Subj: Amish Jokes
..........(Includes 10 jokes, 20 1123,4,cf,vXT4,2)
The Amish and the Plain People
Also see COMPUTERS4 - 'Amish
Subj: Amish Paradise (S489d-iFrame)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2006
like Nirvana' in Music-Supp
and 'Weird Al - White And Nerdy' in Nerd
and 'Weird Al Yankovic's I'm Fat' in Fat)
"Amish Paradise" is a 1996 song/video by "Weird Al"
Yankovic. It is a parody of the hip hop song "Gangsta's
Paradise" by Coolio You can see this nice, music video
Subj: Amish Family Visit A Mall (S35, S796)
From: Dickschu in 2005
An Amish boy and his father were
visiting a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together
again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father responded "Son, I
have never seen anything like
this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy
and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel
chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small
room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched
small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light
up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the
reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful
24 year old woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."
Subj: Amish Mother And Daughter (S239b, S671)
..........From Scott's Joke Archive in 1997
Couple Goes To Mountains' in BODY_PARTS)
| An Amish woman and
her daughter were riding
in an open buggy one cold blustery January
day. The daughter said to the mother, "My
hands are freezing cold." The mother replied,
"Put your hands between your legs. The body
heat will warm them up." So the daughter did
and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was
riding in the
Next day the boyfriend is driving
in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The
daughter said "Put it between my legs, it will warm up."
He did and his nose warmed up.
The next day the boyfriend is
driving again with the
daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." Later
that week, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her
mother. She says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of
Mother says "Sure why do you
ask?" The daughter says,
"Well, they just make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!!"
Subj: Amish Lady's Buggy Stopped By Cop (S226, DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #258 in 1998
An Amish lady is trotting down
the road in her horse and
buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket
you, but I do have to issue
you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband know as soon as I get home."
"That's fine. Another thing,
ma'am. I don't like the way
that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one
of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's
cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that
Later that day, the lady is home
telling her husband about
her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?"
"He said the reflector is broken."
"I can fix that in two minutes. Anything else?"
"I'm not sure, something about the fucking emergency brake..."
Subj: Amish Mudflap (S1123)
By Australian cartoonist, Tim Whyatt
From: Lloyd Stiewig in 2018
Subj: Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble
From: tadams96 in 2001 (S229, DU)
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find
pictures of women without
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk
to the hand, cause the
beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over
for "driving under the
influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
Subj: Short Amish Jokes (S239)
Amish Laugh - Cartoon
in 2005 (S433)
Source: (Removed from lablaughs)
Subj: Amish Vehicle (S426b, S1028)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2005
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of
humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a
hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats
and grass. Caution: Do Not step in exhaust."
Q: What goes clip clop clip clop
bang bang bang clip clop clip clop?
A: Amish driveby.
From: CatScratch in 2002 (S267c)
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand
up a horse's ass?
A: A mechanic!
......................From Time to Discover Ohio