(Includes 25 jokes and articles, 11835n,11,cf,md,5)
Australian flag from
Also see BAR2 file
Canadian, And An Australian In Seedy Bar'
BIRDS-DUCKS - 'Two Men Fight Over Duck'
BIRDS-SUPP - 'Birds Of Paradise Project' - Movie
CARS3 file - 'Repairing Your Car At K-Mart'
FACTS4 file - 'Scared in Australia'
FACTS5 file - 'Doctor Gets Speeding Ticket'
HALLOWEEN - 'Snail Costume'
HOOKER file - 'Barmail Does Sex For Money'
......................- 'Cancer Victim Gets Lade'
ITALIAN file - 'Short Italian Jokes'
JOBS-STF-SUP2- 'Nigel Marsh - Work Life Balance' - Movie
MAILMAN-ETC - 'Letter To God At Christmas'
NATIONAL file- 'Cultural Differences Explained'
OTHER_ANIMALS- 'Whale Watching In Australia'
PILOT file - 'Australian Pilot Standards'
TRACK file - 'Australian Olympic Questions'
TRUCK-BUS - 'Road Train Trucks' - Article/Movie
WOMEN1 file - 'Women Empowerment
......................- 'The Ages Of Woman And Man'
Cattle Trains In Australia (S803)
From: tom on 5/29/2012
Photo from YouTube.com...
A road train or roadtrain is
a trucking concept used
in remote areas of Argentina, Australia, Mexico, the
United States and Canada to move freight efficiently.
The term "road train" is most often used in Australia.
In the U.S. and Canada the terms "triples," "turnpike
doubles" and "Rocky Mountain doubles" are commonly
used for longer combination vehicles (LCVs). A road
train consists of a relatively conventional tractor
unit, but instead of pulling one trailer or semi-
trailer, a road train pulls two, or more, of them.
Cattle trains consist of large
numbers of trucks, each
pulling three, double-deck trailers full of cattle
traveling across Australia together.
to see and read about this interesting
Aussie Beer Commercial (S650 in Dog1)
From: tom on 6/18/2009
Click 'HERE' to see this cute Australian beer ad.
Subj: The Great Aussie Love Poem (S451)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/15/2005
Of Course I Love Ya Darling You're
A Bloody Top Notch Bird
And When I Say You're Gorgeous I Mean Every Single Word
So Ya Bum Is On The Big Side
I Dont Mind A Bit Of Flab
It Means That When I'm Ready There's Somethin' There To Grab
So Your Belly Isn't Flat No More
I Tell Ya, I Don't Care
So Long As When I Cuddle Ya I Can Get My Arms Round There
No Sheila Who Is Your Age Has
Nice Round Perky Breasts
They Just Gave Into Gravity But I Know Ya Did Ya Best
I'm Tellin Ya The Truth Now I
Never Tell Ya Lies
I Think It's Very Sexy That You've Got Dimples On Ya Thighs
I Swear Upon Me Nannas Grave
The Moment That We Met
I Thought U Was As Good As I Was Ever Gonna Get
No Matter Wot U Look Like I'll
Always Love Ya Dear
Now Shut Up While The Footys On And Get Me Bloody Beer!
Australian Bike Commercial (S512b)
on 11/8/2006 (in Bicycle)
You can view this cute 1,500
KB commercial on my web site by
Subj: Australian Gun Control (S436b)
From: jbcary1on 5/31/2005
(See 'Anti-Gun Control Statistics' in Hunting-Camping)
WARNING - This is a news article and NOT a joke.
From: Ed Chenel, A police officer
Hi friends, I thought you all would like to see the real
figures from Down Under. It has now been 12 months since gun
owners in Australia were forced by a new law to surrender
640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by our own government,
a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million
The first year results are now
in: Australia-wide, homicides
are up 3.2 percent, Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent;
Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44
percent)! In the state of Victoria alone, Homicides with
firearms are now up 300 percent. (Note that while the law-
abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not and
criminals still possess their guns!
While figures over the previous
25 years showed a steady
decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed
drastically upward in the past 12 months, since the criminals
now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed. There has also
been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the
Australian politicians are at
a loss to explain how public
safety has decreased, after such monumental effort and expense
was expended in "successfully ridding Australian society of
guns." You won't see this on the Canadian evening news or hear
your Member of Parliament disseminating this information.
The Australian experience proves
it. Guns in the hands of
honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control
laws affect only the law-abiding citizens. Take note Canadians,
before it's too late!
VB Stubby Symphony (S567 in Beer1)
From: rfslick on 11/29/2007
You can view this Australian,
beer commercial at the
source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Tourist Shocked In Australia (S432b)
From: darrell94590 on 5/6/2005
A tourist arrived in Australia,
hired a car and set off for
the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a
sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub
and ordered a straight Scotch.
Just as he was about to throw
it back, he saw a bloke with
one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.
"What the hell?!" the tourist
cried, "What the hell's going
on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke
shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off
in the bar!"
"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender
told him, "You can't expect
a man with only one leg to catch a sheep."
Lost Luggage (S555b)
From: edbabcock on 8/27/2007
Photo from Yahoo Video...
This 6,300 KB movies is about
a Welsh comedian who looses
his luggage on a trip to Sydney, Australia. You can see
the movie at the source above, or on my web site by
Subj: Sean Connery Has Sex Three Times (S352b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/28/2003
Sean Connery was interviewed
by Michael Parkinson,
and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could
still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who
was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show,
Kyle said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I'd
love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to
So they go back to her place
and have great sex.
Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good,
let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even
better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls
in your left hand and my dick in your right hand."
Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay".
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have
even better sex. Then Sean says, "Kylie, that was
wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour,
we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my
balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right
hand." Kylie is now used to the routine and
complies. The results are mind blowing.
Once it's all over, and the cigarettes
Kylie asks "Sean, tell me, does my holding your
balls in my left hand and your dick in my right
stimulate you while you're sleeping?" Sean
replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a
slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet."
Australian Kiwi Bacon Ad (S634 in Food-Supp)
Subj: Australian Slang translation by Ozmurt: (S130, DU)
From: smiles on 6/6/99
This is how we talk in the land
G'day mate ! I have attempted
to explain our language.
Now if you are offended easy may I suggest you get your
arse out of here now. If not I hope you enjoy.
G'day mate = Plesed to make your acquaintance.
Aussie = Australian, dinky di aussie, true blue.
Pommie = Englishman
Yank = American, Septic
You little ripper! = Words of praise, good on ya, well done.
Go on = I'm not entirely convinced
you know what your
Bloody Oath = In total agreeance with you.
Brew = Coffee
Roo,Boomer = Kangaroo
Arvo = Afternoon
Fair Dinkum = True, honest, real, Is that right.
Crust = To earn money, living, dough, job.
Mate = Friend, cobber, pal, buddy.
Tinny = Can of beer.
You Drongo = An idiot, dimwitted person.
Whadayawant = May I enquire about your needs?
Your shout = Your turn to buy the next round of drinks.
Cool Banana's = Great, everythings fine, cool, fantastic.
No Worries = Everything will be okay, not a problem.
Shelia = Girl, woman, female.
Pissed = Drunk, blind, plastered, smashed, intoxicated.
Hit the frog and toad = To get going, leave, hit the road.
Brown nosing = Sucking up to the boss.
Bob's your Uncle = No worries, she'll be right.
Righto = No worries, yes, okay.
Dead horse = Tomato sauce.
Sanga = Sandwich
Snag = Sausage
Billy lids = Children, kids.
Bread winner = Who earns the money in the family.
Water the horse = Men say this
when they are going
to the toilet.
Vegemite = A black yeast extract, spred on bread or toast.
Drop your guts = Someone who has just farted, passed wind.
Ridgey Didge = Speaking the truth, real, fair dinkum.
Hooroo = Good-bye, see ya.
Dummy = Baby pacifer or could mean being stupid, silly.
Dunny = Toilet, loo, throne.
Fair crack of the whip = Settle
down, calm down,
enough is enough.
Shit the bed = When someone gets
up early which is unusual
for them, arrive early when normaly late.
Hit the fart sack = Male say this when going to bed.
Dad and Dave = Having a shower and a shave.
Nackered = Stuffed, tired, buggered.
Hair of the dog = An alcohlic
drink, taken for a hangover,
usually first thing in the morning.
Thingamebob = An item, object,
when you forget the name
of the object.
Spit the dummy = Throw a tantrum
Barbie = A get together of family
and friends and cook
on the BBQ.
The Front Fell Off (S672)
On 21 July 1991, the Greek
tanker Kirki lost its bow off
the coast of Western Australia (WA). During the incident
and the subsequent tow of the tanker to a safe haven
some 17,280 tons of light crude was lost.
This video is a a comedy sketch
from the early 1990s.
John Clarke and Brian Dawe pretend to be Senator
Collins, a member of the Australian Parliament, and
an interviewer for Australian television in which they
discuss this accident.
Click on the above source, or
for my copy, to
see this cute comedy skit.
Subj: Australian Bushman's First Time With A Woman (S58, S565c)
A rich American lady visited
Australia. Lacking entertainment,
she asked the hotel to send her up a virgin Australian male.
The hotel, which specialised in satisfying strange and unusual
requests, did its best, and eventually tracked down a big
bushie who reckoned he'd never been with a woman (or man) but
was agreeable to the task and went up to her room.
When he got there, he immediately
started moving furniture
"What're ya doing ?" she exclaimed in puzzlement
"Werl, I dunno much about women"
he replied, "but if they're
anything like kangaroos, I'm gunna need a LOT of room !"
Subj: Copulating With Kangaroos (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #181
An Englishman goes to Australia
with his wife, they stay in
a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving
along the road, his wife asks, "Look! What is that man
doing with that kangaroo?"
The man says, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting!"
Further down the road the wife
says, "Look, another one!"
and husband says, "Disgusting! I shall report this when
we get back to the hotel."
They arrive back at the hotel
only to find a man with one
wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The
husband charges in and says, "Look we come here in good
faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We
are driving down the road and we come across a drover in
copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, recurrence of the
same thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with
one leg, one wooden leg, masturbating on your steps. Well,
what do you have to say about that!?"
The manager says, "'Struth mate,
you expect a man with one
wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?"
Subj: Short Aussie Jokes
Australian Tooheys Beer Commercial (S682)
Muslims Out Of Australia (S561c)
From: SCOTCOB on 10/15/2007
Photo from Yahoo Images...
This article is true as verified
by Snopes.com at
Subj: Australian Government's Terrorist Kit (S314)
From: jerry on 2/3/2003
The Australian government's solution to the terrorist
problem is to send all Australians a refrigerator magnet.
The magnets, costing $15 million to produce and mail out,
tells how to spot a terrorist and lists a phone number to
call if you happen to see one.
XXXX Gold Retreat On Tour (S615c in Drinking Beer Supp)
Lost Australian Sheep (S489, DU)
Sydney Morning Herald (Australia)
Italian foreplay: Elbowing
his sleeping wife
he says "Hey, yoy awake?"
Australian foreplay: "Hey Sheila, you awake?"
Tasmanian foreplay: "You awake, sis?"
New Zealand foreplay: "You awake, fluffy?"
There are no dress codes in Australian
pubs - just a sign
at the door saying 'Knuckles must not drag on the floor'.
The average Australian has one testicel and one breast.
Emus and kangaroos cannot walk
backwards, and are on the
Australian coat of arms for that reason.
From: darrell94590 on 7/29/2006 (S496b)
The Local Area Network in Australia is called
The LAN down under.
Q: Why is an Australian hunter
a good lover?
A: He goes deep into the bush, shoots twice,
and always eats what he shoots!
Q: How can you tell when a sick
Aussie is getting better?
A: He tries to blow the froth off his medicine.
Q: What do you call an Aussie
A: A pimp.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus Christ born
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Q: How do Australians count their
A: 1... 2... 3... Hi honey... 5... 6... 7...
From: RFSlick on 4/26/99 (S117)
Q: Did you hear they found a new use for sheep
From: JBCARY1 on 8/22/2001 (S238)
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.
...........................Smiley in the Great Barrier Reef from Smiley_Central.