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>>>
Subj:     Black1 Jokes
                 (Includes 25 jokes and articles, 28 1024,10,cf,wXT2a4b,9)

Child Painting from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Maya Angelou Quote (S911)
.........................Marten Luther King Jr. Quotations (S416, DU)
.........................Dave Chappelle Talks With Maya Angelou - Video (S907)
.........................Black Kid Is Better (S70, S614)
.........................Eyes On The Stars By StoryCorps - Video (S840)
.........................Black And White Work In Same Office (DU)
.........................Angry Black In A White Bar (DU)
.........................Black Jeopardy - Saturday Night Live - Video (S898)
.........................Thirty-Nine Years - Too Short - (S104, DU)
.........................A White And A Black Argue About God (DU)
.........................Chris Rock On Police Ass Kicking - Video (S472)
.........................Racial Prejudice In An Elevator (S90, S350)
.........................Teacher's Spelling Test (DU)
.........................Redd Foxx On The Flip Wilson Show - Video (S857)
.........................Dear White Fella: (S132, S576b)
.........................Eddie Murphy In Mr Robinson's Neighborhood On SNL (S1023)
.........................Woman Has Ten Sons Named LeRoy (S72, S403)
.........................Who Was "Chicago Red"? - Newspaper (S925)
.........................Chinese And The Black Bartender (DU)
.........................A Cowboy, An Indian And A Black (S425, DU)
.........................How To Tell Black People Apart (S1024)
.........................Four Lost In A Life Boat (DU)
.........................The Ant And The Grasshopper (S277, DU)
.........................Put A Cap In Your Ass - GIF (S583b)
.........................Chinese And Black Skip Rocks (DU)

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Patients Die On Friday Morning' In NonJokes'
         ALLIGATOR    - 'Alligator Contest'
         BAR2 file    - 'Three Ladies Give Husbands Nick Names'
         BATHROOM file- 'A White And Three Blacks At The Urnals'
         BOXING file  - 'Muhammad Ali On Black And White' - Video
         CARS-SUPP    - 'Why There Are No Black NASCAR Drivers'
         CHURCH-SUPP2 - 'Praying For 'Special Needs''
         COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech By Charlton Heston At Harvard'
         DOG3 file    - 'Simon Says' - Video
         EBONICS file - 'Word of the Day' - Video
......................- (see whole file)
         ELDERLY2     - '80 Year Old Has Three Kids'
         FACTS5 file  - 'African's Thoughts on Condoms And Aids'
         FAMOUSPEOPLE2- 'Marilyn Monroe With Sammy Davis Jr.' - Photo
         FARMER1 file - 'Farmer Wants A Divorce'
         GENIE file   - 'Three Different Races Find Genie'
         GOD2 file    - 'Is God Black Or White?'
         GOD2 file    - 'How The Jews Got The 10 Commandments'
         GOLF3 file   - 'Golfer Gets Robot Caddie'
         HORSE file   - 'Zebra Goes To Heaven'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Three Jewish Sons Marry'
         JUDGE file   - 'Supreme Court's KKK Ruling'
         KIDS2 file   - 'The Last Child Support Check'
.........Leprichaun   - 'Drunk Wakes Up With Amnesia'
.........MEN1 file    - 'Indian, African And Englishman Levitate Wives'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Husband Can't Satisfy His Wife'
         MIDDLE-EAST  - 'I Had A Dream'
         MOVIES-SUPP2 - 'South Park On Wheel Of Fortune'
         MUSIC-SUPP   - 'Old School Talent' - Video
         NATIVE file  -  (See whole file)
         NERD file    - 'Weird Al - White And Nerdy' - Video
         OBAMA file   - 'Bizarro Comic Strip'
         PLANE1 file  - 'Sometimes Life Is Fair'
         PLANE2 file  - 'Three Black Ladies Prepare For Flight'
         REDNECK3 file- 'Klan And Blacks Agree'
         RELIGION2    - 'Ten Commandments - Ebony Style'
         POLIT-CLN-SC2- 'Clinton As A Black'
         POLIT-OBAMA  - 'Richard Pryor, 1st Black President' - Video
         SEX-SUPP     - 'George Burns And Oprah Have Sex'
         SOLDIERS1    - 'LBJ Requests Two Lieutenants'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'Buffalo Soldiers National Museum' - Video
         SUPERHEROES  - 'New York Subway Hero' - Video
         TRUCK-BUS    - 'Zimbabwea Bus Driver Stops At Bar'
============================================================Top
Subj:     Maya Angelou Quote (S911)
          From: James Canady on Facebook
 Source: http://heartsfile.com/maya-angelou-quotes/
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Top
Subj:     Marten Luther King Jr. Quotations (S416, DU)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/17/2005

 "Everybody can be great because anybody can serve."

 "Make a career of humanity - and you will make a greater
 person of yourself, a greater nation of your country, and
 a finer world to live in."

 "A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the
 glaring contrast of poverty and wealth."

 "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in
 moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at
 times of challenge and controversy. The true neighbor will
 risk his position, his prestige, and even his life for the
 welfare of others."

 "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

 "...live together as brothers, or ..perish as fools.."

 "Our world is a neighborhood ... And whatever affects one
 directly affects all indirectly."
                                        Dr. King

Top
Subj:     Dave Chappelle Talks With Maya Angelou
          Published by booyaism (S907d)
          From: Marge Pearson on Facebook
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/08zXTyAb6TY

 In 2006 Dave Chappelle and Maya Angelou traded stories on
 The Sundance Channel's 'Iconoclast' in which Chappelle
 discussed his writing style and shared why he left his
 popular show on Comedy Central.  This video is Part 2 of
 that broadcast.  Click 'HERE' to listen to Dave Chappelle
 and Maya Angelou talk.

 You can view all 4 parts of this broadcast at booyaism.

Top
Subj:     Black Kid Is Better (S70, S614)
          From: thebartend on 12/8/2003

 A Black named Jonnie is sitting in first grade prep school.
 On the first day of school, Johnnie's teacher asked the
 students to count to 50.  Many of them did very well, some
 getting as high as 37.  But Johnnie did extremely well; he
 made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes.  When he arrives home,
 after school, he discusses this with his father: "Dad, we
 were taught how to count today, and all the kids in my
 class only got to 37, and I counted towards 100!  How comes?"
 His father replies: "Boy, that is because you're an afro.
 I'm proud you show them our superiority."

 The next day, the class learns about the alphabet, the
 teacher asked students to recite the alphabet.  Some made
 it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie
 outdid them again.  He made it all the way through, missing
 only the letter "m".  That evening he once again brought
 his Dad up to date and Dad explained to him, "That's
 because you black, and superior to those Honkies.

 On Wednesday, after Physical Education, the boys were
 taking showers.  Johnnie noted that, compared to the other
 boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed".  This
 confused him.  That night, he asked his Dad, "Dad, when we
 were in the dressing room, I saw my dick was about this
 long (holds both hands wide apart) and those whities dicks
 were only this long (keeps index and middle finger almost
 together) Is that because I'm Black?"

 "No, son, "explained Dad, "That's because you're 18!"

Top
Subj:     Eyes On The Stars By StoryCorps (S840d)
          Made by StoryCorps.com
          From: Wimp.com on 2/12/2013
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/okF5UGpivR8
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/eyesstars/

 On January 28, 1986, NASA Challenger mission STS-51-L ended
 in tragedy when the shuttle exploded 73 seconds after takeoff.
 On board was physicist Ronald E. McNair, who was the second
 African American to enter space.  But first, he was a kid with
 big dreams in Lake City, South Carolina.  Click 'HERE' to hear
 his touching story.
 

Top
Subj:     Black And White Work In Same Office (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #166

 There were two men (one black, the other white) that worked
 in the same office.  Everyday, the white man would come in
 happy and singing.  The black man didn't understand how he
 could be so damn happy.  So one day he asked him and the
 white man replied, "I have sex with my wife twice before
 work and then twice when I get home!"

 The black man said he couldn't believe it, and asked to
 know his secret.  The white man said it was all because of
 poetry.  "Ladies love poetry.  For instance, last night I
 told my wife, "Roses are red, violets are blue, roll on
 over so I can make love to you."

 The black man said, "That's it, I'm going to try it when
 I get home!"

 The next day he comes in with a black eye.  The white guy
 asks what happened.

 The Black guy said I took your advice, I went home and
 told my wife, "Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog,
 roll your ass over so I can fuck you like a dog!"

Top
Subj:     Angry Black In A White Bar (DU)
..........From: Bawdy.Net Collage #208 on 97-11-08

 A BIG Black man walk into a Bar in Paris and says, "I'm big,
 I'm Black, and I fuck White women."

 Everybody in the bar gets up and runs the hell out - scared
 shitless.

 The Black man then goes to England and walks into a pub and
 says, "I'm big, I'm Black, and I fuck White women."

 Everybody in the Pub gets up and runs the hell out - scared
 shitless.

 The man than goes to Newfoundland and walks into a bar and
 says, "I'm big, I'm Black, and I fuck White women."

 One of the patrons gets up and walks up to the man and says,
 "Don't blame you, I wouldn't fuck the blacks ones either!"

Top
Subj:     Black Jeopardy - Saturday Night Live 
          From: RDobry (S898d)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/VWuJHbVZBQg

 It's been 50 years since Jeopardy debuted on television.
 You gotta check out this parody of Jeopardy that SNL
 spoofed with Host Louis CK.  Contestants answer questions
 in categories like That Girl, Had That Been Me and It's
 Been A Minute.  Click 'HERE' to see this very funny skit.

Top
Subj:     Thirty-Nine Years - Too Short - Too Long - Long Enough (S104, DU)
          By Willa Perrier
          from: A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul
          (c) 1995 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
          From: smiles on 99-01-18

  From 1929 to 1968 is only 39 short years.
  Too short to gather the fruits of your labor
  Too short to comfort your parents when your brother drowns
  Too short to comfort your father when mother dies
  Too short to see your children finish school
  Too short to ever enjoy grandchildren
  Too short to know retirement

  Thirty-nine years is just too short.

  From 1929 to 1968 is only 39 short years, yet it's
  Too long to be crippled by the manacles of segregation
     and the chains of discrimination, it's
  Too long to stand in the quicksand of racial injustices, it's
  Too long to receive threatening phone calls,
     often at the rate of forty per day, it's
  Too long to live under the sweltering heat of continuous pressure,
  it's Too long, 39 years is just too long.

  From 1929 to 1968 is only 39 short years, yet it's
  Long enough.
  It's long enough to journey all the way to India to learn under
     a great teacher how to walk through angry crowds and keep cool.
  It's long enough to be chased by police dogs and lashed by the
     rushing waters from the fireman's hoses because you are
     dramatizing the fact that justice has a way of eluding me and
     my brother.
  It's long enough to spend many days in jail
     while protesting the plight of others.
  It's long enough to have a bomb thrown into your home.
  It's long enough to teach angry violent men to be
     still while you pray for the bombers.
  It's long enough.
  It's long enough to lead many men to Christianity.
  It's long enough to know it's better to go to war
     for justice than to live in peace with injustices.
  It's long enough to know that more appalling than bigotry
     and hatred are those who sit still
     and watch injustices each day in silence.
  It's long enough to realize that injustices are undiscriminating
     and people of all races and creeds experience
     its cruel captivity sooner or later.
  It's long enough.
  It's long enough to know that when one uses civil disobedience
     for his civil rights, he does not break the laws of the
     Constitution of the United States of America - rather he seeks
     to uphold the principles all men are created equal; he seeks
     to break down local ordinances that have already broken the
     laws of the Constitution of the United States.
  It's long enough.
  It's long enough to accept invitations to speak to the
     nation's leaders.  It's long enough to address thousands of
     people on hundreds of different occasions.
  It's long enough to lead 200,000 people to the nation's capital
     to dramatize that all of America's people are heirs to the
     property of rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
  It's long enough to enter college at 15.
  It's long enough to finish and earn several degrees.
  It's long enough to earn hundreds of awards.
  It's long enough to marry and father four children.
  It's long enough to become a drum major for peace.
  It's long enough to earn a Nobel Peace Prize.
  It's long enough to give the $54,000 prize money
     to the cause of justice.
  It's long enough to visit the mountain top.
  It's certainly long enough to have a dream.

  When we note how much Martin Luther King packed into 39 short
  years, we know it's long enough for any man who loves his country
  and his fellow man so much that life itself has no value -
  unless all men can sit at the table of brotherhood as brothers.
  Thirty-nine years is long enough - for any man to knowingly
  flirt with death each day of his life - because to spare himself
  heartaches and sorrow meant two steps backward for his brother
  tomorrow.

  Martin lived for several centuries, all rolled into 39 short
  years. His memory will live forever. How wonderful it would be
  if we could all live as well.

  Martin, like all others, would have welcomed longevity - yet
  when he weighed the facts, he said, "It's not how long a man
  lives, but how well he uses the time allotted him."

  And so we salute and honor the memory of a man who lived in
  the confusion of injustice for all his too short, too long,
  long enough 39 years- "For He's Free At Last."

Top
Subj:     A White And A Black Argue About God (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #15

 A black guy and white guy are arguing over whether God is
 black or white.  They cannot agree and finally decide to
 fly to Israel, climb the highest mountain and shout the
 question to God.  After they arrive and reach the summit
 of the holiest mountain, the white guy shouts out, "God,
 what are you, black or white?"

 Soon, dark clouds gather, the wind picks up, lightning is
 flashing and this thundering voice replies: "I am what I
 am."

 The white guy turns to the black and says, "See, I told
 you He was white."

 "How do you know?" asks the black.

 "Because," says the white guy, "If He was black, He would
 have said "I is what I is.""

Top
Subj:     Chris Rock On Police Ass Kicking (S472d)
          From: htharvey on 1/30/2006
      and From: AFine963 on 12/3/2014
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/uj0mtxXEGE8

 This is a very funny Chris Rock video on preventing police
 ass kickings. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Racial Prejudice In An Elevator (S90, S350)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-09-22
      and From: Imogenelumen on 10/8/2003

 This is better than Great.... It's TRUE !!
 Having her hair done at a West Hempstead, NY, beauty parlor,
 a woman told a cautionary tale about racial prejudice.   The
 story deserves wider audience.

 On a recent weekend in Atlantic City the woman related, she
 won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine.   She took a
 break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel
 dining room.  First she would stash the quarters in her room.
 I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband
 and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.  As she
 was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already
 aboard.  Both were black.  One of them was big ... Very big...
 An  intimidating figure.  The woman froze. Her first thought
 was:  These two are going to rob me.  Her next thought was:
 Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen, even
 if one of them is awfully black.  Racial fear is powerful, and
 it immobilized her.

 She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered,
 ashamed.  She hoped they didn't read her mind but knew they surely
 did; her hesitation about joining them on the elevator was all too
 obvious.  Her face burned.  She couldn't just stand there, so with
 a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward
 and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator.   Avoid-
 ing eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator
 doors as they closed.  A second passed, and then another second,
 and then another.  The elevator didn't move.  Panic consumed her.
 My God, she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!  Her
 heart plummeted.  Perspiration poured from every pore.  One of the
 men said, "Hit the floor."  Instinct told her:  Do what they tell
 you.  The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her
 arms and collapsed on the elevator carpet.  A shower of coins
 rained down on her.  Take my money and spare me, she prayed.  More
 seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if
 you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the
 button".  The one who said it had a little trouble getting the
 words out.  He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.  She
 lifted her head and looked up at the two men.  They reached down
 to help her up.  Confused, she struggled to her feet.

 "When I told my man here to hit the floor," one of the men, the
 average sized one, told her, "I meant that he should hit the
 elevator button for our floor.  I didn't mean for you to hit the
 floor, ma'am.  He spoke genially.  He bit his lip.  It was obvious
 he was having a hard time not laughing.  She thought: My God, what
 a spectacle I've made of myself.  She was too humiliated to speak.
 She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her.  How do
 you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving
 as though they were robbing you?   She didn't know.  The 3 of them
 gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket.  When the
 elevator arrived at her floor they insisted on walking her to her
 room.  She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were
 afraid she might not make it down the corridor.  At her door they
 bid her good evening.  As she slipped into her room she could hear
 them laughing while they walked back to the elevator.  The woman
 brushed herself off.

 She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her
 husband.  The next morning flowers were delivered to her room a
 dozen roses.  Attached to each rose was a crisp one hundred dollar
 bill.  A card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years".
 It was signed,

 Eddie Murphy and Bodyguard.

 Note: The Atlantic City story about the woman who met Eddie Murphy
   and Bodyguard in the elevator is an another urban legend. It seems
   she has met lots of famous black men. Why are urbnan legends so
   funny?

Top
Subj:     Teacher's Spelling Test (DU)

 So the grade 1 teacher poses a question to little Jeffrey:
 "Jeffrey, what do you like to do on the playground at recess?"
 Jeffrey replies: "I like to play in the sandbox."
 The teacher says, "Oh, that's nice. And how do you
    spell sandbox?"
 Jeffrey: "S-A-N-D-B-O-X"
 Teacher: "Good! You can go out and play in the sandbox now."
 The teacher then asks a question to Matthew:
 "Matthew, what do you like to do at recess?"
 Matthew responds, "I like to play in the sandbox too"
 Teacher: "Very good. And how do we spell box?"
 Matthew: "B-O-X".
 Teacher: "Excellent! You're free to go play in the sandbox now,
    Matthew".
 The teacher then turns to a little black kid in the class,
    Danny, and asks him the same question.
 Danny: "Well, I wanted to play in the sandbox at recess,
    but the other kids wouldn't let me because I'm black".
 Teacher: "What?! That's prejudice and discrimination!
    Now you spell those two words and I'll let you out to play".

Top
Subj:     Redd Foxx On The Flip Wilson Show
          From: YouTube on 6/15/2013 (S857d)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/HPEAAFOgoiE
 Source2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Flip_Wilson_Show

 Redd Foxx appeared on The Flip Wilson Show on Season 4,
 Episode 4.  This Episode 80 first aired October 11, 1973.
 The Flip Wilson Show was an hour long variety show that
 aired in the U.S. on NBC from September 17, 1970 to
 June 27, 1974.  The show starred American comedian Flip
 Wilson; the program was one of the first American
 television programs starring a black person in the title
 role to become highly successful with a white audience.
 Specifically, it was the first successful network variety
 series starring an African American.  Click 'HERE' to see
 this funny, cute dialogue between Redd and Flip.

Top
Subj:     Dear White Fella: (S132, S576b)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #311 on 8/13/99
      and From: AFine963 on 1/24/2008

 Dear White Fella:
 Coupla lings you orta no:

 First.
 Wen Iam Born  -  Im Black:
 Wen I Grow up - Im  Black
 Wen I Get sick - Im  Black
 Wen I Go out ina sun - Im Black
 Wen Im Cold   -   Im Black
 and Wen I'm scared, - jees Im Black
 and  Wen I Die,   - Im still Black

 But You White Fella:
 Wen you born you,  Pink
 Wen you grow up you,  White
 Wen you sick, you,  Green
 Wen you go out ina sun , you go Red
 Wen you get cold you go , Blue
 Wen you get scared you go, Yellow
 and Wen you die , you go purple

 and you got the cheek to call me COLORED!

Top
Subj:     Eddie Murphy In Mr Robinson's Neighborhood On SNL (S1023)
          From: Lonnie Winfield on Facebook on 8/22/2016

 Source: https://www.facebook.com/angela.mcelyea.john
.........son/videos/1159262737087/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED

.
 Click 'HERE' to see this Saturday Night Live - MISTER ROBINSON'S
 NEIGHBORHOOD skit with Eddie Murphy from October 2,1982
.
Top
Subj:     Woman Has Ten Sons Named LeRoy (S72, S403)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #149 on 98-06-15
      and From: hellgunner50 on 10/3/2004

 A woman goes into the welfare office to try to get some
 benefits.  She has a person helping her fill out the forms.

 "How many children do you have?"

 "Ten, all boys."

 "What are their names?"

 "LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
 LeRoy and LeRoy."

 Isn't that unusual?  What if you call them for a meal?"

 "I just call 'LeRoy,' and all 10 come running."

 "What if it's time to quit playing, and come in to go to bed?"

 "I just call 'LeRoy,' and -- again -- all 10 come running."

 "But what if you just want one of them?"

 "I just call him by his last name."

Top
Subj:     Who Was "Chicago Red"? (S925d)
          in Trivia Bits by Paul Paquet
..........From: ContraCosta Times on 10/11/2014
Photo from Creators.com
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Top
Subj:     Chinese And The Black Bartender (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #203 on 97-10-22

 A Chinese man enters a bar to find a Black bartender.  He
 says, "Hey nigger, give me a jigger."

 The Bartender responds, "That's terrible!  How would you
 like it if I said something like that to you?  In fact,
 let's just switch places.  You get behind the bar and I'll
 come in as a customer."

 The Chinese man agrees and gets behind the bar.  The Black
 man goes outside.

 Upon reentering, he says, "Hey Chink, give me a drink."

 To which the Chinese man answers, "Sorry, we don't serve
 niggers here."

Top
Subj:     A Cowboy, An Indian And A Black (S425, DU)

 A cowboy, an Indian, and a black man are sitting at a bar.
 The Indian turns to the black man and says, "we once were
 many but now we're few".

 The black man replies, "we once were few but now we're many".

 The cowboy over hears all this and says to the black man,
 "that's because we haven't played cowboys and niggers yet".

Top
Subj:     How To Tell Black People Apart (S1024)
          From: Lawrence Davis on 8/27/2016

 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/CxgJy7nvlM8

 Click 'HERE' to see this skit by David Alan Grier
 on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Top
Subj:     Four Lost In A Life Boat (DU)

 A Russian, a Jamacian, a white from Wyoming, and a nigger
 from Philly are lost at sea.  After days and days, they
 finally come within sight of land.  The Russian opens a
 hidden bottle of Stoli vodka, takes one swig and throws
 the remainder of the bottle into the water much to the
 other passangers dismay.  The Russian explains that where
 he comes from, there is plenty of Stoli, it is worth
 nothing and means nothing.  The Jamicain then procceds
 to light a huge joint, take one hit, and then throw the
 remainter to sea explainin, 'Mon, in my country we have
 plenty of marijuanna, it is worth nothing, means nothing.'
 The White man from Wyomissing throws the Nigger in the water!

Top
Subj:     The Ant And The Grasshopper (S277, DU)
          From: ipkis on 97-06-17
      and From: Cypriot on 5/24/2002

 -------------- First, the Classic Version ----------------

 The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
 building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

 The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
 and plays the summer away.

 Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.  The grasshopper
 has no shelter so he dies out in the cold.
 
 

 --------------- Now, the Modern Version, -----------------

 The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
 building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

 The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
 and plays the summer away.

 Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
 conference and demands to know why the ant should be
 allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
 and starving.

 CBS, PBS, CNN, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of
 the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
 his comfortable home with a table filled with food.  The
 media circus is relentless.

 America is stunned by the sharp contrast.  How can this
 be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
 is allowed to suffer so?

 Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
 everybody cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."

 Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
 house where the news stations film the group singing "We
 shall overcome."  Jesse then has the group kneel down to
 pray to God for the grasshopper's state.

 Spokesman for a congressional committee exclaims in an
 interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich
 off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate
 tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

 Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-
 Grasshopper Act, "retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

 The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
 of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive
 taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

 ACLU (American Communist Lawyers Union) gets to represent the
 grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the
 case is tried before a panel of liberal federal judges.  The
 ant takes the stand and pleads his case that all he did was
 work to lay aside for the cold weather while the grasshopper
 did nothing.  No one hears.

 The ant loses the case.  No one is surprised.  The story
 ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
 of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
 which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles
 around him because he doesn't maintain it.

 The ant has disappeared in the snow.  The grasshopper is
 found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now
 abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize
 the once peaceful neighborhood.

Top
Subj:     Put A Cap In Your Ass (S583b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2008
..........At: (Removed from buffaloschips.com)

 You can view this stupid, cute animated GIF by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Chinese And Black Skip Rocks (DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #238 on 97-11-02

 A Chinese guy and a Black guy were out walking by the lake.
 The Chinese guy picks up a stone and skips it across the
 lake.

 "Ching - chang - chung...."

 The Black guy says, "Pretty cool. How do you make the stone
 make that noise?"

 The Chinese guy says, "I don't make the noise - it's the
 sound of my ancestors being freed by the lake."

 "Let me hear that again," the Black guy says. So...

 "Ching - chang - chung...."  "Why don't you try it, too?"

 So, the Black guy picks up a stone and tosses it across
 the lake.

 "Chimp - pan - zee..."

 "What!?!  What the hell is going on?" the Black guy says.
 "I'm going to do that again."

 He throws a stone across the lake again.  And, again, the
 stone sounds like:

 "Chimp - pan - zee..."

 Well, the Black guy is furious, and grabbing the biggest
 boulder he can lift, tosses it into the lake:

 "Ba - BOON!"

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                           -(o o)-
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..........................From Smiley_Central
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