.
 
Subj:     Physics1 Jokes
                 (Includes 41 jokes and articles, 051007,18,cf,wXT3b,13)

Clock from
USNO Master Clock
Includes the following:  Dilbert On Particle Accelerators (S598b)
.........................Two Pendulum Wave Machine Videos (S901)
.........................What's The Fate Of The Universe? - Video (S868)
.........................The Higgs Boson Explained By Cartoon - Videos (S804)
.........................Heavy Boots (DU)
.........................Computing A Theory Of Everything - Video (S695)
.........................Antigravity: The Feline Butterology Theory
.........................Do Aliens Exist? - Video (S669b)
.........................Mathematician, Physicist And A Nude Woman
.........................Attractors (S524c)
.........................Prof. And Mrs. Einstein Visit An Observatory (DU)
.........................Ruben's Tube: Classic Physics Experiment - Video (S699b)
.........................Crazed Physics Test (DU)
.........................Two Dark Matter Videos (S843d)
.........................Dark Suckers (DU)
.........................Pearls Before Swine (S1007)
.........................The Sex Life of An Electron I (S586c)
.........................Blacksmith's Riddle (S558b)
.........................The Sex Life of An Electron II
.........................Mallard Comic Strip (S618)
.........................Falling Theomometer Experiment (DU)
.........................'I Love Physics' T-Shirt (DU)
.........................Call For Scientific Truth In Product Warning Labels
.........................Opus On The Universe (S602b)
.........................Physics Saves Lives! (S150, S586b)
.........................Einstein's Cows (DU)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S650b)

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Tycho Brahe's Death'
.........ASCII ART I  - 'Portrait Of Einstein'
         CARSMURPHY   - 'Murphy's Laws Applied To Cars'
         CARTOON file - 'Cartoon Laws of Physics'
         CAT1 file    - 'Feline Physics'
         ENGINEERING1 - 'Students Of Eng., Physics And Math In A Contest'
         ENGINEERING3 - 'Basic Electronics'
         FACTS5 file  - 'Time Travel'
         HEAVEN1 file - 'Einstein Dies And Goes To Heaven'
         HOTEL file   - 'A Photon Checks Into A Hotel' - Sign
         HOW TO file  - 'How To Build An Atomic Bomb'
         Ig Nobel file- 'Physics Prize'
         JOBS2 file   - 'Three Men Apply For CEO Job'
         LAWS file    - 'Variations On Murphy's Law' in NonJokes
         MATH2 file   - 'The Flagpole'
......................- 'The Mathematician, And The Physicist At A Fire'
......................- 'Mathematician, And Physicist At A Burning House'
......................- 'Mathematician, Engineer, And Physicist At A Fire'
......................- 'A Mathematician, Biologist And Physicist Count'
         MATH3 file   - 'Equation About Money, Work, And Knowledge'
         MATH5 file   - 'Quotations by Albert Einstein'
         NATIONAL_STS - 'Rolling Blackout Theme Song!'
         NATIVE-AMERIC- 'Edison Visits An Indian Reservation'
         PILOT file   - 'Pilot School On Sublimation'
         POLITICAL2   - 'Non Sequitur Cartoon'
         QUOTES3      - 'Quotes On The Nature Of The Universe'
         SCIENCE1     - 'Short Jokes About Unit Conversions'
......................- 'Murphy's Laws Of Research '
......................- 'Ruler Experiment' - Video
         SCIENCE-SUPP - 'Elon Musk Plans For Tesla's Home Battery'
         STATISTICIAN - 'An Engineer, A Physicist And A Statistician Answer'
         THOUGHTS-Sly - 'Contest of Theories'
         THO-TIME-SUP2- 'There Is No Time' - Video/Article

PHYSICS1 contains things that are almost jokes
PHYSICS2 contains sort of jokes
PHYSICS3 contains oddities and short jokes
============================================================Top
Subj:     Dilbert On Particle Accelerators (S598b)
          By Scott Adams on 6/30/2008
 Source: http://dribibu.xs4all.nl/index.
.........php/comics?pic=dilbert20080630
.
..
.
 You can view these six cute comic strips by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Two Pendulum Wave Machine Videos (S901d)
          Music from the album Glass Reflections 
          From: Ken Little on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/V87VXA6gPuE
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/embed/O6Tys1unB8k
 Source3: http://www.arborsci.com/cool/pendulum-
..........wave-seems-like-magic-but-its-physics

 The Pendulum Wave Machine consists of a series of
 pendulums with increasing periods that when
 simultaneously released, produce a very cool effect. 
 When viewed from the side, the balls create a
 changing wave that cycles through many beautiful phases.
.
The Source1 video of the pendulum is accompanied
by Philip Glass' 'The Secret Agent Ending'
from the Reflections Album.  Click 'HERE'
to hear and see it.
..
The Source2 video is of a pendulum wave machine
which is 9 ft, long and has 29 pendulums.  It
too is accompanied by beautiful music.  Click
'HERE' to enjoy it.
.
Top
Subj:     What's The Fate Of The Universe? (S868d)
          Speach by Michio Kaku
          At BigThink.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/R5orcCuprG4
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/fateuniverse/
 Source3: http://bigthink.com/dr-kakus-universe/whats-the-
..........fate-of-the-universe-its-in-the-dark-matter

 Why should you bother to wake up tomorrow knowing that we're
 all going to die billions and billions of years from now
 when the universe turns to absolute zero, when the stars
 blink out, when we have nothing but neutron stars and black
 holes?  Dr. Kaku says that billions of years from now we
 may be able to move to a different universe.

 Click 'HERE' to see the fate of our universe.

Top
Subj:     The Higgs Boson Explained By Cartoon (S804d)
          From: Wimp.com on 6/1/2012
.
 What is all this fuss about the Higgs Boson?  The physics
 community is abuzz that a fundamental particle expected
 by the largely successful Standard Model of particle
 physics may soon be found by the huge Large Hadron
 Collider (LHC) at CERN in Europe.
.
Subj: Lunch Talk By Daniel Whileson
   Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/3oBsUg2BzLU
   Source2: http://www.wimp.com/higgsboson/
   Published on May 21, 2012 by SonySongMixer
 This cartoon/video is made from a talk given at lunch
 by Daniel Whileson, experimental physicist at the CERN
 cafeteria outside Geneva, Switzerland on June 16,2011.
 Click 'HERE' to see what heavy particle physicists are
 so excited about.
.
Subj:     The Greatest Idea Ever!
          Written and animated
          by Max Gilardi
Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/kAr-6VliDBU
 This is a cartoon about the greatest idea ever.  Mind you,
 the cartoon itself is not the greatest idea ever, this is
 simply a cartoon ABOUT the greatest idea ever.  Although
 I'd like to think the cartoon itself is a pretty okay idea,
 too.  Click 'HERE' to see this cartoon about the creation
 and danger of the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Europe.

 The stark comparison between these two videos is scary.

Top
Subj:     Heavy Boots (DU)
          From: sirius

 About 6-7 years ago, I was in a philosophy class at the
 University of Wisconsin, Madison (good science/engineering
 school) and the teaching assistant was explaining Descartes.
 He was trying to show how things don't always happen the
 way we think they will and explained that, while a pen
 always falls when you drop it on Earth, it would just float
 away if you let go of it on the Moon.

 My jaw dropped a little.  I blurted "What?!"  Looking around
 the room, I saw that only my friend Mark and one other
 student looked confused by the TA's statement.  The other
 17 people just looked at me like "What's your problem?"

 "But a pen would fall if you dropped it on the Moon, just
 more slowly."   I protested.

 "No it wouldn't." the TA explained calmly, "because you're
 too far away from the Earth's gravity."

 Think. Think. Aha!  "You saw the APOLLO astronauts walking
 around on the Moon, didn't you?"  I countered, "why didn't
 they float away?"

 "Because they were wearing heavy boots." he responded, as
 if this made perfect sense (remember, this is a Philosophy
 TA who's had plenty of logic classes).

 By then I realized that we were each living in totally
 different worlds, and did not speak each others language,
 so I gave up.  As we left the room, my friend Mark was
 raging.  "My God!  How can all those people be so stupid?"

 I tried to be understanding.  "Mark, they knew this stuff
 at one time, but it's not part of their basic view of the
 world, so they've forgotten it.  Most people could probably
 make the same mistake."

 To prove my point, we went back to our dorm room and began
 randomly selecting names from the campus phone book.  We
 called about 30 people and asked each this question:

 1. If you're standing on the Moon holding a pen, and you
 let go, will it a) float away, b) float where it is, or
 c) fall to the ground?

 About 47 percent got this question correct.  Of the ones
 who got it wrong, we asked the obvious follow-up question:

 2. You've seen films of the APOLLO astronauts walking
 around on the Moon, why didn't they fall off?

 About 20 percent of the people changed their answer to
 the first question when they heard this one!  But the
 most amazing part was that about half of them confidently
 answered, "Because they were wearing heavy boots."

Top
Subj:     Computing A Theory Of Everything (S695d)
          From: Wimp.com on 4/29/2010
 Source1: http://www.wimp.com/theoryeverything/
 Source2: https://www.youtube.com/embed/60P7717-XOQ

 Stephen Wolfram, creator of Mathematica, speaking
 at TED Talks.  His quest is to make all knowledge
 computational -- able to be searched, processed and
 manipulated. His new search engine, Wolfram Alpha,
 has no lesser goal than to model and explain the
 physics underlying the universe.

 Click 'HERE' to see this twenty minute, amazing
 mathematical quest.

Top
Subj:     Antigravity: The Feline Butterology Theory (S24)
          From: OXyMoron Humour Archive on 07/01/97

 (See 'Contest of Theories' in THOUGHTS-SILLY)

 This question was posed to the Usenet Oracle:
 If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the
 floor butter-side down.  If a cat is dropped from a window
 or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet.
 What if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side
 up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window?  Will
 the cat land on its feet?  Or will the butter splat on the
 ground?

 In response, thus spake the Oracle:
 Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you
 should be able to deduce the obvious result.  The laws of
 butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground,
 and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics
 demand that the cat can not smash its furry back.  If the
 combined construct were to land, nature would have no way
 to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

 That's right, you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal
 can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity!
 A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height
 where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in
 equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by
 scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing
 some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

 Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use
 this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary
 system.  The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is,
 in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.  The one
 obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the
 bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course
 the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't
 do them much good, since right after they make their graceful
 landing several tons of red-hot starship and cheesed-off
 aliens crash on top of them.

Top
Subj:     Do Aliens Exist? (S669b,d in Aliens)
          From: Wimp.com on 10/8/2009
..........At: http://www.wimp.com/aliensexist/

 This video is a set of three lectures by Michio Kaka,
 professor in physics, City University, New York.
 Click 'HERE' to listen Michio discuss our search
 for exterrestrials.

Top
Subj:     Mathematician, Physicist And A Nude Woman

 A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological
 experiment.  The mathematician is put in a chair in a large
 empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed
 at the other end of the room.  The psychologist explains,
 "You are to remain in your chair.  Every five minutes, I
 will move your chair to a position halfway between its
 current location and the woman on the bed."  The mathe-
 matician looks at the psychologist in disgust.  "What?
 I'm not going to go through this.  You know I'll never
 reach the bed!"  And he gets up and storms out.  The
 psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the
 physicist in.  He explains the situation, and the physicist's
 eyes light up and he starts drooling.  The psychologist is
 a bit confused.  "Don't you realize that you'll never reach
 her?"  The physicist smiles and replied, "Of course!  But
 I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!"

Top
Subj:     Attractors (S524c,d)
          From: TheCleverest.com
          on 1/29/07
 Source: http://www.thecleverest.com/content/attractors.html

 Move and tilt the four objects to alter the stream of balls.
 You can experience this physics experiment by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Prof. And Mrs. Einstein Visit An Observatory (DU)
          Compiled by Max Weinstein on 11/14/94

 It seems Professor and Mrs Einstein were being taken on a
 tour of one of the big astronomical observatories.  Mrs.
 Einstein was curious about the variety of telescopes
 around the place and asked what they were for.  The tour
 guide explained "We need those in order to establish the
 nature of the universe."

 Unimpressed, Mrs. Einstein replied, "Oh, my husband just
 uses the back of an old envelope."

Top
Subj:     Ruben's Tube: Classic Physics Experiment
          From: Wimp.com on 6/5/2010 (S699b,d)
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/HpovwbPGEoo
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/rubenstube/

 The classic physics experiment involving sound, a tube
 of propane and fire.  Created for Flash Forward 2006,
 but useful in any case where you are not allowed to have
 fire.  I push through the tube 449 Hz then higher
 frequencies, then some jazz and then some rock.  This
 is real life sound visualization.  Click 'HERE' to
 see this classic physics video.

Top
Subj:     Crazed Physics Test (DU)
          From: rc5x+

 1]  A shotgun shooting 12 pellets of 00 Buckshot weighing
 4g leave the barrel at 1125 fps.  Assuming the average
 infant will absorb 127.3 f/lbs before disintegrating, how
 many babies will the average blast cut through (rounding
 off to the nearest whole number)?
       eight.

 2]  A 100 kg man is being swung by his entrails in a circle
 16'in radius at the rate of 1600 radians/sec.  Find the
 tension in the man's entrails (ignoring the effects of
 gravity).
       65,024 Newtons.

 3]  A pagan priest attempts to vaporize a young virgin by
 placing her in a flaming pit.  Assuming the woman, weighing
 120 lbs, is completely composed of water, how much energy
 will he have to use to completely vaporize her?
      130,000 BTU

 4]  An infant has a tensile strength of 400 psi and has a
 cross sectional area of 23.4 sq. inches.  Assuming it is
 23" long and has an elongation percentage of .0036%/120psi
 at room temperature, how long will the baby be before it
 is dismembered?
     about 26.45 inches.

 5]  A 12 year old blind orphan girl is shot from a cannon
 at the speed of 1200 fps at a solid brick wall.  Calculate
 the force of impact given that the brick wall is 3 feet
 away from the barrel.
    if she weighs 50 lbs, and all of her sticks to the wall,
    3.3 million Newtons.

 6]  A large plane weighing 12.7 M tons carrying 12 tons
 of nuns and orphans travelling at 724.46 kph and at an
 altitude of 40,000 meters suffers explosive decompression
 above the center of a 30km diameter population.  Assuming
 that one passenger is sucked out every second, how many
 passengers will land within the population center?
    about (give or take a torso or leg) 12.

 7]  A 1000 lb car is moving at 130 mph and two poodles
 whose combined weight is 82 lbs are thrown out the back
 at 3 mph.  Calculate the velocity of the car.
    140.91 happy mph.

 8]  Farmer Brown is selling apples for 12 cents a dozen
 in a room where a torch has a brightness of 120 candela
 is 12 ft from a 14.36 sq meter surface.  Assuming a
 light bulb 17.3 cubits from the surface has a brightness
 of 129 candlepower and gives off heat of 1.27 BTU and
 the room is 423 degrees Kelvin; assuming the pressure
 in the room is 1100 millibar; assuming the lightbulb is
 rotating at 4 pi radians per half minute, with the power
 source of the bulb a battery giving off energy at a rate
 of 12000000 terrajoules per exasecond;  assuming the
 coefficient of friction at the base of the rotating
 lightbulb is 1.679 E9; assuming the room is being launched
 at 50 times escape velocity; assuming it collides with the
 moon in a perfectly elastic collision, when the room
 returns to the earth 6 days 4 hours 20 minutes 35 seconds
 and 12 nanoseconds later, how much does Farmer Brown sell
 one apple for?
    still one cent, but all thats left is well-done applesaus.

Top
Subj:     Two Dark Matter Videos (S843d)
Drawing from Uncyclopedia.Wikia.com...
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Subj: Dark matter: The Matter We Can't See
      Made by TEDEducation
      Narrated by James Gillies
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/HneiEA1B8ks
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/mattersee/

 Visible matter comprises only 4% of the universe. CERN scientist
 James Gillies tells us what accounts for the remaining 96% (dark
 matter and dark energy) and how we might go about detecting it.
 Click 'HERE' to see this clear explanation of dark matter.
.
.
Subj: NOVA scienceNOW | The Dark Matter Mystery
      Made by NOVA scienceNOW
      Narrated by Doug Clowe
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/nJN2X3NrQAE

 Astronomer Doug Clowe explains how the Bullet Cluster, a group
 of galaxies billions of light years away, may shed some light
 on this mysterious stuff.  Click 'HERE' to see this cute proof
 of the existance of dark matter.

Top
Subj:     Dark Suckers (DU)
          From: Cypriot on 3/15/2002

 For years it has been believed that electric light bulbs
 emitted light.  However, recent information has proven
 otherwise.  Electric light bulbs do not emit light, they
 suck dark.  Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers.

 The dark sucker theory proves the existence of dark, that
 dark has a mass heavier than light and that dark is
 faster than light.  The basis of the dark sucker theory
 is that electric light bulbs suck dark.  Take for example,
 the dark suckers in the room where you are.  There is much
 less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere.  The
 larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck
 dark.  Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater
 capacity than the ones in this room.

 As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever.  Once
 they are full of dark, they can no longer suck.  This is
 proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker.

 A candle is a primitive dark sucker.  A new candle has a
 white wick.  You will notice that after the first use,
 the wick turns black, representing all of the dark that
 has been sucked into it.  If you hold a pencil next to
 the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black
 because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the
 candle.  Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have
 a very limited range.

 There are also portable dark suckers.  The bulbs in these
 can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be
 aided by a dark storage unit.  When the dark storage unit
 is full, it must either be emptied or replaced before the
 portable dark sucker can operate again.

 Dark has mass.  When dark goes into a dark sucker,
 friction from this mass generates heat.  Thus it is not
 wise to touch an operating dark sucker.  Candles present
 a special problem, as the dark must travel into a solid
 wick instead of through clear glass.  This generates a
 great amount of heat.  Thus it can be very dangerous to
 touch an operating candle.

 Dark is also heavier than light.  If you swim just below
 the surface of a lake, you see a lot of light.  If you
 slowly swim deeper and deeper, you notice it getting
 slowly darker and darker.  When you reach a depth of
 approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness.
 This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of
 the lake and the lighter light floats to the top.

 The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's
 advantage.  We can collect the dark that has settled to
 the bottom of the lake and push it through turbines,
 which generate electricity and help push the dark to
 the ocean, where it may be safely stored.

 Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light.
 If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed,
 dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you
 would see the light slowly enter the closet.  But since
 dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark
 leave the closet.

 So next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it
 is not a light emitter but a Dark Sucker

Top
Subj:     Pearls Before Swine (S1007)
          By Stephan Pastis on 5/4/2016
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2016/05/04
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Top
Subj:     The Sex Life of An Electron I (with unhappy ending) (S586c)

 One night when his charge was at full capacity, Micro
 Farad decided to get a cute little coil to discharge him.
 He picked up Millie Amp and took her for a ride on his
 megacycle.  They rode across the wheat stone bridge,
 around the sine wave, and into the magnetic field next
 to the flowing current.

 Micro Farad, attracted by Millie's characteristic curve,
 soon had her field fully excited.  He laid her on the
 ground potential, raised her frequency, lowered her
 resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe.  He
 inserted it in parallel and began to short circuit her
 shunt.  Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give
 me mho".  With his tube at maximum output and her coil
 vibrating from the current flow, her shunt soon reached
 maximum heat.  The excessive current had shorted her
 shunt, and Micro's capacity was rapidly discharged, and
 every electron was drained off.  They fluxed all night,
 tried various connections and hookings until his bar
 magnet had lost all of its strength, and he could no
 longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing
 field.  With his battery fully discharged, Micro was
 unable to excite his tickler, so they ended up reversing
 polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

Top
Subj:     Blacksmith's Riddle (S558b)
          From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 9/28/07
 Source: http://www.braingle.com/brainteasers/
.........teaser.php?op=2&id=10412&comm=0

 A blacksmith wishes to cool his hot piece of steel as
 rapidly as possible.  He has a bucket of ice-water and
 a bucket of oil (at room temperature).  Which bucket
 should he dump his steel into?

 The solution can be found at the source above.

Top
Subj:     The Sex Life Of An Electron II
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

 Micro was a real-time operator and a dedicated multi-user.
 His broadband protocol made it easy for him to interface
 with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

 One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing,
 and had parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he
 had missed the 5100 bus that morning), when he noticed an
 elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his
 garden.  He though to himself, "She looks user-friendly.
 I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."

 He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her
 twin 32 bit floating point processors, and inquired, "How
 are you, Honeywell?"

 "Yes, I am well", she responded, batting her optical fibers
 engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear
 functions.

 Micro settled for a straight line approximation.  "I'm
 stand-alone tonight", he said.  "How about computing a
 vector to my base address?  I'll output a byte to eat
 and maybe we could get offset later on."

 Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds, then
 transmitted 8K, "I've been recently dumped myself and a
 new page is just what I need to refresh my disk packs.
 I'll park my machine cycle in your background and meet
 you inside."  She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her
 solenoids and thinking, "Wow, what a global variable!  I
 wonder if she'd like my firmware?"

 They sat down at the process table to a top of form feed
 of fiche and chips and a bottle of Baudot.  Mini was in
 conversational mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments
 while Micro gave occasional acknowledgements although,
 in reality, he was analyzing the shortest and least
 critical path to her entry point.  He finally settled on
 the old line, "Would you like to see my benchmark
 subroutine?", but Mini was again one clock tick ahead.

 Suddenly, she was up and stripping off her parity bits
 to reveal the full functionality of her operating system.
 "Let's get BASIC, you RAM" she said.  Micro was loaded
 by this stage, but his hardware policing module had a
 processor of its own and was in danger of overflowing
 its output buffer, a hang-up that Micro had consulted
 his analyst about.  "Core", was all he could say, as she
 prepared to log him off.

 Micro soon recovered, however, when she went down on the
 DEC and opened her device files to reveal her data set
 ready.  He accessed his fully packed root device and was
 about to start pushing into her CPU stack, when she
 attempted an escape sequence.

 "No, no!" she cried.  "You're not shielded!"

 "Reset, baby", he replied.  "I've been debugged."

 "But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't
 support child processes", she protested.

 "Don't run away", he said. "I'll generate an interrupt."

 "No!" she squealed.  "That's too error prone and I can't
 abort because of my design philosophy."

 But Micro was locked in by this stage and could not be
 turned off.  Mini stopped his thrashing by introducing
 a voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell
 over with a head crash and went to sleep.

 "Computers!" she thought as she compiled herself.  "All
 they ever think of is hex!"

Top
Subj:     Mallard Comic Strip (S618)
          by Bruce Tinsley on 11/8/2008
Source: http://comicskingdom.com/mallard-fillmore#
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Top
Subj:     Falling Theomometer Experiment (DU)

 Ivan Ivanovich, great Russian Scientist does an experiment.
 He wants to know how fast a thermometer falls down.  He
 takes a thermometer and a light, a candle light.  He drops
 both from the 3rd floor and recognices that they are
 reaching the ground at the same time.  Ivan Ivanovich,
 great russian scientific writes in his book: A theomometer
 falls with the speed of light.

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Subj:     'I Love Physics' T-Shirt (DU)
          From: NeatORama.com on 3/4/2009
Source: (Removed from shop.neatorama.com)
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Subj: A Call For More Scientific Truth In Product Warning Labels (33)
      From: OXyMoron Humour Archive on 07/01/97

 As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent
 trend towards legislation that requires the prominent
 placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the
 general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary
 thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned,
 merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in
 this important area.  This is especially true in light of
 the findings of 20th century physics.  We are therefore
 proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together
 in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the
 conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on
 the packaging of every product offered for sale in the
 United States of America. Our suggested list of warnings
 appears below.
 WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
 WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter
    in the Universe, including the Products of Other
    Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product
    of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance
    between Them.
 CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy
    Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce
    of Weight.
 HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute
    Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities
    in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.
 CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle,"
    It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the
    Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and
    How Fast It Is Moving.
 ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance
    That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This
    Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present
    Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the
    Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile.  The
    Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages
    or Inconvenience That May Result.
 READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain
    Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the
    Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay
    to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million
    Years.
 THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event
    That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in
    Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
 PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product,
    in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of
    Disorder in the Universe.  Although No Liability Is
    Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This
    Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of
    the Universe.
 NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product
    Are Held Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which
    Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive
    Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
 ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents
    Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in
    Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999%
    Empty Space.
 NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The Manufacturer
    May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product
    Is Ten- Dimensional.  However, the Consumer Is Reminded
    That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond
    Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since
    the Seven New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a
    Small "Area" That They Cannot Be Detected.
 PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That
    When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product,
    It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and
    Undetermined State.
 COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles
    (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are
    Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those
    Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No
    Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed
    or Implied.
 HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This
    Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is
    Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
 IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical
    Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse
    Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space.  Should
    Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence
    of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.

 (The above is from Volume 36, Number 1 of The Journal of
 Irreproducible Results.
    Copyright 1991 Blackwell Scientific Publications Inc.
    3 Cambridge Center, Cambridge MA 02141
    Individual US Subscriptions $12.00
    Reproduced without permission.)

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Subj:     Opus On The Universe (S602b)
          By Berkeley Breathed Aug 5, 2007
          From: Salon.com on 7/21/2008
 Source: http://www.salon.com/comics/opus/2007/08/05/opus/

 Opus thinks about the universe.  What's the center of it all?
 You can view this wonderful comic strip by clicking 'HERE'.

 You can view other great Opus Comic Strips by clicking
 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Physics Saves Lives! (S150, S586b)
          From: Internet Humor Archive source: Prabhu M. Arumugam
      and From: FrankRoesch on 12/13/1999

 As a premed student at Washington University in St. Louis,
 I had to take a difficult class in physics.  One day our
 professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
 A student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn
 this stuff?"

 "To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued
 the lecture.  A few minutes later, the same student spoke up
 again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

 "It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the
 professor.

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Subj:     Einstein's Cows (DU)
          From: OXyMoron Humour Archive on 07/01/97

 E=MC
 (Everything equals Milking Cows)

 Albert Einstein, that brilliant human and cow lover knew
 all about us.  He chose not to release his greatest theory
 to the general public for fear of ridicule.  This being
 his "Theory of Lactation."

 The manuscript, "Al's Cow and The Milky Way" was recently
 uncovered and it is here that he explains, in human terms,
 what cows have known forever.  The "Theory of Lactation"
 states that the universe originated from a Giant Udder
 (hereafter referred to as the GU), which creates galaxies
 from a single teat drop.  This udder, spanning millions of
 light years in space and time, created our Milky Way and
 is creating galaxies galore with each liquid drop of its
 udder.  The physical base substance of all life and matter
 is milk!  The GU chews on the great emptiness of space in
 order to lactate and create life as we know it. This udder
 is getting bigger everyday folks and Einstein predicted
 that eventually it will fill ALL SPACE. So as you can see
 our good cowbuddy Einstein may be dead but he was full of
 it. Full of the cow knowledge.

 From an article by David R. Wyder.

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(S650b)
     by John Graziano on 6/12/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/06/12
 
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