Subj: Black1 Jokes
(Includes 18 jokes and articles, 13840,3,cf,md4,3)
Child Painting from
Animation Factory
| >>>
Subj: Black1 Jokes (Includes 18 jokes and articles, 13840,3,cf,md4,3) |
|
Child Painting from Animation Factory |
Also see ACCIDENTS1 - 'Patients
Die On Friday Morning' In NonJokes'
ALLIGATOR - 'Alligator
Contest'
BAR2 file - 'Three
Ladies Give Husbands Nick Names'
BATHROOM file- 'A
White And Three Blacks At The Urnals'
.........BONICS
file - (see whole file)
CARS-SUPP - 'Why
There Are No Black NASCAR Drivers'
CHURCH-SUPP2 - 'Praying
For 'Special Needs''
COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech
By Charlton Heston At Harvard'
DOG3 file - 'Simon
Says' - Movie
ELDERLY2 - '80
Year Old Has Three Kids'
FACTS5 file - 'African's
Thoughts on Condoms And Aids'
FARMER1 file - 'Farmer
Wants A Divorce'
GENIE file - 'Three
Different Races Find Genie'
GOD2 file - 'Is
God Black Or White?'
GOD2 file - 'How
The Jews Got The 10 Commandments'
GOLF3 file - 'Golfer
Gets Robot Caddie'
HORSE file - 'Zebra
Goes To Heaven'
JEWISH2 file - 'Three Jewish Sons
Marry'
JUDGE file - 'Supreme
Court's KKK Ruling'
KIDS2 file -
'The
Last Child Support Check'
.........Leprichaun
- 'Drunk
Wakes Up With Amnesia'
.........MEN1
file - 'Indian,
African And Englishman Levitate Wives'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Husband
Can't Satisfy His Wife'
MIDDLE-EAST - 'I Had A Dream'
MOVIES-SUPP2 - 'South
Park On Wheel Of Fortune'
MUSIC-SUPP - 'Old
School Talent' - Movie
NATIVE file - (See whole file)
NERD file - 'Weird
Al - White And Nerdy' - Video
OBAMA file - 'Bizarro
Comic Strip'
PLANE1 file - 'Sometimes
Life Is Fair'
PLANE2 file - 'Three
Black Ladies Prepare For Flight'
REDNECK3 file- 'Klan
And Blacks Agree'
RELIGION2 - 'Ten
Commandments - Ebony Style'
POLIT-CLN-SC2- 'Clinton
As A Black'
SEX-SUPP - 'George
Burns And Oprah Have Sex'
SOLDIERS1 - 'LBJ
Requests Two Lieutenants'
SUPERHEROES - 'New York
Subway Hero' - Movie
TRUCK-BUS - 'Zimbabwea
Bus Driver Stops At Bar'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Chris Rock On Police Ass Kicking (S472d)
From: htharvey on 1/30/2006 |
 |
Very funny Chris Rock movie on
preventing police ass kickings.
You can view it on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Marten
Luther King Jr. Quotations (S416, DU)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/17/2005
"Everybody can be great because anybody can serve."
"Make a career of humanity -
and you will make a greater
person of yourself, a greater
nation of your country, and
a finer world to live in."
"A true revolution of values
will soon look uneasily on the
glaring contrast of poverty
and wealth."
"The ultimate measure of a man
is not where he stands in
moments of comfort and convenience,
but where he stands at
times of challenge and controversy.
The true neighbor will
risk his position, his prestige,
and even his life for the
welfare of others."
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
"…live together as brothers, or ..perish as fools.."
"Our world is a neighborhood
… And whatever affects one
directly affects all indirectly."
Dr. King
Top
Subj: Thirty-Nine
Years - Too Short - Too Long - Long Enough (S104, DU)
By Willa Perrier
from: A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul
(c) 1995 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
From: smiles on 99-01-18
From 1929 to 1968 is only 39
short years.
Too short to gather the fruits
of your labor
Too short to comfort your parents
when your brother drowns
Too short to comfort your father
when mother dies
Too short to see your children
finish school
Too short to ever enjoy grandchildren
Too short to know retirement
Thirty-nine years is just too short.
From 1929 to 1968 is only 39
short years, yet it's
Too long to be crippled by
the manacles of segregation
and the chains
of discrimination, it's
Too long to stand in the quicksand
of racial injustices, it's
Too long to receive threatening
phone calls,
often at
the rate of forty per day, it's
Too long to live under the
sweltering heat of continuous pressure,
it's Too long, 39 years is
just too long.
From 1929 to 1968 is only 39
short years, yet it's
Long enough.
It's long enough to journey
all the way to India to learn under
a great teacher
how to walk through angry crowds and keep cool.
It's long enough to be chased
by police dogs and lashed by the
rushing waters
from the fireman's hoses because you are
dramatizing
the fact that justice has a way of eluding me and
my brother.
It's long enough to spend many
days in jail
while protesting
the plight of others.
It's long enough to have a
bomb thrown into your home.
It's long enough to teach angry
violent men to be
still while
you pray for the bombers.
It's long enough.
It's long enough to lead many
men to Christianity.
It's long enough to know it's
better to go to war
for justice
than to live in peace with injustices.
It's long enough to know that
more appalling than bigotry
and hatred
are those who sit still
and watch
injustices each day in silence.
It's long enough to realize
that injustices are undiscriminating
and people
of all races and creeds experience
its cruel
captivity sooner or later.
It's long enough.
It's long enough to know that
when one uses civil disobedience
for his civil
rights, he does not break the laws of the
Constitution
of the United States of America - rather he seeks
to uphold
the principles all men are created equal; he seeks
to break
down local ordinances that have already broken the
laws of the
Constitution of the United States.
It's long enough.
It's long enough to accept
invitations to speak to the
nation's
leaders. It's long enough to address thousands of
people on
hundreds of different occasions.
It's long enough to lead 200,000
people to the nation's capital
to dramatize
that all of America's people are heirs to the
property
of rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
It's long enough to enter college
at 15.
It's long enough to finish
and earn several degrees.
It's long enough to earn hundreds
of awards.
It's long enough to marry and
father four children.
It's long enough to become
a drum major for peace.
It's long enough to earn a
Nobel Peace Prize.
It's long enough to give the
$54,000 prize money
to the cause
of justice.
It's long enough to visit the
mountain top.
It's certainly long enough
to have a dream.
When we note how much Martin
Luther King packed into 39 short
years, we know it's long enough
for any man who loves his country
and his fellow man so much
that life itself has no value -
unless all men can sit at the
table of brotherhood as brothers.
Thirty-nine years is long enough
- for any man to knowingly
flirt with death each day of
his life - because to spare himself
heartaches and sorrow meant
two steps backward for his brother
tomorrow.
Martin lived for several centuries,
all rolled into 39 short
years. His memory will live
forever. How wonderful it would be
if we could all live as well.
Martin, like all others, would
have welcomed longevity - yet
when he weighed the facts,
he said, "It's not how long a man
lives, but how well he uses
the time allotted him."
And so we salute and honor the
memory of a man who lived in
the confusion of injustice
for all his too short, too long,
long enough 39 years- "For
He's Free At Last."
Top
Subj: Racial
Prejudice In An Elevator (S90, S350)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-09-22
and
From: Imogenelumen on 10/8/2003
This is better than Great....
It's TRUE !!
Having her hair done at a West
Hempstead, NY, beauty parlor,
a woman told a cautionary tale
about racial prejudice. The
story deserves wider audience.
On a recent weekend in Atlantic
City the woman related, she
won a bucketful of quarters
at a slot machine. She took a
break from the slots for dinner
with her husband in the hotel
dining room. First she
would stash the quarters in her room.
I'll be right back and we'll
go to eat," she told her husband
and she carried the coin-laden
bucket to the elevator. As she
was about to walk into the elevator
she noticed two men already
aboard. Both were black.
One of them was big ... Very big...
An intimidating figure.
The woman froze. Her first thought
was: These two are going
to rob me. Her next thought was:
Don't be a bigot, they look
like perfectly nice gentlemen, even
if one of them is awfully black.
Racial fear is powerful, and
it immobilized her.
She stood and stared at the two
men. She felt anxious, flustered,
ashamed. She hoped they
didn't read her mind but knew they surely
did; her hesitation about joining
them on the elevator was all too
obvious. Her face burned.
She couldn't just stand there, so with
a mighty effort of will she
picked up one foot and stepped forward
and followed with the other
foot and was on the elevator. Avoid-
ing eye contact, she turned
around stiffly and faced the elevator
doors as they closed.
A second passed, and then another second,
and then another. The
elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her.
My God, she thought, I'm trapped
and about to be robbed! Her
heart plummeted. Perspiration
poured from every pore. One of the
men said, "Hit the floor."
Instinct told her: Do what they tell
you. The bucket of quarters
flew upwards as she threw out her
arms and collapsed on the elevator
carpet. A shower of coins
rained down on her. Take
my money and spare me, she prayed. More
seconds passed. She heard one
of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if
you'll just tell us what floor
you're going to, we'll push the
button". The one who said
it had a little trouble getting the
words out. He was trying
mightily to hold in a belly laugh. She
lifted her head and looked up
at the two men. They reached down
to help her up. Confused,
she struggled to her feet.
"When I told my man here to hit
the floor," one of the men, the
average sized one, told her,
"I meant that he should hit the
elevator button for our floor.
I didn't mean for you to hit the
floor, ma'am. He spoke
genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious
he was having a hard time not
laughing. She thought: My God, what
a spectacle I've made of myself.
She was too humiliated to speak.
She wanted to blurt out an apology,
but words failed her. How do
you apologize to two perfectly
respectable gentlemen for behaving
as though they were robbing
you? She didn't know. The 3 of them
gathered up the strewn quarters
and refilled her bucket. When the
elevator arrived at her floor
they insisted on walking her to her
room. She seemed a little
unsteady on her feet, and they were
afraid she might not make it
down the corridor. At her door they
bid her good evening.
As she slipped into her room she could hear
them laughing while they walked
back to the elevator. The woman
brushed herself off.
She pulled herself together and
went downstairs for dinner with her
husband. The next morning
flowers were delivered to her room a
dozen roses. Attached
to each rose was a crisp one hundred dollar
bill. A card said: "Thanks
for the best laugh we've had in years".
It was signed,
Eddie Murphy and Bodyguard.
Note: The Atlantic City story
about the woman who met Eddie Murphy
and Bodyguard in the
elevator is an another urban legend. It seems
she has met lots of famous
black men. Why are urbnan legends so
funny?
Top
Subj: Woman
Has Ten Sons Named LeRoy (S72, S403)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #149 on 98-06-15
and
From: hellgunner50 on 10/3/2004
A woman goes into the welfare
office to try to get some
benefits. She has a person
helping her fill out the forms.
"How many children do you have?"
"Ten, all boys."
"What are their names?"
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
LeRoy and LeRoy."
Isn't that unusual? What if you call them for a meal?"
"I just call 'LeRoy,' and all 10 come running."
"What if it's time to quit playing, and come in to go to bed?"
"I just call 'LeRoy,' and -- again -- all 10 come running."
"But what if you just want one of them?"
"I just call him by his last name."
Top
Subj: Black
Kid Is Better (S70, S614)
From: thebartend on 12/8/2003
and
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/15/2008
A Black named Jonnie is sitting
in first grade prep school.
On the first day of school,
Johnnie's teacher asked the
students to count to 50.
Many of them did very well, some
getting as high as 37.
But Johnnie did extremely well; he
made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes.
When he arrives home,
after school, he discusses this
with his father: "Dad, we
were taught how to count today,
and all the kids in my
class only got to 37, and I
counted towards 100! How comes?"
His father replies: "Boy, that
is because you're an afro.
I'm proud you show them our
superiority."
The next day, the class learns
about the alphabet, the
teacher asked students to recite
the alphabet. Some made
it to the letter "k" with only
one mistake, but Johnnie
outdid them again. He
made it all the way through, missing
only the letter "m". That
evening he once again brought
his Dad up to date and Dad explained
to him, "That's
because you black, and superior
to those Honkies.
On Wednesday, after Physical
Education, the boys were
taking showers. Johnnie
noted that, compared to the other
boys in his grade, he seemed
overly "well-endowed". This
confused him. That night,
he asked his Dad, "Dad, when we
were in the dressing room, I
saw my dick was about this
long (holds both hands wide
apart) and those whities dicks
were only this long (keeps index
and middle finger almost
together) Is that because I'm
Black?"
"No, son, "explained Dad, "That's because you're 18!"
 |
Subj:
Put A Cap In Your Ass (S583b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2008 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/30829.htm |
You can view this stupid, cute
animated GIF at the above
source, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Angry
Black In A White Bar (DU)
..........From:
Bawdy.Net Collage #208 on 97-11-08
A BIG Black man walk into a Bar
in Paris and says, "I'm big,
I'm Black, and I fuck White
women."
Everybody in the bar gets up
and runs the hell out - scared
shitless.
The Black man then goes to England
and walks into a pub and
says, "I'm big, I'm Black, and
I fuck White women."
Everybody in the Pub gets up
and runs the hell out - scared
shitless.
The man than goes to Newfoundland
and walks into a bar and
says, "I'm big, I'm Black, and
I fuck White women."
One of the patrons gets up and
walks up to the man and says,
"Don't blame you, I wouldn't
fuck the blacks ones either!"
Top
Subj: Teacher's
Spelling Test (DU)
So the grade 1 teacher poses
a question to little Jeffrey:
"Jeffrey, what do you like to
do on the playground at recess?"
Jeffrey replies: "I like to
play in the sandbox."
The teacher says, "Oh, that's
nice. And how do you
spell sandbox?"
Jeffrey: "S-A-N-D-B-O-X"
Teacher: "Good! You can go out
and play in the sandbox now."
The teacher then asks a question
to Matthew:
"Matthew, what do you like to
do at recess?"
Matthew responds, "I like to
play in the sandbox too"
Teacher: "Very good. And how
do we spell box?"
Matthew: "B-O-X".
Teacher: "Excellent! You're
free to go play in the sandbox now,
Matthew".
The teacher then turns to a
little black kid in the class,
Danny, and asks
him the same question.
Danny: "Well, I wanted to play
in the sandbox at recess,
but the other kids
wouldn't let me because I'm black".
Teacher: "What?! That's prejudice
and discrimination!
Now you spell those
two words and I'll let you out to play".
Top
Subj: A Cowboy,
An Indian And A Black (S425, DU)
A cowboy, an Indian, and a black
man are sitting at a bar.
The Indian turns to the black
man and says, "we once were
many but now we're few".
The black man replies, "we once were few but now we're many".
The cowboy over hears all this
and says to the black man,
"that's because we haven't played
cowboys and niggers yet".
Top
Subj: A White
And A Black Argue About God (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #15
A black guy and white guy are
arguing over whether God is
black or white. They cannot
agree and finally decide to
fly to Israel, climb the highest
mountain and shout the
question to God. After
they arrive and reach the summit
of the holiest mountain, the
white guy shouts out, "God,
what are you, black or white?"
Soon, dark clouds gather, the
wind picks up, lightning is
flashing and this thundering
voice replies: "I am what I
am."
The white guy turns to the black
and says, "See, I told
you He was white."
"How do you know?" asks the black.
"Because," says the white guy,
"If He was black, He would
have said "I is what I is.""
Top
Subj: Four
Lost In A Life Boat (DU)
A Russian, a Jamacian, a white
from Wyoming, and a nigger
from Philly are lost at sea.
After days and days, they
finally come within sight of
land. The Russian opens a
hidden bottle of Stoli vodka,
takes one swig and throws
the remainder of the bottle
into the water much to the
other passangers dismay.
The Russian explains that where
he comes from, there is plenty
of Stoli, it is worth
nothing and means nothing.
The Jamicain then procceds
to light a huge joint, take
one hit, and then throw the
remainter to sea explainin,
'Mon, in my country we have
plenty of marijuanna, it is
worth nothing, means nothing.'
The White man from Wyomissing
throws the Nigger in the water!
| Subj:
Eyes On The Stars By StoryCorps (S840d)
Made by StoryCorps.com From: Wimp.com on 2/12/2013 |
 |
On January 28, 1986, NASA Challenger
mission STS-51-L ended
in tragedy when the shuttle
exploded 73 seconds after takeoff.
On board was physicist Ronald
E. McNair, who was the second
African American to enter space.
But first, he was a kid with
big dreams in Lake City, South
Carolina. Click on either
source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to hear his touching story.
Top
Subj: Black
And White Work In Same Office (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #166
There were two men (one black,
the other white) that worked
in the same office. Everyday,
the white man would come in
happy and singing. The
black man didn't understand how he
could be so damn happy.
So one day he asked him and the
white man replied, "I have sex
with my wife twice before
work and then twice when I get
home!"
The black man said he couldn't
believe it, and asked to
know his secret. The white
man said it was all because of
poetry. "Ladies love poetry.
For instance, last night I
told my wife, "Roses are red,
violets are blue, roll on
over so I can make love to you."
The black man said, "That's it,
I'm going to try it when
I get home!"
The next day he comes in with
a black eye. The white guy
asks what happened.
The Black guy said I took your
advice, I went home and
told my wife, "Nappy head, nappy
head, eyes like a frog,
roll your ass over so I can
fuck you like a dog!"
Top
Subj: Chinese
And The Black Bartender (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #203 on 97-10-22
A Chinese man enters a bar to
find a Black bartender. He
says, "Hey nigger, give me a
jigger."
The Bartender responds, "That's
terrible! How would you
like it if I said something
like that to you? In fact,
let's just switch places.
You get behind the bar and I'll
come in as a customer."
The Chinese man agrees and gets
behind the bar. The Black
man goes outside.
Upon reentering, he says, "Hey Chink, give me a drink."
To which the Chinese man answers,
"Sorry, we don't serve
niggers here."
Top
Subj: Dear
White Fella: (S132, S576b)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #311 on 8/13/99
and
From: AFine963 on 1/24/2008
Dear White Fella:
Coupla lings you orta no:
First.
Wen Iam Born - Im
Black:
Wen I Grow up - Im Black
Wen I Get sick - Im Black
Wen I Go out ina sun - Im
Black
Wen Im Cold -
Im Black
and Wen I’m scared, - jees Im
Black
and Wen I Die,
- Im still Black
But You White Fella:
Wen you born you, Pink
Wen you grow up you, White
Wen you sick, you, Green
Wen you go out ina sun , you
go Red
Wen you get cold you go , Blue
Wen you get scared you go, Yellow
and Wen you die , you go purple
and you got the cheek to call me COLORED!
Top
Subj: The
Ant And The Grasshopper (S277, DU)
From: ipkis on 97-06-17
and
From: Cypriot on 5/24/2002
-------------- First, the Classic Version ----------------
The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long,
building his house and laying
up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed. The grasshopper
has no shelter so he dies out
in the cold.
--------------- Now, the Modern Version, -----------------
The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long,
building his house and laying
up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper
calls a press
conference and demands to know
why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well
fed while others are cold
and starving.
CBS, PBS, CNN, NBC and ABC show
up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next
to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a
table filled with food. The
media circus is relentless.
America is stunned by the sharp
contrast. How can this
be, that in a country of such
wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when they sing
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration
in front of the ant's
house where the news stations
film the group singing "We
shall overcome." Jesse
then has the group kneel down to
pray to God for the grasshopper's
state.
Spokesman for a congressional
committee exclaims in an
interview with Peter Jennings
that the ant has gotten rich
off the back of the grasshopper,
and calls for an immediate
tax hike on the ant to make
him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the
"Economic Equity and Anti-
Grasshopper Act, "retroactive
to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing
to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and, having nothing
left to pay his retroactive
taxes, his home is confiscated
by the government.
ACLU (American Communist Lawyers
Union) gets to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation
suit against the ant, and the
case is tried before a panel
of liberal federal judges. The
ant takes the stand and pleads
his case that all he did was
work to lay aside for the cold
weather while the grasshopper
did nothing. No one hears.
The ant loses the case.
No one is surprised. The story
ends as we see the grasshopper
finishing up the last bits
of the ant's food while the
government house he is in,
which just happens to be the
ant's old house, crumbles
around him because he doesn't
maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the
snow. The grasshopper is
found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now
abandoned, is taken over by
a gang of spiders who terrorize
the once peaceful neighborhood.
Top
Subj: Chinese
And Black Skip Rocks (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #238 on 97-11-02
A Chinese guy and a Black guy
were out walking by the lake.
The Chinese guy picks up a stone
and skips it across the
lake.
"Ching - chang - chung...."
The Black guy says, "Pretty cool.
How do you make the stone
make that noise?"
The Chinese guy says, "I don't
make the noise - it's the
sound of my ancestors being
freed by the lake."
"Let me hear that again," the Black guy says. So...
"Ching - chang - chung...." "Why don't you try it, too?"
So, the Black guy picks up a
stone and tosses it across
the lake.
"Chimp - pan - zee..."
"What!?! What the hell
is going on?" the Black guy says.
"I'm going to do that again."
He throws a stone across the
lake again. And, again, the
stone sounds like:
"Chimp - pan - zee..."
Well, the Black guy is furious,
and grabbing the biggest
boulder he can lift, tosses
it into the lake:
"Ba - BOON!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
.
..........................
Black
Smiley from Smiley_Central
.
.
.