Subj: School Jokes - Supp2
(Includes 66 jokes and articles, 25767,32,cf)
Teacher from
SCHULACES3 on 10/16/2003
| >>>
Subj: School Jokes - Supp2 (Includes 66 jokes and articles, 25767,32,cf) |
|
Teacher from SCHULACES3 on 10/16/2003 |
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| Subj:.....RSA:
Changing Education Paradigms
From: Wimp.com on 10/16/2010 (S718) |
 |
This animate was adapted from
a talk given at the RSA
by Sir Ken Robinson, world-renowned
education and
creativity expert and recipient
of the RSA's Benjamin
Franklin award. Click
on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this all
too true video on schools.
From Random House Webster's College
Dictionary:
A paradigm is an example serving
as a model or pattern.
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Subj:.....TED
- Do Schools Kill Creativity? (S713)
From: Wimp.com on 9/15/2010 |
Sir Ken Robinson makes an entertaining
and profoundly
moving case for creating an
education system that
nurtures (rather than undermines)
creativity. Click
on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to hear this
funny, great speaker.
\\\//
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Subj: Daddy
Sleeps Naked (S621, S767)
From: mauryschu on 12/4/2008
and
From: virv on 9/24/2011
'Late again,' the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
'It isn't my fault this time,
Miss Crabtree. You can blame
this'un on my daddy.
The reason I'm three hours late is
my daddy sleeps naked!'
Now Miss Crabtree had taught
grammar school for thirty-some-
odd years. Despite her
mounting fears, she asked little
Sammy what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and
in the flower of his youth,
little Sammy and trouble were
old friends, but he always
told her the truth.
'You see, Miss Crabtree; out
at the ranch we got this here
low down Coyote. The last
few nights he done et six hens
and killed Ma's best milk goat.
Last night, when Daddy
heard a noise out in the chicken
pen, he grabbed his shot
gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's
back again, I'm a gonna
git him!''
'Stay back,' he whispered to
all us kids. He was naked as
a jaybird, no boots, no pants,
no shirt!'
'To the hen house he crawl ed,
just like an Injun on the
snoop. Then he stuck that
double barreled 12 Gauge shot
gun through the window of the
coop. As he stared into the
darkness, with coyotes on his
mind, our old hound dog Zeke
had done woke up and comes sneaking'
up behind Daddy. Then
as we all looked on plumb helpless,
old Zeke stuck his cold
nose in Daddy's crack!
'Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin'
chickens since three
o'clock this Mornin.
\\\//
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| Subj:.....TED:
Sugata Mitra's Self-Teaching (S713b)
From: Wimp.com on 9/10/2010 |
 |
Indian education scientist Sugata
Mitra tackles one of
the greatest problems of education
-- the best teachers
and schools don't exist where
they're needed most. In a
series of real-life experiments
from New Delhi to South
Africa to Italy, he gave kids
self-supervised access to
the web and saw results that
could revolutionize how we
think about teaching.
Click on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this wonderful,
amazing video.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Little Johnny Scares Little Mary (S583c)
LABLaughsAdult on 3/21/2008 |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
"What are they doing, Johnny?"
Mary asked. Well, Little
Johnny, being a man of the world
for all his 12 years, knew
what they were doing but was
embarrassed to say it, so he
said, "Well, he's scaring her."
Little Mary said, "Oh."
They walked a little farther,
and Little Mary said, "Scare
me, Little Johnny." Well, Little
Johnny thought, "What the
Hell." So he took her into the
bushes and "scared" her.
After they were finished, they
started walking home again.
Pretty soon,they walked past
a stallion mounting a mare in
the field. "What are they doing,
Little Johnny ?", she asked.
"Well, he's scaring her." So
LittleMary said, "Scare me
again, Johnny." Well, Little
Johnny took her into the bushes
and "scared" her again.
After they were finished, they
started walking home again.
Pretty soon,you guessed it,
they saw a bull and a heifer in
the field, going at it.
"What are they doing, Little
Johnny?" she innocently (?)
asked again. "Well, he's scaring
her" Little Johnny said
once again. After a few more
minutes of walking, Little Mary
said, "Scare me again, Little
Johnny."
Now Little Johnny, being a little
tired by now, had just
about had enough, so he yelled
out,
"Boo, damn it, boo!"
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Subj:
Did You Know II (S669)
From: tom on 10/31/2009 |
Fantastic video on the progression
of information
technology, researched by Karl
Fisch, Scott McLeod,
and Jeff Brenman. Click
on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my copy, to see amazing,excellent movie.
\\\//
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Subj: What
The Teacher Said (S628c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/22/2009
What the teacher says and (what the teacher means)
1. Your son has a remarkable
ability in gathering
needed information
from his classmates.
(He was caught
cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund
of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive
monster can't stay seated for five
minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched
in his capacity for
blending
fact with fiction.
(He's definitely
one of the biggest liars I have ever
met).
4. Margie exhibits a casual,
relaxed attitude to school,
indicating
that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy
thing hasn't done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous.
Superior hand-eye
coordination.
(The little
creep stung me with a rubber band from 15
feet away).
6. Nick thrives on interaction
with his peers.
(Your son
needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter's greatest
asset is her demonstrative
public discussions.
(Classroom
lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain
an assignment
she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of
engaging challenges with
his peers.
(He's a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover
who rarely misses
opportunities
to explore new territory.
(Your daughter
was caught skipping school at the
fishing pond).
10. I am amazed at her tenacity
in retaining her
youthful
personality.
(She's so
immature that we've run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who
hide their emotion,
Charles is
very expressive and open.
(He must
have written the Whiner's Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her
intellectual and
emotional
progress would be enhanced through a
year's repetition
of her learning environment.
(Regretfully,
we believe that she is not ready
for high
school and must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is
awesome!
(A mouth
that never stops yacking).
\\\//
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| Subj:
Don Blue's Radio Show - Benicia Schools
From: A.Benician on 11/12/2008 (S615) Drawing
from Don
Blue Radio...
|
 |
In order to attend a school in
Benicia, the child must reside
in the town. Don Blue
called a the parent, who lives in Vallejo,
but has their child go to a
Benicia school. You can listen
to argument at the above source
(clicking on Sara), or listen
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: No Child
Left Behind - Football Version (S607b)
From: bweidel on 8/23/2008
The football version of what
is going on in education
right now. (If you're not an
educator, this may not make
a lot of sense to you.
But send it to your friends who
are in education. They
will love it!)
For all the educators. In or out of the system.
NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND-FOOTBALL VERSION!
1. All teams must make the state
playoffs and all MUST win
the championship. If a
team does not win the championship,
they will be on probation until
they are the champions,
and coaches will be held accountable.
If after two years
they have not won the championship
their footballs and
equipment will be taken away
UNTIL they do win the
championship.
2. All children will be expected
to have the same football
skills at the same time even
if they do not have the same
conditions or opportunities
to practice on their own. NO
exceptions will be made for
lack of interest in football,
a desire to perform athletically,
or genetic abilities or
disabilities of themselves or
their parents.
ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!
3. Talented players will be asked
to workout on their own,
without instruction. This
is because the coaches will be
using all of their instructional
time with the athletes
who aren't interested in football,
have limited athletic
ability or whose parents don't
like football.
4. Games will be played year
round, but statistics will
only be kept in the 4th, 8th,
and 11th game.
It will create a New Age of Sports
where every school is
expected to have the same level
of talent and all teams
will reach the same minimum
goals. If no child gets
ahead, then no child gets left
behind.
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Subj:
Why I Was Never Late For School (S571b)
From: rfslick on 12/27/2007 |
This short dragstrip movie is
impressive. Click 'HERE'
to play it on my site.
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Subj: Schools
1967 vs. 2007 (S581b)
From: gayleheckman on 3/7/2008
Scenario: Jack goes quail
hunting before school, pulls into
school parking lot with shotgun
in gun rack.
1967
- Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun.
He
goes to his own car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007
- School goes into lock-down, and FBI is called. Jack
is
hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again.
Counselors
called in for traumatized students and teachers.
.
 |
Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009 |
1967
- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands
and
end up best friends.
2007
- Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are
arrested
and charged with assault. Both are expelled even
though
Johnny started it.
.
|
1967
- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by
the
Principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does
not
disrupt class again.
2007
- Jeffrey is diagnosed with A. D. D. and given huge
doses
of Ritalin. Be comes a zombie. School gets extra
money
from State because Jeffrey has a learning disability.
.
|
1967
- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal,
goes
to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007
- Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is
placed
in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist
convinces
Billy's sister that she remembers being abused
herself,
and their dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has
affair
with psychologist.
.
|
1967
- Mark takes aspirin in lunchroom and headache
goes
away.
2007
- Police called. Mark is expelled from school for
drug
violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.
.
|
1967
- Pedro goes to summer school, passes English,
goes
to college.
2007
- Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper
articles
appear nationally explaining that teaching
English
as a requirement for graduation is racist.
ACLU
files class action lawsuit against state school
system
and Pedro's English teacher. English banned
from
core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway
but
ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot
speak
English.
.
|
1967 - Ants die.
2007
- Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland
Security,
and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic
terrorism.
The FBI investigates parents; siblings are
removed
from home; computers are confiscated. Johnny's
dad
goes on Terror Watch List and is never allowed to fly
again.
.
|
1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007
- Teacher is accused of being a sexual predator and
loses
her job. She faces three years in state prison.
Johnny
undergoes five years of therapy.
AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THIS COUNTRY IS SUCH A MESS... DUHHHHHH!
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| Subj:
Geography Quiz (S625c)
From: RethinkingSchools.org on 1/4/2009 |
 |
Did you know "the Middle East"'
stretches as far west as the Western
Sahara in Africa? What is the
smallest Middle Eastern country? Test
your knowledge on a new drag-and-drop
game by clicking the link or
the map graphic. (All ages).
Requires
Flash.
You can play this challenging
game at the above source, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: The
Teacher Questions Students (S564)
From: hellgunner50 on 11/12/2007
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing
your math multiplication
on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without
using tables.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but
you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's
H to O.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important
thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer
to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I
am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not
only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do
you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had
the axe in his hand.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me
frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to,
my Mom is a good cook.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition
on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the
same dog.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you
call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
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Subj:
Origami Hang Gliders (S700b in Asian)
From: Wimp.com on 6/15/2010 |
Teaching middle school students
to make origami hang
gliders is a great activity.
This video is just Part 1.
the introduction. To see
Part 2, the construction
details, and templates go to
Source3. Click on any
of the above sources, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
this intro video.
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Subj: Wet
Pants In Third Grade (S527b)
From: darrell94590 on 2/12/2007
Come with me to a third grade
classroom... There is a nine-
year-old kid sitting at his
desk and all of a sudden, there
is a puddle between his feet
and the front of his pants are
wet. He thinks his heart
is going to stop because he cannot
possibly imagine how this has
happened.
It's never happened before, and
he knows that when the boys
find out he will never hear
the end of it. When the girls
find out, they'll never speak
to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is
going to stop; he puts his head
down and prays this prayer,
"Dear God, this is an emergency!
I need help now! Five
minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and
here comes the teacher with a
look in her eyes that says he
has been discovered. As the
teacher is walking toward him,
a classmate named Susie is
carrying a goldfish bowl that
is filled with water. Susie
trips in front of the teacher
and inexplicably dumps the
bowl of water in the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be irritated,
but all the while is saying
to himself, "Thank you, Lord!
Thank you, Lord!"
Now all of a sudden, instead
of being the object of ridicule,
the boy is the object of sympathy.
The teacher rushes him
downstairs and gives him gym
shorts to put on while his pants
dry out. All the other
children are on their hands and knees
cleaning up around his desk.
The sympathy is wonderful. But
as life would have it, the ridicule
that should have been his
has been transferred to someone
else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell
her to get out. "You've done
enough."
Finally, at the end of the day,
as they are waiting for the
bus, the boy walks over to Susie
and whispers, "You did that
on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Children’s Science Exam Answers: (S704b)
From: darrellvip on 7/12/2010 Photo from
BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com...
|
 |
Click on the above source, or
'HERE'for
my copy, to
read these unusual answers to
science questions.
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| Subj:
The Polite Way To Pee (S526)
From: jbcary1 on 2/21/2007 . |
|
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
"Michael, if you were on a date
having dinner with a nice
young lady, how would you tell
her that you have to go to
the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying,
"That would be rude and
impolite.
What about you Peter, how would
you say it?" Peter said,
"I am sorry, but I really need
to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the
word bathroom at the dinner
table
And you, little Johnny, can you
use your brain for once
and show Us your good manners?"
I would say: "Darling, may I
please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake
hands with a very dear friend
of mine, whom I hope you'll
get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
School Jokes
| Subj:
Pickles Comic Strip (S686)
By Brian Crane From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/6/2010 |
 |
 |
Subj:
International School Buses (S684b)
From: gattica30 on 2/21/2010 Drawing from Zazzle.co.uk |
| Subj:
A Lesson That Should Be Taught In All Schools
From: ft.apache on 1/25/2010 (S680b) Drawing
from Snopes.com...
|
 |
Top
Subj: Cafeteria
Food (S714a)
From: ezines@arcamax.com on 9/8/2010
When the power went off at the
elementary school, the
cook couldn't serve a hot meal
in the cafeteria. She
had to feed the children something,
so at the last
minute she whipped up great
stacks of peanut-butter
and jelly sandwiches.
As one little boy filled his
plate, he said, "It's
about time. At last -- a home
cooked meal!"
 |
Subj:
Peanuts Comic Strips II (DU in Latin)
By Charles M. Schulz From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/21/2009 |
| Subj:
Frazz Comic Strip V (S641b)
By Jef Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/19/2009 |
 |
|
|
Subj:
Little Johnny Gets Bad Grades (S641b)
From: LABLaughs Clean on 4/15/2009 Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images |
"What's the matter." asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said Little Johnny,
"it's my grades.
They're all wet."
"What do you mean 'all wet?'" asked his mother.
"You know," he replied, "below
C-level."
 |
Subj:
Non Sequitur Comic Strip II (S638b)
By Wiley Miller From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/29/2009 |
| Subj:
One Big Happy Comic Strip (S636)
by Rick Detorie From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/15/2009 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Little Johnny's Class Picture (S636c)
From: rfslick on 3/11/2009 |
| Subj:
Frazz Comic Strips IV (S632c)
by Jeff Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 2/19/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Herman Comic Strip (S618c)
by Jim Unger From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/9/2008 |
| Subj:
Peanuts Comic Strip (S619b)
By Charles M. Schulz From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/19/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Frazz Comic Strips III (S620c)
by Jeff Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/25/2008 |
| Subj:
Frazz Comic Strip II (S615c)
by Jeff Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 10/5/2007 Drawing
from Comics.com...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
Frazz Comic Strip (S614c)
by Jeff Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 10/12/2007 Drawing from Comics.com |
| Subj:
Mallard Comic Strip II (S608b)
by Bruce Tinsley From: SeattlePi.com on 9/4/2008 |
 |
Top
Subj: The
Old Three "R"s (S528b)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/28/2007
The old three "R"s need to be
updated. Readin, Riteing,
Rithmatic -- should be taught
in school.
The more important three "R"s
need to be taught in the home.
Respect for Self
Respect for Others
Responsibility
for all of your Actions
 |
Subj:
Mallard Comic Strip (S608c)
by Bruce Tinsley From: SeattlePi.com on 9/4/2008 |
Top
Subj: A Student
Who Hated Graphing (S527)
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/27/2007
A student at our high school
a few years back, having had
his fill with drawing graph
after graph in senior high math
class, told his teacher,
"I'll do algebra, I'll do trig,
and I'll even do statistics,
but graphing is where I draw
the line."
| Subj:
Opus Comic Strip (S602b)
By Berkeley Breathed on Sept 23, 2007 From: Salon.com on 8/14/2008 |
 |
You can view other great Opus
Comic Strips by clicking 'HERE'.
 |
Subj: Why Our Schools
Are Failing (S604)
By Richard Garner, Education Editor From: bweidel on July 31,2008 |
| Subj:
Going To School In The Jungle (S573c)
From: darrellvip (in Latin America) on 1/15/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Zits Comics On AP Classes (S561c)
From: WashingtonPost on 10/10/2007 |
| Subj:
Maxine On Testing (S556)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/17/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Non Sequitor On Math Tests (S556)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/26/2007 |
| Subj:
Frank And Ernest (S550c)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/3/2007 |
 |
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/20/2007
(S532b)
Education is what remains after
one has forgotten
everything he learned in school.
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 5/17/2007
(S540b – signs-supp)
Sign on a bulletin board in
a kindergarten in Toronto, Canada:
“I don’t care how much you know
until I know how much you care.”
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/24/2008 (S583b)
"The family fireside is the
best of schools."
-- Arnold Glasgow
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/15/2009 (S627b)
My grades were so bad,
my dog refused to eat my homework.
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/27/2009
(S672b)
"Education is what survives
when
what has been learned
has been forgotten."
-- B.F.Skinner
\\\//
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 |
Snow eats ice cream from
catlynnbray on 7/23/2006 |
