(Includes 26 jokes and articles, 09857,5,cf.md4,3)
Click "Here" for School-Supp3
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following: How
To Escape Education's Death Valley - Movie (S857 - Supp3)
.........................Rita Pierson: Every Kid Needs A Champion - Movie (S852-Supp3)
.........................Wright's Law: A Unique Teacher - Movie (S842 in Supp3)
.........................Norman Rockwell's "Teacher's Birthday" (S837 in Supp3)
.........................Kindergartner Suspended From School (S840 in Supp3)
.........................Passing A Note In Class - Movie (S741 in Supp3)
.........................Teacher Asks "What Do You Want To Be?" (S822 in Supp3)
.........................Salman Khan: Let's Use Video To Reinvent Education (S739-Sup3)
.........................Selling Toothbrushs (S726 in Supp3)
.........................Diana Laufenberg: How To Learn? From Mistakes - Mov(S739-Sup3)
.........................An 8th Grade Education (S240, S479)
.........................High-Stakes Testing (S273b, DU)
.........................Students Go To The Race Track (S72, S593)
.........................Teacher Motivates Class (S71, S675)
.........................Guessing What's Behind The Teacher's Back (S183, DU)
.........................Not Wanting To Go To School (S184, S617)
.........................Hall Pass - Cartoon (S399)
.........................Little Johnny Learns Multi-Syllable Words (S228)
.........................Johnny's Oral Final Exam (S54)
.........................Third Grade Gambler (S53)
.........................Little Girl Named 'Happy Butt' (S185)
.........................The Urinate Joke (S186)
.........................The Urinate Joke Vers.2 (S386, S636)
.........................Mother Goose And Grimm - Cartoon (S590c)
.........................First Graders Learn Grown-Up Words (S31, S424b)
.........................Tasting Lifesavers (S187, S515c)
.........................JC Biology Class (S16)
.........................Old-Fashioned Catholic Discipline (S38, S748)
.........................Teacher Deals With Sexual Exhaustion (S15, S604)
.........................History Lesson (S503c)
.........................Lipstick On The Mirror (S23, S689)
.........................Presents For The Teacher (S27, S781)
.........................Unruly Class (S188)
.........................First Grade Learns Animal Names (DU)
.........................Pepito Learns To Add (S191, S440b)
.........................Why Science Teachers Should Not Be In Charge Of Recess (S837)
.........................Short School Jokes
..............................Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S799 in Supp3)
..............................The Modern Schoolteacher By Plante (S782 in Supp3)
..............................Bart Simpson At The Chalkboard (S775 in Supp3)
..............................Pickles Comic Strip (S765 in Supp3)
..............................Jeff Parker Cartoons (S761 in Supp3)
..............................Herman Cartoon (S744 in Supp3)
..............................School Bus Hits A Bump - Movie (S731 in Supp3)
Also see ARAB file
Schoolgirls Die In Blaze'
BASKETBALL - 'Teacher Is A Big Laker Fan'
BIOLOGY file - 'Worms And Alcohol'
BIRDS file - 'Watching Students Like A Hawk'
BLACKS1 file - 'Black Kid Is Better'
BREAST file - 'Four Advantages Of Breast Milk'
BUGS_ETC file- 'Teaching About Worker Ants'
CARS3 file - 'Nursery School License Plate'
CARS-SUPP2 - 'TRANSLOGIC 78: Minddrive' - Movie
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Teacher Asks About Christmas'
CHURCH-SUPP - 'Where Is Jesus Today? (Little Johnny)
CLINTON - 'Clinton Asks For Example Of 'Tragedy''
COLLEGE1 file- 'High School Vs College'
COLLEGE2 file- 'College Biology Class'
COWS-SHEEP - 'Primary School Visits Farm'
DENTIST file - 'No Dentist Left Behind'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Old Man Bribes Junior High Kids'
......................- 'Elderly Lady Receives Radio'
FACTS5 file - 'Better Education Would Outlaw Stupid Crooks'
......................- 'Low Student Scores In New York'
FAIRY TALES - 'Telling Fairy Tales To Your Kids'
FIREMAN file - 'The Pregnant Fireman'
FOOTBALL file- 'A 49er Fan'
GAMES2 file - 'Hangnun'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Teacher, Garbageman, And Lawyer Go To Heaven'
HOOKER file - 'Man Picks Ex-Teacher At Brothel'
HOSPITAL1 - 'Toughest Time Of My Life'
HOWTO-SUPP - 'TED - Massimo Banzi Explains Arduin
JEWISH1 file - 'Jewish Boy In Public School'
JOBS3 file - 'The Aim Of Every Employee'
......................- 'Three Boys Brag About Father's Speed'
JUDGE file - 'Judge Sentences School Teacher'
KIDS1 file - 'Potential Vs Reality'
......................- 'Buckwheat and Darla'
KIDS2 file - 'Boy And Girl Eat Lunch Together'
......................- 'A Third Grade Drawing'
......................- 'Class Draws On Chalkboardn (Little Johnny)'
KIDS3 file - 'What Is Happening With Our Kids'
KIDS4 file - 'Grandparents Raising Kids'
LATIN file - 'When Was Rome Built?'
LAWYER2 file - 'Lawyers As Test Rats'
LIBRARY file - 'B.O.O.K'
.........LISTS file - 'Lessons About Life'
LOVE-SUPP - 'The Crush (2010) Oscar Winning Short Film'
.........MARRIAGE6 - 'High School Reunion'
......................- 'Matt Gets Part In School Play'
MATH1 file - 'Seconds In A Year'
......................- 'Little Johnny Knows His Numbers'
......................- 'Little Johnny Doesn't Pay Attention In Class'
......................- 'Little Johnny Gets An F In Math'
......................- 'Teaching Math Concept Of A 100'
......................- 'Math Problem About Birds And Ice Cream'
.........MATH4 file - 'MATH PROB. - Sarah's Age'
MATH6 file - 'Oakland Teacher Arrested'
MEN4 file - 'New Evening Class For Men'
MIDDLE-EAST - 'Human Bomb Training School'
MUSIC-SUPP - 'The Music Teacher'
NATIONAL file- 'What Flag Is This?'
NAT_STATS-SUP- '50 State Capitals'
NEW YORK file- 'New York Tragedy And Education'
PENIS1 file - 'The Teacher And The Penis'
PENIS2 file - 'Circumcision'
.........PILOT file - 'Pilot School On Sublimation'
POLICE1 file - 'Demonstration Of Police Dog Work'
POLICE2 file - 'Math Teacher Stopped By Highway Patrol'
PREACHER - 'Minister's Son Wants to Drive The Car'
PREGNANT file- 'The Midwife Show-And-Tell'
PRIEST2 file - 'Priest And Young Boy Talk About His Collar'
QUOTES2 file - 'Quotes About Teaching'
RATS-MICE - 'Family of Mice Caught By Cat'
RELIGION2 - 'Discussing Jonah And The Whale'
.........RIDDLE-SUPP - 'A What Am I Riddle #41'
......................- 'A What Am I Riddle #32'
SEX1 file - 'Fourteen Year Old Has First Sex'
......................- 'You Have Flunked Sex Education If You Said...'
SEX2 file - 'Having Sex With Your English Teacher'
.........SHIT file - 'Little Johnny Uses The Word Definitely'
STATISTICS - 'Teaching Statistic'
STORIES-SUPP - 'The Boy Who Wouldn't Die'
SUPERHEROES - 'Boy Becomes Superman'
TEAR-JERJER1 - 'One Prom, One Boy, Seven Dates'
TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Daddy's Pink Rose'
......................- 'Meeting Kyle In High School'
TEST2 file - 'SAT Test Answers'
THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'The Failure List'
THOUGHTS-LRN2- 'Deep Thoughts'
......................- 'Things We Hope Our Grandkids Will Learn'
......................- 'A Columbine Student Essay'
THO-LRN-SUPP - 'Andy Capp Comic Strip'
THO-LRN-SUPP2- 'Frazz Comic Strip'
THOUGHTS-QTS - 'Charles Schultz's Philosophy'
......................- 'Why Are Things The Way They Are?'
THO-TIME-SUPP- 'The Secret Powers Of Time'
THOUGHTS-WARM- 'Seven Wonders Of The World'
......................- 'Who You Are Makes A Difference'
THO-WARM-SUPP- 'Seven Wonders Of The World II'
TRUCK-BUS - 'School Bus Brain Teaser'
VASELINE file- 'Going To Mom And Dad's For The Honeymoon (Little Johnny)'
SCHOOL1 and 2 contains jokes
SCHOOL3 contains jokes and short jokes
An 8th Grade Education (S240, S479b)
From: mbucher on 9/6/2001
and From: DoctorDebt on 3/24/2006
To view this old 8th Grade Final Exam click 'HERE'.
Subj: High-Stakes Testing (S273b, DU)
From: morinhome on 4/20/2002
Long ...but worth reading it anyway.
My dentist is great! He
sends me reminders so I don't forget
checkups. He uses the latest techniques based on research.
He never hurts me, and I've got all my teeth, so when I ran
into him the other day, I was eager to see if he'd heard
about the new state program. I knew he'd think it was great.
"Did you hear about the new state
program to measure the
effectiveness of dentists with their young patients?" I said.
"No," he said. He didn't
seem too thrilled. "How will they
"It's quite simple," I said.
"They will just count the
number of cavities each patient has at age 10, 14, and 18
and average that to determine a dentist's rating. Dentists
will be rated as Excellent, Good, Average, Below Average,
and unsatisfactory. That way parents will know which are
the best dentists. It will also encourage the less
effective dentists to get better," I said. "Poor dentists
who don't improve could lose their licenses to practice in
"That's terrible," he said.
"What? That's not a good
attitude," I said. "Don't you
think we should try to improve children's dental health
in this state?"
"Sure I do," he said, "but that's
not a fair way to
determine who is practicing good dentistry."
"Why not?" I said. "It makes perfect sense to me."
"Well, it's so obvious," he said.
"Don't you see that
dentists don't all work with the same clientele; so much
depends on things we can't control? "For example," he
said, "I work in a rural area with a high percentage of
patients from deprived homes, while some of my colleagues
work in upper-middle-class neighborhoods. Many of the
parents I work with don't bring their children to see me
until there is some kind of problem and I don't get to do
much preventative work. "Also," he said, "many of the
parents I serve let their kids eat way too much candy
from a young age, unlike more educated parents who under-
stand the relationship between sugar and decay.
"To top it all off," he added,
"so many of my clients
have well water which is untreated and has no fluoride
in it. Do you have any idea how much difference early
use of fluoride can make?"
"It sounds like you're making
excuses," I said. I could
not believe my dentist would be so defensive. He does a
"I am not!" he said. "My
best patients are as good as
anyone's, my work is as good as anyone's, but my average
cavity count is going to be higher than a lot of other
dentists because I chose to work where I am needed most."
"Don't get touchy," I said.
"Touchy?" he said. His
face had turned red, and from the
way he was clenching and unclenching his jaws, I was
afraid he was going to damage his teeth. "Try furious.
In a system like this, I will end up being rated average,
below average or worse."
"My more educated patients who
see these ratings may
believe this so-called rating actually is a measure of my
ability and proficiency as a dentist. They may leave me,
and I'll be left with only the neediest patients. And my
cavity average score will get even worse.
"On top of that, how will I attract
good dental hygienists
and other excellent dentists to my practice if it is
labeled below average?"
"I think you're overreacting,"
I said. "'Complaining,
excuse making, and stonewalling won't improve dental
health.' I am quoting that from a leading member of the
DOC," I noted.
"What's the DOC?" he said.
"It's the Dental Oversight Committee,"
I said, "a group
made up of mostly lay persons to make sure dentistry in
this state gets improved."
"Spare me," he said. "I can't
believe this. Reasonable
people won't buy it," he said hopefully.
The program sounded reasonable
to me, so I asked, "How
else would you measure good dentistry?"
"Come watch me work," he said. "Observe my processes."
"That's too complicated and time-consuming,"
"Cavities are the bottom line and you can't argue with
the bottom line. It's an absolute measure."
"That's what I'm afraid my patients
patients will think. This can't be happening," he said
"Now, now," I said, "don't despair.
The state will help
"How?" he said.
"If you're rated poorly, they'll
send a dentist who is
rated excellent to help straighten you out," I said
"You mean," he said, "they will
send a dentist with a
wealthy clientele to show me how to work on severe
juvenile dental problems with which I have probably had
much more experience? Big help."
"There you go again," I said.
"You aren't acting
professionally at all."
"You don't get it," he said.
"Doing this would be like
grading schools and teachers on an average score on a
test of children's progress without regard to influences
outside the school, the home, the community served, and
stuff like that. Why would they do something so unfair
to dentists? No one would ever think of doing that to
I just shook my head sadly, but he had brightened.
I'm going to write my representatives
and senator," he
said. "I'll use the school analogy, surely they'll see
He walked off with that look
of hope mixed with fear and
suppressed anger that I see in the mirror so often lately.
Subj: Students Go To The Race Track (S72, S593)
From: RFSlick on 98-06-15
and From: hellgunner50 on 6/2/2008
A group of third, fourth and
fifth graders accompanied by
two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track
to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour some of the children
wanted to go to the toilet
so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and
the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the
boys waited outside the men's
toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach
the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting
the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one, she couldn't
help but notice that he was
unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in
the seventh, riding Silver Arrow.
Thanks for the lift anyhow."
Teacher Motivates Class (S71, S675)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #142 on 98-06-08
and From: allenbergman on 12/17/2009
from Yahoo! Images
One Friday morning, a teacher
came up with a novel way to
motivate her class. She told them that she would read a
quote and the first student to correctly identify who said
it would receive the rest of the day off. Little Johnny
says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm
smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said
'Four Score and Seven Years
Ago?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said,
"Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie.
You can go". Johnny was MAD, Susie had answered first!
The teacher asked, "Who said,
'I Have a Dream'?" Before
Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther
King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go".
Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary had answered first!
The teacher asked, "Who said
'Ask not, what your country can
do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy
said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy.
You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Nancy answered first!
Then the teacher turned her back,
and Johnny said, "I wish
these bitches would keep their mouths shut". The teacher
heard this comment and furiously asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny replied frustratedly, "Tiger Woods, can I go now?"
Guessing What's Behind The Teacher's Back
From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98 (S183, DU)
from Yahoo! Images
"OK. now I have something in
my hand that fills my hand-it is
round.." said the teacher. "I know I know" says Jimmy it's a
grapefruit!!" "No Jimmy-But it shows that you are thinking!"
Well this went on several more
times. Meanwhile Little Johnny
was almost always the first to raise his hand! The teacher
doesn't like to call on Johnny because he is a little TOO
street smart. So finally, three minutes before the end of
class, Little Johnny jumps up and says "Teacher I have one
for you". The Teacher thinks to herself "Oh no-now what"
"Ok Johnny, say what you have to say" she said (dredding what
was he going to say THIS time).
Little Johnny reached into his
pocket and moved his hand
around and said, "Teacher what I've got in my pocket is
round ...and long...it's pointed at the end and it's HARD!!!"
"JOHNNY!" yelled the Teacher.
Johnny smiles devilishly and
says "No teacher it's just a banana but it shows that you
were thinking !!
Subj: Not Wanting To Go To School (S184, S617)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #33 on 98-02-03
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one,
and the teachers hate
"Oh, that's no reason not to
go to school. Come on now
and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years
old. For another,
you're the PRINCIPAL!"
Subj: Hall Pass (S399)
From: DafterLafter - 09 September 2004
Little Johnny Learns Multi-Syllable Words (S228)
From: h2oman19 on 6/7/2001
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature
sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is
your word." "Saturday." says Mike. "Great, that has three
syllables." she says.
Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny
says "I know a four
syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm
with a word that large the
teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four
syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying
to retain her composure says,
"Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a
mouthful." "No Ma'am. Your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's
only two syllables."
Johnny's Oral final Exam (S54)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #228 on 98-02-03
from Yahoo! Images
The principal agreed so they
called Johnny into the office,
explained, then the teacher asked, "Johnny what does a cow
have four of, that I only have two of?"
Johnny replied, "Legs."
The teacher asked, "Johnny, what
do you have in your pants
that I don't have in my pants?"
Johnny replied, "Pockets."
The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"
Johnny replied. "Rome."
The teacher turned to the principal
and asked, "Should we
The principal replied, "Better
not ask me, I got the first
I saw the first two questions in the fifties as part of the
'Turtle Club' membership card. Other questions on the card
were the following:
What does a man do standing up,
a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs? Answer backwards: Sdnah ekahs
What word starts with 'F' and
ends with 'uck'? Answer
What is round, firm, hairy, secrets
liquid, and sticks out
of a man's pajamas far enough to hang your hat on? Answer
backwards: Daeh ruoy
If someone asked you 'Are you
a member of the turtle club?',
members had to answer 'You bet your sweet ass I am.' We
were young and loved it.
Subj: Third Grade Gambler (S53)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
Miss Jones, an unusually attractive
and voluptuous third
grade teacher, was at her wits end. She had a seemingly
insoluble problem. Her student, Tommy Smith, was perpetually
making bets and winning all the other kids lunch money and
allowances. She had tried everything to get him to stop
betting. Nothing worked. Parents were complaining. Her
principal demanded results or else. Tommy just kept making
bets and winning. She was desperate.
Finally, one day after she had
tried yet another unsuccessful
tactic, Tommy commented, "Tell you what Teach, if I ever lose
a bet I'll stop for good." Miss Jones thought about this and,
very much not wanting to be defeated by this ten year old,
saw a chance accomplish the needed behavior modification.
"OK Tommy," Miss Jones said,
"Its a deal. What do you want to
bet on?" Tommy then offered to bet her ten dollars that the
color of the hair on her head was a different color than the
hair on her pussy. Miss Jones spluttered and blushed, but
knowing she had him beaten because she was a natural redhead
everywhere, agreed to this unusual wager.
Tommy refused to take her word
that he had lost. Miss Jones,
being willing to do almost anything to get him to stop betting,
took him into to coatroom for verification. The young lecher
got an eyefull. "Now Tommy," Miss Jones said, "a deal is a
deal and you lost. Are you going to keep your word and stop
Tommy grinned at his teacher
and replied, "Naw, I don't think
so. You see my daddy bet me $500.00 I'd never get to see
Subj: Little Girl Named 'Happy Butt' (S185)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day for 15 Jan 98
This lovely little girl was entering
class for the first time.
A friendly little boy said his name was "David, what is yours?"
"Happy Butt" she says. "Don't lie to me, that isn't your name!
What is your name?" "Happy Butt" she says again. "I'm going to
tell the teacher on you for lying!" he shouts. He gets the
teacher and says she is lying to him about her name.
"What is your name?" asks the
teacher. "Happy Butt" says the
little girl. "No, no," says the teacher. "What is your real
name?" "Happy Butt" replies the little girl. "Shame on you for
lying." says the teacher. "You go straight to the principal's
office right this minute!"
"Why are you here?" asks the
principal of the little girl.
"They think I'm lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt."
said the little girl. "Your name can't be Happy Butt" says
the principal. "I'm going to call your mother right this minute
and straighten this out. You mustn't lie to us about your name."
The principal calls the mother
and says, "We have your little
girl here and she keeps telling us her name is 'Happy Butt.'"
"Oh, that must be Gladys," says the mother.
"Well, little girl, your mother
says your name is Gladys," says
the principal. The little girl replies, "Happy Butt, Glad ass,
what's the difference?"
The Urinate Joke (S186)
From: DoctorDebt on 6/12/2004
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
Little Johnny was sitting in
class one day. All of the sudden,
he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones,
I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny,
that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The
correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word
'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit,
then says, "You're an eight,
but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
Mother Goose And Grimm (S590c)
By Mike Peters
From: Grimmy.com on May 5,2008
Drawing from Grimmy.com
This cute comic strip concerns
schools that teach to the test.
You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
First Graders Learn Grown-Up Words
From: humorlist-digest V1 #183 on 97-08-26
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/8/2005 (S31, S424b)
from Yahoo! Images
The kindergartners were now in
the first grade. Their teacher
wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in
kindergarten. She told them to use grown-up words instead of
baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did
during the summer. The first little one said he went to see
his Nana. The teacher said, "No, No, you went to see your
grandmother. Use the grown-up word."
The next little one said she
went for a trip on a choo-choo.
The teacher again said, "No, No, you went on a trip on a train.
That's the grown-up word."
The teacher asked the third one,
Little Johnny, what he did
during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The
teacher asked what book he had read. Johnny puffed out his
chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Shit."
Subj: Tasting Lifesavers (S187, S515c)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/16/2003
and From: darrell94590 on 11/30/2006
A teacher was working with a
group of children, trying to
broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With
their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones
to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of
lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.
"Children, I'd like you to close
your eyes and taste these,"
announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to
identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the
teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their
mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said
the teacher. "It's something
your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the children
spat the lifesaver out of his
mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"
Subj: JC Biology Class (S16)
From: Internet Joke Archive
Also see 'College Biology Class' in COLLEGE2)
Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor
at a posh suburban girl's
junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you
please name the organ of the human body , which under the
appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size,
and define the conditions."
Miss Smythe gasped, then said
freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I
don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure
you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down
red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson
and asked the same question.
Miss Johnson, with composure,
replied, "The pupil of the eye,
in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Perkins.
"And now, Miss Smythe, I have
three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your
lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will
some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
Subj: Old-Fashioned Catholic Discipline (S38, S748)
From: Don_Hatch on 97-05-14
and From: rfslick on 11/17/2007
A ten year old public school
boy was finding fifth grade math
to be the challenge of his life. Science? A piece of cake.
Geography? No big deal. Spelling? Ha! Give me a break...
but MATH? It was devastating! To not only him, but his mom
and dad, too! And not that they weren't doing everything and
anything to help their son...Private tutors, peer assistance,
CD-Roms, Textbooks, even HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked. Finally,
at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll
their son in a private school. Not just ANY private school,
but a Catholic school. Nuns. Weekly mass.. The whole
Well, the first day of school
finally arrived, and dressed in
his salt-and-pepper cords and white wool dress shirt and blue
cardigan sweater, the youngster ventured out into the great
unknown. His mother and father were convinced they were
doing the right thing. They were both there waiting for
their son when he returned home. And when he walked in with
a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face,
they hoped they had made the right choice. He walked right
past them and went straight to his room - and quietly closed
the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room -
with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding
floor. He only emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly
cleaning his plate, he went straight back to his room, closed
the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the
first quarter report card.
After school, the boy walked
into the home with his report
card - unopened - in his hand. Without a word, he dropped
the envelope on the family dinner table and went straight to
his room. His parents were petrified. What lay inside the
envelope? Success? Failure? DOOM?!? Patiently, cautiously
the mother opened the letter, and to her amazement, she saw
a bright red "A" under the subject, MATH.
Overjoyed, she and her husband
rushed into their son's room,
thrilled at the remarkable progress of their young son! "Was
it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only
shook his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-on-one tutoring?
The peer-mentoring?", asked
the mother. Again, the boy shrugged, "No."
"The textbooks? The teacher?
The curriculum?", asked the
"Nope," said the son. "It was
all very clear to me from the
very first day of school, that these folks in Catholic school
"How so?", asked his mom.
"When I walked into the lobby,
and I saw that guy they'd
nailed to the plus sign, I knew they were serious!"
Subj: Teacher Deals With Sexual Exhaustion (S15, S640)
From TNKRTEACH on 97-04-06
and From: rfslick on 7/31/2008
A high school English teacher
reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for
not showing up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death
in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back
of the room asks, "What about
extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best
to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly
says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write
History Lesson (S503c)
Subj: Lipstick On The Mirror (S23, S689)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 6/13/2006
and From: Anonymous Jr. on 4/2/2010
A principal of a small middle
school had a problem with a
few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When
applying it in the bathroom they would then press their
lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand the
principal thought of a way
to stop it. She gathered all the girls together that wore
lipstick and told them she wanted to meet with them in the
ladies room at 2 PM. They gathered at proper time and
found the principal and the school custodian waiting for
"Thank you for coming," said
the Principal, "You will see
there are several lipstick prints on the mirrors in this
washroom. You may not understand that modern lipstick is
cleverly designed to stay on the lips. So these lipstick
marks are not easy to clean from the mirrors. We have
therefore developed a special cleaning regimen. My hope
is that when you see the effort involved, you will help
spread the word that we'd all be better off if those
responsible for the kisses use tissue paper instead of
the mirrors in the future."
Some of the girls grinned at
each other. Others rolled
their eyes, stared at the ceiling and did their best to
The custodian then demonstrated.
He took a long brush on
a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the
nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to
remove the lipstick marks.
That was the last day the girls
pressed their lips on the
Beaverton School District
Subj: Presents For The Teacher (S27, S781)
darrell94590 on 3/19/2007
and From: virv on 12/31/2011
It was at the end of the school
year, and a kindergarten
teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her
a gift. She shook it, held
it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some
"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet
shop owner's daughter. The
teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I
bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son
of the liquor store owner.
The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking.
She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and
touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No" the boy replied. The
teacher repeated the process,
taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No" the boy replied.
The teacher took one more taste
before declaring, "I give
up, what is it?"
The boy replied, "A puppy!"
/ / /o__o
/\ / ___/
\ \______\ /
\ \---\ \
\_ \_ \_\_
Subj: Unruly Class (S188)
While visiting a country school,
the chairman of the Board
Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students
were making in the next room. Angrily, he opened the door
and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing
most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and
stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small
boy stuck his head in the room
and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"
First Grade Learns Animal Names (DU)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-26
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
The teacher says, "See it's long
neck? What animal has
a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
"Very good, Sally," the teacher
replies. Next she holds
up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up
"See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra.
"Very good, Billy," the teacher
replies. Next she holds
up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up
"See the big antlers on this
animal. What animal has horns
Still no one guesses. "Let
me give you another hint: it's
something your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out, "I know what it is! It's a horny bastard."
Subj: Pepito Learns To Add (S191, S440b)
From: Internet Joke Archive
and From: CKButch4Femme on 6/28/2005
(See 'Primary School Visits Farm' in COWS_SHEEP)
Pepito is at home doing his Math homework.
Pepito: "Two plus five
the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six the son of a bitch is nine".
In that moment, his mother comes in his room.
Mother: "But Pepito, what
are you doing?! Why are you
Pepito: "I'm doing my Math homework, mom".
Mother: "And is that what your teacher taught you?"
Next day, the mother, worried
about the education his son
is receiving, goes to Pepito's school to talk to the teacher.
Mother: "I would like to
know what you are teaching
my son in Math?
Teacher: "Oh, sure. We are learning addition problems."
Mother: "And... are you teaching them to say two plus two
the son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
Teacher: "No way! What I taught them was two plus two
THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."
Subj: Why Science Teachers Should Not Be In Charge Of Recess (S837)
From: RDobry on 1/26/2013