Subj: School-Supp Jokes
(Includes 45 jokes and articles, 15849n,2,cf,vT3,1)
SCHOOL1 and 2 contains jokes
SCHOOL3 contains jokes and short jokes
Subj: Pre-School Test (S463)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 12/7/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
(See 'What Number Is Under The Parked Car?' in BrainTeasers-Supp)
Pre-school children were asked
the following question:
"In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling?"
Look carefully at the picture.
Do you know the answer?
The only possible answers are "left" and "right."
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
The pre-schoolers all answered
When asked, "Why do you think
the bus is traveling in the left
direction?" they answered: "Because you can't see the door."
Feel pretty silly now, don't you?
I know .. me, too.
Subj: Teacher Reads Chicken Little Story (S477)
From: vaterbenicia on 3/13/2006
One day the first grade teacher
was reading the story of
Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the
story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She
read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer
and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked
the class, "And what do you
think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand
and said, "I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Subj: Neighbor Follows Tim To School (S364b, S862)
From: gordonschuk on 6/6/2007
and From: tom on 7/16/2013
Timmy was a five-year-old boy.
His mother loved him very much.
A worrier, she was concerned when he started kindergarten about
his walking to school. She walked him to school for a couple
of days, but one day he told his mother that he did not want
her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the
She had an idea how to handle
it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs.
Goodnest, to follow her son surreptitiously to school, at a
distance that he would not likely notice, but close enough to
keep a watch on him. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up
early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them
to get some exercise as well.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest
and her little girl Marcy
set out behind Timmy as he walked to school with another boy.
She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and
chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's friend noticed that
a lady was following them every day all week.
Finally, he asked Timmy, "Have
you noticed that lady following
us? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
"Well, who is she?"
"That's Shirley Goodnest," Timmy said.
"Shirley Goodnest? Who
the heck is she, and why is she
"Well," Timmy explained, "every
night my Mom makes me say the
23rd Psalm 'cuz she worries about me so much. And the psalm
says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days
of my life,' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it."
Did You Know (S526b,d)
This video presents an amazing
amount of information so
quickly that you feel overwhelmed, the first time you see
it. You can view it as a WMV video by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: What Teachers Make (S526)
From: edapsmas on 2/20/2007
The dinner guests were sitting
around the table discussing
life, the media, and today's favorite topic, education.
One man, a CEO, decided to explain
the problem with education.
He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who
decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminded the other dinner
guests what they say about
teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."
To stress his point he said to
another guest; "You're a
teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"
Bonnie, who had a reputation
for honesty and frankness
replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a
second, then began...) "Well, I make kids work harder than
they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the Congressional
Medal of Honor. I
make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their
parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game
Cube or movie rental.. You want to know what I make?"
(She paused again and looked
at each and every person at
I make kids wonder. I make
them question. I make them
criticize. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them
have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I
teach them to write and then I make them write. I make
them read, read, read! I make them show all their work in
math. I make my students from other countries learn every-
thing they need to know in English while trying to preserve
their unique cultural identity. I make my classroom a place
where all my students feel safe. I make my students stand
to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, because we live
in the United States of America. And I make them understand
that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and
follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.
(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
"Then, when people try to judge
me by what I make, I can
hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are
ignorant... You want to know what I make?
I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. By the way Mark, what do you make?"
Subj: Shakespear In Elementary School (S507)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/5/2006
Two little boys in first grade
were chosen to be the leads
in their first school play. It was to be Shakespearean play.
The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden...I have
come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The
second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark, a pistol
Well, on opening night in the
school auditorium, the two
little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats
were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told
them to take their places on the stage and to remember to
speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The
curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two
boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the
teacher whispered for them to begin.
The first boy yelled out these
fair maiden!. . .I have come to kiss your snatch and fill
your hole with soap."
The second boy screams out..."Hark!
A shistol pot, a
postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, bull shit...I never
wanted to be in this lousy play anyway..."
The audience left howling.
Subj: Interview With A Teaching Prospect (S410)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/25/2004
After being interviewed by the
school administration, the
eager teaching prospect said:
"Let me see if I've got this
right. "You want me to go into
that room with all those kids and fill their every waking
moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill
a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive
behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor
their T-shirt messages and dress habits.
"You want me to wage a war on
drugs and sexually transmitted
diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction,
and raise their self-esteem.
"You want me to teach them patriotism,
good citizenship, sports-
manship, and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how
to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.
"I am to check their heads for
lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice, write
letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships,
encourage respect for their elders and future employers.
"And I am to communicate regularly
with the parents by letter,
telephone, newsletter, and report card.
"All of this I am to do with
just a piece of chalk, a computer, a
few books, a bulletin board, and a big smile AND on a starting
salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!
"You want me to do all of this, and you expect me NOT TO PRAY?"
Subj: Man Meets Perky Young Lady (S401b)
From: JokesUncut - 13 July 2004
A man exiting a grocery store
was very surprised when a
rather good-looking and perky young lady greeted him
cheerfully by saying, "Good evening!" Her face was beaming.
At least she was smiling until
he gave her that "Who are
you?" look. He couldn't remember having ever seen her
before. Then she obviously realized that a mistake had
been made and apologized. She explained, "Oh, I'm so
sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the father
of one of my children."
She walked on her way into the
store. The man was left
staring dumbfounded after her. More than a bit puzzled,
he thought to himself, "What is the world coming to, an
attractive woman who doesn't even keep track of what the
father of her children look like."
However, he was also a bit flattered
that he might resemble
one of her former suitors, but also hoped that nobody
overheard her saying that she mistook him for being the
father of one of her children.
A bit panicked, he then thought,
"Could I possibly have
forgotten a relationship?"
"Could it be that I really fathered a child?"
Still stunned, he walked to his car.
He still did not realize, of course, that....
She was a second grade teacher.
Waves In Supermarket (S464, S616)
From: auntiegah on 12/12/2005
and From: tom on 10/26/2008
A guy goes to a supermarket and
notices a beautiful blonde
wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken back, because
he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, "Do
you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think
you're the father of one of
Now he thinks back to the ONLY
time he's ever been unfaithful,
and says "My GOD! Are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching,
while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then
stuck a carrot up my butt?".
She said, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
Subj: Harry Wants To Jump To 3rd Grade (S341, S647b)
From: pns on 8/7/2003
and From: tom on 5/31/2009
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks,
was having trouble with
one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your
Harry answered, "I'm too smart
for the 1st grade. My sister
is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I
should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She
took Harry to the principal's
office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what the situation was. The
principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If
he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back
to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the
conditions were explained to
him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
And so it went with every question
the principal thought a
3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks
and tells her, "I think
Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
"Let me ask him some
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a
cow have four of that I have
only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could
stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do
sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in'K'
that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
The principal breathed a sigh
of relief and told the
teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven
Subj: The Sneeze (S341b)
From: Imogenelumen on 8/2/2003
They walked in tandem, each of
the ninety-three students
filing into the already crowded auditorium. With rich
maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked
almost as grown up as they felt. Dads swallowed hard
behind broad smiles, and moms freely brushed away tears.
This class would not pray during
the commencements -----
not by choice but because of a recent court ruling
prohibiting it. The principal and several students were
careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the
ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches,
but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for
blessings on the graduates or their families.
The speeches were nice, but they
the final speech received a standing ovation. A solitary
student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still
and silent for just a moment, and then he delivered his
speech. An astounding -- SNEEZE!
The rest of the students rose
immediately to their feet,
and in unison they said, "GOD BLESS YOU." The audience
exploded into applause. The graduating class found a
unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future
with or without the court's approval.
Subj: First Grade Teacher Explains Politics (S312, S613)
From: thebartend on 1/22/2003
and From: darrellvip on 10/6/2008
A first grade teacher explained
to her class that she was
a liberal Democrat. She then asked her students to raise
their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not
really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting
to please their teacher, hands exploded into the air like
There was, however, one exception.
A girl named Lucy had
not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked Lucy
why she decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a liberal Democrat," Lucy said.
The teacher asked, "Then what are you?"
"I'm a proud conservative Republican" said the little girl.
The teacher, a little perturbed
and red-faced, asked Lucy
why she was A conservative Republican?
Lucy proclaimed, "Well, I was
brought up to trust in myself
and freedom, instead of relying on an intrusive government
to care for me and do all of my thinking. My dad and mom
are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative
The teacher calmly pointed out,
"That's no reason. What
if your Mom and Dad were both morons? What would you be
Lucy answered, "Then, I'd be a liberal Democrat."
Subj: Man In Hot Air Balloon Is Lost (S310)
From: tnkr on 1/11/2003
(Also see 'Man In Hot Air Balloon Is Lost' in COMPUTERS3)
A man in a hot air balloon realized
he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more
and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend
I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're
in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and
41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
"You must be a teacher," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist,
"everything you told me is,
technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've
not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my
The woman below responded, "You must be a School Administrator."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you
don't know where you are or where
you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large
quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no
idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve
your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my
Little Johnny Learns About Electricity (S435b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/24/2005
from Yahoo! Images
Little Johnny stammered, "Why...er?"
The teacher smiled and said,
"Wire is right. Very good Little
Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?"
Little Johnny asked, "The what?"
His teacher was very pleased,
saying, "That's absolutely
correct-- the watt. Now, class, you should all take the
time to study as diligently as Little Johnny does."
Little Johnny Uses 'Fascinate' (S408b, S695b)
From: JokesUncut on 11/12/2004
and From: darrellvip on 5/12/2010
A primary school teacher in Killarney
asked her students
to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said,
'My family went to my
granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was
fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I
wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand.
She said, 'My family went to see
the Blarney Stone and I was fascinated. The teacher said,
'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated
because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has
a sweater with ten buttons,
but her tits are so big she can only “fasten eight”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Little Johnny Sees Two Dogs Mating (S382)
From: mrx on 5/25/2004
from Yahoo! Images
The teacher ran to the window and pulled the blind.
A little girl in the front row
said, "Teacher, what was
those two dogs doing?
The teacher said that the dog
on top had a broken leg, and
the dog on the bottom was helping him get home.
Little Johnny then said, "Teacher,
ain't that just like
life, you try to help someone out and end up getting
Little Johnny Has A Substitute (S308)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/26/2002
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
A few days later the regular
teacher is still sick. When
Little Johnny gets to his desk, the teacher asks him what
her name is. Johnny thinks hard and then says, "I remember
it has an "r" after the first letter."
"That's right." she coaxed.
Then after a few second, Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"
Subj: Classroom Computer Crashes (S300)
From: crtoth516 on 11/1/2002
The computer in my high school
classroom recently started
acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my
students took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said.
I called the computer services
office and explained, "My
computer is down. The hard drive crashed."
"We can't just send people down
on your say-so. How do you
know that's the problem?"
"A student told me," I answered.
"We'll send someone over right away."
Subj: The New School Prayer (S297)
From: RFSlick on 10/12/2002
Since the Pledge of Allegiance
and The Lord's Prayer are
not allowed in most public schools anymore because the
word "God" is mentioned.... a kid in Arizona wrote the
attached NEW School prayer. I liked it....
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Subj: The Blueberry Story (S276b)
By: Jamie Robert Vollmer
From: tnkr on 5/12/2002
I stood before an auditorium
filled with outraged teachers
who were becoming angrier by the minute. My speech had
entirely consumed their precious 90 minutes of in-service
training. Their initial icy glares had turned to restless
agitation. You could cut the hostility with a knife. I
represented a group of business people dedicated to
improving public schools. I was an executive at an ice
cream company that became famous in the middle-1980s when
People Magazine chose its blueberry flavor as the "Best
Ice Cream in America."
I was convinced of two things.
First, public schools
needed to change; they were archaic selecting and sorting
mechanisms designed for the Industrial Age and out of
step with the needs of our emerging "knowledge society."
Second, educators were a major
part of the problem: They
resisted change, hunkered down in their feathered nests,
pro! tected by tenure and shielded by a bureaucratic
monopoly. They needed to look to business. We knew how
to produce quality. Zero defects! Total Quality Management!
Continuous improvement! In retrospect, the speech was
perfectly balanced-equal parts ignorance and arrogance.
As soon as I finished, a woman's
hand shot up. She appeared
polite, pleasant. She was, in fact, a razor-edged, veteran
high school English teacher who had been waiting to unload.
She began quietly, "We are told, sir, that you manage a
company that makes good ice cream. "I smugly replied, "Best
ice cream in America, ma'am." "How nice," she said. "Is it
rich and smooth?" "Sixteen percent butterfat," I crowed.
"Premium ingredients?" she inquired. "Super-premium!
Nothing but triple-A." I was on a roll. I never saw the
next line coming. "Mr. Vollmer," she said, leaning
forward with a wicked eyebrow raised to the sky, "when you
are standing on your receiving dock and you see an inferior
shipment of blueberries arrive, what do you do?"
In the silence of that room,
I could hear the trap snap.
I was dead meat, but I wasn't going to lie. "I send them
back." "That's right!" she barked, "and we can never send
back our blueberries. We take them big, small, rich, poor,
gifted, exceptional, abused, frightened, confident,
homeless, rude, and brilliant. We take them with attention
deficit hyperactivity disorder, junior rheumatoid arthritis,
and English as their second language. We take them all.
Every one. And that, Mr. Vollmer, is why it's not a business.
In an explosion, all 290 teachers,
principals, bus drivers,
aides, custodians, and secretaries jumped to their feet and
yelled, "Yeah! Blueberries! Blueberries!"
And so began my long transformation.
Since then, I have
visited hundreds of schools. I have learned that a school
is not! a business. Schools are unable to control the
quality of their raw material, they are dependent upon the
vagaries of politics for a reliable revenue stream, and
they are constantly mauled by a howling horde of disparate,
competing customer groups that would send the best CEO
screaming into the night. None of this negates the need
for change. We must change what, when, and how we teach
to give all children maximum opportunity to thrive in a
postindustrial society. But educators cannot do this
alone; these changes can occur only with the understanding,
trust, permission, and active support of the surrounding
community. For the most important thing I have learned is
that schools reflect the attitudes, beliefs, and health of
the communities they serve, and therefore, to improve
public education means more than changing our schools, it
means changing America.
Subj: The Sister's 'List Of Names' Assignment (S92, S393b)
From: LADY97BBW on 98-10-31
and From: Imogenelumen on 8/11/2004
Please Note: This is a warm story and not a joke.
He was in the first third grade
class I taught at Saint
Mary's School in Morris, Minn. All 34 of my students were
dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very
neat in appearance, but had that happy-to-be-alive attitude
that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful.
Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and
again that talking without permission was not acceptable.
What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response
every time I had to correct him for misbehaving - "Thank
you for correcting me, Sister!" I didn't know what to make
of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to
hearing it many times a day.
One morning my patience was growing
thin when Mark talked
once too often, and then I made a novice-teacher's mistake.
I looked at Mark and said, "If you say one more word, I am
going to tape your mouth shut!" It wasn't ten seconds
later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking again." I
hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark,
but since I had stated the punishment in front of the
class, I had to act on it.
I remember the scene as if it
had occurred this morning.
I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened by drawer
and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a
word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of
tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then
returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark
to see how he was doing, he winked at me.
That did it!! I started
laughing. The class cheered as
I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and
shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you
for correcting me, Sister."
At the end of the year, I was
asked to teach junior-high
math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was
in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever
and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to
my instruction in the "new math," he did not talk as much
in ninth grade as he had in third. One Friday, things
just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new
concept all week, and I sensed that the students were
frowning, frustrated with themselves - and edgy with one
I had to stop this crankiness
before it got out of hand.
So I asked them to list the names of the other students
in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space
between each name. Then I told them to think of the
nicest thing they could say about each of their class-
mates and write it down. It took the remainder of the
class period to finish their assignment, and as the
students left the room, each one handed me the papers.
Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me,
Sister. Have a good weekend."
That Saturday, I wrote down the
name of each student on
a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone
else had said about that individual. On Monday I gave
each student his or her list. Before long, the entire
class was smiling. "Really?" I heard whispered. "I
never knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't
know others liked me so much." No one ever mentioned
those papers in class again. I never knew if they
discussed them after class or with their parents, but
it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its
purpose. The students were happy with themselves and
one another again.
That group of students moved
on. Several years later,
after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at
the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me
the usual questions about the trip - the weather, my
experiences in general. There was a lull in the
conversation. Mother gave Dad a side-ways glance and
simply says, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he
usually did before something important.
"The Eklunds called last night,"
he began. "Really?" I
said. "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder
how Mark is." Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed
in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his
parents would like it if you could attend." To this
day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where
Dad told me about Mark. I had never seen a serviceman
in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome,
All I could think at that moment
was, Mark I would give
all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk
to me. The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's
sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it
have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult
enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual
prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one those who
loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled
it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the
coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted
as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's math
teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at
the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said. After
the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to
Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father
were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show
you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of
his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed.
We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully
removed two worn
pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped,
folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking
that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all
the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about
him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother
said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
Mark's classmates started to
gather around us. Charlie
smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list.
It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife
said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook,
took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list
to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki
said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved
our lists." That's when I finally sat down and cried.
I cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never
see him again.
Written by: Sister Helen
The purpose of this letter is to encourage everyone to
compliment the people you love and care about. We often
tend to forget the importance of showing our affections
and love. Sometimes the smallest of things, could mean
the most to another. The density of people in society
is so thick that we forget that life will end one day.
We don't know when that one day will be. Please, I beg
of you, to tell the people you love and care for, that
they are special and important. Tell them, before it is
Subj: Short School Jokes
Subj: Circumnavigating The Globe (S463b)
From: igiggle on 12/4/2005
The teacher was lecturing on history and asked, "Can anyone
tell me the genus and nationality of the first animal to
circumnavigate the globe?"
Andrew raised his hand. "It was that duck from Paris, I believe."
The teacher's eyebrows arched. "What duck from Paris?"
Andrew said, "Sir - France's
Subj: Using 'I' IN A Sentence (S423b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/8/2005
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
Subj: Public Schools - Definition (S397b)
From: igiggle on 8/29/2004
A place of detention for children placed in the care of
teachers who are afraid of the principal, principals who
are afraid of the school board, school boards who are
afraid of the parents, parents who are afraid of the
children, and children who are afraid of nobody.
Subj: Teacher's Salaries (S394)
From: igiggle on 8/16/2004
It's Charlotte Bradford's notion that schoolteachers petition
for higher salaries at the wrong time of year. "If they'd
wait till the beginning of August - just past halfway in the
kids' summer vacations - to make their plea, parents would
give them anything they asked on the first ballot!"
Subj: Teacher Questionaire (S391b)
From: igiggleon 7/25/2004
A teacher was asked to fill out a special questionnaire
for the state. One question said, "Give two reasons for
entering the teaching profession."
The teacher wrote, "July and
Teacher-Pupil Joke (S351b)
from Yahoo! Images
Little Johnny, in the back row, raised his hand.
"Yes, Johnny," said the teacher
Subj: Teacher-Pupil Joke2 (S383)
From: igiggle on 5/30/2004
Teacher: Which is farther away, England or the Moon?
Teacher: England? What makes you say that?
Andrew: Cause we can see the Moon and we can't see England.
Subj: Teacher-Pupil Joke3 (S390b)
From: Anonymous Jr on 7/16/2004
Source: Joke Genie
There was a teacher who asked her class to use the words
green, pink and yellow in a sentence. So a little Mexican
boy raises his hand and says "The phone goes green green,
I pink up the phone and say yellow".
Subj: Teacher-Pupil Joke4 (S390b)
From: igiggle on 7/16/2004
Teacher: Andrew, how do you define ignorance?
Andrew: It's when you don't know something and
somebody finds it out.
Subj: Teacher-Pupil Joke5 (S475c)
From: auntiegahon 2/20/2006
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row
raised her hand and said,
"All I want out of life is four little animals, just like
my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really and
what four little animals
would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink
on my back, a jaguar in the
garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all
The teacher fainted.
Subj: School Board Cancels Advanced English (S334)
From: jerry on 6/17/2003
The Mt. Diablo, California, school board has cancelled
advanced English courses for high school freshman. They
say, the advanced English courses are unfair to those
having trouble learning.
Contra Costa Times (California)
Subj: Letter To The First Grade Teacher (S300)
From: gheckman on 11/5/2002
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note said, "The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents."
From: LABLaughs.com on 11/26/2002 (S304b)
Education is the ability to meet life's situations.
-- Dr. John G. Hibben
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/9/2003 (S322b)
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
-- Benjamin Franklin
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 12/14/2005
"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember.
Involve me and I learn." -- Benjamin Franklin
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/6/2003 (S332b)
Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not
enough, we must do. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/17/2003 (S335b)
Knowledge is like money: To be of value it must circulate,
and in circulating it can increase in quantity and,
hopefully, in value. -- Louis L'Amour
From: RFSlick on 12/7/2003 (S358b -
"If you can read this - THANK A TEACHER,
If you're reading it in English - THANK A VETERAN!"
From: igiggle on 5/30/2004 (S383b)
A teacher is a person who used to think he liked children.
From: igiggle on 8/14/2004 (S394)
Sign on a high school bulletin board in Dallas:
Free every Monday through Friday
Bring your own containers.
From: igiggle on 1/13/2005 (S416b -
By learning you will teach; by teaching you will learn.
-- Latin Proverb
From: igiggle on 1/15/2005 (S416b -
One mother teaches more than a hundred teachers.
-- Jewish Proverb
From: igiggle on 1/23/2005 (S417b)
Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing;
education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
-- Will Durant
From: igiggle on 11/28/2005 (S462b)
A teacher was asked to fill out a special quiestionnaire
for the state. One question said, "Give two reasons for
entering the teaching profession." The teacher wrote,
"July and August." -- Milton Berle
From: igiggle on 1/9/2006 (S468b)
You know there is a problem with the education system when you
realize that out of the three Rs, only one begins with an R.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/29/2006
(S480b - quotes-comed)
"I can't understand why I flunked American history.
When I was a kid there was so little of it."
-- George Burns
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/10/2007 (S521b)
"There are obviously two educations. One should teach
us how to make a living and the other how to live."
-- James Truslow Adams
From: darrell94590 on 1/18/2007 (S522b)
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
From the book "Teacher Laughs" by Allen
Gramercy Books, New York
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't
believe the kids should be given homework. -- Bill Cosby
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/28/2009 (S589b)
"The family fireside is the best of schools."
-- Arnold Glasgow
From: Anon Jr. on 6/1/2004 (S383)
Q: What happens to a teacher who retires?
A: The teacher loses all his principals.