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Subj:     Old Jewish Catskill Comics (S634)
          From: tom on 2/26/2009
 
Drawing from Rabbisimcha.com...


Source: http://thosefunnymails.blogspot.com/2006/01
........./old-jewish-catskills-comedy-lines.html
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You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, Milton Berle, Shecky Green, Henny Youngman, Totie Fields, Red Buttons, and others?  But don't you miss their humor?

Not one single swear word in their comedy.
 

* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says,
  "Are you  comfortable? " The man says, "I make a good living."
 

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear
  when she's making love?  "Honey, I'm home!"
 

* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be
  reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

 
* I  just got back from a pleasure trip.
  I took my mother-in-law to the  airport.
Photo from Google.com
 Click  to see a video from the Muppet Show where Milton Berle,
 the best comedian the television knew, failed to compete with
 the well known Statler & Waldorf.  This video is very funny. 
 

* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years!
  If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
 

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
 

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where
  we spent our wedding night, only this time I
  stayed in the bathroom and cried.
 
 
* My name is Sal Silverstein.  I'm the organist at this
  church.  I make $97,000 a year and I want to tell you
  "There is no business like show business, like no..."		 Photo from
ULike.net
  Click  to hear an audio tape of Shecky Green humor.
 

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed.
  My wife called it the Dead Sea.
 

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't
  pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
 

* I was just in London; there is a 6-hour time difference.
  I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy.
  When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

 
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours.  That was
  only for the estimate.  She got a mudpack and looked
  great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
Photo from Atariarchives.org
 Click  to see a video from the Hollywood Palace when
 Phil Silvers hosted Henny Youngman.
 

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check
  came back.  " Mrs. Cohen  answered, "So did my arthr itis!"
 

* Doctor:  "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!"
  Doctor: "See!  What did I tell you?"
 

* A doctor held  a stethoscope up to a man's chest.
  The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? " The doctor
  says, "That's what puzzles me!"

 
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
  Doctor: "Don't answer!"
  Click  to see this video of Totie Fields
  on the Ed Sullivan Show.
 

* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says,
  "You've been brought here for drinking."
  The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
 

* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?  They're worth  it.
 

* Why do Jewish men die before their wives?  They want to.
 

¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
 

 Although Jews constitute only 3% of the U.S. population,
 80% of the nation's professional comedians are Jewish.
 Why such domination of American humor?  To find out why
 click on
 http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,948701,00.html
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