridge to Newton
 his wife, knowing that he would be absolutely useless on the
 move, packed him off to MIT while she directed the move.
 Since she was certain that he would forget that they had
 moved and where they had moved to, she wrote down the new
 address on a piece of paper, and gave it to him.  Naturally,
 in the course of the day, an insight occurred to him.  He
 reached in his pocket, found a piece of paper on which he
 furiously scribbled some notes, thought it over, decided
 there was a fallacy in his idea, and threw the piece of
 paper away.  At the end of the day he went home (to the
 old address in Cambridge, of course).

 When he got there he realized that they had moved, that he
 had no idea where they had moved to, and that the piece of
 paper with the address was long gone.  Fortunately
 inspiration struck.  There was a young girl on the street
 and he conceived the idea of asking her where he had moved
 to, saying, "Excuse me, perhaps you know me.  I'm Norbert
 Weiner and we've just moved.  Would you know where we've
 moved to?"  To which the young girl replied, "Yes daddy,
 mommy thought you would forget."

 The capper to the story is that I asked his daughter (the
 girl in the story) about the truth of the story, many
 years later.  She said that it wasn't quite true -- that
 he never forgot who his children were!  The rest of it,
 however, was pretty close to what actually happened.
   -- Richard Harter, Computer Corp. of America, Cambridge, MA

Subj:     "Math Class" (Imagined by Kids) (S872d)
          Produced by Bored Shorts TV
          Filmed and Edited by Ryan Haldeman
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/KdxEAt91D7k
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/mathkids/

 If movies were written by our kids, we asked a couple of kids
 to be a teacher and a student in math class.  Here's what they
 came up with.  New Kid Snippets videos are created every MONDAY.
 Click 'HERE' to see this very cute video.

Subj:     A Fermi Story

 Another "true" story, kinda like the aforementioned urban

 Enrico Fermi, while studying in college, was bored by his
 math classes.  He walked up to the professor and said, "My
 classes are too easy!"  The professor looked at him, and
 said, "Well, I'm sure you'll find this interesting."  Then
 the professor copied 9 problems from a book to a paper and
 gave the paper to Fermi.  A month later, the professor ran
 into Fermi, "So how are you doing with the problems I gave
 you?"  "Oh, they are very hard.  I only managed to solve 6
 of them."  The professor was visibly shocked, "What!?  But
 those are unsolved problems!"

Subj:     Gauss In 10th Grade

 Shortly after his seventh birthday Gauss entered his first
 school, a squalid relic of the Middle Ages run by a virile
 brute, one Buettner, whose idea of teaching the hundred or
 so boys in his charge was to trash them into such a state
 of terrified stupidity that the forgot their own names.
 .....  In his tenth year Gauss was admitted to the class
 in arithmetic.  As it was the beginning class none of the
 boys had ever heard of an arithmetical progression.  It
 was easy then for the heroic Buettner to give out a long
 problem in addition whose answer he could find by a formula
 in a few seconds.  The problem was of the following sort,
 81297 + 81495 + 81693 + ... + 100899, where the step from
 one number to the next is the same all along (here 198),
 and a given number of terms (here 100) are to be added.
 It was the custom of the school for the boy who first got
 the answer to lay his slate on the table; the next laid
 his slate on top of the first, and so on.  Buettner had
 barely finished stating the problem when Gauss flung his
 slate on the table.

 "There it lies", he said.  Then, for the ensuing hour,
 while the other boys toiled, he sat with his hands folded,
 favored now and then by a sarcastic glance from Buettner,
 who imagined the youngest pupil in the class was just
 another blockhead.  At the end of the period Buettner
 looked over the slates.  On Gauss' slate there appeared
 but a single number.  To the end of his days Gauss loved
 to tell how the one number he had written was the correct
 answer and how all the others were wrong.

 Gauss had not been shown the trick for doing such problems
 rapidly.  It is very ordinary once it is known, but for a
 boy of ten to find it instantaneously by himself is not so
 ordinary.  This opened the door through wich Gauss passed
 on to immortality.  Buettner was so astonished at what the
 boy had done without instruction that he promptly redeemed
 himself and to at least one of his pupils became a humane
   -- Eric Temple Bell, "The prince of mathematicians" in
   James R. Neuman "The world of mathematics" part I page 293-294.

Subj:     The Confuzzle (S874d)
          Made by GreeenPro on 10/3/2013
          From: MarianoTomomatis.it
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/crnj10thAAA
 Source2: http://www.instructables.com/id/The-Confuzzle/

 In this twenty-six second video, four yellow pieces of
 a square are rotated and the missing hole in the middle
 disapears.  Click 'HERE' and prepare to be amazed.

Subj:     Calc Final At Ohio State (S585b)
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

 The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven
 years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000
 students) for a Calculus final.  Apparently this particular
 calculus teacher wasn't very well liked.  He was one of
 those guys who would stand at the front of the class and
 yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a
 test, a real charmer.  Since he was so busy galavanting
 around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that
 everyone was aware of how much time they had left before
 their failure on the test was complete, he had the students
 stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front
 of the room.  This made for quite a mess, remember there
 were 1000 students in the class.

 Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the
 test needing a decent grade to pass the class.  His only
 problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed,
 and this ass standing in the front of the room barking out
 how much time was left before the tests had to be handed
 in didn't help him at all.  He figured he wanted to assure
 himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched when the
 professor said "pencils down and submit your scantron
 sheets and work to piles at the front of the room".

 Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into
 fourty... almost an hour after the test was "officially
 over", our friend finally put down his pencil, gathered up
 his work, and headed to the front of the hall to submit
 his final.  The whole time, the professor sat at the front
 of the room, strangely waiting for the student to complete
 his exam.

 "What do you think you're doing?" the professor asked as
 the student stood in front of him about to put down his
 exam on one of the neatly stacked piles of exams (the
 professor had plenty of time to stack the mountain of
 papers while he waited) It was clear that the professor
 had waited only to give the student a hard time.

 "Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently.

 "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the professor
 gloated, "Your exam is an hour late.  You've FAILED it
 and, consequently, I'll see you next term when you repeat
 my course."

 The student smiled slyly and asked the professor "Do you
 know who I am?"

 "What?" replied the professor gruffly, annoyed that the
 student showed no sign of emotion.

 The student rephrased the question mockingly, "Do you
 know what my name is?"

 "NO", snarled the professor.

 The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and
 said slowly, "I didn't think so", as he lifted up one
 of the stacks half way, shoved his test neatly into the
 center of the stack, let the stack fall burying his
 test in the middle, turned around, and walked casually
 out of the huge lecture hall.

Subj:     Short Math Jokes

Subj:     9's Clock! (S854d)
          From: Triple Nine Society
          on 5/23/2013
Source: http://www.cafepress.com/+wall_clock,2445706
 This clock has only 9's in it.  Having 9s does not make it
 special.  You can design a clock having only 9 with 9/9 (=1),
 (9+9)/9(=2), (9+9+9)/9(=3) and so on...  What makes it really
 amazing is the fact that... it has only 3 9s in each digit.
 Click 'HERE' to see this mathematical clock.

Subj:     Agnes Comic Strip (S770)
          by Tony Cochran on 10/12/2011
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/agnes/2011/10/11
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute Agnes comic strip.

Subj:     Bizarro Cartoons (DU)
          By Dan Piraro on 10/9/2011
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/october-9-2011/
Subj:     Frank And Ernest On Pi (S597b) 
          By Bob Thaves on 5/14/2008
..........At: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2008/05/14
 You can read this cute comic strip about Pi by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Math Comics (S334b)
          From AJSwitzer
 I have collected math comics for the last twenty years.
 I took my ten favorites and put them on my joke web site.
 To see them go to click 'Here'.

Subj:     Frank And Ernest On The Numbers Zero 
          By Bob Thaves 6/11/2008 (S594b)
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2008/06/11
 You can read this cute comic strip about the number zero
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Oakland Teacher Arrested (S331)
          From: janeenmarie on 6/4/2003
 (Also see 'US Arrests Iraqi School Teacher' in MIDDLEEAST
       and 'The Full Story-Weapons Of Math Instruction' in MATH1)
 An Oakland teacher was arrested yesterday evening
 while attempting to board an American Airlines plane
 with a compass and protractor in his luggage.  He
 is suspected of being a member of the Al-Gi-Bra
 terrorists organization and will be charged with
 transporting weapons of math instruction.

Subj:     Fractions Bumper Sticker (S487b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/21/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj:     Polygons (S129)
          From: chrish on 7/13/99
 My geometry tutor told me "A six-sided polygon is called
 a hexagon, a five-sided ones are called pentagons."

 "What about two sided ones?" I asked.

 "They don't exist." was his response.

 "I beg to differ!  I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."

Subj:     Why Is Six Afraid Of Seven? (S431)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 4/29/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj:     Circle Riddle (S239b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 8/27/2001
 How many sides does a circle have?

Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes


 The inside and the outside.

Subj:     Frank And Ernest On Teaching Math (S647b) 
          By Bob Thaves on 6/1/2009
..........At: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2009/06/01
 You can read this cute comic strip about the difficulties
 in teaching math by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (S747)
          By Mastroianni and Hart on 5/11/2011
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2011/05/11
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute comic strip about understanding
 algebra, and aliens.

 If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you
 have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
 One thousand

 An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation
    to reality.
 A  physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations.
 A  mathematician doesn't care.

 Why are women so bad at mathematics?
 Because men keep telling them that this...


 is 12 inches.

 There are only three laws of nature, and one exception.
    1) F=ma; 2) E=m(c squared); 3) You can't push a rope
    From these three laws all others can be derived.
    Except those explained by CHAOS THEORY.

 How is math like sex.
 Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and MULTIPLY.
 A second version
 One attractive young businesswoman to another, over lunch:
    "My life is all math.  I am trying to add to my
     income, subtract from my weight, divide my time,
     and avoid multiplying."

 We use epsilons and deltas in mathematics
 because mathematicians tend to make errors.

 My geometry teacher was sometimes acute,
 and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.

 The limit as n goes to infinity of sin(x)/n is 6.
 Proof: cancel the n in the numerator and denominator.
 Micah Fogel, UC-Berkeley

 Theorem: a cat has nine tails.
 Proof:  No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more
 than no cat.  Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
   -- Arndt Jonasson

 A centipede is an inchworm that has switched
 to the metric system.

From: gibbz on 5/4/2003 (S328)
 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

 Try multiplying 12345679 by any two digit number
 that adds to nine.  It's interesting.

 Then there's every parent's scream when their child
 walks into the room dazed and staggering:  OH NO...

 MADD = Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving

 Russell to Whitehead: "My Godel is killing me!"

 Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some
 of their functions.

 Boy's Life, May 1973:
 Ralph:  Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?
 Dad:    No, son, it wouldn't be right.
 Ralph:  Well, you could try.

 Three mathematicians and a physicist walk into a bar.
 You'd think the second one would have ducked.  (Ha,
 that quack's me up!)

 UR 2 Good
    2 Me
    2 Be
    4 Got
   10  "You are too good to me to be forgotten"

 Complete the next two terms of this sequence:
 O T T F F S S E .. ..
 (A. N T - Nine Ten)
 Likewise here:
 3 3 5 4 4 3 5 5
 (A. 4 3 -number of letters in the words "nine" and "ten").

 If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies,
 you have $1.19.  You also have the largest amount of money
 in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
 (This would make a GREAT math brain teaser!)

 If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads
   5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs
   more, so it ends up on the bottom.

 Pie are not square.  Pie are round.  Cornbread are square.

 What keeps a square from moving ? why, square roots of course.
 How many square roots does it have ? why, 2 obviously.

 16/64=1/4 by cancelling the 6's.  Here the result is true,
 but the method is not. Do the ends justify the means?

 Biologists think they're biochemists.
 Biochemists think they're chemists.
 Chemists think the're physical chemists.
 Physical Chemists think they're physicists.
 Physicists think they're God.
 God thinks he is a mathematician

 There is no way of falsifying "Unicorns exist."

 There are three kinds of people in the world.
 Those who can count. And those who can't.  --  T.Blase

 Did you know that five out of three people
 have trouble with fractions?  --  RugRat

From: TNKRTEACH on 97-10-08
 When she told me I was average she was just being mean.
 "DeepThoughts" by Jack Handey, from Saturday Night Live

From: humorlist-digest V2 #18 on 98-01-20
 Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should
 just call them "impressions," and if you got a different
 "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

 Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then,
 imagine if you had that many Twinkies.  Wow, that's five
 more than the biggest number you could come up with!

 Rene Descartes came up with the theory of coordinate geometry
 by looking at a fly walk across a tiled ceiling.

 When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

From: ossama on 98-05-05
 A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't
 understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions

From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
 Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #133 on 98-05-28
 Back the Metric System every inch of the way!

From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-30 (S70)
 Alcohol and calculus don't mix.  Never drink and derive.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #185 on 98-07-24

  Murphy's Law of the Day

 "The sum of the intelligence of the planet is constant;
  the population is growing."

From: ossama on 98-08-12
 I don't get even, I get odder.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #202 on 98-08-30
 I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

From: smiles on 98-09-29 (S99)

.....................A SLICE OF PI


From: Taven on 99-02-06 (S105)
 God is real, unless previously declared an integer

From: Anagram file in NonJokes
 Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one

From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/27/99 (S135)
 There are only 3 types of people in the world.
 Those who can count, and those who can't.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 3/23/2001 (S216)
 What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
 "Hey, nice belt!"

From: RFSlick on 6/27/2001 (S231b)
 If God had intended for man to use the metric system,
 Jesus would have only had ten disciples!

From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2002 (S263)
 Without geometry, life is pointless.

From: pns on 2/14/2003 (S319)
 When you are dissatisfied and would like
 to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

From: joke-of-the-day.com on 5/9/2003 (S328b)
 The shortest distance between two points is always
 under construction.  -- Noelie Alite

Subj:     Geometry Jokes (S205)
          From: http://www.csun.edu/~hcmth014/comics/geojokes.html
  1. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
  2. What do you say when you see an empty parrot cage?
  3. What do you call a crushed angle?
     A Rectangle
  4. What did the Italian say when when the witch doctor
     removed the curse?
  5. What did the little acorn say when he grew up?
  6. What do you call an angle which is adorable?
     acute angle
  7. What do you use to tie up a package?
     A Chord
  8. What do you call a fierce beast?
     A Line
  9. What do you call more than one L?
     A Parallel
 10. What do you call people who are in favor of tractors?
 11. What should you do when it rains?

Subj:     Popsicle Stick Riddle (S804)
          From: Unilever
................Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632
 Source: www.Popsicle.com
..............Click 'HERE' to see all 22 riddles.
                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Question and Answers

 Q: Hear about the geometer who went to the beach to
    catch the rays?
 A: He (or she) cane home a tangent?

 Q: If one man can wash one stack of dishes in one hour,
    how many stacks of dishes can four men wash in four hours?
 A: None.  They'll all sit down together and watch
    football on television.

 Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
 A: He worked it out with logs!!

 Q: Did you hear about the constipated math teacher?
 A: She worked it out with a pencil.

 Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
 A: Because he was already there!

 Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
 A: Ate something (8.xxxxxxx....)
    Actually, it`s 8.3066238629269696969696969696969696969...

 Q: What's the square root of -69?
 A: ...i 8 something...

Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty Joke For 3/7/97
 Q: What's 96?
 A: 69 for dyslexics.

 Q: What goes in thirteen twice?
 A: Roman Polanski.

 Q: What is 69 squared?
 A: Dinner for 4.

 Q: What is 68?
 A: You do me and I owe you one.

 Q: What's the speed limit on sex?
 A1: 68. At 69 she'll blow a rod.
 A2: 68, at 69 you have to turn around.

 Q: What is the meaning of 6.9 for a woman?
 A: 69 interrupted by a period! (ouch..gross!)

 Q: Why don't Klu Klux Klan members study Calculus?
 A: Klan members don't practice Integration.

 Q: "If a feight train is moving along a level piece of track,
    with a 20 knot head wind, and a momentum force of 5x10 to
    the power of eight Kilo-Newtons, how many feminists does
    it take to stop the train?"
 A: "As many as you can fit on the track in front of it."

 Q: What do you call the parts of women's underware that have
    set on the bottom of a swimming pool for a month?
 A: Algebra (Algy bra).

 Q: What did the acorn say when it grew up?
 A: Geometry (Gee I'm a tree).

 Q: What did the math mermaid wear?
 A: An algebra.

 Q: How much dirt can you get out of a 4 Cubic foot hole?
 A: NONE , It's a hole .

 Q: Why is the number ten afraid of seven?
 A: because seven ate nine.

 Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A: None.  It's left to the reader as an exercise.

 Q: How many topologists does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: It really doesn't matter, since they'd rather knot.

 Q: Why do computer scientists confuse Christmas and Halloween?
 A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

 Q: What goes "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"?
 A: A parroty error!!

 Q: What did the circle say to the tangent line?
 A: "Stop touching me!"

 Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?
 A: Because he left a residue at every pole.

 Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an
    interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes
    to compute?
 A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.

 Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top
    of mount everest?
 A: A high-pot-in-use

 Q: What do you call a broken record?
 A: A Decca-gone

 Q: What do you get when you cross 50 female pigs and
    50 male deer?
 A: One hundred sows-and-bucks

 Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
 A: To get to the other ... er, um ...

From: tadams96 on 12/31/2004 (S414b)
 Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
 A: To get to the same side.

 Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra.
 A: Elephant zebra sin theta.

 Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a
    mountain climber.
 A: You can't do that.  A mountain climber is a scalar.

 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant
    with a banana?
 A: Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually
    perpendicular to the two as determined by the right
    hand rule.

 Q: To what question is the answer "9W."
 A: "Dr. Wiener, do you spell your name with a V?"

 Q: What's non-orientable and lives in the sea?
 A: Mobius Dick.

 Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
 A: The cats missing and the math homework is done!

From: ipkis on 97-08-22
 Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of
    a pumpkin by its diameter?
 A: Pumpkin pi.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #213 on 97-11-29
 Q: What is the difference between a English actuary
    and a Sicilian actuary?
 A: An English actuary can tell you how many people
    are going to die next year.  A Sicilian actuary
    can give you their names......

From: grs on 97-12-04 (S636b)
From: Reese Witherspoon on the Tonight Show on 3/18/09
 Q: What did the "0" say to the "8"?
 A: "Nice Belt!"

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
 Q: What do you call a missing parrot?
 A: A polygon.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/16/2004 (S407b)
 Q: Why was 6 mad at 7?
 A: Because 7-8-9

From: igiggle on 4/10/2005 (S428b)
 Q: What kind of geometric shape keeps falling apart?
 A: A wrecktangle.

From: igiggle on 12/1/2005 (S462b)
 Q: Why is a math book always cranky?
 A: Because it has lots of problems.

From: igiggle on 12/8/2005 (S462b)
 Q: Which English king is responsible for fractions?
 A: Henry 1/8.

                           -(o o)-
..............................From GIFs Rubrik:Neon Smiley.