.
.
Subj:     Music Jokes
                 (Includes 99 jokes and articles, 22 1032n,8,cf,wYT2b3b,5)

          Click "Here" for Music-Supp

      and Click "Here" for Music-Supp2

..........Click Music2 for more music files.
 


Guitarest from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  The Andy Griffith Show - Video (S955 in Supp2)
.........................Us and Them - Pink Floyd - Pulse - HD - Video (S701b -Supp2)
.........................The Muppets: Stand By Me - Video (S689b in Supp2)
.........................Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna Original - Video (S689 in Supp2)
.........................Virtual Choir Performs Via Webcam - Videos (S688 in Supp2)
.........................Muppets - Devil Went To Jamaica - Videos (S670 in Supp2)
.........................The Diamonds, Before and After - Videos/Audio (S661 in Sup2)
.........................Born Again American - Video (S654b in Supp2)
.........................What A Wonderful World - Video (S649 in Supp2)
.........................Susan Boyle On Britain Got Talent - Video (S640 in Supp2)
.........................Sound Of Music - Train Station - Video (S640b in Supp2)
.........................Stand By Me - Beautiful International Vers. - Vid(S639b-Sp2)
.........................Louis Armstrong / What A Wonderful World - Video (S631-Sup2)
.........................My Jukebox (S625 in Supp2)
.........................RayCharles JerryLee FatsDomino RodStewart Plyng-Vd(S607-Sp2)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S648b in Supp2)
.........................Hollie Steel On Britain's Got Talent - Video (S673b in Sup2)
.........................Janey Cutler Sings On BritainsGotTalent09 - Vid (S695b-Sup2)
.........................Jackie Evancho ~ America's Got Talent - Video (S708 - Supp2)
.........................How To Sing The Blues! (S273d in Supp2)
.........................
.........................Terry Fator And Julius Sing - Video (S981 in Supp)
.........................Beatles - Hey Jude - Video (S1031 in Supp)
.........................Piano Balls - Video (S484 in Supp)
.........................My Favorite Things (S480b in Supp)
.........................Jolene At 33 RPMs - Video (S950 in Supp)
.........................The Llama Song - Video (S469b in Supp)
.........................Revised Hits For Baby Boomers (S463b in Supp)
.........................Celestial Jukebox (S283b in Supp)
.........................
.........................Minions Play Beach Boys Instrumental - Video (S968)
.........................Mozart Dies (S19, S739)
.........................Jimmy Sings 'Barbara Ann' - Video (S950d)
.........................The Day The NASDAQ Died (S174)
.........................Pearls Before Swine Sunday Comic Strip (S953)
.........................Action Stars Portray Famous Composers (S106, S398)
.........................3 Year-Old Xylophonist - Video (S469b)
.........................Dead Man With Cork In Butt (S237)
.........................Einstein's Guitar Formula - Photo (S919)
.........................Beethoven's Ninth (S33)
.........................The Dickhead Song - Video (S1009)
.........................Schubert's Unmanaged Symphony (S51)
.........................Picking A Band Name - Cartoon (S1011)
                         Short Music Jokes (S205)
..............................The Fibonacci In Lateralus - Video (S695 in Supp2)
..............................Meet The Harmonica Man - Video (S695 in Supp2)
..............................Weird Al Yankovich - Hey Ricky - Video (S695b in Supp2)
..............................Gravite - Video (S695b in Supp2)
..............................Resonant Chamber By AniMusic.com - Video (S693 in Sup2)
..............................Pink Floyd - Sheep - Video (S690b in Supp2)
..............................Metallica - One Live 1989 - Video (S690 in Supp2)
..............................OK Go: Rube Goldberg Machine - Video (S686b in Supp2)
..............................Old School Talent - Video (S684 in Supp2)
..............................The Finches: Experimental Post-Punk Band-Vid(S679-Sup2)
..............................Eight Rare Beatles Photos (S679 in Supp2)
..............................Piano -PPS (S672 in Supp2)
..............................Either Way Its Fine With Me - Video (S664b in Supp2)
..............................Alvin And The Chipmunks - Video (S660b in Supp2)
..............................The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly - Video (S654 - Supp2)
..............................Mr. Bean Plays An Invisible Drum Set (S677b in Supp2)
..............................Bizarro Cartoon (S653 in Supp2)
..............................Rainstorm Music - Video (S652 in Supp2)
..............................The #1 Song On This Date In History (S651b in Supp2)
..............................7-Year-Old Sings The National Anthem - Video (S647-Sp2)
..............................The Rock-A-Teens - Woo Hoo - Video (S645b in Supp2)
..............................Ethan Bortnick On Jay Leno - Video (S637 in Supp2)
..............................Doo Wop Era Quiz! (S536b in Supp2)
..............................Pipe Dream - Video (S633b in Supp2)
..............................Dancin' The Boogie - Video (S632c in Supp2)
..............................Faryl Smith Signs Opera - Video (S611 in Supp2)
..............................Harmonica Plays Lone Ranger Theme - Video (S599c - Sp2)
..............................Chubby Checker - Let's Twist Again - Video (S599b -Sp2)
..............................Kenny Roger's Lucille - Video (S595b in Supp2)
..............................Little Richard's Lucille - Video (S595b in Supp2)
..............................
..............................We Wish You A Merry Christmas - Video (S569 in Supp)
..............................Nocturne In B Flat Major - Video (S566c in Supp)
..............................Prelude To Fornication (S565c in Supp)
..............................I'm My Own Grandpa - Video (S563 in Supp)
..............................I'm My Own Grandpa II - Video (DU)
..............................Bobby McFerrin Performs Bach - Video (S563 in Supp)
..............................If My Nose Was Running Money - Video (S561b in Supp)
..............................We Didn't Start The Fire - Video (S560 in Supp)
..............................Hip Hop Violinist - Video (S559 in Supp)
..............................Kill The Wabbit - What's Opera Doc? - Video (S555b-Sup)
..............................Country Weather Band (S554c in Supp)
..............................Rodney Carrington - Show Them To Me - Video (S552-Supp)
..............................Bon Jovi And The Insult Comic Dog - Video (S551 - Supp)
..............................Paul Potts Sings Opera - Video (S550 in Supp)
..............................Strangers On My Flight - Audio (S549 in Supp)
..............................On the Street Where You Live - Video (S548b in Supp)
..............................Tom Rush - Remember Song - Video (S546b in Supp)
..............................Press One For English - Video (S546c in Supp)
..............................Grease Babies - Video (S543 in Supp)
..............................The Four Fingered Pianist - Video (S542c in Supp)
..............................Clinton Got A Blowjob - Video (S534 in Supp)
..............................Joshua Bell Plays L'Enfant Plaza Station-Vid(S534b-Sup)
..............................Name That Tune (S533c in Supp)
..............................Jukebox (S526c in Supp)
..............................Smells like Nirvana - Video (S517b in Supp)
..............................11 Year Old Yodeller - Video (S508 in Supp)
..............................Today's The Day - Musical Video (S508 in Supp)
..............................Mozart's Opera Banned In Germany (S507 in Supp)
..............................What A Wonderful World - PPS (S496b in Supp)
..............................The Music Teacher (S492b in Supp)
..............................Are You Lonesome Tonight? (S482c in Supp)
..............................16 Century Walkman (S470b in Supp)
..............................Pavarotti Loves Elephants - Video (S469b in Supp)
..............................Wizards of Winter - Video (S463b in Supp)
..............................Piano Duet - Video (S442 in Supp)
..............................Violinist Jokes (S361b in Supp)
..............................CD Settlement Money (S310 in Supp)
..............................Real Short Music Jokes (in Supp)
..............................
..............................Buying The Wife A Piano (S269c)
..............................Horny Guy - Video (S459b)
..............................Music Lovers Held Hostage
..............................Britney Spears And Candles (S269b)
..............................Britney Spears Scares Wild Boars (S250b)
..............................An Ethical Question (S119)
..............................Question And Answers About Music (S203)

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Lully's Death'
         ARKANSAS file- 'Emi Sunshine And The Backporch Cloggers' - Music Video
         ASIAN-SUPP   - 'Rolling Ball plays Bach On Xylophone' - Ad
         AUSTRALIAN   - 'Beatbox Brilliance By Tom Thum' - Video
         BAR SUPP     - 'Piano Player Wanted In A Bar'
.........BASKETBALL   - 'NBA Christmas Carol By Dribbling' - Video
         BIOLOGY file - 'What a Wonderful World with David Attenborough' - Video
         BIRDS-PARROT - 'The Christmas Bird'
         BLACK2 file  - 'Christopher Does YMCA'
         BOXING file  - 'Trivia Bits Column in ContraCostaTimes.com'
         BUCKLEY file - 'Lord Buckley'
.........CANADIAN     - '"STRONGER BEER" Tim Hicks - Lyric Video'
.........CATS1 file   - 'The Aristocats Animated GIF'
.........CHRISTMAS1   - 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas on Jay Leno's Show' - Video
......................- 'White Trash Christmas' - Video
.........CHRISTMAS2   - 'Season's Greeting From Hatchlings Of Angry Birds Movie'
.........CHRISTMAS4   - 'Playing Weeweechu'
......................- 'BK Holiday Music'
.........CHRISTMAS-SUP- 'Walk Off The Earth Rock Band' - Videos
......................- 'Captain Picard Sings "Let It Snow!"' - Video
......................- 'The Christmas Shoes Song By NewSong' - Video
         COMPUTERS3   - 'Eleanor Rigby Revised!'
         COWBOY file  - 'Do-It-Yourself Country And Western Song'
         COWBOY2 file - 'Top 17 Country Songs'
         COWS_SHEEP   - 'Man Plays Trombone In Field' - Video
         DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Dying At A Metallica Concert'
         DATING1 file - 'The Dad's Side of the Story' - Video/Song
         DOCTOR1 file - 'The Colon-Rectal Surgeon Song'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Proctologist Studies In Morgue'
         DOG-SUPP file- 'Dog Plays The Piano And Sings' - Video
         DOG-SUPP2    - 'Dog Musician' - Video
         DRINKING-BR1 - 'VB Stubby Symphony'
         ELDERLY2 file- 'Older Ladies by Donnalou Stevens' - Music Video
         ELEPHANT file- 'Lion Seul'
         ENGINEER3    - 'The Engineer Song'
         ENGLISH-SUPP - 'Britain's Got Talent 2011: Edward Reid' - Video
         FART file    - 'The Ring Of Fire'
......................- 'Farting Dog Harmonics'
         FOOD_ETC2    - 'Chinese Food Song'
......................- '"Cat In The Kettle" By Aaron Wilburn'
.........FOOD_ETC-SUPP- 'Pickles Sunday Comic Strip'
.........FORTH_OF_JULY- 'Stars Stripes Forever By Doug Smith' - Video
.........FROG file    - 'Man Goes To Restraunt w/Hamster And Frog'
         GERMANY file - 'The World Is Going Crazy'
         GOD-SUPP     - 'Diamond Rio's "In God We Still Trust"'
.........HEAD/ADS Supp- 'The Stanley Steemer Variations (by Mia)' - Music Video
......................- 'IronWorkz, A Rock Band' - Video
.........HEAVEN1 file - 'Three Men At The Pearly Gates III'
         HONEYMOON    - 'George Younce Sings "Side By Side"' - Video
         HOOKER file  - 'The Animals - House of the Rising Sun' - Video
         HOSPITAL2    - 'I'm Not Dead, And Yet I'm In Hell'
         HOSPITAL-SUPP- 'The Blue Shield Song' - Musical Video
         HUNTING-CAMP - 'Ted Nugent On Deer Hunting'
         ILLUSIONS23  - 'OK Go - The Writing's On the Wall' - Music Video
         IRISH2 file  - 'U2 Concert In Ireland'
         JESUS file   - 'Proof that Elvis was Jesus'
.........JOBS-STUFF   - 'Mary Poppins Quits w/Kristen Bell' - Video
         JOBS-STUF-SUP- 'Charts Music'
         LATIN AMERICA- 'Rodafonio's Live Music Wheel!' - Video
         MATH4-SUPP   - 'The Band Crosses A Bridge'
         MEN4 file    - 'Man Song 2'
         MOVIE_ETC-SUP- 'Playing Your Trumpet In A Movie'
         MOVIE_ETC-SU2- 'The Land Of Sandra Dee - Poem'
         MOVIE2-SUPP  - 'King Tut-Saturday Night Live w/Steve Martin - Music Video
         MOVIES(Picts)- 'Blaupunkt, Stuffed Animal Sex'
         NATIONAL-SUPP- 'Ray Stevens - Come to the USA' - Video
......................- 'US History With The Boston Pops' - Video
         NATIONAL-SUP2- 'Madison Rising - The Star Spangled Banner' - Video
         NERD file    - 'Weird Al - White And Nerdy' - Video
         NUDIST file  - 'Ray Stevens - The Streak' - Video
         NUNS1 file   - 'Oh Happy Day With Whoopi Goldberg' - Music Video
         OTHER-ANIMALS- 'The Good Morning Squirrel'
         OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'A Mariachi Band Serenading A Beluga Whale' - Video
         OTH-OCCUP-SUP- 'French Marionette Plays And Sings' - Video
         PENIS-SUPP   - '84 Year Old STUNS Americas Got Talent' - Video
......................- 'Willie Nelson Quotation'
         PHYSICS1 file- 'Mallard Comic Strip'
         PLANE-SUPP   - 'TSA Song By Buck Howdy' - Video
.........PLANE-SUPP2  - 'Cheap Flights With Subtitles' - Video
         POLIT-BUSH-SU- 'Bush Sings U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday"'
         POLIT-OBAMA  - 'You Picked A Fine Time To Lead Us, Barack' - Video/Song
         POLIT-SUPP2  - 'Politicians At Work - Russian Music Video'
.........POLIT-SUPP3  - 'I Think My Dog's A Democrat' - Video
.........PREACHER-SUPP- 'Preacher Who Looked Like Conway Twitty'
         QUOTES-CMD-SP- '"Osama Bin Laden" Song Performed By Frank Skinner' - Video
......................- 'Crazy World by Chris Rock'
......................- 'Patsy Cline Song/Comedy Video'
         QUOTES-CMD-S2- 'Amy G Plays The Kazoo' - Video
         REDNECK2 file- 'Stuck on YOU'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Kevin Skinner On America's Got Talent' - Video
         RELIGION1    - 'II Divo sings "Amazing Grace" - Video/Song
         RIDDLES file - 'A What Am I Riddle #23'
         SAILOR-MARINE- 'A Sailor Gets A Harmonica'
         SCIENCE-SUPP - 'House of Rising Sun - Musical Tesla Coils' - Video
         SCOTTISH file- 'The Drunken Scotsman With Lyrics' - Video/Song
         SHIPS file   - 'Bad Musician On A Cruse Ship'
         SOLDIER-SUPP - 'A Pittance Of Time - Video/Song'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'Andrews Sisters - Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy' - Video
......................- 'KISS Concert In Iraq' - Video
         STARTRK-SPACE- 'Dark Side Of The Moon' - Drawing
         STARTREK-SUPP- 'David Bowie's Space Oddity' - Video
......................- 'Star Trek: Tik Tok' - Video
         STORIES file - 'True Story Of Taps'
         STORIES-SUPP - 'Little Girl Lost At Concert'
         SWEDISH_ETC  - 'HMKG Norwegian Drill Team On Ice' - Video
         TAXES-SUPP   - 'Taxman -- Harrison And Clapton' - Video
         TEST-SUPP    - 'Two Tough Questions'
         THO-WARM     - 'Happy Kids Africa - Pharrell Williams' - Video
         THO-WARM-SUPP- 'Where The Hell Is Matt? 2012' - Video
         YOU_R_FRM-SUP- 'Michael Jackson - Cry' - Music Video
         VALENTINE    - 'Tonight You Belong To Me By Jive Aces' - Music/Video

============================================================Top
Subj:     Minions Play Beach Boys Instrumental (S968d)
          From: Bonita Ahlers on Facebook
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/WpbFpCa9ggQ
.
....
.
....Click 'HERE' to hear the Minions play the Banana Song.
.
Top
Subj:     Mozart Dies (S19, S739)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 6/10/2004

 When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.  A
 couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the
 cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area
 where Mozart was buried.

 Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and
 listen to it.  The priest bent close to the grave and heard
 some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

 Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
 When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
 listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's
 Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

 He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth
 Symphony, and it's backwards, too.  Most puzzling."  So the
 magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh...the Sixth
 ...the Fifth..."  Suddenly the realization of what was
 happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced
 to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow
 citizens, there's nothing to worry about.  It's just Mozart
 decomposing."

Top
Subj:     Jimmy Sings 'Barbara Ann' (S950d)
          Made by The Tonight Show
.............Starring Jimmy Fallon
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/kKtE1s-sdfM

 Jimmy Fallon sings the Beach Boys' classic "Barbara Ann"
 with five of his brand new wax figures from Madame Tussauds.
 You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     The Day The NASDAQ Died (S174)
          From: Anaise on 6/1/00

 The Day the NASDAQ died...
 Sung to the tune of "American Pie":

 A long, long week ago
 I can still remember how the market used to make me smile
 What I'd do when I had the chance
 Is get myself a cash advance
 And add another tech stock to the pile.

 But Alan Greenspan made me shiver
 With every speech that he delivered
 Bad news on the rate front
 Still I'd take one more punt.

 I can't remember if I cried
 When I heard about the CPI
 I lost my fortune and my pride
 The day the NASDAQ died.

 So bye-bye to my piece of the pie
 Now I'm gettin' calls for margin
 'Cause my cash account's dry
 It's just two weeks from a new all-time high
 And now we're right back where we were in July
 We're right back where we were in July.

 Did you buy stocks you never heard of?
 QCOM at 150 or above?
 'Cos George Gilder told you so
 Now do you believe in Home Depot?
 Can Wal-Mart save your portfolio?
 And can you teach me what's a P/E ratio?

 Well, I know that you were leveraged too
 So you can't just take a long-term view
 Your broker shut you down
 No more margin could be found.

 I never worried on the whole way up
 Buying dot coms from the back of a truck
 But Friday I ran out of luck
 It was the day the NASDAQ died.

 I started singin'
 Bye-bye to my piece of the pie
 Now I'm gettin' calls for margin
 'Cause my cash account's dry
 It's just two weeks from a new all-time high
 And now we're right back where we were in July
 Yeah we're right back where we were in July.

Top
Subj:     Pearls Before Swine Sunday Comic Strip (S953)
          By Stephan Pastis on 10/19/2014
          From: Joe Flambo on Facebook
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2014/10/19

 (Also see "Who's On First" in Baseball)
.
.
.
.This strip's title is 'Who's on First' - rock and roll edition.
.
Top
Subj:     Action Stars Portray Famous Composers (S106, S398)
          From: mbucher on 99-02-03

 Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action
 docudrama about famous composers starring  top  movie  stars.
 Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segal,  Bruce Willis, and Arnold
 Schwarzenegger were all present.  Spielberg strongly desired
 the box office oomph of these superstars, so he was prepared
 to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray,
 as long as they were very famous.

 "Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would
 love to play him."

 "Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve
 if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him."

 "I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said
 Segal. "I'd like to play him."

 Spielberg was very pleased with these choices.  "Sounds
 splendid."  Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do
 you want to be, Arnold?"

 So Arnold says........
 
 
 
 
 

       .....(scroll down).....
 
 
 
 
 

       .....(keep scrolling).....
 
 
 
 
 

       .....(wait for it)......
 
 
 
 
 

      ..... (its a good one!).....
 
 
 
 
 

       "I'll be Bach."

Top
Subj:     3 Year-Old Xylophonist (S469b,d)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/13/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/7p05x96Y65M

 This amazing video is about a musical prodigy.  You
 can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Dead Man With Cork In Butt (S237)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: kmacinty on 8/13/2001

 A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after
 classes, wanting to get a little practice in before
 the final exams.  He goes over to a table where a body
 is lying face down. He uncovers the body and, to his
 surprise, he finds a cork in the corpse's rectum.

 Figuring that this is fairly unusual, he pulls the cork
 out and, to his absolute surprise, music begins playing:
 "On the road again...just can't wait to get on the road
 again..." The student is amazed, and pops the cork back
 into the anus.  The music stops.

 Totally freaked out, the student calls the Medical
 Examiner over to the corpse.  "Look at this, this is
 really something," the student tells the examiner as he
 pulls the cork back out again. They hear: "On the road
 again...just can't wait to get on the road again..."

 "So what?" the Medical Examiner replies, obviously
 unimpressed with the student's discovery.

 "But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?"
 asked the student.

 "Are you kidding?" replied the examiner, "Any asshole can
 sing country music."

Top
Subj:     Einstein's Guitar Formula (S919)
          From: Chris Fallon on Facebook
 Source: http://www.benjaminle.org/blog/2013/9/7/einstein-
.........explains-the-science-behind-why-i-need-another-guit.html
.
..........
.
.Einstein explains the science behind why I need another guitar.
.
Top
Subj:     Beethoven's Ninth (S33)
          From: Funnies.com

 A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing
 Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims...  At
 this point, you must understand two things:
    (1) There's a long segment in this symphony where the
        bass violins don't have a thing to do.  Not a single
        note for page after page.
    (2) There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400 right
        across the street from the Seattle Opera House,
        rather favored by local musicians.
 It had been decided that during this performance, after the
 bass players had played their parts in the opening of the
 Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and
 leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and
 feeling dumb for twenty minutes.

 Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they
 trot across the street and quaff a few brews.  After they
 had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we
 be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

 Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in
 the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a
 little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages
 of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there,
 Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he
 waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string
 with the other."

 They had another round and finally returned to the Opera
 House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on
 stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they
 were in serious trouble.  Katims was furious!  And why not?
 After all... It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was
 tied, and the basses were loaded.

Top
Subj:     The Dickhead Song (S1009)
          By Miles Betterman
          From: Sam Perkins on 5/18/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/my7sxZ0KfHU
.
...............
.
............Click 'HERE' to hear the Dickhead song.
.
.
Top
Subj:     Schubert's Unmanaged Symphony (S51)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #9 on 98-01-10

 A managed healthcare company president was given a ticket
 for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony.  Since
 she was unable to go, she gave the ticket to one of her
 managed care reviewers.  The next morning she asked him how
 he had enjoyed it.  Instead of a few observations about the
 symphony in general, she was handed a formal memorandum
 which read as follows:

 1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing
 to do.  Their number should be reduced, and their work
 spread over the whole orchestra, avoiding peaks of
 inactivity.

 2. All 12 violins were playing identical notes.  This seems
 an unneeded duplication, and the staff of this section
 should be cut. If a volume of sound is really required, this
 could be accomplished with the use of an amplifier.

 3. Much effort was involved in playing the 16th notes.  This
 appears to be an excessive refinement, and it is recommended
 that all notes be rounded up to the nearest 8th note.  If
 this were done it would be possible to use para-professionals
 instead of experienced musicians.

 4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the
 passage that has already been handled by the strings.  If all
 such redundant passages were eliminated then the concert
 could be reduced from 2 hours to twenty minutes.

 5. The symphony had two movements.  If Mr. Schubert didn't
 achieve his musical goals by the end of the first movement,
 then he should have stopped there.  The second movement is
 unnecessary and should be cut.  In light of the above, one
 can only conclude that had Mr. Schubert given attention to
 these matters, he probably would have had time to finish
 the symphony.

Top
Subj:     Picking A Band Name (S1011)
          By Tom Salpino
          From: Sam Perkins on Facebook on 5/25/2016
 Source: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4f/
.........02/b5/4f02b59c78d76ca6a5e1483920f7f4f6.jpg
.
.........
.
.

Subj:     Short Music Jokes (S205)
 

Top
Subj:     Buying The Wife A Piano (S269c)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/26/2002
 My parents recently retired.  Mom always wanted to learn
 to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her
 birthday.  A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing
 with it.

 "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded
 her to switch to a clarinet instead."

 "How come?" I asked.

 "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't
 sing."
 

Top
Subj:     Horny Guy (S459b,d)
          From: darrell94590 on 11/8/2005
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ldRDjgKZWAM
 This French musician/comedian has horns attached all over
 his body and plays a wide range of songs. This video clip
 is cute and well done.  Worth the viewing time.  You can
 see it by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Music Lovers Held Hostage

 These 2 music lovers are held hostage and both are going to
 be shot.  One is a country music lover and the other is a
 classical music lover. Before they are shot they are asked
 for one last request. So the Country lover says 'I would
 like to listen to Achy Breaky Heart 50 times' and the
 Classical lover says 'shoot me first'.
 

Top
Subj:     Britney Spears And Candles (S269b)
          From: jerry on 3/26/2002
 Pop singer Britney Spears escaped unharmed after starting
 a fire in her New York apartment when she went shopping,
 leaving a candle unattended.

 Her mother says she once put the family bathroom on fire
 in their Louisiana home when she left a candle unattended.

 Candles are one of the major causes of home fires.

 UK Sun 31-Mark-02
 

Top
Subj:     Britney Spears Scares Wild Boars (S250b)
          From: rodney on 10/23/2001
 In Germany, farmers are using Britney Spears music to scare
 away wild boars.  The pests are protected by law, and cannot
 be harmed, so the farmers have discovered that the best way
 to drive them away is with loud music.  Despite attempts to
 use both music by Madonna and Robbie Williams, farmers have
 found that Britney Spears works the best...

 ... doesn't Britany have a little pork belly?......

Top
Subj:     An Ethical Question (S119)
          From: smiles on 5/14/99
 If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
 three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded,
 and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
 If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
 

Top
Subj:     Question And Answers About Music (S203)

 Q: What did the Terminator say to Bethoven?
 A: I'll Be Bach!

 Q: What's brown and sits on a piano?
 A: Beethoven's Last Movement.

 Q: Know what Beethoven is doing today?
 A: Decomposing.

 Q: What would Mozart be doing if he was alive today?
 A: Probably  screaming and clawing at the inside
    of his coffin.

 From: pcartngraphics on 12/5/2004 (S411b)
 Q: What is better than a roses on my piano?
 A: Tulips on my organ.

 Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mining shaft?
 A: A flat minor

 Q: What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
 A: A flat major

 Q: How can you tell an oboist is at your front door?
 A: By the Domino's Pizza hat.

 Q: What do a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common?
 A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

 Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower
    and a soprano sax?
 A: You  can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors
    are upset if you borrow  the lawnmower and don't
    return it.

 Q: If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for
    directions: an  in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune
    tenor sax player, or Santa  Claus?
 A: The out-of-tune tenor sax player!
    The other two indicate you've been hallucinating.

 Q: How can you tell a trumpet player's kids at a playground?
 A: They don't know how to swing.

 Q: How can you tell a trombonist's kids at a playground?
 A: They don't know how to use the slide.

 Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
 A: Put your hand in the bell and miss lots of notes.

 Q: What do you call a house occupied by five hornists?
 A: A crack house.

 Q: Why did the string bass player beat up the timpanist?
 A: The timpanist turned two of the bassist's pegs and
    wouldn't tell her which two....

 Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
 A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.
 A2: You can tune a chain saw.

 Q: What's the range of a tuba?
 A: Twenty yards, if you've got a good arm.

 Q: What does a timpanist say when he gets to his gig?
 A: "Would you like fries with that, sir?"

 Q: Why are pianists' fingers like lightening?
 A: They rarely strike the  same spot twice.

 Q: What do violists use for birth control?
 A: Their personalities.

 Q: What's the difference between a cello and a viola?
 A: The cello burns  longer.

 Q: What's the difference between a cello and a coffin?
 A: The coffin has the corpse inside.

 Q: What's the difference between a soprano and the P.L.O.?
 A: You can negotiate with the P.L.O.

 Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
 A: Most  musicians have never been in a Porsche.

 Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and
    a baby elephant?
 A: Eleven pounds.

 Q: What do you see when you look up an alto's dress?
 A: A tenor.

 Q: How do you know if an alto is at the front door?
 A: She can't find her key.

 Q: How do you get an alto into a VW Bug?
 A: Grease her hips and leave a twinkie on the dash.

 Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a conductor?
 A: A Doberman.

 Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
 A: Someone who knows how to play bagpipes, but doesn't.

 Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
 A: To get away from the noise.

 Q: What's worse than a bagpiper?
 A: Two bagpipers.

 Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower
    and an accordion?
 A: If you put them in Tradin' Times, you can sell
    the lawnmower.

 Q: How do you know the guy knocking on your door is
    a accordionist?
 A: He doesn't stop even after you answer.

 Q: How many Musician jokes are there?
 A: Just one!  (All the rest are true.)

From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97
 Q: What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
 A: Nobody cries  when you chop up an oboe.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 12/19/2000
 Q: What's the definiton of Perfect Pitch?
 A: When you toss a banjo into a dumpster and
    it hits an accordion.

 Q: How do you know when there's a harmonica player
    at the door?
 A: He doesn't have the key, he just comes in whenever
    the hell he feels like it.

 Q: What do you call 1,695 violins at the bottom of the ocean?
 A: A good start!

Drummer Q and A

 Q: What do you call a drummer that
    breaks up with his girlfriend?
 A: Homeless.

 Q: What is the difference between a drummer and
    a vacuum cleaner?
 A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

 Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
 A: Drool.

 Q: What's it mean when the drummer drools
    out of both sides of his mouth?
 A: The stage is level.

 Q: Did you hear about the drummer who
    locked his keys in the car?
 A: It took him three hours to get the bass player out!

 Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
 A: Drummer.

 Q: Why do drummers keep a pair of sticks on their dashboard?
 A: So they can park in handicapped spaces.

 Q: How can you tell when there's a drummer at the door?
 A: He doesn't know when to come in!

 Q: Why do drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
 A: So they don't disgrace themselves in the parade.

 Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: "Oh, like, wow!  Is it dark in here, man?"

 Q: What do you get when you cross a drummer with a musician?
 A: A bass guitarist.

 Q: How do you stop a drummer?
 A: Give him/her sheet music.

 Q: What's the difference between a drummer
    and government bonds?
 A: The bonds mature.

 Q: How can you tell if a drum solo is really really bad?
 A: The bass player notices.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 12/19/2000
 Q: What has three legs with an ass on top?
 A: A drum stool!

Beatle Q and A

 Q: What do Yoko Ono and a family of Ethiopians have
    in common?
 A: They both live on dead beatles!

 Q: Why can't you take a leak at a Beatles concert?
 A: There's no John.

 Q: What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
 A: Three more rounds.

 Q: What would you find if you dug up John Lennon?
 A: Four slugs and a dead Beatle.

 If you'd like the latest up-date,
 e-mail "ah472@freenet.HSC.Colorado.edu"  Please e-mail
 good additions.  Xerox to your heart's content.  Version 2.0
 31 August 1994

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================
.
...........................From Smiley_Central
.
.
.