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Subj: Psych-Counseling
          (Includes 63 jokes and articles, 11 1026n,11,cf,wYT2a3,7)
 
 

      Click "Here" for Psych-Supp


Alien Psychology from
Millanimations
Includes the following:  What's On A Man's Mind (S512 in Supp)
.........................Steven Pinker's Mind Games (S942 in Supp)
.........................Woman Has Sex Problems (S29, S466b in Supp)
.........................Kermit Visits The Psychiatrist's Office - Video (S790-Supp)
.........................Frasier's Celebrity Callers - Video (S795 in Supp)
.........................Effective Suicide Counselling! (S1003 in Supp)
.........................Paul Bloom: The Origins Of Pleasure - Video (S759 in Supp)
.........................Classic Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip VII (S750 in Supp)
.........................A Glass Of Water (S940 in Supp)
.........................Napoleon Hill - Think & Grow Rich - Video (S722 in Supp)
.........................RSA - Evolution Of Empathy - Video (S718 in Supp)
.........................Classic Peanuts Comic Strip VI (S715 in Supp)
.........................Sheena Iyengar: Art Of Choosing - TED - Video (S710 in Supp)
.........................Mass Hysteria (S716b in Supp)
.........................Classic Peanuts By Charles Schulz (S708b in Supp)
.........................Perceptual Blindness Test - Video (S609b in Supp)
.........................Foot-Hand Coordination Test (S532b in Supp)
.........................Classic Peanuts By Charles Schulz (S594c in Supp)
.........................The Bathtub Sanity Test (S648b in Supp)
.........................Psycho The Rapist Sign (S984 in Supp)
.........................Another Classic Peanuts By Charles Schulz (S606b)
.........................Bubba Went To A Psychiatrist (S511b in Supp)
.........................My Brain's Age - Game (S610 in Supp)
.........................My Brain's Age II - Game (S735 in Supp)
.........................Dumpster Experiment (in Supp)
.........................Classic Peanuts III By Schulz (S611b in Supp)
.........................The Best Medicine (S470b in Supp)
.........................How To Unlock Your 'Inner Savant' - Video (S718 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (DU)
.........................Classic Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip By Charles Schutz (S589)
.........................Girl Visits Psychiatrist (S398b)
.........................Responding To Stress (S997)
.........................Psychological Test (S331, S530)
.........................Dr Phil's Test..... (S456, S637b)
.........................Insane Asylum Exit Test (S318)
.........................Three Take Personality Test (S309)
.........................The Psychiatrist And The Hostess (S231b)
.........................Pooh The Psychologist (DU)
.........................Oreo Personality Test (S223)
.........................Learning Memory Tricks (S167)
.........................Psychiatrist Discuss 4 Mother's Obsessions (S156, S605)
.........................How You See Yourself - Picture (S400b)
.........................Two Nuts At The Insane Asylum (S367b)
.........................Three Nuts At The Insane Asylum (S291)
.........................Marriage Counselor (S108, S754)
.........................Boy Pounds Head On Table - Animated GIF (S964)
.........................Obsession With Sex (S303)
.........................Two Crazy Patients
.........................Eeyore And The Butterfly - Drawing (DU)
.........................Psychology Experiment At A Bar
.........................Psychology Quotes
..............................The Hypothalamus (S358)
                         Short Psychology Jokes
..............................Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip IX (S834 in Supp)
..............................Peanuts Comic Strip VIII (S820 in Supp)
..............................Mind Hack - Video (S727 in Supp)
..............................Derek Sivers: Keep Your Goals To Self - Vid (S714b-Sup)
..............................Stress Release - Video (S703b)
..............................The Phobias Sketch - Video (S673b in Supp)
..............................Thought For The Day (S648 in Supp)
..............................Mallard Comic Strip (S638b in Supp)
..............................The Stress Test (S503b in Supp)
..............................How To Hypnotize A Man (S579b in Supp)
..............................Maxine On A Shoulder To Cry On (S574b in Supp)
..............................Tequila and Salt (S572b in Supp)
..............................OB-Gyn Phone Answering Message - Audio (S570 in Supp)
..............................Right Brain Vs Left Brain (S566 in Supp)
..............................Lucy The Psychiatrist (in Supp)
..............................Clown Badges (S497b, S501c in Supp)
..............................Stress Breaker (S496b in Supp)
..............................The Color Test (S792 in Supp)
..............................Color Test (S484b in Supp)
..............................Psychiatric Office Answering Machine - Audio(S483c-Sup)
..............................I Lost - Sign (S480c in Supp)
..............................Draw-A-Pig Personality Test (S488 in Supp)
..............................
..............................Big Red Button (S465b)
..............................Patient Studied By Two Students (S261b)
..............................Find The Head Test (S447)
..............................Man Is Worried About His Dream (S218)
..............................Color And I Test(S409b)
..............................Men In Psych Study (S250)
..............................Psychic Quiz (S383)
..............................A Kid, A Dog, And A Psychologist (S211)
..............................Color Quiz (S380)
..............................Guy Thinks He Is A Teepee (S169)
..............................Psychic Web Site (S316)

Also see BIRDS-SUPP   - 'Chicken And The Road Sign'
         BLONDE1 file - 'Not So Dumb Blonde Gets Time Off'
         BREASTS file - 'Male Hypnotic Tools'
         BROTHERS file- 'Two Brothers At Christmas'
         CHICKEN-SUPP - 'Strange Brew Cartoon'
         CHRISTMAS1   - 'Pyschological Christmas Carols'
         COMPUTER-SUPP- 'Why You Forward Jokes'
         DOCTOR1 file - 'Two Doctors Open Small Town Practice'
......................- 'Doctor Helps Couple's Sex Life'
         ELDERLY1     - 'Elderly Couple Has Sex In Front Of Doctor'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Phobia Trivia...'
         GERMANY file - 'Hypnotic Freedom'
         HUNTING-CMPNG- 'Three Hunters Caught In A Snowstorm'
         JOBS-SUPP    - 'Hung Chow Too Sick To Work'
         JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'How To Get Days Off Work'
......................- 'The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem'
.........KIDS4 file   - 'Lifesaver Study'
         MARRIAGE1    - 'Psychiatrist Helps Shy Man'
         MARRIAGE3    - 'Man And Wife Are Having Two Problems'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Couple See Marriage Counselor'
         MATH1 file   - 'The Number "Seven"'
         OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Professional Competency Test'
......................- 'Two Penguins - Animated GIF'
         PENIS-SUPP   - 'Happy And Sad In The Same Sentence'
         PHONE file   - 'Mental Health Hotline' - Video
......................- 'Answering Machine At Mental Hospital'
         PRISON file  - 'Ax Murderer Let Lose By Accident'
         SANTA file   - 'In The Wrong Job'
         SEX3 file    - 'Firing A Starter Gun During Sex'
......................- 'Different Types Of Sex - LOUD SEX:'
         SHIT file    - 'The Hypnotist'
         TENNIS file  - 'Tennis Mind Reading'
.........TESTS1 file  - 'Intriguing Intelligence Test'
         TESTS2 file  - 'Tibetan Personality Test'
......................- 'Are You In The 98% Test?'
......................- 'Good Short Test'
         THO-LEARN-SP2- 'Stress Management'
         THO-LEARN-SP3- 'The Innovation Of Loneliness' - Video
         THOUGHTS-SLLY- 'Feeling Stressed?'
         THO-SILLY-SUP- 'The Pill' - Video
         TREE file    - 'The Tree Picture Test'
         TRUCK-BUS    - 'Zimbabwea Bus Driver Stops At Bar'

     for PSYCHIC file -  (see GHOSTS file)
============================================================Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (DU)
          By Dan Piraro on 9/2/2012
          From: The Comic Ninja
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/september-2-2012/
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Top
Subj:     Classic Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S589)
          By Charles Schulz on 4/27/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/2008/04/27

 You can view this Classic Peanuts Sunday comic strip
 about psychology by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Girl Visits Psychiatrist (S398b)
          From: JokesUncut - 24 August 2004

 GIRL: I have done a great sin. I called a boy a B*S#^RD.
 PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call
               anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

 GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?

 GIRL: .. Yes!
 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a B*S#^RD..

 GIRL: But, he put his hand in my bra.
 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?

 GIRL: Yes!
 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a B*S#^RD..

 GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?

 GIRL: Yes!
 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a B*S#^RD..

 GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
 PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?

 GIRL: .Yes!
 PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a B*S#^RD..

 GIRL: But, he told me he has AIDS.
 PSYCHIATRIST: THAT B*S#^RD.!

Top
Subj:     Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski On Responding To Stress (S997)
          From: Christopher Pearson on Facebook on 2/21/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/3aDXM5H-Fuw
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..........Click 'HERE' to learn more about stress.
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Top
Subj:     Psychological Test (S331, S530)
          From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003
      and From: darrell94590 on 3/17/2007

 This is a genuine psychological test.

 It is a story about a girl.  While at the funeral of her
 own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know.  She
 thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy she
 was searching for that she fell in love with him right
 then and there but never asked for his name or number and
 afterward could not find anyone who knew who he was.  A
 few days later the girl killed her own sister.

 Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

 Give this some thought for a while before you scroll down.
 DON'T CHEAT!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the
         funeral again.

 If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
 This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to
 test if one has the same mentality as a killer.  Many
 arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered
 it correctly.  If you didn't answer correctly - good for
 you. (If you got the answer correct, please let me know so
 I can take you off my e-mail list......unless that will
 tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now
 on.... )

 HOPE YOU ALL FLUNKED THIS TEST!!!!!!!!!!!

Top
Subj:     Dr Phil's Test..... (S456, S637b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2005
      and From: tom on 3/22/2009
 Drawing from ClogWork
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/trivia/philtest.asp

 You can take this cute personality test by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Insane Asylum Exit Test (S318)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/3/2003

 Jon and Dave were in a mental institution.  This place had
 an annual contest, picking two of the best patients and
 giving them two questions. If they got them correct,
 they're deemed cured and free to go.

 Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if
 he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions
 correctly.  The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I
 poked out one of your eyes?"

 Jon said, "I'd be half blind."  "That's correct.  What if I
 poked out both of your eyes?"  "I'd be completely blind."
 The doctor got up, shook his hand and told him he was free.

 On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork,
 Jon mentioned the exam to Dave.  He told him what questions
 were going to be asked, and told him the answers.  Dave was
 called in.  The doctor went through the formalities and
 asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"

 Dave, remembering what Jon said was the correct answer, he
 said, "I'd be half blind."  The doctor looked a little
 puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off both of your
 ears?"  "I'd be completely blind." Dave answered.  "Dave,
 can you explain how you'd be blind?"  "My hat would fall
 over my eyes."

Top
Subj:     Three Take Personality Test (S309)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/2/2003

 A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting
 a personality test. The room was set up with various props
 in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first
 person to enter the room started through the test.

 "How does this glass of water look to you?"

 Person 1: It is half empty.

 Student writes 'pessimist' in his report.

 Person 2 enters the room. "How does this glass of water
 look to you?"

 Person 2: It is half full.

 Student writes 'optimist' in his report.

 Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water
 look to you?"

 Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as
 you need there.

 The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with
 the professor.  "Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot
 to warn you about the engineers!  They have no personality."

Top
Subj:     The Psychiatrist And The Hostess (S231b)
          From: thebartend on 6/28/2001

 A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering,
 and his blonde hostess naturally broached a subject of which
 the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me,
 Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in
 somebody who appears completely normal?"

 "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
 which anyone should answer with no trouble.  If he or she
 hesitates, that puts you on the track."

 "What sort of question?" asked the hostess.

 "Well, you might ask her or him, 'Captain Cook made three
 trips around the world and died during one of them.  Which
 one?'"

 The woman thought for a moment, then said with a nervous
 laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would
 you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

Top
Subj:     Pooh The Psychologist (DU)
          Created by A.A. Milne in his 1920s books
          by Disney on 12/19/2008
 Source: https://www.creators.com/comics/winnie-the-pooh.html
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Top
Subj:     Oreo Personality Test (S223)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 5/4/2001

 Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which
 people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their
 personalities.  Choose which method best describes your
 favorite method of eating Oreos:

  1. The whole thing all at once.
  2. One bite at a time.
  3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results
     of each bite afterwards.
  4. In little feverous nibbles.
  5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
  6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
  7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
  8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
  9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
 10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo.
 

 Your Personality:

 1. The whole thing. This means you consume life with
    abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree
    with some hint of recklessness.  You are totally
    irresponsible.  No one should trust you with their
    children.
 2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to be one of the
    5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very
    same way.  Just like them, you lack imagination, but
    that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.
 3. Slow and methodical. You follow the rules.  You're
    very tidy and orderly.  You're very meticulous in every
    detail with every thing you do to the point of being
    anal retentive and irritating to others.  Stay out of
    the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.
 4. Feverous nibbles. Your boss likes you because you get
    your work done quickly.  You always have a million
    things to do and never enough time to do them.  Mental
    breakdowns and suicides run in your family.  Valium and
    Ritalin would do you good.
 5. Dunked.  Every one likes you because you are always up
    beat.  You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences
    and rationalize bad situations into good ones.  You are
    in total denial about the shambles you call a life.
    You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.
 6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie.  You
    have a highly curious nature.  You take pleasure in
    breaking things apart to find out how they work, though
    not always able to put them back together, so you
    destroy all the evidence of your activities.  You deny
    your involvement when things go wrong.  You are a
    compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal,
    behavior.
 7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie.
    You are good at business and take risk that pay off.
    You take what you want and throw the rest away.  You
    are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others.
    You should be ashamed of yourself.  But that's ok, you
    don't care, you got yours.
 8. Just the cookie, not the inside. You enjoy pain.
 9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.  Stay away from
    small furry animals and seek professional medical help
    - immediately.
10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies.
    You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear
    nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants.  You are
    particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and
    wear.  Things have to be just right.  You like to be
    pampered. You are a prim.

Top
Subj:     Learning Memory Tricks (S167)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 4/13/00

 Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation
 when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the
 memory clinic you went to last month?"

 "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest
 psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc.
 It was great."

 "That's great!  And what was the name of the clinic?"

 Fred went blank.  He thought and thought, but couldn't
 remember.  Then a smile broke across his face and he asked,
 "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

 "You mean a rose?"

 "Yes, that's it!"

 He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that
 memory clinic?"

Top
Subj:     Psychiatrist Discuss Four Mother's Obsessions (S156, S605)
          From: CKButch4Femme on 5/19/2003
      and From: tom on 8/10/2008

 The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with
 three young mothers and their small children.

 "You all have obsessions," he told them.

 To the first one, he said, "Your obsession is eating.  Why
 you've even named your daughter Candy."

 The second, he said, was obsessed by money. "Again, it
 manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

 He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol.
 This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy".

 At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her
 little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're
 leaving."

Top
Subj:     How You See Yourself - Picture (S400b)
          From: DafterLafter - 16 August 2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Top
Subj:     Two Nuts At The Insane Asylum (S367b)
          From: JBCARY1 on 2/3/2004

 Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.  One
 day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool
 Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.  He sank to the
 bottom of the pool and stayed there.  Edna promptly jumped
 in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

 When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act
 he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital
 as he now considered her to be mentally stable.  He went to
 Edna to tell the news and said, "Edna, I have good news and
 bad news.  The good news is you're being discharged since you
 were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and
 saving the life of another patient.  I have concluded that
 your act displays that you have a sound mind.  The bad news
 is Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself with his bath-
 robe belt in the bathroom.  I am so sorry, but he's dead."

 Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

Top
Subj:     Three Nuts At The Insane Asylum (S291)
          Contributed by Josh Hiller

 While making his rounds in the New York City Insane Asylum,
 an intern happened upon one of the residents bent over with
 his hands in a flower pot. Quite loudly, the resident yelled,
 "Down....Set.....Hike!  Hike!"  He proceeded to throw an
 imaginary football to an imaginary receiver, who ran for an
 imaginary touchdown.  Asking the resident what was going
 on, he calmly replied, "I'm practicing for when I get outta
 here;  I'm going to be a quarterback in the NFL and lead my
 team to the Super Bowl!"  The intern noted that the resident
 was making progress and proceeded to the next room.

 In the next room he came upon a resident dribbling an
 imaginary basketball, faking out an imaginary defender, and
 scoring, shouting, "He shoots, he scores!"  The intern once
 again approached the resident, inquiring about what was going
 on.  "When I get out of here, I'm going to the NBA and
 leading my team to the Finals!"  The intern, smiling, noted
 once again that his patient was making progress, and continued
 on to the next room.

 In this room he came upon a resident sitting on his bed, next
 to a five gallon trashcan filled to the brim with peanuts.
 As the intern moved closer, he noted the resident was grabbing
 a handful of peanuts and masturbating.  After several
 repetitions of the unusual masturbation technique, the intern
 proceeded to ask the resident what he was doing.

 "Say, I've visited two rooms before you and they're both
 making progress.  One's going to the NFL, and the other one's
 going to the NBA.  What in the hell are you doing?"

 The resident sharply replied, "Man, I'm fucking nuts!  I
 ain't never getting out of here!"

Top
Subj:     Marriage Counselor (S108, S754)
          From: JOELFALLON on 99-02-18
      and From: hellgunner50 on 6/26/2011

 After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
 arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
 to save their marriage was to try counseling.  They had
 been at each other's throat for some time and felt that
 this was their last straw. When they arrived at the
 counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and
 opened the floor for discussion.

 "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband
 held his long face down without anything to say.  On the
 other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour
 describing all the wrongs within their marriage.  After
 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the
 counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders,
 kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her
 back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

 He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief
 at what had happened.  The counselor spoke to the husband,
 "Your wife NEEDS that at least three times a week!  Can
 you do that?"

 The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can
 get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I play golf.

Top
Subj:     Boy Pounds Head On Table - Animated GIF (S964d)
          From: Nesan Waran on Facebook
 Source2: http://33.media.tumblr.com/b98696138369f9bf6a9c
..........54eaf25bc64b/tumblr_nippn8jDAk1qk4nn7o1_500.gif
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......
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......I'm mesmerized by an animated GIF as an infinite loop.
......Here are more examples on my web site:
.........'Dancing Man On The 4th Of July' in Fourth_of_July
.........'ABC Rides TOURBILLON' in Movies-Supp
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Top
Subj:     Obsession With Sex (S303)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #94 on 98-04-16
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/19/2002

 A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him, "Doc, I think
 I have an obsession with sex."  The doctor agrees to examine
 him and begins by showing him various drawings.  First the
 doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it.  The
 man immediately says, "OMIGOSH!!  Four people having sex!!!!".

 Next the doctor draws a circle, at which the man gasps, and
 says, "One man having sex."

 Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which, of course, the
 patient identifies as, "two woman and one man having sex".

 The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient,
 "Yes, I do believe that you have an obsession with sex."

 To which the man replies, "ME?????  YOU'RE the one drawing
 all the dirty pictures!"

Top
Subj:     Two Crazy Patients

 A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds
 when he entered a patient's room.  He found Patient #1
 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in
 half.  Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

 The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.  The
 patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of
 wood in half!?"  The doctor enquired of Patient #1 what
 Patient #2 was doing.  Patient #1 replied, "Oh.  He's my
 friend, but he's a little crazy.  He thinks he's a light-
 bulb."  The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face
 is going all red.

 The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, shouldn't
 you get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

 Patient #1 replies, "What?! And work in the dark?!"

Top
Subj:     Eeyore And The Butterfly (DU)
         From: Louis Callerame on Favebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10203331347164
.........629&set=a.1277952969130.34369.1839192515&type=1&theater
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Top
Subj:     Psychology Experiment At A Bar
          From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/27/97

 A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
 sitting at the bar.  After an hour of gathering up his
 courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,
 "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
 To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,
 "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"  Everyone in the bar
 is now staring at them.  Naturally, the guy is hopelessly
 and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

 After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and
 apologizes.  She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I
 embarrassed you.  You see, I'm a graduate student in
 psychology and I'm studying how people respond to
 embarrassing situations."

 To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you
 mean $200?"

Top
Subj:     Psychology Quotes

Top
Subj:     The Hypothalamus (S358)
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
      and From: zzarry on 12/7/2003

 The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the
 brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other
 functions.  The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
 1. fighting;  2. fleeing; 3. feeding; and  4. mating.
   -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

 A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your
 mother.

From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
 A great many people think they are thinking when they are
 merely rearranging their prejudices.  -- William James

From: LABLaughs.com on 7/27/2002 (S287b)
 One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown
 is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)


Subj:     Short Psychology Jokes

Top
Subj:     Big Red Button (S465b)
          From: DoctorDebt on 12/18/2005
..........Source: (Removed from kontrabandcontent.co.uk)
 This SWF video is a good test for how determined you are.
 You can take the test by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Patient Studied By Two Students (S261b)
          From: trumpetz on 1/30/2002
 A psychiatrist is doing rounds in his asylum with a couple
 of students.  They look in on one patient and the psych-
 iatrist says to his students, "Sometimes, this fellow
 thinks he's a temptress in a Bizet opera, but today, as
 you can see from his goose stepping, he thinks he's the
 World War II head of the Nazi Luftwaffe.  What condition
 do you think he's suffering from?"

 The first student replies, "Is he a paranoid schizophrenic
 with a multiple personality disorder?"

 The second student says, "No, I think he just doesn't know
 whether he's Carmen or Goering."
 

Top
Subj:     Find The Head Test (S447)
          From: LABLaughsClean20050810 on 8/10/05
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 According to medical experiments: If you can find the Man's
 Head within 3 seconds, your right brain is more developed
 than normal people. If you can find the Man's Head within 1
 minute, your right brain is developed normally. If you can
 find the Man's Head within 1-3 minutes, your right brain is
 slow in reacting, you should eat more meat protein. If you
 can't find the Man's Head in 3 minutes or more, your right
 brain is a disaster... extremely slow in reacting, eat way
 more protein and try some Ginkgo Biloba. AND, YES THERE
 REALLY IS A MAN'S HEAD IN THERE.  You can take the test by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Man Is Worried About His Dream (S218)
          From: RFSlick on 4/5/2001
 A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned
 look on his face.  "Doc," he says, "I'm worried.  It's
 that dream.  I'm having it again!"

 "What dream?" asked the psychiatrist.

 "You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism
 and bestiality and necrophilia.  Should I be worried,...
 or am I just beating a dead horse?"
 

Top
Subj:     Color And I Test(S409b)
          From: JokesUncut on 11/17/2004
..........Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
 To view this quick, simple test, click 'HERE' for the test.
 

Top
Subj:     Men In Psych Study (S250)
          From: jerry on 11/12/2001
 And I always thought that caffeine was my drug of choice!

 ''These guys look like rodents bar-pressing for cocaine.''

 Comment made by an MIT researcher after discovering,
 using brain scans, that heterosexual men's reaction to
 seeing a beautiful women is similar to that of a drug
 addict getting a fix.

 And when these men were shown random pictures of women
 for several seconds where they could extend or cut the
 viewing time by pressing keys, attractive women were
 viewed an average of  8.7 seconds while others were
 viewed for 5.2 seconds. Men worked frantically to keep
 the attractive woman's pictures up longer, pressing the
 keys an average of 6,700 times in 40 minutes.

 From the journal Neuron via Ananova 9-Nov-01
 

Top
Subj:     Psychic Quiz (S383)
          From: mrx on 5/20/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
 Very cute web page.  Definitely worth the internet trip.
 You can see this quiz by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     A Kid, A Dog, And A Psychologist (S211)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 2/17/2001
 My best lesson in child psychology came when I saw our
 five-year-old, Steven, roughly jerking our poodle's
 leash.  Suddenly his fuming father appeared and asked,
 "Do you want to tell me how sorry you are?"

 "I don't know how much you saw!" Steven stammered.
 

Top
Subj:     Color Quiz (S380)
          From: igiggle on 5/6/2004
 Gives you a psychological analysis based on color preferences.
 My results were amazingly accurate, almost too accurate.
 - http://www.colorquiz.com/
 

Top
Subj:     Guy Thinks He Is A Teepee (S169)
          From: RFSlick on 4/22/00
 A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these
 alternating recurring dreams.  First I'm a teepee; then
 I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam.  It
 is driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
 The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
 

Top
Subj:     Psychic Web Site (S316)
          From: gibbz on 2/18/2003
 Try and figure out this one, I can't
 (Removed from cyberglass.co.uk/assets/Flash/psychic.swf)
 Solution:
 I did it six times
 45-9=36, 80-8=72, 75-12=63, 22-4=18, 51-6=45, and 11-2=9
 Now go back to the web site and look again at 36 and 72 and
 63 and 18 and 45.  They all have the same picture each time.
 
 

 What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant
 intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the
 average adult.  -- Sigmund Freud (in Quotes1)

 Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #59 on 98-03-09
 I may be schizophrenic, but at least I'll always have
 each other.

 Never trust a proctologist with both hands
 on your shoulders.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
 It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

 Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
 When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind
 gets pretty crowded.

 Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

 All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

From: humorlist-digest V3 #25 on 99-01-27
 Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

From: RFSlick on 3/10/2001 (S215)
 I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally
 ill live in poverty.  Actually, I'm more intrigued by
 the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for
 themselves."  -- Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/11/2001 (S245)
 "Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting
  battles but in avoiding them.  A masterly retreat is in
  itself a victory."  -- Norman Vincent Peale

From: dogbyte on 10/25/2001 (S247)
 Therapy is expensive.
 Poppin' bubble wrap is cheap.
 The choice is yours!

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/31/2001 (S257)
 "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be
 quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
   -- William Dement

From: dogbyte on 1/23/2002 (S260)
 Ever notice that the word "therapist" breaks down into
 "the rapist"?  Simple coincidence? ( I Think NOT! )

From: CatScratch on 2/17/2002 (S264)
 Insanity is hereditary.
 You get it from your kids!

From: dogbyte on 3/25/2002 (S270c)
 Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one
 of them is paranoid and the other one is out to get him.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/20/2002 (S270c)
 A good listener is usually thinking about something
 else.  -- Kin Hubbard

From: LABLaughs.com on 6/9/2002 (S280b)
 All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is
 called a philosopher.  -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

From: LABLaughs.com on 8/25/2002 (S291b)
 It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than
 to be sane and have one's doubts.  -- G. B. Burgin

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/15/2002 (S294b)
 The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness.
 Think of your three best friends.  If they're okay, then
 it's you."  -- Rita Mae Brown.

From: dogbyte on 10/29/2002 (S300b)
 A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing nothing but a
 pair of shorts made from plastic wrap.  The psychiatrist
 says, "Well,... I can clearly see you're nuts!"

From: LABLaughs.com on 11/5/2002 (S301b)
 Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   -- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)

From: LABLaughsClean on 1/29/2005 (S418b - tho-lea-supp)
 "Change has a considerable psychological impact on the
 human mind.  To the fearful it is threatening because
 it means that things may get worse.  To the hopeful it
 is encouraging because things may get better.  To the
 confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists
 to make things better. "  -- King Whitney Jr.

From: igiggle on 6/16/2003 (S333b)
 Is there such a thing as a closet claustrophobic?

From: My neighbor Lee on 12/21/01 (S255)
 Q: What Christmas Carol was sung by the schizoid?
 A: It begins 'Do you know who I know'.

From: igiggle on 1/2/2004 (S362b)
 Q: What happened when the psychologist
    taught his dog to eat when a bell rang?
 A: The dog ate the Avon lady.

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