Subj:     German Jokes                  (Includes 13 jokes and articles, 21828n,2,cf)

German flag from Animation Factory

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Two Germans Have Head On Crash'
         CARS3 file   - 'Germans Buy German Cars In USA'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Doctor Gets Nurse Pregnant'
         ELDERLY4-SUPP- 'A Group Of Elderly Tour Holland'
         ENGLISHMAN   - 'European Heaven And Hell'
         FACTS3 file  - 'New Airport Managers'
         GAMES-SUPP   - 'The German Game DrunkWalk'
         MUSIC file   - 'Mozart Dies'
......................- 'Britney Spears Scares Wild Boars'
.........OTHER-OCCUP  - 'The Clock Repairman'
         PILOT-SUPP   - 'The US Bomber And The German Fighter'
         POLISH file  - 'German, American, And A Pollack
.............................Sentenced To Guillotine'
         PREGNANT file- 'German Couple Wanted To Have A Baby'
         QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy World by Chris Rock'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Three Nationalities In A Sauna'
         SCHOOL3 file - 'Teaching German'
         SCIENCE2 file- 'Archeologists f/Three Countries Dig'
         SLOGANS-PRVBS- 'German Proverb'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'The Great Escape - Tunnel Revealed'
         TRAIN file   - 'Hiding In The Train Bathroom'
         TREES file   - 'Gang Holds Trees Hostage'
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Subj:     Miniature Wonderland: Largest Model Railway (S719)           From: Wimp.com           on 10/28/2010 (in Trains)

 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN_oDdGmKyA
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/miniaturewonderland/

 This is a video of Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Germany.
 It is the largest model railway in the world and one of
 the most successful permanent exhibitions in Germany.
 Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
 is amazing, model railroad.

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Subj:     Train to Mannheim (S705)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #110 on 98-05-06

 One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt.  When he
 got in he said to the ticket man:

 "Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get on this
 train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I
 will fall asleep.  So what I want you to do is that you wake me
 up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it
 is very important for me.  Here you have 100 francs for the
 favor.  But I warn you sometimes when people wake me up I get
 really violent, but no matters what I do or say you got to get
 me out of this train in Mannheim.  Is that clear?"

 So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs.  Later as the
 man had said he fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized
 that he was in Frankfurt.  He was so mad at the ticket man that
 he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.

 "Are you STUPID or something???  I paid you 100 francs so that
 you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't I want my money back
 you $%^@$!"

 While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys
 that were also in the train were looking at them, so one turns
 to the other and says to him:

 Guy1, "Look at this guy he is pissed!"

 Guy2, "Yeah, almost as mad as the guy they made get out of the
 train in Mannheim."

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Subj:     Hypnotic Freedom
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98

 Richard Helms, assistant director of the Central intelligence
 Agency, tells the story of the communist hypnotist who put on
 a performance in East Germany.  Selecting a meek looking
 worker from the audience, he convinced the subject that he
 was suffering, in turn, from thirst in the Sahara and
 shivering with cold in the Artic. There was great applause.

 Then the hypnotist told his subject:

 "The worst thing of all has now happened to you.  You have
 fled the protection of the communist people's republic and
 are in West Berlin.  You are hungry, penniless, ground down
 under capitalism..."

 "Snap me out of this one," interrupted the subject, his eyes
 still closed, "and I'll break your neck!"

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Subj:     Short German Jokes

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Subj:     German Parking Garage (S485)           From: darrell94590           on 5/9/2006

 Talk about German efficiency! The two photos were taken at a
 new parking garage in Munich.  The actual space that the
 facility occupies is approximately only 20% of a comparable
 facility with the traditional design that is used primarily
 in the US.  Not only is the German structure less expensive
 to build, but vehicles are also "retrieved" in less time and
 without the potential of being damaged by an attendant.  You
 can view this amazing garage on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     The World Is Going Crazy (S319)
          From: JBCARY1 on 3/13/2003
          (See 'Crazy World by Chris Rock' in Quotes-Comed-Supp)
 You know the world is going crazy when...
 the best rapper is a white guy,
 the best golfer is a black guy,
 and Germany doesn't want to go to war.

From: jerry@lerman.com on 12/26/2001 (S256)
 About 100,000 people submitted their favorite jokes as
 part of a massive experiment called Laughlab.  Here, the
 German category.

 "Why is television called a medium?  Because it is neither
 rare nor well-done."
 

 From LAWS file.
 In Salzburg, Germany, any child born on August 18th must be
 tested for possible witchcraft.  This is due to a local legend
 that an evil warlock was born on that day in 1638.

 How did Hitler tie his shoes? In littel nazi's  --  William Noah

From: collins2 on 5/31/99 (S130)
 Average number of days a West German
 goes without washing his underwear: 7

From: igiggle on 6/16/2003 (S333b)
 You can always reason with a German.  You can always
 reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good
 it does.  -- P.J. O'Rourke
 

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #240 on 98-04-15
 Q: Did you hear about the new German Microwave Oven?
 A: It seats 500.

From: LABLaughs.com on 6/18/2003 (S333b)
 Q: What do they call condoms in Germany?
 A: Weinerhosen

 Q: What is the German word for virgin?
 A: Gudentight

From: DafterLafter on 10/27/2004 (S406b - preacher)
 Q: What do they call pastors in Germany?
 A: German Shepherds.

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Smiley at the Winmills from Smiley_Central

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