Subj: Black2 Jokes
(Includes 107 jokes and articles, 11948,8,cf,wXT,6)
Hippie Girl from
Subj: Maya Angelou Quote (S926)
Design by Sasha Azevedo
From: Magenta Greenwood on Facebook
Steve Harvey Tastes Black Food (S948d)
From: Marilyn Janniro Hassey on Facebook
In this clip from Steve Harvey
(TV series), Steve tastes
collard greens stuffed inside a piece of fried chicken.
You can view this video at either source, or on my site
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Short Ebonics Joke (S164, DU)
From: KMacinty on 3/20/00
After spending a day with a friend's
fifth-graders, oh, MAN,
I could so relate to this:
Today's Ebonic word is: OMELETTE
Let me use it in a sentence:
I should punch you dead in yo eye fo what you jus saide but
OMELETTE dis one slide.
Chappelle Show - The Niggar Family Skit
Made by Chappelle Show on Comedy Central
From: darrelldre on 2/17/2013 (S841d)
This is a classic Dave Chappell
skit from the Chappelle
Show on Comedy Central. It first aired on January 28,
2004 during the second season of the show. Dave shows
us a sketch about a white family with the last name
"Niggar." The Niggar Family is one of Chappell's most
Joe Scarborough brought it up
on MSNBC's Scarborough
Country, asking how it could be okay for Dave Chappelle
to toss around the n-word so freely, if Don Imus was
excoriated for saying 'nappy-headed hos.' Personally,
I think the answer lies in the difference between racist
humor and racial humor.
Click on either of the top two
sources, or 'HERE' for
my copy, to see this very funny, controversial skit.
Chappelle's Show is at 10:30 Wednesdays, on Comedy Central.
Subj: Black Boy Pretends To Be White (S309, DU)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/28/2002
A little black boy goes into
the kitchen where his mom
is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it
all over his face.
"Mom, look, I'm a white boy."
His mom slaps him in the face
and says "Go show your
He goes to his dad in the living
room and says "Look
dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the
face and says "Go show your grandmother."
The boy goes in his grandmothers
room and says "Look
granny, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him
in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?"
To which the boy replies, "Sure
enough did. I have only
been white for five minutes and I already hate you black
Barack Obama Speaks at Dr. King's Church
By Barack Obama on 1/20/2008 (S573d)
On the day before the Dr. Martin
Luther King, Jr. holiday, Senator
Barack Obama delivered a speech to the congregation of Ebenezer
Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia. You can hear and see the
speech at the aqbove source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Black Man At Welfare Office (S313, DU)
From: pns on 1/30/2003
(See 'Job Interview' in COLLEGE-GRAD)
A young African American man
walked into the local welfare
office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi,
I hate drawing this welfare check. I would really rather
find a job".
The man behind the counter replied,
"Your timing is amazing.
We just got a listing from a very wealthy white man who wants
a black chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes, and the
suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long
hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will
also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas
holiday trips and satisfy her sexual needs. The salary
package is $200,000 a year".
The Black man said, "You're bullshitting me man!"
The man behind the counter said, " Well, you started it!"
Bill Cosby's Speech On May 17, 2004 (S552)
From: rfslick on 8/17/2007
|Photo from University of Wisconsin|
Entertainer Bill Cosby gave a
speech on May 17, 2004, at an
NAACP event commemorating the 50th anniversary of Brown vs.
Board of Education, the landmark Supreme Court decision that
struck down school segregation. In his exposition to that
assembly, the man known to television viewing audiences as
lovable, kindly, yet permanently bemused patriarch Dr.
Huxtable spoke harshly about his perception of the ills
affecting black American society. You can read his speech
at the above sources, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: No Black NASCAR Drivers (S598b)
From: hellgunner50 on 7/1/2008
David Letterman's Top 10 reasons
why there are
no Black NASCAR drivers:
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work
on car while
holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY
BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR..............
# 1 - They can't wear their helmets sideways.
This story is false as explained
by Snopes.com at
but it still is funny.
Subj: Jesse Jackson Turns White (S342b, DU)
From: DoctorDebt on 8/15/2003
Jesse Jackson got out of the
shower and was drying off when
he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the
neck up to the top of his head.
In sheer panic and fearing he
really was turning white and
might have to start working for a living, he called his
doctor and told him of his problem.
The doctor advised him to come
to his office immediately.
After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown
liquid, gave it to Jesse and told him to drink it all.
Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull shit!"
The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."
Does YMCA (S544c,d)
From: hellgunner50 on 6/14/2007
The Amazing Christopher performing
YMCA as the Village
People. This is puppeteering in a brand new direction.
You can view this video at the above source, or on my
site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Painting Of Three Nude Black Men (S168, S540c)
From: collins2 on 4/18/00
and From: AFine963 on 5/17/2007
An exquisite painting entitled
"Home for Lunch" was on
display in a new art gallery in West Virginia. It
depicted three very naked, very black men sitting on a
park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both
ends of the bench had erect, black penises, but the
man in the middle had a very flaccid, pink penis.
Two local matrons came to see
the new art gallery and
stopped at the above described painting, both fascinated
"What is the meaning of this
painting?" they demanded to
know from the curator. "Why are you showing the obscene
painting of Black men in your gallery, and why does only
one of them have a pink penis?"
"Well," said the curator, "these
are not African Americans
sitting on the bench." "These men are some of the finest
examples of West Virginian coal minors, taking a noon time
break to have their lunch on a park bench." "They are
covered in coal dust from head to foot."
"But what about the fellow in
the middle?," says the oldest
of the matronly women. "why is his penis pink in the painting."
"Oh, him," replies the curator," he went home for lunch."
Subj: Ebonics Translation Contest (S114, DU)
From: ossama on 3/21/99
This paper was turned in by an
Oakland High school student
who received the highest honors at the school district's
ebonics translation competition.
Assignment: Please translate
the following Rap song lyrics
from Ebonics to standard English.
Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance (remix)
First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks
As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with
women of all kinds, including but not limited to those
with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes.
I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group
as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only
receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course,
they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely
unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual
acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow
related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.
And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit
I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently,
women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused
when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the
Native American reservations, some of the more sexually
promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes.
Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions
Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin
Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my
weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we
engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping
with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I'm having some
difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I
am attempting to make eye contact with you through my
expensive glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile,
I will approach you.
First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be home real late
Let's sing the break
I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about
my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my col-
lection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to
convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am
able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you
from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm.
I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual
partner. He needn't be concerned about your whereabouts.
Please phone him and inform him that you won't be home for
a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song
for me also.
She's sick of that song on how it's so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy
Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your
fabrications about the length of your member. After I had
sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened
as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed;
violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest
to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is
very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.
You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve
Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her
doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car
(the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by
signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive
stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me
through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at
Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes?
While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast stroke
Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you
I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?
You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able
to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for
your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual
intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts with your women.
My only remaining option is to request that she leave my
home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no
longer have a need for her presence.
So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin'
The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as
your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the
world. I will dress you in the finest jewelry and footwear.
You will be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes
and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for
beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation
because he is effeminate.
High fashion - flyin' into all states.
Sexin' me while your man masturbates.
Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight.
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.
Lyrically I'm supposed to represent.
I'm not only the client, I'm the player president
You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of
Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine
clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy sexual intercourse
with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself
through manual stimulation. What a life! I'll return you
to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock flight. The
timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a
second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock.
I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap
well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not
only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy,
male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of
the organization that governs others of my kind.
Subj: Short Black Jokes
Subj: Candorville Comic Strip (S863)
By Darrin Bell
Darrin Bell's Candorville is an insightful look at family,
community and race through the eyes of Lemont Brown, a
young black writer. Bell pulls no punches and delves into
even the most controversial of issues.
This is one of Bell's comic strips after the George
Zimmerman innocent verdict in the Trayvon Martin Trial.
Subj: African World Conference Against Racism (S297, DU)
From: jerry on 10/7/2002
The African World Conference Against Racism expelled a
dozen white people and an Asian couple because they wanted
to restrict the conference "against racism" to only black
The Age (Melbourne, Australia)
Another American Converts To Islam (S744)
From: sfo_pilot on 4/17/2011
Drawing from SeaNet.com...
Subj: Black Walks Into Bar W/Parrot (DU)
Black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender looks up and says "Where did you get that?"
Parrot says: "Africa, there's thousands of them there!"
Slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #15
Buckwheat is in class. The teacher says: "Buckwheat,
please spell 'dictate' for me." Buckwheat says:
"D-I-C-T-A-T-E". Teacher says: "Very good. Now please use
it in a sentence." Buckwheat says: "O-tay. Hey Darla,
how'd my dictate last night?".
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #81 (S645b)
What's the difference between a white fairy tales and a black
White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time....".
Black fairy tales starts, "Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna
believe this shit....."
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #221 on 98-01-07
A black man was found on the bottom of the lake with 50 foot
of chain wrapped around him.
The Sheriff said, "Nigger should have known better to steal
more chain than he could swim with!"
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia,
has twice as many
bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s,
the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring
separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
From: collins2 on 5/31/99 (S130)
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/29/2001
He that will not reason is a bigot, He that cannot reason
is a fool, He that dares not reason is a slave.
-- William Drummond
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/24/2002 (269c)
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention of the world.
-- George Washington Carver (1864-1943)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/29/2002 (s269c)
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
-- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/22/2002 (S274c)
"A man can't ride your back unless it's bent."
-- Martin Luther King Junior
From: igiggle on 1/13/2005 (S416b)
A man's respect for law and order exists in precise
relationship to the size of his paycheck.
-- Adam Clayton Powell Jr.
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/2/2007
(S525b – polit-supp)
"Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy
for president of the United States, called Barack Obama
the first mainstream African-American who is articulate,
bright, and . . . clean. I think we’ve seen the shortest
presidential campaign in history." -- Jay Leno
From: sam.hutkins on 9/10/2009 (S664b)
Boy asks his mom "Why am I black and YOU are white?
She says, "Don't even go there.
The way that f'ing party went you're lucky you don't bark!"
Subj: Black Question & Answer Jokes (S50)
Compiled by AJSwitzer
Q: What do you call one White
one Black guy?
three Black guys?
five Black guys?
ten Black guys?
twenty Black guys?
one thousand Black guys?
Q. What do you say to a black
man at the height of his career?
A. Big Mac and fries, please.
Q: What was the best thing about
the million man march?
A: Only six people actually missed work!
Q: How do you stop five niggers
from raping a white woman?
A: Throw them a basketball.
Q: What do you say to a nigger
in a three-piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: Whats the difference between
a black and a snow tire?
A: A snow tire won't sing when you put chains on it.
Q: Why are aspirin white?
A: You want 'em to work, don't you?
Q: How can you tell if a nigger
is well hung?
A: You can only fit a finger between his neck and the rope.
Q: What is the most confusing
day on the year
for black children?
A: Fathers Day.
Q: How do you get a nigger out
of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: A black and mexican are in
a car, whos driving?
A: The cop.
Q: How to keep little black kids
from jumping up and
down on the bed?
A: Put velcro on the ceiling.
Q: How do you know when a black
baby is baptized?
A: When the bubbles stop coming up.
Q: How long does it take a black
woman to take a shit?
A: Nine months.
Q: Why don't you hit a car driven
by a black guy?
A: It's probably yours.
Q: Why did the nig run when his
she wanted to give him a blowjob?
A: He was afraid it would cancel his unemployment benefits.
Q: What's the difference between
a pothole and a nigger?
A: You'd swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn't you?
Q: How do you make a nigger nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.
Q: Did you hear about Evil Kneivel's
cousin, Ku Klux Knieval?
A: He tried to jump over 50 niggers - With A Steamroller.
Q: What do you call two nigger
A: Chocolate CHiPs.
Q: What did the young black kid
get for Christmas?
A: My bike!
Q: What did the older black kid
get for Christmas?
A: My Car!
Q: What do you call a black frenchmen?
A: Jacques Custodian.
Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A: Niggers are actually colored polocks.
Q: Whats Big, Long, Black and
A: The Welfare Line in Harlem.
Q: Whats long and hard on a nigger?
A: The Fourth Grade.
Q: What do you call a black woman
who gets an abortion?
A: A member of Crimestoppers of America.
Q: Why don't mexicans marry blacks?
A: They don't want their kids to grow up too lazy to steal.
Q: How do we know Adam was white?
A: Have you ever tried to take a rib from a black man?
Q: What is Websters dictionaries
definition of RENIGGED?
A: A shift change at McDonalds
Q: Why do niggers keep chickens
in there backyard?
A: To teach there kid's how to walk.
Q: What was Kunta Kinte's prostitute
A: Rent a Kunta.
Q: What do you call a short nigger?
A: Snicker (cp)
Q: Why did The Nigger from Nation
of Islam wear his nicest
Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: Cuz if I'ma gonsta Be Impotent I wants to look Impotent.
Q: How can you spot a Black masochist?
A: He's the one working for a living.
Q: Hear about the black version
A: It's called "Shonuff".
Q: Hear about the new bumper
sticker that says
"Run, Jesse, Run"?
A: You put it on the front of your car.
Q: How has Jesse Jackson lost
the vote of most niggers?
A: He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
Q: What's the difference between
good nigger kids and
bad nigger kids?
A: Good nigger kids are in medium security prisons.
Q: How do you starve a nigger?
A: Hide the food stamps and welfare checks under a bar of soap.
Q: What is the most common form
of transportation in Harlem?
Q: Did you hear about the nigger
and the Mexican who
opened a restaurant?
A: It's called Nacho Mama.
Q: What do you call 100 parachuting
Q: Why did all the blacks die
A: When the sergent said "Get down!", they got up and
Q: What do you call a black-midget
A: A lepra-coon.
Q: What are the six words you
never ever want to hear?
A: "Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."
Q: How is transportation being
improved in Harlem?
A: They're planting the trees closer together.
Q: Why do blacks call white people
A: That's the last noise they hear before the white
people run them over.
Q: Why does California have so
many fags and New York have
so many niggers?
A: California had first choice.
Q: What is the difference between
a RAP group's manager and
A: A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.
Q: What's green and pink and
purple and orange?
A: A nigger dressed for church.
Q: Why don't niggers celebrate
A: Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't open on holidays.
Q: What do niggers say during
A: If you scream, bitch, I'll kill you!
Q: What is eight miles long and
has an I.Q. of 68?
A: The Martin Luther King Day parade.
Q: What's the first thing taught
in a Harlem driving school?
A: How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.
Q: What does cotton have in common
A: Niggers are good at picken both.
Q: How many niggers does it take
to roof a building?
A: Ten, if you slice them thin enough.
Q: How many niggers does it take
to clean a toilet?
A: None, that's women's work!
Q: What do the US Postal Service
Kinney Shoe company have in common?
A: 500,000 Black loafers.
Q: What do steroids and the Ku
Klax Clan have in common?
A: They both make black guys run faster.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and
black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What's the difference between
a black and a white baby?
A: 10 minutes in the microwave.
Q: What are the "Toys R Us" franchises
A: We Be Toys.
Q: What's the definition of everlasting
A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis!
Q: Why don't black men drive
A: Coz their lips would slap them to death at 30 mph!
Q: What is black and brown and
looks good on a black man?
A: A Doberman!
Q: Why don't black babies play
A: Because the cats keep trying to bury them!
Q: What color is a black man
after he falls of
a 20 story building?
A: Flat Black!
Q: What do you get when you cross
two black people?
A: Your ass kicked!
Q: Whats black, blue, red all
over, face down
in a sewage ditch?
A: Some idiot who told too many black jokes.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: What do you call 123 white guys chasing one black guy?
A: The PGA Tour.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #246 on 98-05-20
Q: Why are all blacks fast?
A: Because all the slow ones are in jail.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #294 on 98-12-14
Q: What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day
and Martin Luther King Day?
A: On St. Patrick's Day, everybody wishes they were Irish.
From: Bawdy.Net #278 on 99-01-15 (S103)
Q: What's the difference between a large cheese pizza and
a black man??
A: Only one of them can feed a family of four.
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: Is it better to be black or gay?
A: Black, because then you don't have to tell your parents.
Q: What do you get when you cross
a nigger with a groundhog?
A: Six more weeks of basketball season.
Q: What do you call a black man
Q: What do you call a black man
in a tree?
A: A branch manager.